Stop asking me about the headphone jack

The 1DX isn’t even available yet and already I’m starting to get tired of all the stupid questions people are sending in to me. One of the things people keep whining about is why the Nikon D4 has a headphone jack and the 1DX doesn’t have one. What kind of a stupid question is that? I mean, why would you need a headphone to listen to the sound you’re already hearing?? You’re fucking standing right there behind the camera, it’s recording the exact same sounds you’re hearing! Assuming you’re not deaf, of course, in which case headphones wouldn’t be able to help you anyway. Including a headphone jack just seems stupid and redundant to me. Unless you want to stand there like a frickin moron wearing a headphone while recording a movie, just to appear cool to everyone around. Like “Hey look at me! I’m wearing headphones to listen to the exact same sounds you’re hearing, don’t I look so cool and professional?” That seems exactly like the kind of stupid shit a Nikon user would do. No wonder the D4 has one.

Bunch of idiots. But just for the heck of it, I fired an email off to Maeda to inquire about the reasons for not including a headphone jack on the 1DX. If you can still remember why they didn’t update the autofocus system on the 5D Mark II, you’ll understand his reply much better:

We not include headphone jacks on 1DX because there is too much spaces on camera to include the jacks. We not able to make decision for where to put the jacks.

Makes sense right? The 5D Mark II was too small to house a better autofocus sensor, and now the 1DX is too big for the tiny headphone jack. It seems engineers at Canon Inc. were struggling  with the difficult question of where exactly, in the sea of empty space on the camera, they could put the headphone jack. I’ve looked at it myself, and trust me, it’s a technical challenge that should not be underestimated. And making the body smaller is not a sacrifice Canon Inc. was willing to make. That would have been equal to shrinking the size of professional photographers’ cocks. And God knows they need to feel like their cocks are bigger compared to uncle Bob’s at the wedding with his tiny entry level DSLR. I think we can all rest assured that the Japanese will have figured out a solution by the time the 1DX Mark II ships.

And since I’m posting about shit that bothers me, what the hell is up with you people complaining about my Ron Paul post? Let me remind you of the fact that this is still MY personal blog. Do you think that I think and talk about cameras all day long?? Do you think that’s the only goddamn thing I do?? In case you didn’t realize this, I have a life too. And on my personal blog I’ll post anything I damn well please. If I want to start writing about my bowel movements, you can bet your ass you’re going to be reading about them! So stop whining for fuck’s sake!

Ron Paul 2012 – If you know what’s good for you!

Restore America Now

A break from the usual, because it is fucking important. I have to bring this to your attention.

Ron Paul is a fucking genius. It’s been a long time since the world has seen such a brilliant, super intelligent, but above all, honest, politician. And I’m afraid after Dr. Paul, the world will have to wait for a very long time again for another Ron Paul. Don’t let your chance get away. Vote Ron Paul for president in 2012.

This article sums it up nicely. But you all should read more about Ron Paul’s thoughts on various issues.

Did you know Ron Paul is for 0 (ZERO) income tax? Aaw yeah baby!

We’re fucking slaves goddammit!!!! Income Tax = Involuntary Servitude!! We’re being fucking used!!

Go look at your tax statement. Think of what 0% would have been like for the first part of your life. Now imagine saving that much and more for the rest of your life.
Which would you rather have:

• More $ in your pocket or more wars?
• More $ in your pocket or more government departments?
• More $ in your pocket or more entitlement programs?
• More $ in your pocket or more bailouts?

Think about it. Think about it long and hard.

God Dammit!!

I’m alive! The blog has been static for a few months, but I’ve been more active on Twitter with short updates as some of you know. I just couldn’t find the time to update the blog because of being swamped with work at the office here at Canon USA. There’s just so much to talk about, so I’m hoping to find more time to do regular updates.

But first things first. I’m fucking pissed off at PDN for their 2011 Photo Gear of the Year awards. Those of you who have been reading this blog since 2008 know that I am a reasonable guy. I like to be fair. When things suck I say it. When things rock, I also say it. And the 2011 photo gear awards at PDN quite frankly is a big pile of shit. And no, I’m not just saying this because Canon got left out of it this year. I even think they purposely left us out as Dan Havlik personally made a remark about this on Twitter, just to make sure we noticed:

Fake Chuck (@fcwestfall) can’t be happy Canon was shut out of PDN’s Gear of the Year awards for the 1st time: http://bit.ly/vaeZvr

Now I know we didn’t do much in 2011 as far as DSLRs are concerned. Yeah we announced the 1DX, but technically that’s a 2012 camera. But what we did release in 2011 is the Canon EF 8-15mm f/4L Fisheye lens. And anyone with at least some insight in this area will tell you that this lens is a fucking brilliant design and stunning piece of engineering. Nobody in this goddamn industry has such a lens or anything that comes even close!

