Canon 5D Mark III VS Nikon D800 Image Quality – DXOMark Sucks Balls

Nikon Piece of Shit

I’m beginning to have some serious doubts about the future development of the intelligence of our species these days. Seriously. I thought we were making progress but boy was I wrong. Seems like people are getting dumber by the day, especially the Nikon morons. I thought it was pretty clear from my last post that the image quality of the Nikon D800 was fucking awful compared to the 5D Mark III. And not just for stills, but also for movies. The one argument people keep throwing at me every time is that you should down sample the D800 images to the size of the 5D Mark III images to do a fair image quality comparison. It’s fucking pointless to have to down sample images to compare image quality, since the higher megapixel images have more resolution for a reason – people expect to make bigger prints that will still look sharp. But you’d be surprised by the sheer number of fucking morons who don’t seem to get it.

Just to entertain them, I had already done a comparison between the D800 and the 1DX where I had down sampled the D800 images to 18MP in order to “make it a fair comparison” according to the Nikon fuckwads. And the result? The 1DX still kicked the D800′s ass!!!

Now, let’s take a look at the D800E images downsampled to 22MP and compare them to the 22MP images from the 5D Mark III. I chose the D800E because images from the D800E are slightly sharper compared to those from the D800. So I’m even giving the piece of shit D800 an advantage  here.

For this comparison I’m going to use JPEG images from The Imaging Resource. You can find these samples by visiting their Comparometer. We’re going to look at the image below:

Sample from The Imaging Resource

Remember that for this comparison the D800E images are down sampled to 22MP to match the 5D Mark III.

Check out the noise on the D800 image. And why is the 5D Mark III image sharper? Where’s the goddamn fucking resolution on the D800 everyone’s talking about???

Check out the noise on the D800 image.

Check out the noise on the D800 image.

Why is the 5D Mark III image sharper? Where’s the goddamn fucking resolution on the D800 everyone’s talking about???

See that??? Not only is there more noise present on the FUCKING DOWN SAMPLED D800 image, but the 5D Mark III image even seems to be sharper with more detail in some areas!!! All the detail on the D800 gets fucking blurred by the noise reduction, and even then there’s still a lot of noise present in the end! BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!

What a fucking joke, Jesus Fucking Christ. God dammit. What a goddamn fucking joke. And what you’ve just seen happens at all ISO values. Remember that this is an image from the D800E, it’s as sharp as it gets for the D800! So you tell me: Is this fucking marginal increase in resolution worth all the extra noise you’re seeing in the images above????? Is it worth the fucking huge diskspace eating files??? Is it worth the slow frame rate??

But think of this, how in God’s name did those cocksucking morons at DxOMark reach the conclusion that the D800 is better at high ISO compared to the 5D Mark III?????? HOW GOD DAMMIT??? HOOOWWWWW?????

Weht jest wan bombaclad minute here, mon! Dees nuh look irie tuh me!?

Dem people ah DxOMark ah fuckan eediats!! A wha kinda fuckery da?!?!

But seriously, the sight of these results on DxOMark instantly had me cursing like Joe McNally.  Just WHAT THE FUCK is going on here? It should be fucking obvious to anyone that the 5D Mark III image quality is better compared to the D800. How the fuck does DxOMark end up with results showing better low light performance for the D800?!?!?!?!?! Especially when their own fucking noise graph shows otherwise??????????

5D Mark III has less noise compared to the D800

Not to mention that even on DPReview the RAW image comparisons show the same shit.

D800 sucks balls

And the thing is, this fucking worthless bullshit data from DxOMark is making its way into other comparison websites like Snapsort, and thousands of users are being misled and misinformed right now!!!!

Snapsort uses the fucking bullcrap data from DxOMark

And where’s the press for fuck’s sake???? I only saw Dan Havlik from PDN briefly mention this on Twitter a while back. The press had better start questioning DxOMark about this fucking mess.

Honestly, if I was a heart patient I would have fucking died by now. In fact my blood pressure hasn’t been this high since the great 1D Mark III debacle of 2008. If it’s not fucking Canon Inc. that’s pissing me off, it’s the goddamn fucking morons in this God forsaken industry.

I’m going to get fucking wasted now. Any more of this and I’ll end up in fucking intensive care tonight.

5D Mark III Selling like Hotcakes while Nikon Fanboys Attack

Nikon Fanboys swarmed the blog, again

See the graph above? The last time this happened was when I posted about how fucked the Nikon D800 is. This latest spike in traffic is in response to my post yesterday about DxOMark sucking balls, and more specifically how the 5D Mark III trashes the D800.

It would seem as if the average IQ in the Nikon camp is at an all time low these days. The comments leave a lot to be desired. Then there’s the emails accusing me of all kinds of crap. Do you people honestly think I love bashing the D800? I don’t give a fuck about the D800. This is not about the D800. It’s about letting Canon Inc. know our users are not going to love the megapixel shit that’s currently going on at Nikon. Tokyo had better recognize we’re going to go fucking batshit insane on their ass if they go down the D800 route. It’s more than clear what the drawbacks are of so many megapixels. It’s fucking pointless. If I had anything to say about it, the sensor in the 5D Mark III would have been the same 18MP sensor from the 1DX and we’d have even cleaner image quality on the 5D Mark III.

