Introducing the Nikon 1D Mark III (AKA the piece of shit D800)

The Nikon 1D Mark III (AKA D800)

The Nikon 1D Mark III (AKA D800)

Even when I’m on a well deserved vacation this God forsaken industry refuses to allow me to get some rest. Here I was trying to relax on the beach on a beautiful sunny day in the Bahamas, quietly sipping some exotic looking drink I can’t remember the name of, when my phone starts going crazy. Facebook, SMS, Email, Whatsapp – fucking everything started giving me notifications while at the same time calls were being diverted from the office as well. Similar to a crazy war veteran, I started getting flashbacks from 2008 when the 1D Mark III debacle was still upon us and started reciting prayers in my mind hoping to God this was not related to issues with the 1DX or 5D Mark III.

Turns out all the fuss was about the piece of shit Nikon D800 and D4 winning the EISA 2012-2013 camera of the year awards. If you ever had any doubt about all these awards and reviews in this industry being nothing more than a big fucking joke, then I’m hoping that this will remove all doubt. Just check this out:

The EISA judges said: “The best professional camera of the year is Nikon’s full frame 16-million-pixel D4, for its ability to deliver the highest image quality even in extremely difficult conditions. Tests performed by EISA magazines found the camera has an exceptional combination of high resolution, wide dynamic range, very low noise levels even at ISO 12800, super-fast autofocus, short response time and high frame rates that can be maintained for very long sequences. The body is rugged and well protected against dust and moisture. The viewfinder delivers a sharp, comfortable and very precise view of what will be recorded. Almost perfect handling makes the D4 very easy and pleasant to use and we especially like the new joystick control that’s available whether the camera is in the horizontal or vertical position. The D4 also delivers very high video quality thanks to its uncompressed output.”

This is just pure hogwash. High video quality? BAHAHAHAHA right, with all the softness, moire and aliasing? Looks like the EISA judges aren’t aware of Philip Bloom’s review:

And highest image quality? With the shitty JPEG engine in both the D4 and D800?? Please, don’t make me laugh. Even the 5D Mark III JPEG images look better than the D4 images:

So, what can be taken away from this test? Well, the 5DIII kicks the daylights out of the D4, no doubt about it. The kickers that make the 5DIII even more superior: it has 6Mp more resolution than the D4 and only costs half as much. Talk about getting bang for your buck!

And also:

After comparing the sets of images in Lightroom and comparing the two cameras, there wasn’t exactly a clear winner. The Nikon D4 seemed to have cleaner highlights, while the Canon 1Dx appeared to have better contrast and possibly cleaner shadows. In the end, if we have to award a point here and pick a winner, it’s the Nikon D4 – by a hair. Still, the Canon 1Dx still has slightly more pleasing colour and overall image tone.

Not to mention the awful as fuck green screen on both the D4 and D800 that makes everyone, including Ken Rockwell, want to shoot with Canon instead:

Matt is not alone in noticing this issue with the Nikon D4, as a simple internet search will instantly reveal many others complaining of the same green screen issue. Matt has actually called Nikon about the issue and feels that Nikon may have been a bit coy in their response when they claimed that this was the first they have heard of it, and boldly claimed that the D4 has a more actuate screen than its predecessors. Maybe Nikon doesn’t have the internet?

Needless to say, the greenish cast that the Nikon D4 exhibits is enough of an issue to put Matt into a big decision scenario; stay with Nikon or switch to Canon? Though there have been reports and claims of fixes and work-arounds to counter the green screen issue, we found that none have been effective in resolving it. Canon has an incredibly enticing system in the 1DX…is it enough to sway Matt away from his beloved Nikon system after over a decade of professional loyalty?

And super-fast autofocus on the D4? Well, certainly these guys seem to disagree with those fucking EISA idiots:

The previous tests were close to call. This wasn’t. The Canon 1Dx ABSOLUTELY DESTROYED the Nikon D4 in the AF speed test. It was almost three times faster than the Nikon. Where the D4 was yielding an average of just under one image per second, the 1Dx was handily snapping three. Even more telling was the hesitation that the Nikon D4 seemed to display, at times not knowing if it should continue to focus forward, or head back. In contrast, the Canon 1Dx just ripped it to shreds, launching it’s AF like a shotgun, sure and confident, every time.
Matt, who has over a decade of experience with Nikon cameras & lenses was absolutely blown away by the Canon performance here. He echoed himself over and over again for hours afterward, saying “I can’t believe how fast that Canon can drive those lenses…”  A clear winner in the Canon 1Dx

No wonder these guys are considering getting the 1DX instead of the D4:

And high resolution? The 1DX wins here with 18MP – 2 MP more than the D4. High frame rates? Again 1DX wins with 14fps compared to 10fps on the D4.