No contest here, the Canon EF 8-15mm f/4L Fisheye should have won.

You’d think that this lens would have easily won the 2011 PDN Gear of the Year award for lenses. But no, instead they chose the NIKKOR 85mm f/1.4G lens.  In PDN’s own words:

The replacement for the legendary Nikkor 85mm f/1.4D AF that launched back in 1995, the new 85mm f/1.4G doesn’t break any significant new ground and that’s a good thing.

I’m sorry, but what? The lens doesn’t break any significant new ground and that’s a good thing?! The lens doesn’t break any significant new ground but it fucking wins the 2011 PDN Gear of the Year award??? Folks, enlighten me please, am I the one going crazy here, or are they fucking morons at PDN?

Listen, PDN, unlike the boring as fuck NIKKOR 85mm f/1.4G, our brand new state of the art EF 8-15mm f/4L ZOOM FISHEYE lens *does break significant new ground*. This lens practically defines the word innovation. It’s the world’s first fisheye zoom lens to offer both a circular and full frame image. When was the last time you guys came across such a lens? Hmmm??? There’s so much brilliance that went into the design of this lens that I don’t know where to start. It really doesn’t take an expert to recognize the brilliance of this lens design. But if you are an expert, you’ll notice even the small details, for example, that Canon Inc. took care to make the nodal point of this lens the same at both 8mm and 15mm making it easy for photographers to make lower resolution (3-4 images) and high resolution (16-25 images) panoramic images at the same time on location without having to recalibrate their setup. It’s the small design considerations like this that greatly benefit photographers. Only professionals can appreciate these things.

But not at PDN. PDN chose the NIKKOR 85mm instead. What. a. fucking. joke. My God, my God.

Just when things start to go really well here at Canon and I think I can finally keep my blood pressure in a healthy range, people like Havlik show up and completely fuck it all up for me again.

I can tell you that Japan was fucking pissed when I forwarded them the link to the awards page on PDN. Why they haven’t yet pulled all advertising for Canon products from PDN is beyond me. PDN is very fortunate that I’m not the one in charge here at Canon. Dan Havlik personally is also fortunate that I forgot the password to the Fake Dan Havlik blog I ran a few years ago, or else I would start posting there again too.

I’ll be back soon with more updates. I should also mention the new blog design which I launched yesterday. After 3 years it was time for some change. Personally I like the new design, looks cleaner and more professional. And since I’m as professional as they get in this industry, I think this blog design really suits me well. You may disagree with this, but please be advised that I don’t really care. After all, I’m the Canon Camera Guru here, not you.

It’s official: I’m not Vincent Laforet

It’s been a few weeks since I last detected a disturbance in the kyosei and I’ve just been so very busy with a lot of stuff around here at the office. We’re heading for some pretty exciting times for EOS in the coming months. Right now Nikon is playing the announcement game with us again, trying to wait for us to do our announcements first, and then them coming with a much stronger announcement just a few days later taking all the press. We’ve been suckers for that a couple of times already, but not anymore. This time they’re going to have to make their announcements first, or there will be none at all. At the same time Sony are preparing to rip us both a new one as I’m typing this. The A77 is going to trash everything out there in, below and even above its market segment. The Nikon D7000, D300s, Canon 60D, 7D etc. – All toast. I knew this day would come:

We’re not very concerned about Olympus here at Canon, but Sony has been scaring the hell out of us for a while now, to be honest. More so than Nikon, and for a lot of reasons. They’ve got their hands on a lot of good technology now, and we’re very concerned about their next wave of DSLRs. If you can recall their DSC-R1 camera from a few years ago, it had a CMOS sensor and really great and reasonably fast contrast-detect autofocus functionality. You could even use the small joystick to move the focus point *anywhere* on the screen and focus *exactly* where you wanted to, even the edges. This was a few years ago. If this makes its way into their DSLRs, with today’s faster processing technology, we’re going to be fucked. We know they have the sensor technology (D3x) with IS, they have the lenses, it’s just a matter of the right software, the pro features and tuning it all to work together. Since they have the financial capabilities, it’s only a matter of time.

It’s not like I didn’t warn Japan about it:

Even Sony is working hard to close the gaps in their lineup with their recent lens announcements. It won’t be long now before they have a DSLR body that’s going to make Canon Inc. executives shit their pants. But Canon Inc. has had plenty of time and plenty of opportunities, and if they keep blowing it every time they’ve got nobody to blame but themselves.

And the time has now indeed come for Canon Inc. executives to shit their pants. And this is nothing yet. What’s even more frightening to us is the prospect of their upcoming A900 replacement.