I just updated the DxOMark blog post with yet another video showing why people love the 5D Mark III and choose that instead of the piece of shit D800:

Listen carefully to this guy’s conclusion and why he went with the 5D Mark III. It’s all about low noise and better image quality. And as I have shown yesterday, the 5D Mark III is way better in this area than the D800. Sure, the D800 has better dynamic range at low ISO, but it’s too bad that the extra megapixels make all the dynamic range worthless in the end. Plus it’s a goddamn tragedy that Nikon can’t seem to nail something as basic as the correct white balance in 2012. This was also quite apparent in the review done by The Camera Store.

So I’m not surprised one bit that the 5D Mark III’s are selling like hotcakes right now. Just check the sequence of tweets below (screenshot taken moments ago), within a matter of minutes all stock at B&H was gone.

5D Mark III selling like hotcakes

Plus, you might also like to read this tweet:

According to a major retailer, the 5D Mark III has outsold the D800 25 to 1. I guess that’s all that matters in the end.

Get that?? 25 to fucking 1. Yeah, that’s what I’m talking about. Recogniiiiize!

5D Mark III, D800, D4 – DXOMark Sucks Balls

I just got off of the phone with Mitarai. We had a lengthy discussion about the imaging division at Canon and the way we’re heading right now with EOS. We also discussed some of the more recent issues and the need for better quality control. Things are looking very good for the future right now at Canon especially now that he took over again from Uchida.

It’s been very hectic around here recently and I just couldn’t find enough time to update the blog. There was NAB and the whole launch of the EOS C500 and 1DC cameras and a lot of other stuff going on behind the scenes. Plus the press was all over me for weeks. Everyone wanted a piece of the “legendary” Chuck Westfall. I felt like a Hollywood celebrity. And it’s fun, I have to admit, but it can really wear you down. I’ve felt exhausted for weeks. Fortunately I’ve had some time to rest and as you can see I’m back on the blog to address some really burning issues.

First let me get the NAB interview issues out of the way. Here’s an interview Engadget did with me:

I was fucking pissed off when I saw the interview on their website later that day. Those guys seriously need to get some lessons in how to properly do video interviews. First of all, only my mouth is constantly in the frame. If you’re going to interview someone as important as me, at least make sure my face is fully visible in the goddamn frame. Secondly, the sound is fucking horrible. This is so disappointing for such a big website like Engadget. I’ve seen small bloggers do videos with better sound! Very disappointing production values from Engadget.

Dan Chung from DPreview did a much better job interviewing me here:

Framing was good, audio much better, but I almost punched him in the face when he kept repeating how expensive the 1DC is to him. He said it once, what’s the fucking point of repeating it constantly? What the hell did he expect me to say? If you don’t have the money, simply don’t buy it for fuck’s sake! It’s not like Canon Inc. is begging or forcing you to buy it, okay? Just fucking get a 60D or something. Or a Digital Rebel. Anything! But don’t annoy me by constantly whining about the price of the 1DC while recording it! I’m warning you – and this goes to all of you in the press – if you want to get punched in the face the next time you interview me, just repeat Dan Chung’s performance in this video!

Mitch from Planet5D did a much, much better interview with me. You can really tell I enjoyed talking to Mitch during this interview.

And then there was this interview with Scott Bourne from Photofocus.

Scott made me feel really important and powerful, legendary even, and I especially loved the intro. Thanks Scott, looking forward to seeing you again!

Now, on to a more important issue. Those fucking ganja smoking Europeans at DxO Labs are at it again. While everyone expected the 5D Mark III to score at least as good as, and possibly even better, than the Nikon D800 and Nikon D4, it scored far lower on DXOMark. Just look at this sad picture:

I’ve said it before 3 years ago, and I’m not going to repeat myself:

Go ahead and believe those morons at DxO Labs if you want to. Who are you going to believe? A bunch of ganja smoking Europeans who don’t have anything to do and slapped up a website with some “data” to kill some time, or your own eyes? And get this, according to them the Nikon D90 has a better sensor compared to the Canon EOS 5D? Daat’s riiight, mon! When you ees high, ewrytheeng ees possybal!

Honestly, can the 5D Mark III score so much lower than the piece of shit D800? We’ve already established and discussed to death on this blog the fact that the D800 is a piece of shit camera:

• The Nikon D800: Less than meets the eye
• Nikon D800 VS Canon EOS 1DX Image Quality
• The Nikon D800 is fucked

But since a lot of people apparently seem to go through life completely brain-dead, let’s fucking take a look at it again.

First of all, even DXOMark shows that the 5D Mark III has lower noise compared to the D800.

5D Mark III has less noise compared to the D800

From the graph you would think that the difference in noise performance between the 5D Mark III and the D800 isn’t that big. But once you look at some sample images, you see how big the difference is. The noise on the D800 is fucking terrible. Here’s a comparison of RAW images on DPReview:

D800 sucks balls

That’s just nasty. It’s even slightly worse than the 7D. And this is at ISO 3200 but essentially this is a problem at all ISO values. And don’t forget the color dithering and image banding which we had already discussed in a previous post:

BAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

And in JPEG mode the 5D Mark III is sharper than both the D800 and even the D4. Where the fuck is all the supposedly extra resolution on the D800?

Soft and muddy piece of shit image quality of the D800

The comparison above is from DPReview, at ISO 6400. But at all ISO values the 5D Mark III images are sharper in JPEG mode. Apparently both the D800 and D4 have some kind of shitty JPEG processing engine. We had already seen that the 5D Mark III has better image quality than the D4.