So you tell me: Apart from some obviously huge Nikon cocks, what the bloody fuck are those EISA judges smoking? The 1DX should have been the winner here.

Judges from EISA are seen here testing a Nikon D800 in the field

Judges from EISA are seen here testing a Nikon D800 in the field

And then there’s the D800. Oh God, the D800. I’ve spent a number of posts discussing this stinking heap of crap in the past already. First we had those fucking idiots at DxOLabs blatantly misleading everyone with their claims. Now it looks like these morons from EISA also want to join in and continue to mislead the entire fucking industry with the D800, strangely while the press stands by and watches it happen. This is what the fuckwads at EISA would have you believe:

The EISA judges said: “This year’s best camera is the Nikon D800. Its 36-million-pixel full frame sensor offers exceptionally high resolution capture and, according to EISA magazine tests, no compromises have been made to the extent of the camera’s dynamic range or noise levels at high ISO settings. In a compact and reasonably priced, strong and sturdy body, it offers first-rate metering and a 51-point autofocus system developed from the professional D4. The camera has a clear and bright 100% viewfinder that is very precise and comfortable to use even for glasses wearers. The tiny flash can command additional Nikon flash units and delivers just the right amount of fill-in illumination even in complex lighting conditions. The D800E version delivers even higher resolution images without needing any post processing sharpening: the image quality comes close to that of a medium format camera, but with the benefits and versatility of a lightweight 35mm reflex camera.”

No compromises have been made with noise levels at high ISO settings? I beg to differ.

D800 sucks balls

D800 sucks balls

And also:

How can it be that the D800 gets a better score for low light high ISO shooting (2853 ISO), while clearly the 5D Mark III has less noise at the high ISO values????? Clearly there’s something seriously wrong here, and DxOMark is misleading everyone with their overall scores. In the noise graph above the 5D Mark III is in the middle, and when it comes to the scores, suddenly the D800 performs better. But even from the sample pictures above, it’s clear that the D800 performs worse at the high ISO values. So how can it get a higher score for low light shooting on DxOMark??

Don’t forget what Ken Rockwell said:

The Canon EOS 5D Mark III is the world’s best digital SLR. It easily lets us create smooth, clean, beautiful and colorful images in any sort of light. It handles much better my cheaper Nikon D800 and D800E; my 5D Mark III handles and sounds smoother, quieter, feels better and makes better-looking images than my Nikon D800E. The 5D Mark III also has the best LCD ever put in a DSLR, while the LCD on my Nikon D800E is smaller in actual use, and most importantly, the Nikon’s LCD isn’t color-accurate. My 5D Mark III LCD is big, bold, bright, sharp, clear, colorful and accurate, and automatically varies its brightness brilliantly for use in any light. (My D800E also has auto LCD brightness control, but doesn’t work well enough to want to use it.)

To shooters upgrading from the Nikon D800 and D800E, the Mark III is greatly improved over the Mark II, while the Nikon D800 and D800E are a step backwards in ergonomics and LCD quality from the D700. Therefore the status quo has reversed; I used to prefer Nikon, while today with the 5D Mark III, I greatly prefer it to my D800E. Pixels impress amateurs, while guys like me who shoot every day for a living are more impressed at how my 5D Mark III lets me get more of the right pixels faster, not just more of the wrong ones. 

The 5D Mark III is the world’s best DSLR. It’s a huge improvement over the 5D Mark II due to the improvements from automatic color fringe correction, and the greatly improved power, depth-of-field and playback controls. If you shoot Canon, you deserve one of these.