Make no mistake about it though, we’re not planning to go down without a fight here at Canon. I said there are some exciting times coming for EOS in the months ahead, and I mean it. There’s a reason why you’re not hearing anything about the next 5D yet. This time around Japan are taking their time with it. This has nothing to do with the earthquake. But more on this in another future post.

Planet5D had an interesting podcast with grand master Vincent Laforet, eternal peace and blessings be upon him. At about 7 minutes in, he answers the question if he’s Fake Chuck. For a long time now I’ve been dying to know if I was really Vincent Laforet, and now I finally have an official answer from him. Thanks a lot @planetMitch for asking him that question. I owe you one.

The rest of the interview is pretty interesting also. There’s some great advice if you’re new to the industry and are starting up your own business. Laforet also briefly talks about his iPhone app, which apparently was misunderstood by a lot of people. I must admit that at the beginning I was a bit confused myself. Somehow I was led to understand by the information in the iTunes store that the app came with a Pulitzer Prize included. I almost wrote an angry email to Laforet myself after downloading the app, demanding my Pulitzer Prize or to have my $3 back. But considering our good friendship, I decided not to.

Vincent Laforet, Peace be with Him, and me.

Vincent is such a great guy and we’re lucky to have him as a Canon explorer of light. I personally am so proud that I framed the picture above and have it on my desk right next to my PC so I can see it all the time when I’m working. Well actually, I replaced a picture of my wife and daughter that was initially inside the frame with this one. I also carry a smaller copy of it in my wallet.

And before I head back to work, I want to take this opportunity to remind you again to please, for the love of God and all that is holy, sign the 5D Mark III petition to Canon Inc. In the seven months that this God forsaken petition has been online, only about 300 people have signed it so far and that’s fucking pathetic. Don’t you want Canon Inc. to blow you away with the next 5D? Then sign the petition, God dammit! If you’re disappointed again in a few months don’t run back to me crying and complaining about it!

Are we trying to take down Canonfilmmakers.com?

You Can't - Canon

It was just brought to my immediate attention that apparently the owners of the website “Canonfilmmakers.com” are experiencing legal trouble. See their post here. Indications are that Canon Inc., as usual, are acting like the goddamn fucking Gestapo again going around bullying innocent customers and fans. They did the same thing a while ago to Canonrumors.com and of course also made me try taking down my own blog a few years ago. Let’s also not forget how they had Vincent Laforet, eternal peace, love and blessings be upon him, take down his video ‘Nocturne’ a year ago or how they threatened a Korean photographer if he didn’t keep his mouth shut about the issues with the 1D Mark III. And the list goes on.

All of this is, of course, in the spirit of “kyosei“:

A concise definition of this word would be “Living and working together for the common good,” but our definition is broader: “All people, regardless of race, religion or culture, harmoniously living and working together into the future.” Unfortunately, the presence of imbalances in our world in such areas as trade, income levels and the environment hinders the achievement of kyosei.

Addressing these imbalances is an ongoing mission, and Canon is doing its part by actively pursuing kyosei. Truly global companies must foster good relations, not only with their customers and the communities in which they operate, but also with nations and the environment.
They must also bear the responsibility for the impact of their activities on society. For this reason, Canon’s goal is to contribute to global prosperity and the well-being of mankind, which will lead to continuing growth and bring the world closer to achieving kyosei.

At Canon, our customers are number 1!

And to foster good relations with our customers, it is of course only natural that we bully them around and take down their websites, which they spent years working on promoting the use of our products and around which they’ve also built a nice community consisting of even more of our customers, while we’re obviously completely fucking blind to the fact that their work ultimately benefits us and our customers too. And all of that just because the name of their website contains the word “Canon” in it, which, in case you didn’t know, we fucking invented. Makes sense right? If this kind of behavior doesn’t foster good relations with people, then I don’t know what will!

When we say that our customers are number 1 here at Canon Inc. that probably means that we piss on them. It makes perfect sense in japanese english. “Haha, I pissing on you! You in number 1 position! Haha! We are achieve kyosei now!”

Allow me to quote myself on “kyosei”:

Canon Inc. can take their fucking Kyosei corporate philosophy and cram it you know where. Do you know what hinders the achievement of kyosei??? HUH?? DO YA?? Let me tell you what hinders achieving kyosei, you stupid, ignorant bastards: It’s the fucking morons running the company!

I’m trying to get more information about this Canonfilmmakers issue from management here at Canon USA but everyone refuses to talk to me about this. That’s not surprising since they no doubt know I’ll be airing everything right here on my blog along with some good Canon Inc. bashing. So if there’s anyone out there with more information, send it my way at fcwestfall@gmail.com. And not to worry, I won’t reveal my sources even if they send me to Guantanamo Bay and waterboard me to death. Please show your support to Canonfilmmakers.com; this shit has got to stop.