Here’s a comparison from Cameralabs that clearly shows the cleaner and sharper images from the 5D Mark III in JPEG mode:

BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!

The noise on the D800 is so bad, that even in Live View it becomes an issue when trying to focus in low light situations:

D800 Live View Sucks Balls BAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!!!!!!1

To be fair, the sensor in the D800 is better when it comes to dynamic range at low ISO values:

Meh.

But what’s the use of more dynamic range when there’s also more noise, color dithering and banding and when the JPEG images are fucking soft? The amount of detail you can get out of the shadows is pretty impressive at ISO 100 on the D800, but at higher ISO values the noise is going to become a problem. And as you can see, above ISO 800 the 5D Mark III actually takes over with better dynamic range. Combined with the lower noise, the 5D Mark III is definitely the better camera for low light shooting (think events, weddings, concerts etc. etc.).

And with the superior AF system on the 5D Mark III even in low light, and the higher frame rate, the 5D Mark III is a definite winner. The review below clearly shows the difference between the AF systems of the 5D Mark III and D800.

There’s also the review of the 5D Mark III by Kay from DigitalRev that caught my attention. I think everyone else should take this review as an example. In general I think all camera review videos should contain more young pretty asian girls. Especially if it’s a review of a Canon camera. Please do take notes.

Those of you who know me personally know that I have a thing for asian women. Hell, I’ve been married to one for years now.

Holy hell

There’s just something about asian women that drives me crazy. They look so.. exotic. I’ve never been able to quite put my finger on it. But anyway, you’ll note that the 5D Mark III easily locked focus on the subject in the review. Although I must admit that this was not a particularly challenging situation for the AF system. I know for a fact that I would have easily locked focus on the subject myself, had I been there. Ahem.

Photographer Ryan Brenizer riverdanced his way through a wedding recently with the 5D Mark III and raved about the AF system on the camera being better than even the D3s.

Has Canon finally fixed the autofocus in the 5D line? In a word? Abso-freaking-lutely. The autofocus is accurate, fast, and a pleasure to use — in some ways moreso than the Nikon D3s. I immediately turned off all sensors except the extra-sensitive cross-type sensors — and still had 41 left! Combined with the joystick, I never have to play the focus and recompose game very much unless I want my point of focus to be at the very edge of the frame. And even then I can get it close enough to not compromise the accuracy of my focal plane, which can matter when you’re shooting with a lens like the 50mm f/1.2L

Not surprising given that the AF system on the 5D Mark III is the same one from the 1DX. The only significant issue Brenizer had was with the lower dynamic range in the images from the 5D Mark III, but only when significantly pushing the exposure in post.

Sir Philip Bloom of London did an excellent review of the video capabilities of the 5D Mark III, check it out below.

Bloom recently also compared the video capabilities of the 5D Mark III to the D800 and D4, and the 5D Mark III is the clear winner as far as I’m concerned. The only issue Bloom had with the 5D Mark III is the soft video out of the camera, but which can be sharpened to become quite excellent in post. Compare that to the “too damn soft” video on the D4 which remains crap even in post and the fucking horrible aliasing and moire on the D800 with lots of noise at higher ISO values that you’ll never be able to fix in post even if Jesus himself was assisting you. Here’s what Bloom had to say about the D800:

It does have some downsides to it. I was very very scared when I heard about the really high megapixel count of 36 megapixels. It’s absolutely insane! I don’t need that for stills and I certainly don’t want it for video. And the low light performance does suffer because of that.

Again, up yours DxO Labs!!!!

The winner, also for video: 5D Mark III!

However, the best part of the above comparision by Bloom is really the absolutely lovely Diana:

Yeah that’s right, get her drunk Philip!

When Diana appeared on screen I lost all interest in what Bloom was talking about. I believe he said something about the noise on the cameras but I can’t be sure. The audio just got completely blurred out in my mind. All I cared about was Diana. I immediately fell in love. She is so cute it hurts to watch this whole comparison sequence. I’ll be forever grateful to anyone who can send me her email address and a link to her Facebook profile. Who cares about the noise performance of any goddamn DSLR when Diana is on screen? Honestly? Even with the horrible noise on the D800 Diana still looks absolutely gorgeous! And when you watch this sequence, pay attention to how Bloom gets her to drink bottle after bottle of beer. You’ll even see her on screen going “Drink again now?”, no doubt responding to Bloom’s frequent requests to keep taking another sip. Nice going there Philip, this is a really great way to get a girl drunk. Bastard. You shagged her didn’t you? Don’t fucking lie to me, man! You got her drunk, declared the shoot a wrap and brought her to your hotel room, didn’t you!? You lucky bastard.

Seeing as how the D800 performs worse compared to the 5D Mark III when image quality is concerned, both for stills AND video (noise, softness), you tell me how the fuck those cock sucking morons at DxO Labs ended up with such a high score for the D800 sensor? Someone please tell me, because for the life of me, I’ll never be able to figure it out. Nikon probably paid a load of money to DxO Labs and possibly signed some long term advertising contracts and sponsorship deals to be able to position the D800 and D4 so high above the 5D Mark III. No other explanation makes sense.

When reviewing all the information above about both the 5D Mark III and the D800, it should be quite clear to anyone that the 5D Mark III wins. Overall it is the best camera to have for both stills and video and the image quality is clearly superior in both cases.

DxO Labs can take their fucking worthless sensor database and cram it up their ass!