Obviously those fuckwads at the EISA don’t know what the hell they’re talking about. Because the movie mode of the D800 is crap as well, with all the noise, aliasing and moire. This can be seen in Philip Bloom’s review above, but here’s another:

But the shitty green screen LCD, the noisy-ass images and the horribly aliased and moired video are the least of your concerns if the universe hates you so much that today you somehow find yourself owning a D800. A bigger concern for you should be the malfunctioning autofocus system on the D800, that as of right now, is shaping up to become the equivalent of the 1D Mark III debacle for Nikon.

So here you have a camera with a 36MP sensor, that’s so fucking overhyped with regards to the resolution that it supposedly produces (which in reality isn’t that much more compared tot he 5D Mark III), but apparently you can’t actually focus accurately to take advantage of the resolution on the sensor. I have to say, this reminds me of the 5D Mark II which had a similar problem. Fortunately Canon Inc. got their act together with the 5D Mark III, but all of you Nikon morons are now fucked with the D800. Similar to the green screen LCD, Nikon apparently refuses to really acknowledge the autofocus problem on the D800. Nikon whore Thom Hogan already had the following to say about it:

The one thing I think Nikon is getting wrong here is this: Nikon knows they messed up and shipped some number of defective cameras. Yet they are defacto forcing the customer not only to detect the problem, but to pay for shipping of the unit back to Nikon for repair. I think the least Nikon could (and should) do is this: for every camera they receive that actually gets fixed by this new recalibration test, Nikon should refund the shipping cost to the customer. If I were in charge, I’d go further than that and try to find some small reward I could include above and beyond that, along with a note of apology.

Yes, that’s costly. But so is a US$3000 camera that doesn’t focus right. Why is the customer the one that gets punished here?

Here’s more from Thom Hogan:

 August 7 updated (commentary)–Consider this email: “I got the estimate today for my D800 AF repair; it’s listed as a B2 repair and they want to charge me $245 for the repair as I did not include the bill of sale. I called and asked them if there were any D800’s out of warranty and they insisted that it was procedure. I was bucked up to a supervisor who also insisted that I needed to send them a bill of sale.”

Let’s see, the camera has a NikonUSA sticker on it, the serial number starts with 30, the camera has only been out for a couple of months, the camera was registered immediately on purchase on the Nikon site, need I say more? In short, Nikon’s customer support has always been on the poor side, but making customers jump through hoops to service a known problem is just pathetic. Oh, did I mention that the person in question was an NPS member and someone who has taught photography for 30 years? Just how many students do you think he might influence as to camera decisions?

Nikon morons are literally filling up the Internet with their complaints regarding the autofocus issues on the piece of shit D800. Here’s a screenshot taken on Nikon Rumors:

Nikon D800 is fucked

Nikon D800 is fucked


“Many loyal customers are now switching to 5d mark III or 1DX due to superior AF  system and better low light capabilities.”


Those Nikon morons really need stupid fucks like DxOLabs and EISA to make them feel better about spending their money on the worthless crap that is the D800.

That’s just fucking hilarious. Here’s what Lloyd Chambers has to say:

But after testing today with my D800 and D800E both just back from Nikon, my conclusion remains the same as what I initially showed in my review of the Nikon D800: the D800 /D800E has poor autofocus precision, and that’s with the center focusing sensor, which is the best one (one example). In short, the asymmetry issue is a footnote issue compared to the fundamental problem of poor precision in general.

In my testing today under the same conditions, the Canon 5D Mark III + 85mm f/1.2L II achieved both high precision and high accuracy, similar to what I found with the Canon 1D X autofocus. If anything, an ƒ/1.2 lens is more of a challenge than an ƒ/1.4. lens.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Lloyd, man, just get a 5D Mark III or a 1DX and throw that piece of shit D800 in the river.

And similarly, you may want to check out this website with a discussion of the D800 issues. Here’s the end result after some failed attempts at getting it fixed:

My choice(s)? Getting rid of a defective product, not bothering to check the My Nikon website each day for reasonable answers that never come, skipping the robotic conversations full of empathy but no meaningful information, not risking an additional failed attempt by Nikon’s Service Center to fix my D800, not wasting my time taking photos of test charts, and using the camera I already have. The good news? My doctor also tells me that, with time, the phenomenon of seeing Siemens Stars everywhere will eventually subside. 😉 And if Nikon will reimburse me $73 for the scenic, but fruitless trip my D800 took to Melville, I suspect I will feel even better.