Update:

It seems like Canon Inc. may have overlooked the fact that the owner of Canonfilmmakers.com is called “Jon Connor.” You’ve got to have huge balls or be a total fucking moron (more likely in Canon Inc.’s case) to mess with someone named Jon Connor. Check the video below to see what I mean:

As you all know, in the not too distant future Jon Connor will fight Skynet (Artificial Intelligence). But it looks like right now he’s first going to have to deal with Canon Inc. (Natural Stupidity), an arguably more frightening threat.

Lighting, Flashes, Flash Busses

The Lord of the Speedlights (left) and Zack Arias, separated at birth?

It seems like these days if you’re a photographer and you’re not either blogging about lighting, writing a book about lighting, making lighting DVD’s or giving lighting workshops, then chances are you’re probably not very cool or important. Perhaps just an amateur fooling around with cameras in your spare time, hoping to become like the pros when you grow up one day. Everywhere I look there’s either someone writing a book on lighting, giving workshops or selling books and DVD’s on lighting. At some point even a Flash Bus got into the mix. When I first heard the term “Flash Bus” I thought it had something to do with “Bang Bus.” But then I got on the website and found out that it was actually worse than I thought: it was about lighting workshops being done by The lord of the Speedlights and Joe McNally. Both of them, together.

Joe Mc Nally (left) and a random Sock Puppet, separated at birth?

Now, you may not immediately understand why I think this isn’t such a good idea if you’ve never heard of them before, but these guys are absolutely nuts. I’m still surprised they somehow got approval for this project. These two guys together, traveling cross country on a bus to 29 cities in 6 weeks? That’s just asking for trouble. Who knows what kind of weird stuff is going to happen with those two together in a bus for 6 weeks. I’m telling you, if you see this bus in town, do NOT go near it. Trust me on this, stay far away. Especially if the bus is shaking and you see bright flashes of (colored) light coming through the windows. Just notify the authorities and let them handle it. You may want to head on over to the Flash Bus website, not necessarily to register for the workshop in your city, but to start checking when you need to get the hell out of your city before these guys arrive and things start to get bad. Don’t risk becoming their hostage for a day and being forced to work as a voice activated lightstand, or heaven  forbid, their model.

BE ON THE LOOKOUT: The bus has just departed from a secret location east of the Mississippi en route to Seattle, Washington.

Seattle appears to be their first destination so you folks from Seattle who’re reading this, time is of the essence. They’re probably already nearby so it’s best to stay in your homes, barricade the doors and make sure you have enough food for the next 5 days.

Close-up shot of the Flash Bus

The picture of the Flash Bus above appears to be the first picture of the bus taken in the wild. It was emailed to me by a photographer who put a lot at risk to get this amazing shot. For obvious reasons the photographer requested to remain anonymous. If you look at the picture you can see The Lord of the Speedlights and McNally in the bus  and their driver who goes by the name “Cool Breeze.” The name made sense to me when I saw the picture. According to the photographer he managed to snap this picture just seconds before they saw him and drove right into him. He dove off to the side and just barely managed to get away.

The Lord of the Speedlights and Joe McNally both also have new DVD’s out on lighting: Lighting in Layers and The Language of Light. They have what I think is a more stylized approach to off-camera lighting. In most cases you’ll look at one of their pictures and you’ll know it was made using one or more of their own lights. And in the case of Joe McNally, probably a crapload of lights (McNally’s rumored to own enough Nikon SB-900′s to light the Empire State Building). But it’s also possible to use flashes and make your pictures look like they were shot using available light.

Neil van Niekerk in deep concentration, thinking of even more ways to get beautiful women in front of his camera.

And that’s where Neil van Niekerk comes in. I know you may have heard that you shouldn’t use your flash on-camera very often because it makes your pictures look like crap, but Neil van Niekerk has some  excellent techniques that’ll blow you away when you see the kind of results you can get: pictures taken with on-camera flash that look so natural people will think they were taken in available light. That, and he’s somehow able to get a lot of beautiful women to pose for him. Most of the information is available on his blog (about the lighting techniques, not the women), and in his book on on-camera flash: On-Camera Flash Techniques for Digital Wedding and Portrait Photography. And just a few days ago, almost synchronous with the Flash Bus, Neil’s second book became available which is about off-camera flash: Off-Camera Flash Techniques for Digital Photographers. I bought both books hoping to find information about how I could get beautiful women to pose for me, just like van Niekerk. But sadly I have to report that this information is not included. Perhaps he’ll focus on that in his third book. Meanwhile I’ll have to keep stalking young women on Facebook.