UPDATE 14 May 2012:

I just saw this comparison video of the 5D Mark III and the D800. Pay attention to the conclusion, especially you Nikon morans! Check it out:

See why that guy chose the 5D Mark III instead? Because of the great fucking image quality! Nikon can’t even handle something as basic as white balance correctly for Christ’s sake. And the aliasing and moire are fucking horrible. Plus the 5D Mark III’s AF is better.

Happy Birthday to Helen Oster @ Adorama

Today is Helen Oster’s (@HelenOster) birthday and I wanted to dedicate this special post to her. Yesh, yesh, the very shensual, the verri toit… Helen Oster from Adorama.

Adorama's Birthday card to Helen

If you don’t know who Helen Oster is, let me tell you that she’s mainly the reason why I shop at Adorama. If you are a regular reader, you know that I ordered my retail copies of the world’s best DSLR, the 5D Mark III, at Adorama a while ago. And it’s because of the fact that I know Helen is there when I need her and that she’ll do the best she can to help me when I need it. And trust me on this, Helen often goes out of her way to help. Not just me, but customers in general. She has really earned her excellent online reputation as Adorama’s Customer Service Ambassador. Reading that post on Adorama’s blog brought tears to my eyes.

For a few years now Helen has been Adorama’s secret weapon on the Internet. I’ve been following her ever since I started this blog and I’ve referred people to her since 2008 and without any exception she’s always managed to make them happy. Check this post of mine from 2008, where she had just helped out Thomas Hawk to get his 5D Mark II. Or this one, where she joined the conversation to offer her help.

Just recently I relied on her help again, and although I can’t go into details, let me say that she went out of her way to help me in ways that I would never have expected.

I’m very happy to see that Adorama recognizes the enormous value that Helen brings to the company. It really should not be underestimated. It would not surprise me one bit if many of the customers on the Internet shopped at Adorama because of Helen. Hell, I already know customers buy at Adorama because of me. And I don’t come even close to 1% of the dedication Helen puts into this.

Coincidence? I think not...

I may not have as much influence as Helen online, but as you can clearly see in the screenshot above, I do contribute a little to Adorama’s success. (I hope Henry Posner doesn’t see this.)

We live at a time when customer service is one of the most important things a company can use to set itself apart from others. And this goes for many industries today and will only become even more so over time. Hell, in many industries it’s essentially the only thing you have to differentiate yourself. And with Helen, Adorama has a very big advantage in this area.

Helen, thank you for all your help, your time, your patience and your kindness. I wish you a wonderful, happy and memorable birthday. If I could, I would give you a very long, warm hug that would last at least 10 minutes (even longer if it doesn’t make you feel weird). Who knows, maybe some day I’ll be able to. Lots of love from me. ♥

An Interview with Yours Truly

Mitch from Planet 5D got his 5D Mark III before me. I hate him for that.

The 5D Mark III is currently getting into the hands of people around the world, and initial reactions are very positive, as you would expect. This camera is the best Canon has ever released, period. IT FUCKING ROCKS.

Don’t believe me? It’s even better than the Nikon D4. But don’t take my word for it. Check this out:

So, what can be taken away from this test? Well, the 5DIII kicks the daylights out of the D4, no doubt about it. The kickers that make the 5DIII even more superior: it has 6Mp more resolution than the D4 and only costs half as much. Talk about getting bang for your buck!

BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Indeed if you’re a Nikonian, you may want to cry. Hell, forget crying just perform seppuku on yourself and skip the misery that lies ahead of you for the coming years. How the mighty have fallen! Canon is kicking so much ass in this industry right now it’s fucking incredible.

Mitch from Planet5D somehow got a retail copy of the 5D Mark III before me. And as the caption on the picture above says, I hate him for that. Because that’s what you do when people get a 5D Mark III before you. You hate the crap out of them! I’ve got mine on pre-order with the good folks at Adorama. Last I heard I’m #1,239,545 in line. I’ve already spoken to the very sensual, the verri toit, Helen Oster from Adorama to get me my stuff fast. Important people like me shouldn’t have to wait this long for a 5D Mark III goddammit.

I have more on the 5D Mark III in an interview I did recently with Aputure, you can read the whole interview here. Here’s some from the interview:

What inspired this blog? You seem to put a lot of time/effort into each post.  

I and many others in this industry got frustrated with Canon more than 3 years ago around the time of the great 1D Mark III debacle. Many ancient civilizations had foretold a time of great upheaval at Canon which would occur in our lifetime during the coming of the new age of Aquarius. And I think that’s what we started experiencing back then. It was a major change in our collective consciousness at Canon. Continue reading…

The previous interview was a while ago with Black Star, for those of you who’re new to the blog and missed it.

That’s it for now, I need to get back to testing my 35mm f/1.4L II.

Introducing the Canon 600EX-RT Flash

Nikon got fucking owned.

Aaaw yeah baby, aaw yeah! As if the 5D Mark III wasn’t enough, even our ancient flash system got a huge upgrade. RF BASED WIRELESS FUNCTIONALITY BABY!!!!! YEAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!! How long have we been waiting for this?? Man I’m fucking ecstatic. Last night I partied so hard I can’t remember anymore what happened. I woke up this morning on the ground next to a car in the parking lot here at Canon HQ with a huge headache. I could barely get myself up. I don’t know how the fuck I got there, but I think I must have been so drunk I couldn’t find my way home. My shirt was completely unbuttoned and I couldn’t find my pants. That must have been one crazy party last night.