So once again, my D7000 is glad the D800 has left our home. And this time… so am I.

Here are some quotes from the comments:

Nikon’s stupidity and arrogance are beyond belief!…or are they?  As much as I and many respect this site, Thom Hogan, the more sane posters at dpreview, etc., many D800 owners,such as those Thom met in Alaska, have no idea they have a defective camera and a manufacturer whom doesn’t give a damn.
Galbraith is offline, Nikon Reviews is apparently a shill, Kelby is all self-promotion now—who is going to speak up for poorly treated Nikon customers?
It unfortunately seems that there are many cameras Nikon cannot fix with recalibration. If recal was the solution, they would have done it a long time ago. It is a stopgap measure which can improve some cameras, but there must be a major manufacturing/structural error which is so expensive for Nikon to fix or replace, they have decided not to do it. That is why there has been no public statement.
So, if you have a camera they cannot “fix” with recal, Nikon has abandoned you.  What can we do about it?
No class action suit unless someone is injured (your response when I suggested this previously)?  I’m not an expert or a lawyer.
Nikon needs to pay for this, in more ways than one. What can we do?
Those readers who have suggested we need a kinder, gentler response to those nice Nikon people need not apply.


After hearing of the mess Nikon has made of this problem and comparing it to my experience with my first Nikon, the D5000, I am seriously considering selling all of my Nikon equipment and moving to Canon.


I finally got my D800 back from Melville, exactly a month after sending it in due to extremely inconsistent af. I of course had to cover the shipping and insurance costs. I tested it once again and found that it was in much worse condition than before sending it in. Before I sent it in the center point was slightly off and the edges were a complete mess. After receiving it back the edges are slightly better but the rest of it is absolutely horrendous, including the center! The af is so bad that I can even see through the viewfinder that it is not grabbing focus and it goes without saying that the resulting images are completely fuzzed. I am using charts and multiple lenses to test, i.e 24 1.4, 35 1.4, 24-70 2.8 and so forth. I am comparing all my results to lv which is perfect.

Being a full time photographer with multiple Nikon bodies and lenses including the D4, I am somewhat astonished and appalled  by the conversations I have had with Nikon and with the treatment I am receiving.

I wish I had returned my body when I had the chance but wrongly trusted Nikon repair to do the right thing. It’s back in a box heading to Melville yet again and my fingers are crossed that I do not get stuck with a $3000 lemon.

My D800 is back from the second repair attempt. The left focus issue is not resolved. Maybe I can return it back to Amazon after 5 months of use … unbelievable …

After reading your story and several others in a number of forums I am convinced that I made the right decision when I returned my D800 to the vendor. As much as I like the D800 I cannot bring myself to spend $3k on something with a known defect that Nikon can’t seem to repair.

My D800 came back from Melville today UNREPAIRED. El Segundo had it for 19 days and couldn’t fix it. Melville received it Tuesday, overnighted it to me last night and it is still not focusing on the left. This issue was escalated to Nikon’s Sr. Management (I spoke to them on the phone yesterday) and they still could not get it right.


Those of you who ended up buying this piece of garbage can try to get sharp images by reading this post of mine.

How to get sharp images with a Nikon D800

How to get sharp images with a Nikon D800

What a nightmare for Nikon and all those Nikon morons who bought into the D800 hype. I warned all of you from the very beginning that the D800 was a piece of shit. I warned you, you poor pathetic fools, I warned you. But ya just wouldn’t listen. Some people have emailed me and called me a prophet or psychic, but with my 30 years of experience in this industry, “predicting” this stuff is a piece of cake. I’m not called the Canon Camera Guru for nothing – I fucking earned that title!

And honestly, when Nikon was caught using footage from the 5D Mark II to promote the D800, you had to realize the video quality from the D800 was probably nowhere near good enough to sell the camera. Certainly, as we’ve seen, it sucks compared to the 5D Mark III.



So what do those fuckwads from EISA have to say about this??? Does this camera really deserve a camera of the year award? Honestly? As far as I’m concerned, Nikon can go ahead an rebrand the D800 to become the Nikon 1D Mark III. It fucking deserves that title!