But what is most important to me as the technical advisor here at Canon USA when I look at all of this, is that all of these photographers are using Nikon gear primarily. Sure, you’ll find them occasionally briefly mentioning Canon speedlites and cameras here and there, but when they do I can’t help but feel as if they’re doing it just because they feel sorry for Canon users and don’t want them to feel left out. If you just look at what they themselves shoot with primarily, it’s all Nikon gear. And there’s a reason for that. We fucking suck when it comes to lighting and Nikon is way ahead of us. I don’t know what is taking those fucking morons in Tokyo so long but they had better come out with something new pronto. We need a new professional flash to replace the 580 EX II and we fucking need it fast. And it had better fucking come with RF based wireless flash functionality or as the Lord Jesus Christ is my witness, I’m going to go fucking berserk on their ass. Not too long ago I wrote about our ancient ST-E2 wireless flash trigger and  mentioned how even the Chinese were way ahead of Canon Inc. with innovations in that area.

Canon ST-E2 Ass-Rape VS Cactus V4

Back then I compared the ST-E2 with the Cactus V4. Well guess what, the Cactus V5 is already out. In the time it took the Chinese to develop the Cactus V2, V4 and V5, Canon Inc. has been unable to release an update to the fucking ST-E2 that can stand next to the rest of today’s technology without being laughed at. The ST-E2 uses a 2CR5 battery for Christ’s sake, talk about old! And they still want $230 for it, when you can get a Cactus V5 set with 2 transceivers for a mere $60. And the Cactus V5 will offer you many interesting possibilities, like a 100m working range (compared to the sorry-ass 10m of the ST-E2 with line of sight) and 100% reliability.

I don’t know what the fuck is taking those bastards in Japan so long, but if they finally release an update it had better fucking blow everything away. I’m talking RF based wireless flash triggers, a new pro speedlite with built-in RF wireless flash capabilities, full TTL and High Speed Sync support, Master/Slave functionality, 100m working range, and best of all, remote control of the speedlites from the back of the camera. I want all my fucking speedlites to show up on my camera LCD just like wireless access points show up on my computer, and I want to fucking add them to my own private network of flashes under my control, each with their own custom ID (so I know which is which). And then I want to be able to fucking select each one of them and be able to change their goddamn settings right on my fucking camera even if I’m 100 meters away! THAT is what I would consider true innovation. Not the fucking horseshit we’ve been seeing in the last few years.

God damn! I started writing this post laughing my ass off and now I’m pissed again. This always happens. As soon as I get reminded of those fucking morons in Tokyo my blood just starts to boil automatically. I’m going to get me a cup of coffee now before I end up in intensive care again.

Lube up for the Canon “Rebate”

You Can't - Canon

I admit I don’t usually keep myself busy here at Canon USA with sales matters, that’s not really my department. I’m more of a technical guy working with the marketing division. But I’ve been hearing some complaints about the current ongoing Canon rebate in a few places, and I’ve also been sent this email (thanks):

Here’s a heads up about the games being played with Canon lens prices since the 2/20/11 through 3/19/11 rebates were announced last Sunday.

Apparently, Canon and/or major retailers raised prices on Canon lenses (at least lenses with a rebate) since Last Sunday to offset about 75% of the rebate.

For example, the EF 70-200/2.8L IS II lens was priced at B&H Photo, Beach Camera and buydig.com, among others, last Sunday at $2374 USD. Since then, said retailers increased the retail price to $2499. After the $200 rebate is factored in, the real rebate is only $75 and not the $200.

Results are similar on a percentage basis for the EF 100/2.8L IS Macro. I haven’t checked prices for the other lenses listed for rebates.

Canon’s as cunning, sinister and self-serving as their nation was on December 7, 1941.

Thought you’d want to know.

I just got off the phone with the sales department, and apparently Canon Inc. realized that the price of the 60D would drop all the way to $800 (same price as the 600D) due to the retailer discounts being offered on top of the rebate. So they jacked up the prices bringing everything back to the way it was pre-rebate.

The very sensual, the verry toit, Helen Oster from Adorama Camera also posted about this here:

When Canon raises the prices to retailers, rebates are generally offered for the first few months to delay the price-change for customers. We don’t raise prices on our existing stock to match the new prices, which often means that customer prices drop initially; however within a week or two, when we’ve sold out of almost every Canon unit that has a rebate on it, as well as a few that don’t – we have to pay the increased prices when we re-stock.

This seems to confirm my theory. Canon Inc. initially offered the rebate and then jacked up the prices after they saw prices got too low. It’s like I said, who would fucking buy a 600D for $800 if you can buy the 60D for the same price? Fortunately it seems that retailers acted fast enough and lubed up before Canon Inc. began penetration. The whole rebate became a fucking rip-off in the end, but this should not surprise you if you know Canon Inc.