But we deserved to party like this, and after a long time I can say that I enjoyed every second of it. EOS is shaking up this entire industry like never before. Right now we’ve got the best, fucking state of the art, flash system out there. For years I’ve had to listen to people telling me how Nikon was ahead in this area and how we sucked and blah blah blah. And look at it now, god dammit!!!!!!! LOOK AT IT!!!!!!!! The 600EX-RT and ST-E3-RT are fucking beautiful! Now you can control all flashes right from the back of your camera. All of them!!!!! It wasn’t so long ago when I complained about this and let Canon Inc. know what we wanted:

Canon ST-E2 Ass-Rape VS Cactus V4

I don’t know what the fuck is taking those bastards in Japan so long, but if they finally release an update it had better fucking blow everything away. I’m talking RF based wireless flash triggers, a new pro speedlite with built-in RF wireless flash capabilities, full TTL and High Speed Sync support, Master/Slave functionality, 100m working range, and best of all, remote control of the speedlites from the back of the camera. I want all my fucking speedlites to show up on my camera LCD just like wireless access points show up on my computer, and I want to fucking add them to my own private network of flashes under my control, each with their own custom ID (so I know which is which). And then I want to be able to fucking select each one of them and be able to change their goddamn settings right on my fucking camera even if I’m 100 meters away! THAT is what I would consider true innovation. Not the fucking horseshit we’ve been seeing in the last few years.

I’m sounding like a broken record these days, but Canon Inc. fucking listened to us again! For a review of the 600EX-RT and ST-E3-RT check out Pixsylated. He was able to fire his 600EX-RT from 100 meters away, although Canon Inc. lists a working range of 30 meters.

I predict that The Lord of the Speedlights, Mc Nally and Van Niekerk are going to be switching to Canon in the very near future just to be able to use all the good stuff. Even Kelby won’t be able to resist! Kelby had to wait years for true wireless functionality and full HD video on his D3/D4, and now he’ll have to wait more years for built-in RF functionality in the crappy Nikon flash system. Guys, don’t wait too long. Join the EOS club and take your photography to the next level!

Especially seeing as how shit are happen at Nikon with the shitty image quality on the Nikon D800. I mentioned this before, but don’t be surprised when people look at your 36MP photos taken with a D800 and ask you what phone you used to make them. And the way things look right now, the D800 is going to have to go up against some fierce competition from the 41MP Nokia 808 Pure View Phone.

As if that isn’t enough, we now also find out that Nikon used footage from the 5D2 in their D800 promo video:

For said launch on March 7th, they produced this impressive demonstration video, which highlights the D800′s strengths as a filmmaking tool:

Looks awesome, doesn’t it? Makes the D800 look like it excels at shooting sports and time lapse videos of cityscapes and exotic locations, right? Makes it seem like the D800 is a vital tool to have in your filmmaker production kit, right? Makes you want a D800 no matter the price, right?

Seems Nikon is not only using Canon EOS-5D Mark II-captured video from TSO’s film ‘The Mountain’ to sell their new camera, but they never asked his permission and are, therefore and perhaps more disgracefully, violating his copyright.

Here’s a screenshot where the photographer complains about Nikon using his footage:

LMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!LMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!LMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!LMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!

BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! When I saw this I laughed for at least 15 minutes non-stop. I started laughing behind my desk, fell on the ground, got up while slamming my fists on the ground and the walls. Then I stumbled out of my office still bursting with laughter, while everyone stared at me, and I fell on the ground in the hallway again. I crawled to the elevator, which for some reason went down to the lobby and as soon as the doors opened I fell out of it into the lobby, still laughing my ass off. And if you can still remember, I didn’t have any pants on since this morning because I couldn’t find them. So imagine how bizarre I must have looked to everyone in the building while I crawled and rolled around laughing my ass off in the lobby until security guards got to me. BAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA! But man, this is just fucking awesome. What an EPIC fail for Nikon, my God, MY GOD!!! EPIC!!!!

And it’s not just the fact that they used 5D2 footage to sell the D800, but they fucking used it without asking!! BAHAHAHAHA, I guess the poor saps didn’t have a choice did they? I mean, how do you go about asking a photographer to use his video, shot with a 5D2, for a promo movie for the D800? I’d pay 50 bucks to watch that conversation take place because I think it would have been fucking hilarious.

Nikon’s timing with this couldn’t have been better for us. We fucking shook this industry last night and now Nikon makes a complete ass out of themselves with the D800, which by the way sucked balls to begin with. No wonder they chose to use footage from the 5D2. The muddy, compressed, moired, aliased videos the D800 produces just weren’t good enough to promote the camera, it seems. BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA!!!!!!! Jesus Christ, I’m going to get a heart attack if I keep laughing like this.

What a disgrace. Oh God… just unbelievable! If I was a Nikon photographer, I would switch to Canon just because of feeling ashamed to be using Nikon equipment after this debacle. I just wouldn’t be able to look people in the eyes anymore while holding a Nikon camera in my hands.

BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAA!!!!! Oh God, I need a drink. It’s going to be one hell of a weekend!

Introducing the Canon EOS 5D Mark III

Canon EOS 5D Mark III - Nikon and Sony's Worst Nightmare

The time has come for Nikon, Sony, RED and pretty much the entire industry to shit their pants. Yes people, the 5D Mark III is finally out. And boy does it fucking rock!!!! If Jesus Christ were to make his second coming today, this is the camera he’d have around his neck to document his journey.