Everywhere you look right now, people are impressed with the 1DX and 5D Mark III, especially with regards to the autofocus system. Both of these cameras are using the new 61-point AF system with 41 cross-type points that just kicks incredible amounts of ass in terms of speed and accuracy.

But there’s something seriously wrong in Europe. Nikon appears to have some strong influence on key organizations and publications in Europe. DxOLabs is one, but EISA clearly is also biased towards Nikon. I’ve already sent an email to Mitarai to have this situation thoroughly investigated.

CLEARLY what you can get out of all of the above, is that the Canon 1DX and Canon 5D Mark III are really the best DSLR cameras available today. Everyone who is honest and isn’t biased or influenced by Nikon says this. You simply cannot come to a different conclusion GOD DAMMIT!!!!1

Now all of you stop bothering me and let me enjoy the rest of my vacation.

79 thoughts on “Introducing the Nikon 1D Mark III (AKA the piece of shit D800)

  1. Ha ha ha! Yeah Chuck, you’re right and everyone else in the industry is a moron! Suck it up princess, everyone knows the Nikons are superior. And the D600 is coming to give Canon another ass whooping too.

    • Oh the Nikons are superior alright. Just ask all those people complaining about the D800 autofocus issues which Nikon apparently can’t seem to fix.

      • This camera has really upset you, hasn’t it? 😀 It’s OK Chuck, everyone makes mistakes. Just ebay your Canon gear and go get one, move on man. This self torment won’t do you any good.

      • I’d rather get kicked in the nuts by a donkey instead of buying a D800. I mean that.

    • Today is a very happy day. The courier just delivered my Nikon D600! 😀 Along with my 70-200mm 2.8. Just taken some test shots and even at 2000 iso is very very impressive. Much much better than my old Canon 550d at 400 iso. Then I read the Canon 6D specs! Yes, today is a very happy day! 😀 😀 I’m so glad I switched to Nikon.

  2. Great post, as ever. All these big companies need someone with enough balls to expose their defective products that, once and again, launch to the market. Well done, FCW!

  3. You guys are seriously sick – change your druggs and get shooting instead of
    wasting your time with such a bullshit!


  4. my Minolta X700 got that EISA award long time but that camera fails me and breaks every 2 weeks. On the paper all the features seem great but on the field it’s terrible. Seems like nothing ever changed with EISA.

  5. Chuck, Nikon is starting to sound like United Airlines (lost a 10 year kid, and didn’t give a shit ) and Progressive Insurance (defended a customer’s killer in court to avoid paying a claim ). Apparently, giving a shit about your customers is passe.

  6. Ahahaha! Great post Chuck! You are doing a great service in exposing these things of the photographic industry. Hopefully the message is not lost in the twisted humor, though!

    • Someone has to do it. Might as well be me since the entire fucking industry consists of a bunch of photographic girliemen.

      • I have a D800, and it rocks 😉
        Sorry Chuck…
        I think you have an obsession problem. Maybe you are frustrated and you need to have sex ?

      • I can’t deny needing sex. Lots of it to be honest with you. However, this doesn’t make the facts about the piece of shit D800 and Nikon’s fuckups less true.

      • The camera shop offered me a good deal on a 5D mk3 the other day. They got stock they can’t move. Told them to bash that up their arse sideways, I only want a D800… :p

  7. with all your posts, you look much disappointed than them… anyway, just get Canon’s best camera award from bloom, rockwell and all the persons you idolized for their opinion. fact of the matter is none of it would matter and certainly wont make you happy either.


      Today’s tests with my factory serviced D800 and D800E + Nikon AF-S 85mm f/1.4G were a huge disappointment, showing me that using autofocus at a distance of ~80 feet is joke, showing hit and miss results ranging from sharp to soft to badly blurred. All on a tripod with everything fixed — just repeat the same thing and roll the dice on what you get.


      In my testing today under the same conditions, the Canon 5D Mark III + 85mm f/1.2L II achieved both high precision and high accuracy, similar to what I found with the Canon 1D X autofocus. If anything, an ƒ/1.2 lens is more of a challenge than an ƒ/1.4. lens.