In other news…. yeah, you know it’s coming right? You know I’m gonna mention it… yeah that’s right, the 5D Mark III petition!! Have you signed it yet? If not, you should be fucking ashamed of yourself. So far only 200 people have signed it, and that’s nowhere near the minimum 10.000 signatures I was aiming for when I launched it. And that’s FUCKING PATHETIC. Words cannot even begin to describe how much I regret investing my valuable time in that God forsaken petition. All that effort and then only 200 of you bastards sign it? I could have better spent the time it took me to make that petition beating my meat to a Sasha Grey video. Speaking of which, I need to go now.

Breaking news: Canon 580EX II Flash has Design Errors

At Canon, our customers are number1!

I mentioned just a day ago that karma was going to catch up to Canon Inc. and apparently it is already happening. LPA Design, maker of the PocketWizard flash triggers have identified a couple of design errors in the Canon 580EX II Flash that can, and often do, cause the flashes to fail. Read more here. You may want to download the PDF file with their research to have a look (Flickr discussion).

Not only did LPA Design identify the exact causes of the problem that was causing the 580 EX II to fail, but they also found evidence that Canon Inc. themselves also realized the design error they made, and corrected it in the later 430EX II flash model, WITHOUT SAYING A GODDAMN WORD ABOUT IT TO ANYONE. According to LPA Design:

It has become LPA Design’s theory that design problems with the 580 EX II were realized [by Canon] and needed improvement of the design on these elements to prevent failures of of a similar nature on future flash models.

…

By reviewing heavily used 430EX II flashes (Canon’s newest) and seeing no signs at all of arcing within the reflector or on the flash tube, we have theorized that possible 580EX II design issues were corrected [by Canon] by identifying the same problems discussed in this document and changing the design to minimize the potential damage on the newer 430EX II flash.

Have you seen any fuckup notices by Canon on this issue? NO! Didn’t I write about this exact behaviour from Canon a fucking day ago? YES! This is Canon Inc.’s policy, it’s how they fucking operate. THEY FUCKING KNEW ABOUT IT AND AREN’T FUCKING TELLING US. They’re not going to say anything about the problems on the 580EX II, they’ll keep quiet and just correct the problem in the new version. And if you get screwed with the older version, then hey, ya had bad luck! In the same way they said absolutely nothing about the original 5D mirror falling off until after the 5D Mark II got out and they were sure the issue would not cause much financial damage. In the same fucking way, they don’t say anything about the design problem on the 50mm f/1.2L, they keep quiet while they have a new version in testing right now which corrects the problems. But are they going to notify you about the problems? No, otherwise you’ll demand a fix, and/or you’ll stop buying. And that is, of course, not in Canon Inc.’s best interest. You might even demand a refund, and that would really suck for Canon Inc. They would have done the same thing with the 1D Mark III if Galbraith didn’t fuck things up for them. And didn’t I just recently mention how Intel handled a similar issue the correct way by just doing a complete recall of all affected products and stopping all sales of those products to correct the issue? I guess we shouldn’t expect this from Canon Inc.

This is how you’re being fucking screwed by Canon Inc. while you may not even realize it. And the thing is, when your 580EX II breaks because of their fucking design error, and you send it in for repair, they’re going to fucking charge you for it too, not to mention the inconvenience and the shipping costs. And you don’t know what the fuck happened, thinking it might be your fault it broke and end up paying for the repairs. THAT is just fucking unacceptable, I can feel my bloodpressure climbing as I type this. I’m going to go fucking crazy here!!! I can already see my inbox crashing tomorrow because of all the emails. Looks like I’m going to be on the fucking phone all day long tomorrow.

DOMO ARRIGATO YOU GODDAMN MOTHERFUCKERS AT CANON INC.!!!!!! I GUESS THIS IS KYOSEI. WE’RE LOVIN’ IT!!!

Update: If you didn’t believe me about Canon service centers charging you for the fix  caused by CANON INC.’S OWN FUCKING DESIGN ERROR check this out:

thats so annoying, I had the exact problem. Brought it into Canon and they quoted me $380 aud to fix and pointed to a fault to my cameras. I just bought a replacement 580exII just to find out it will fail again…

That’s right, recognize! You’re getting ass reamed by those fuckers at Canon Inc. Without lube. In the same way, if the mirror on your 5D fell off you had to pay for the fix yourself even if the mirror caused other damage in the camera like scratching your sensor (and that did happen and people paid for it themselves just Google this). It wasn’t until after 3 fucking years that Canon issues a fuckup notice and offered to repair the mirror for free. But by then, they had the 5D Mark II on the market, and they know most people would upgrade and that after 3 years not many people would send in their 5D camera’s to get the extra strengtening for the mirror.