In previous posts I referred to this camera as the 5DX, because really, I think it deserves that name. Giving it the name “5D Mark III” doesn’t do it justice. That makes it sound like some kind of crappy update to the 5D Mark II, which we all know was shit. This camera is such a big departure from the 5D Mark II on so many levels, that only a 5DX name (X for eXtreme, eXtraordinary) can really do it justice.

I mean for fuck’s sake, just look at the specs:

• 22.3 Megapixel Full Frame CMOS sensor
• DiG!C 5+ Image Processor
• ISO 100-25600 (L:50 H1:51200, H2: 102400)
• Full HD Movie (ISO 100-12800 (H:25600))
• 61-point high-density reticular AF (up to 41 crosstype points)
• 6.0 fps for high continuous shooting
• Intelligent viewfinder with approx. 100% coverage
• 3.2-type, approx.1.04m dot (3:2 wide) Clear View LCD II
• iFCL metering with 63-zone dual-layer sensor
• Shutter durability of 150,000 cycles
• Dual card slots (CF & SD)
• High Dynamic Range (HDR) Mode
• Multiple Exposures
• Improved durability & water and dust resistance

Remember how Maeda fucking claimed that the 5D Mark II was too small to house a better autofocus sensor?????? Well look at it now! FUCKING LOOK AT IT!!!!!! The freaking 61-point AF system from the 1DX in the 5D3!!!!

I mentioned before with the 1DX that Canon Inc. really listened to us this time around, and this shows again with the 5D3. Remember that 5D3 petition I put up last year? Just take a look at how close the features match with what we asked for in the petition!

• 16MP (at least) full frame sensor at least 2 stops noise improvement, no more fucking banding, shadow noise and no black dot horseshit like on the 5D Mark II!
• ISO 50 – 102400. (as good as Nikon D3s or better)
• 45-point AF system from the 1D Mark 4, including Spot-AF like in the 7D. (Nikon D700 has 51-point from the D3)
• 7D/1D4 metering system.
• At least 5 FPS. 8 with battery grip. (like the D700)
• 100% Viewfinder coverage.
• Swivel screen.
• Buffer for 20 RAW shots at least.
• 1/1000 flash sync speed.
• 7D style weather sealing.
• -5 to 5 EV exposure compensation.
• At least 5 image exposure bracketing for HDR.
• Light Peak connection support.
• Video features that’ll make Vincent Laforet, eternal peace and blessings be upon him, happy (check with him pls kthx).
• An anti-sensordust system that actually fucking works, so that Thomas Hawk can increase his productivity by a factor of at least 10 leaving him with more time to complain about Flickr.
• Price: $2700 (like the fucking D700).

You can now also download all the petition signatures as a PDF here: 5D Mark III Petition results. Makes for some interesting reading. I removed the names to protect the innocent. I want to thank all of you who had the balls to sign this petition, I couldn’t have done this without your support!!

Considering what you people listed that you’d do to Maeda if he failed to deliver this time, it’s no surprise that he delivered. Here are some of the things people would do to Maeda if the 5D3 sucked:

• Flood his mail with kitty porn
• Go Kamikaze on his ass…
• kick him in the balls
• Watch “The Notebook” for 24 straight hours
• Something with a thumbscrew.
• Beat him with a 5DII
• Sepeku
• Send Chuck Norris to teach him a lesson!
• Touch my lenses to my penis one last time then mail him a bill for any loss in my switch to Nikon.
• Grow bamboo through his happy sack
• high kick to chest
• bollocks to him. feed his balls to the cows.
• Stand him on a bacon slicer and switch it on. Take a slice every five minutes.
• Punch him in the face while filming it with a sony 3D camera
• Ask for the unconditional hiring of Philip Bloom, Stu and Tram Hudson as advisors with power!
• Stick it where the sun don’t shine
• Feed him to the lions!!!
• burn his factory
• Go crazy on his ass with a baseball bat
• Make my wife give him a blowjob. Trust me, he should be scared, and not in a good way.
• We will give him a bukake
• I’ll grab a 5D mkII with 580EX II and smashing it against his head!
• Send another Tsunami
• To begin I’ll break his legs, then put in his ass the new Nikon 70-200 without lube of course
• EAT HIS TESTICALS WHILE ATTACHED

No wonder Maeda delivered. And apart from the petition, my phone call to Maeda also seemed to have played an important role in convincing him to put some really advanced features in the 5D3.

We didn’t get the swivel screen, but it will be coming in the future. Japan just needs to sort out some issues with durability. And obviously the price is higher, but that seems to be the case these days with both Canon and Nikon. I’ve been told that this is due to the earthquake from last year and the economy right now in Japan.

Please don’t expect to hear from me for a few hours as I join the rest of my colleagues here at Canon USA and PAAARTAYY like a wild ANIMALL!!!!!

IT’S GAME ON FOR EOS!!!!!!!!

Photography in the Police State

Get a brain! morans

And now a small break from the regular Nikon D800 bashings to bring some important matters to your attention. The Lord of the Speedlights did a blog a few days ago on the TSA and how photographers now have to be extra careful not to be taken for Al Qaeda operatives in public. Apparently they’re now encouraging the public to report anyone with a camera that’s taking photos of objects in public. The Lord of the Speedlights posted about this here:

BTS photo of Al Qaeda on a commercial shoot

Are you a photographer in the US? Congratulations. In the eyes of some of your more dimwitted fellow citizens, you are now potentially a member of al Qaida.