      • so? yes its true there are some units that are affected by the defect in AF, so what? it happens to every camera thats been released in the past. besides only Nikon USA has not been able to fix this issue, while the rest of the distributors have and they have done it correctly, no disassembly of the unit, no black tapes, etc… and there are A LOT of D800/E out there that are working perfectly out of the box. you’re just arguing for the sake of it… seriously, grow some brains princess

      • and let me remind you, it took Canon 2 flagship units before they could get their AF system working fine, and in the end they redesigned to to be released on the 1Dx because they couldnt fix it… those are FLAGSHIP units princess

      • Hey moron, didn’t you read? Those 2 D800 bodies were FUCKING FACTORY SERVICED BY NIKON!!! And still it could not focus sharp enough, at least not as good as the 5D mark III. MANY people are reporting this problem. I have links above, google it. Nikon service centers in other countries have also not been able to fix this. Google is your friend.

  8. Hey FC, great shot catching those judges working hard, that’s a 10 right there. I use Nikon, and yes a D800, which I love. D’you know what’s Nikon evil plan buying off every judge of every test of every company?
    Keep fighting the good fight my friend, you know I’ll come back everytime, a little humour comes handy nowadays…
    Come on and switch already, you know you want to… be true to your heart…

  9. Nikon really is the new canon. As a Nikon user, I appreciate what you are doing here and I hope Nikon inc. reads this and learns from it. Nikon got their asses handed to them this year! The D800 is crap. Ergonomics and iq. It’s like taking a fucken dump then holding it up to your face and making click click noises. Now I just have to figure out what I am going to do with all my nikkor glass. I am thinking about putting it all on eBay and starting over.

  10. I just don’t know. You canon morons wandered around lost for several years before canon pulled its head out of its ass. Now us Nikon morons are the ones who are lost and Nikon has its head so far up its ass it doesn’t know which way is up. Keep my glass and wait for Nikon to figure it out or sell everything at a loss and switch brands? What to do….

  11. Chuck my man, lucky you’re still around, kicking asses as bad as ever for our great enjoyment. Keep it up, man, keep it up.

  12. You had me until you started quoting Ken Rockwell. Then again he has a similar mentality as yourslef of “I”m right and the rest of the people of this world are morons.”

  13. I’d love to hear your comments regarding the rumor of a Canon 3D. 46 mp< LMAO… My only thought is WTF??? Is Canon gonna turn tail and follow Nikon in the race to MEGA-megapixels??? Hear we go again, it's like the USA vs USSR in the space race all over again… PR companies, start your engines…. LOL

  14. ‘After hearing of the mess Nikon has made of this problem and comparing it to my experience with my first Nikon, the D5000, I am seriously considering selling all of my Nikon equipment and moving to Canon.’

    That’s EXACTLY what I did. D7000, 24-70mm f/2.8, 105mm f/2.8, 50mm f/1.4, 18-200mm, Sigma 8-16mm and an SB-600, all jacked in.

    Got a lovely new 5D Mk III, 580 EX II (what a flashgun), 50mm f/1.4, 24-70mm f/2.8 L, 70-200mm f/2.8 IS L. Couldn’t be happier.

    Fuck you Nikon and hello Canon!

    • I shoot along side several avid canon users, my old Nikon D3 kick Canon’s ass. You should hear the cussing and damn thing would;nt focus, or damn thing missed that one. It’s funny to listen to the disappointment if trying to capture a bird in flight for example. What really pisses of a Canon user is when we put our images on the big screen and view the percentage of in focused and well exposed action shots. Now if you are trying to capture images of stationary or slow moving subjects, the canon is just a good. My 600 F4 Nikkor is just as good as the 500 F4’s that these Canon guys are shooting. That is even after their 500 F4 canons were sent back into canon to be adjusted as they say.

      • You should take a look at DigitalRev yt video with their 1Dx vs. D4 overview – seems like C R&D finally did something considering AF issues, in side by side shootout D4 was loosing it.

  15. I just wiped my ass with my D800, threw it into my fucking fire-pit dumped gasoline on it and lit the bitch on fire. Thanks Nikon, for nothin. If the CF card survived I will be posting a video of it. I doubt it though. Piece of fucken shit looks like a blob of smoking bear shit now.

    • Amen brotha, after sending my D800 back to Melville to fix the crippled AF issues, getting back just as bad, I sold the motha fucka. Sure, I took a $500 loss, but as the wife says, “Get rid of the Fucker and move on. Life is too short to deal with drama”.