Oh God, No…

Nikon Headquarters

I’m jumping up and down while biting my fingernails here in my office like a young school girl on crack. I’m fucking panicking and honest to God, I don’t know what the hell I’m supposed to do. I’ve just got an email (thanks) with information that the coming update to the Nikon D700 (D800?) will actually come very close to the specs in my 5D Mark III petition, and in most areas even better. I’m told an announcement is weeks away, not months. I don’t know why I’m panicking, it’s like this came as a surprise to me, but we all knew this all along. The D700 already has most of the features listed in my petition, so it’s a no-brainer that the update will at the very least have  the same features, and most likely better. Remember, it’s Nikon we’re talking about, not Canon. Updates to camera models only get better, not worse, like in the case of the fucking EOS 60D. But still, the prospect of a D800 with those features and a 24MP sensor with D700 like image quality is very scary for us here at Canon USA.

Especially since we all know how Canon Inc. keeps holding back. Just look at what happened recently with the 60D. It got completely trashed by the Nikon D7000, and quite frankly, I’m afraid we’re going to see the same thing happening again this year with the D800 and the 5D Mark III. The 5D Mark II is a sorry piece of shit compared to the D700 and the only thing it has going for it right now is the 21 megapixels and even that comes with shadow noise and banding. To be honest, I think all Nikon has to do for the D700 to go up against the 5D Mark III is put in the 24MP sensor from the D3x and they’re set. The exact same camera, just a new sensor. After 3 years it’ll still be considered state of the art compared to what Canon Inc. has to offer. Yes, we’re that fucking behind. Nikon is already getting rid of left over D700 stock right now which means Armageddon will be upon us soon.

I need to call Maeda again to discuss this with him. But just remember that if the 5D Mark III gets owned by the D800, all of you who have failed to sign my 5D Mark III petition have absolutely no right to complain! You have your chance now to complain, so when the D800 is out it’ll be too late. I can’t believe just 170 of you signed the petition, it’s fucking pathetic. I could have better spent the time it took me to make that petition trying to find hot girls on Facebook for TFP shoots. You’re fucking hypocrites, all ‘o ya!!! Except for those of you who signed the petition ofcourse, you’re cool.

Now let me go see if I can contact Frankie and Berend so we can call Maeda again.

Canon Inc.’s despicable corporate practices

Korean Photographer fucked by Canon Inc. with the 1D Mark III

I don’t know how I missed this 2 years ago, but I feel that it’s important that I blog about this even if it’s a bit old news. Because believe me, nothing has changed at Canon Inc. as far as their attitude is concerned. This story broke during the time of the great 1D Mark III debacle that I often still have nightmares about. In the past I have blogged here about what an absolutely horrifying period of my career that was, and believe it or not, I’m still visiting a shrink once a week to talk about it. The story is about a Korean photographer who bought the 1D Mark III only to find out that it had autofocus issues. Rob Galbraith has written about these issues at length, and I’m not going to discuss them here again and open old wounds from my past. The shrink told me I should look ahead now and try to forget about that phase of my life. But I do want to discuss the contents of the article, it’s in Korean, but I’ve been sent the translation and it’s a scary and at the same time heart breaking story. The photographer writes:

I’ve purchased an overpriced lemon and am totally wasted physically, emotionally, and financially. It’s such a stress!

So I feel somewhat satisfied that they would post my story as streaming news on their web site even though this is a small local media. Furthermore, this company uses Nikon so I feel a lot more comfortable about this because I may have doubt whether they would be fair on this story if they’re using Canon themselves.

They had an interview with me yesterday and today they’ll go shoot Canon Korea, which had threatened me (even though not in a direct way). Would they admit the truth or not? Please stay tuned. The news will up on their web site in a few days.

[Canon released a model with defects even after the beta testers raised many issues.]

And then the problems indeed did arise, they are pretending they don’t know anything about it and they’re just trying to earn time. This is a very outrageous business mindset. The CEO of Japan Canon headquarter and the CEO of Canon Korea should acknowledge their wrongdoings and apologize to the consumers sincerely.

I am giving up my copyrights. As long as you won’t modify my faces, you can use any of the pictures on this site. Medias welcome! Journalists, please please use the pictures as much as you want!

Now think about this for a moment. Read the above again, and think about what that means.

It is one thing for a corporation to release defective products to consumers and then pretend like they are not aware of these issues. That is already a problem. But it is far, far, faaar worse when you release defective products to professionals who depend on these products to earn their income, people who have a business that relies on these products, and then pretend like there’s nothing wrong!!!!