Thanks to ridiculous government posters like the one above, people are now conditioned to be suspicious of photographers. And photographers using flashes on location are all the more noticeable to people who are predisposed to phone in anything out of the ordinary, just in case.

Don’t think so? True story: I actually had an interaction with the police for photographing … a maple tree.

You should visit the blog for the full story.

David Muhamed Saleem al Hobby, was questioned by the police while photographing a tree in public

But this fucking pisses me off. Because just like he said, any fucking moron on the street can now report you for absolutely nothing at all and ruin your whole goddamn day. I’ve actually had such an experience myself not too long ago. I got my pre-production 1DX a few weeks ago and was busy testing it in my office here at Canon USA, going over the new features and trying them out, when all of a sudden I saw two cops standing in the doorway. So I’m like what the fuck? I let them in and next thing you know they start questioning me about what I was doing standing here in my office taking photos of random objects for no apparent reason. Turns out someone in the building walked by my office, saw me taking photos and dialed 911 to report me. I just fucking couldn’t believe what was happening. I mean, do I fucking look like Al Qaeda to you? I’ll tell you what though, if this happens to me again, I’m going to fucking become Al Qaeda!!

And what’s with terrorists becoming photographers now? As if the photography market wasn’t already saturated with amateurs, now even the fucking terrorists want a piece of the pie. Don’t be surprised when you start losing more and more jobs to Al Qaeda. First they’ll start with the simple shoots like couples, models and weddings, and soon even the commercial market is going to suffer. It’s economic terrorism if you ask me. They’re taking all of our jobs. I understand why the TSA wants to fight this, but this is no reason to start harassing everyone with a camera in public, for fuck’s sake. We still have our first amendment, don’t we? Never mind, don’t answer that.

I didn’t want to say anything for fear of the TSA putting me on their goddamn “increased scrutiny list”. But seeing as how others are suffering the consequences too right now, I have to speak up. If we all keep quiet about this, this situation is only going to get a lot worse for all of us.

This country is going down the drain. We’re so fucked right now. The American dream went down the fucking toilet long ago. We’re losing more of our civil liberties every day.

You should all watch the above documentary and get informed on what exactly is going on. We need to put a stop to this, or else we’re fucking going to end up like the Roman Empire. In the coming elections, vote Ron Paul if you know what’s good for you.

As many of you undoubtedly know, I’ve already done a post about Ron Paul before. Check it out for more details. I fear that we may not get another chance to vote Ron Paul. Do whatever you have to do to actively promote and support him now.

P.S. This is post #100 on the blog. Congratulations.

Nikon D800: Shit are happen

ROFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I think we’ve gotten to a point now where it’s reasonable to say that the Nikon D800 is pretty much fucked. It’s not even available yet and no sane photographer wants one.

The poll in the image above was done by Nikonrumors. You can see it by clicking here, just so you can check that I haven’t doctored this image. I think it’s safe to assume that the majority of people reading Nikonrumors are Nikon morons. And the results show how badly fucked Nikon is going to be in the near future. Almost 60% of the Nikon morons say they want the 16MP sensor of the D4 in the D800. What the fuck happened at Nikon? Seriously man, I want to know. I’ve been laughing my ass of on this blog the last few posts, but I do feel concerned for the Nikon morons. Because to be honest, it’s not in our best interest for Nikon to start fucking up now. I mean, if Canon Inc. decides to fuck up again in the near future, and Nikon is also fucking up, then what the hell are we going to switch to? Sony? No thanks, Sony is nowhere near ready to compete in the pro market.

So really, what the hell happened at Nikon? Their own users want a 16MP sensor in the D800! What the fuck got into the heads of Nikon executives to put a 36MP sensor that produces noisy, color banded, color dithered piece of shit images and muddy, compressed, moired, aliased videos?

And don’t think that Nikon doesn’t realize that they fucked up. They know. When the D800 was announced, the D700 was already discontinued.

Nikon-D700-D300s Discontinued

Nikon D700 and D300s are now officially listed as discontinued on Nikon’s website.   The surprise here is the phase out of the D300s, because I have not received any reliable information about a potential replacement.   I believe the D700 will be available for sale for at least few more months after the D800 announcement.   Update: I was told that the Nikon D700 is no longer on display at the Nikon flagship store in Ginza.

And then, as soon as they started to feel the backlash of the 36MP piece of shit producing sensor, they quickly backpedalled and said that the D700 would stay in production as long as there was demand:

Officially, the D800 has not replaced the D700 in Nikon’s range of DSLRs, and Sasagaki said that, so long as there is demand for the D700, Nikon will continue to produce the bodies.   However, he revealed that the D800E and the D4 would not be the only DSLRs that Nikon will launch this year, though he would not be drawn on timing.

Really? If they would fucking continue producing the D700, then why list it as discontinued on their website??? Doesn’t make sense to me. I think after the D800 announcement, they had a lot of complaints from Nikon morons who started complaining about the fucked-up upgrade path from the D700 to the D800 or D4 (LOL!). Nikon then had no choice but to continue to produce the D700, or else risk losing people to the upcoming 5DX.

But they’re going to lose people to the 5DX anyway. Just watch what’s going to happen my friends.