      • Yeah, we got rid of a Canon crop sensor DSLR because it was a noisy piece of shit you couldn’t get a decent photo out of at anything over 400 iso. Switched to Nikon and never looked back. DXO mark scores agree with our findings, you Canon shooting retard fanboys just get all upset ‘cos the DXO marks disagree with your fanboy opinion. I bet the two ‘tards above never even owned a Nikon camera, just making up fanboy bullshit.

  16. Nikon D600 just come in third behind the D800 twins on DXO marks sensor ratings. That would mean something to you Canon shooting retards if you knew anything about image quality. But just to generalise it for you, Nikon shooters have a higher ability to take better quality photos than Canon shooters. Less Noise, more dynamic range, higher colour depths…

    • Hmm, wonder if Henri Cartier Bressona needed Nikons higher ability to take better quality photos with less noise, more dynamic range, higher colour depths…

      • True, very few of HCB’s images are in focus….I hear he had arthritis and couldn’t focus those antique Leica lenses. Getting a D800 would assure that he would be able to continue his out of focus technique.

  17. love your review!! Nikons overpriced and over rated. Bought a d800 first without looking at reviews, took some shots, didn’t like what I was seeing.. decided to max my credit card by buying a 5D3 from another store, took a few shots with both in the same places. Checked the pics at home and punted the d800 straight back, lucky they accepted it! wish I hadn’t deleted the pics, they would have done justice to this review! Couldn’t be happier with how dependable this bitch is!

  18. I have bought 2 nikon D800 and i have sold them fast, because of the problem’s that they have. The lenses are good but come on Nikon, give as what Canon give, a 5D3 and a 1dx. I need a Full Frame camera raight now, but Nikon don’t have any camera to function normaly. It is a good time to be a Canon shooter.

  19. I raced out an bought a 5D mk3 after reading your blog. Well… what a piece of shit. All my friends D800’s and D600’s shit all over this thing for image quality. My photos are dull and lifeless and if I have to shoot in high contrast conditions, I’d be better off borrowing some old Nikon crop sensor. Now I’m going to lose big dollars trading in this shitbox for a Nikon. Wish I’d listened to my friends in the first place instead of this rubbish blog.

  20. Pingback: The 5D Mark III proves itself; The D800 sucks balls | Fake Chuck Westfall

  21. Anyone looking at the ISO performance from dpreview shows that the d800’s image is cropped in further, compared to the other cameras. When cropped to the same size on both images, the D800 does phenominally well for a 36mp sensor. And easily compares with the other cameras. Go back to that site and check again, and notice, the images for the d800 are shown cropped more.

  22. My only problem with Canon is, the 5D Mark III is the only camera worth buying, anything below that (7D, 60D, 600D) is worthless in terms of image quality. Nikon on the other hand, has an army of very compelling low end DSLRs (D3200, D5200,D7000) ready to steal Canons marketshare. I can’t wait to see what they have for 2k13, It will be the D7100 vs the 70D and both NIkon and Canon are playing the waiting game to see who releases first.

  23. Camera is a camera, i own both cameras, D800E for studio and 5D MARK 3 outdoors for sports. i like them both. I like D800 cause of that old school film look it produces at higher ISO and 5D3 for fast AF. both handles well. I agree with the test result with DXOmark not being close to each other but yet again. I found out they are looking for how much color array that sensor accepts.

  24. You look like an old guy, yet yo use fuck and simular words in 50% of your sentences. Its kinda patetic. I would take you much more seriously if you would act like an adult, instead you try to act all though, pathetic.

  25. Hey Chuck, Canon spent alllllll that time designing a new camera, adding an extra 1 megapixel and auto focusing ( one that should have been updated in the mark ii) and increased the sensor’s sensitivity by 1-2 stops, WHOOOPY FUCKING DOOO Argh pathetic canon…

  26. Pingback: Nikon Taking a Serious Beating – DXOMark SUCKS BALLS | Fake Chuck Westfall

  27. D700 owner with lots invested in lenses. I’ve taken great shots with the D700 but I have always been infatuated with Canon’s color, WB and over artsy feel in the overall image. I usually can pin point a 5D of some sort pretty easy. I want to sell/trade my system but I’m in the middle of wedding season but I was recently offered a straight over trade for a mkII and lenses. I have the D700, 85/1.4G, 24-70/2.8G, 50/1.4G, 80-200/2.8G and he has the 5dMkII, 35/1.4L, 50/1.4/, 85/1.4, 24-105/f4 and Sigma 80-200/2.8.