This Korean photographer was obviously devastated, having spent his hard earned money on what Canon Inc. pretended was a top of the line fully working product, only to find out that it had issues. Imagine his frustration when he found out what he had invested in. The guy drove around in Korea with banners on his car trashing the camera, for fuck’s sake, he must have been frustrated to no end. Now, let’s be fair here, nobody is perfect and we can all make mistakes, even, and perhaps especially, large corporations such as Canon Inc. We can all understand in the end, even though it may be painful, that mistakes can (and likely will) be made. But what is hard to forgive, is when you make a mistake and then just refuse to admit that, FUCKING LIE ABOUT IT, and refuse to take responsibility and correct the mistake and clean up your mess. That’s when everyone’s blood starts to boil and that’s when you don’t have to expect any kind of understanding whatsoever from anyone.

The text on those banners translates to: “Camera that is a piece of trash – Canon EOS 1D Mark 3”

And that, my friends, is when the shit hits the fan for Canon employees such as myself. I can’t tell you how stressful things can get for me. I like to be honest and people know I’ll always try to help where I can, but things get fucking difficult when Canon Inc. forces you to lie. And since I don’t lie, all I can do is just keep my fucking mouth shut. Because trust me, those bastards in Japan can be real assholes. Don’t get fooled with all the fucking corporate philosophy of Kyosei bullshit and all that goddamn crap. When they have the chance to fuck you over, they’re going to fuck you over. And people are being fucked over everywhere around the world by Canon Inc. right now as I type this.

Korean Photographer fucked by Canon Inc. with the 1D Mark III

You don’t have to take my word for it, just look at what that Korean photographer said about Canon Korea threatening him. Remember how Canon Inc. tried to make me take down my own blog 2 years ago by sending their army of lawyers after me? Remember how we had to take down Vincent Laforet’s, eternal peace and blessings be upon him, video “Nocturne” last year? Those Japanese are bullies, and when I once said that Canon Inc. had their gigantic corporate cock up our collective asses here at Canon USA, I wasn’t kidding. Canon Korea probably couldn’t act fast enough to threaten that poor Korean photographer. You have to admire his courage to do what he did. Similarly, Galbraith must have had a fucking huge pair of balls to openly challenge Canon during the 1D Mark III fiasco of 2007/2008. I’m sure he probably needs a wheelbarrow to carry his balls around.

But seriously, these are all despicable corporate practices. Canon Inc. would have been perfectly happy to continue selling the defective 1D Mark III to everyone without ever fixing anything (and we know they never really could fix anything) if Galbraith didn’t stand up and make a big deal out of it. They knew about the issues but still went ahead with the release. And the thing is, this is not an incident. It’s fucking policy, for Christ’s sake, it’s business as usual! The same thing can be said about the EOS 5D mirror getting detached, an issue which they admitted only after the 5D Mark II was released. The same thing can also be said about the EF 50mm f/1.2L lens, of which they have yet to respond to complaints we’ve received from everywhere around the world. Well let me let you in on a little secret, the “solution” Canon Inc. is currently working on, is correcting the problem with this lens in a second version that’ll be on the market soon, while trying to buy time and continuing to sell the old version with issues like there’s nothing wrong. No, your defective lens will not be replaced or fixed, you will just have to suffer with it now and give Canon Inc. more of your money in a few months to get the new version. It’s the same strategy they used with the 5D mirror issue. Once the 5D Mark II was available, suddenly they sent a note to everyone notifying them about the problem with the mirror falling off. They knew that most people would just upgrade to the 5D Mark II, and that after 3 years, not many people would send in their camera’s for repairs, thus saving costs. It’s the same strategy they wanted to use for the 1D Mark III and that Galbraith fucked up for them to a certain degree.

If they’re not using scare tactics, then they just spend as much cash as is needed to buy good publicity. The next time you read a review of a Canon product on one of those popular sites and magazines that are loaded with Canon ads, think about if you want to trust their opinion. The next time you catch a reviewer trying to bend reality, ignoring obvious advantages/disadvantages, or spending way too much words in his conclusion trying to make a Canon camera seem similar to a competing  camera, think about what I’ve written here.

And not to go all John Harrington on you here, but if there is such a thing as karma, I think Canon Inc.’s balance has got to be on the negative side. All of you fucking Canon executives, and I’m not only talking about those of you here at Canon USA, but worldwide, if you know about this, you’re working to keep this system of exploitation and deceit going. You all have a goddamn conscience! Grow some fucking balls and do the right thing for once! Stand up against those fuckers! You cannot pretend like it’s not your fault, and keep “just doing your job” while lying to customers and essentially stealing from people all over the world causing them a great deal of inconvenience. If you continue like this, you are just as guilty as Canon Inc., and karma will catch up to you.

I hope you think about this.