Nikon morons, understandably, are worried sick right now and are becoming increasingly more frustrated and hostile. They’re a frustrated and angry bunch of lunatics. They almost remind me of myself 3 years ago. Just look at the comments in the last 3 posts here on my blog. It’s crazy. People have no respect for others anymore. And you guys know that I’ve had a reputation at Canon for always politely answering emails and comments and really taking my time to do it. But the way these Nikon morons behave on my blog requires me to deal with this problem in a different way. It’s no more Mr. nice Westfall for them. Remember, on my personal blog I can say exactly what I feel and want. You mess with me, I mess with you.

So relax, you fucking morons. Don’t let the truth offend you. Direct your anger towards Nikon executives and you’ll have less chance for your energy to have been wasted.

BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA

Nikon D800 - Less than meets the eye

BAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! I just keep laughing these days man, seriously. Whenever I read about the Nikon D800, I start laughing like I’m going crazy. And what’s even more funny are the Nikon morons who’re leaving behind comments here on my blog about the D800. You morons are going to have to face the facts very soon. The image quality on the D800 sucks balls. And not only for stills, but also for video. I hope you saw this article at EOSHD:

moire – at least on the internally recorded 1080p – is not nice on the Nikon D800 and not a great improvement on the way the 3 year old 5D Mark II samples video

—

the internal codec on the Nikon D800 is quite muddy, and I don’t like the harsh edges around highlights or the overall softness to wide shots (see below)

—

The internal codec is quite basic and at a low bitrate of 24Mbit, far less than on the 5D Mark II especially with Magic Lantern. The image is not actually that much better resolved than the 5D Mark II (it seems from initial videos). In terms of aliasing and moire it is the same old story.

—

But still it is disappointing that the D800 is stuck in the dark ages when it comes to this issue. The old GH1 still performs better than the Nikon D800 in terms of having less moire. Expeed 3 in the Nikon J1 has the same aliasing issues as the D800 and that costs just $399 so do I expect Nikon to fix stuff like this on a $2999 camera (let alone on the $5999 D4?). YES unequivocally and it is a scandal they haven’t.

I keep saying it, and I’ll continue to say it, and I’ll fucking say it again now: We’re going to fucking own the D800 with the 5DX.

I’m telling you, Canon is on a roll now. Didn’t I mention how sharp the 24-70 is in my previous post when all of you were complaining about IS?? There’s more to image quality than just IS. This lens is so fucking sharp you’ll cut yourself editting images. Check out what Dan Carr had to say about it:

Firstly for a zoom lens wide open at f2.8 this is SHARP!!  Secondly there appears to be essentially no chromatic aberration even in the high contrast black on bright white areas.  This was the same on all the images that I took and clearly this is something they have worked very hard to eliminate with this lens.   Despite its high price I expect that this lens will be in huge demand once it’s launched.  I’d advise getting in line with a pre-order at one of the following vendors.

This is from his site:

Aaaaw yeah

Do you believe me now? Who the fuck needs IS if you can get sharp images like this, without chromatic aberration while shooting hand held?

And this is nothing yet my friends. We’ve got even more planned for this year. I predict that once we reach the end of 2012, a lot of photographers are going to be switching (back) to Canon.

And speaking of switching to Canon, my good pal Tony Dunn has just released a new ebook where he recounts his years of struggle with unknown sub standard camera brands, only to finally end up with the brand all serious pros use, namely Canon.

Ten Years Ago Today. Life before Canon.

Tony has been like a brother to me. Ever since I started this blog, he’s always been here supporting me, making fun of me, honestly telling me how stupid I am, etc. etc. We all need someone like Tony in our lives. I’m very glad that after being lost in the wilderness for 10 years, he was finally able to see the light and join the Canon club of professionals.

Me: You trying to compensate for something Tony? Tony: Absolutely! (I'm not making this up)

You can see some sample pages from his book on his blog. I asked him a review copy so I could let you all know how much it sucks, but he told me to go buy it like everyone else. So since I haven’t read the whole book yet, I can’t honestly recommend it to you, though the sample pages looked interesting. And certainly the fact that he switched to Canon in the end says something about the validity and quality of his experiences in those 10 years. But for all I know, apart from the sample pages I’ve seen on his site, the rest of the ebook could be blank pages. Perhaps even containing a virus like that ebook by Kirk Tuck about LED lighting which I wrote about before. So be cautious.

Spinlight 360

And since I seem to be on a promotional tour here I might as well mention the new Spinlight 360 flash modifier, which is based on the black foamie thing by photographer Neil van Niekerk.

Video link.

In my honest opinion, this is one of the best flash modifiers you can buy if you’re doing event photography (including weddings), couples and models. The results you get will look like they were shot using available light, or a softbox, instead of the typical flash look. And with a name like Van Niekerk standing behind it, you know you can’t go wrong with this. I mean, that’s a cool-ass name, right? Van Niekerk. When I first heard the name I thought it was a character from Star Wars or something. Darth Niekerk. That sounds absolutely bad-ass. Or like the movie Van Helsing, but only this time it’s Van Niekerk.

Van Niekerk - In theaters soon.

Personally, I think that would have been a better promotional video for the Spinlight 360 instead of the boring video with a model above. Don’t get me wrong, I like when Neil does videos with his model Anelisa. I dream of Anelisa and I’m in love with her. She’s the best. I would like to marry her some day if I’m lucky enough. Neil knows this. But I just think that Neil using the Spinlight 360 to fight vampires Van Helsing-style would make the Spinlight 360s fly off of the shelves. And I’m sure most of you can agree with me on this.

Anyway, I should be going back to work now. Lots of preparations before the 5DX launch. Stay tuned for more.