  28. Just a quick note.

    In our photo group is always struggle between Canon and Nikon.
    What I always find crap.
    Just use it and have a little fun, don’t worry about pixel counts.

    We see that at 500 ASA the D800 has better scores, between 500 and 800 it is almost even, and above the 5Dmk3 preforms clearly better.
    We never use 3200 and is not worth a fight between the two brands.
    Calling names at the D800 is not neat, who uses 3200 iso?
    We find it interesting till 1000 iso , te most valid and used values.
    Regarding noise levels the two camera’ s are almost equal.
    The AF off the EOS is more precies, but in the studio we do MF with the D800 and the EOS , so the is a different approach on various situations.

    Simply put: “where you use it for?” Studio, outdoor photography, concerts, sport in bad light conditions and then make your choice .

    Are you going to make sport with a D800 with high iso values then you should not complain that there is noise.

    You can make i great impression to architecture, interior design photographs with a tripod at 100 ASA with a D800 and a prime lens.

    For we see that the EOS 5 d mk3 scores well on all surfaces although it has a lower pixels count.

    K. (Netherlands)

    • A lot of people use ISO 3200 and 6400 even and above in certain situations. Wedding and other event photographers for example. So it’s important to have low noise and good colors even at the high ISO values. Like I said before, I’m dreaming of the day that Canon Inc. will finally give us a body where ISO 1600 will look like ISO 100. It’s possible. And it’ll be here in the future.

  29. Pingback: On the Canon 70D Image Quality and other stuff | Fake Chuck Westfall

      • You mother fucking cock sucker!
        Hope you get a golden shower on your holiday….Blah blah blah!!!

  30. Pingback: Why Scott Kelby switched to Canon | Fake Chuck Westfall

  31. Was going to buy Nikon D610 then Finally thought d610 … mother F****ing Cock sucker!
    But that doesn’t mean you don’t know what you are talking about….and you sure have a f***ing grasp of the English language! Holy crap! You have …scared the shit out of me! Really pissed off now! What do I do wait for Nikoff to bring out the D810 or get D610 now?!
    D10 latter .. Or drop Nikoff and go to Canon for my full frame shit!?!?!
    I’m fuckin done with you …I hope someone takes a contract on you as you have fucked up my day!! Fuck your holday!!! Spassa!

    • Used this language so you could grasp what I have said….to all you others…does this man really lnow what he is talking about …I think not.. Most people shoot at around 100 to 200 ads at that setting I believe the D800 would be significantly better than
      the Cannon in terms of resolution in average outdoor settings also do not believe autofocus would be a problem … In dim light believe the D610 would be superior to the canon mkIII again…in the same situation …finally have had both canon and nikon cameras they make good cameras some specific models stand out in this case cannon mkIII and D800 are both good cameras with strengths and weaknesses in terms of resolution at 100 To 200 asa believe the d00 would be surperior …end is story …suck on that!!

  32. Thank you so fucking much for posting this. It depicts exactly how I feel about the piece of colossal shit that is the D810 (the “improved” version of the worst digital camera made to date.)

    Nikon pulled an enormous scam. I was pretty damn sold on it’s DXOmark bullshit scores and review after review calling it the “medium format killer” which in hindsight actually makes me feel sick. For the record, I have vomited from stress as a result of owning the D810.

    My photos are green, 7/10 photos (I shit you not) are out of focus, blurred or are tainted by Satan himself. Usually I get the trifecta.

    I’ve actually resorted to using my old D3S and D700 that are both several feet into the grave because THEY TAKE BETTER PHOTOS THAN A BRAND NEW $4300 AUD D810. They have 12 megapixels and are technologically inferior in every single way and yet they are the cameras keeping my business afloat.

    The same rule applies to the D750 and D610 I’ve bought. Both were pieces of rotting shit and have tarnished my business and mental health.

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