The End

<3

<3

The time has come to move on to other things in life. Yes, Fake Chuck is retiring. You can read all about it by clicking here, where you’ll also find out who Fake Chuck really was all this time.

Thanks to everyone who supported the FCW blog in the past years. We went through a lot together; frustration, anger, we laughed, we cried, we pissed off Canon fanboys as well as Nikon fanboys. All those moments will forever live on in our memories.

Fake Chuck’s work here is done. It’s up to you now to remain critical of Canon so that things don’t go downhill again. Nikon is currently seriously fucked, and we have to make sure this doesn’t happen to Canon again, or else we’ll all suffer the consequences like we did 6 years ago.

I’ll end my last post on this blog with the following poem that summarizes all my true feelings for Canon Inc.:

I Will Always LOVE You

© Richard M. Deets, Fake Chuck Westfall

I desire you when splinters of light appear
And the dew lazily joins morning sky.
When arias, pining birds to mates sing,
I rely on the excellence of EOS.

I desire you when the sun centers the sky
And shadows hide beneath the soles of feet.
When butterflies dance among petals white,
I enjoy the sparkle of your expensive glass.

I desire you as the moon welcomes the night
And skies are flooded with twinkling bright stars.
When candles flicker their last silent breath,
I passionately explore your highest ISOs.

I desire you my love in every moment.
As time adds years like sands on the beach,
And the last photowalks of my life get near,
I will want you so much more than now.

Nikon Stock Down; D600 Sucks Donkey Dick

The Nikon 1D Mark III (AKA D800)

The Nikon 1D Mark III (AKA D800)

BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Oh God, I just saw this and completely lost it:

I already mentioned this in my last weekly news post yesterday: CCTV (China Central Television) broadcasted a report on the defective D600 camera and today many major news agencies all over the world are basically killing Nikon’s reputation and even driving the company’s stock down:

  • IndiatimesChinese TV show targets Nikon, claims flaw in cameras
  • EastdayNikon ordered to withdraw faulty cameras
  • CNN Money: China targets Nikon in annual expose
  • ReutersNikon drops to five-week low after China consumer show criticism
  • The Wall Street Journal: Nikon targeted by Chinese state broadcaster
  • Globaltimes ChinaNikon says will treat D600 issues ‘seriously’      after CCTV report
  • South China Morning Post: Nikon pulls D600 on mainland after Consumer Day expose
  • ABS CBN News: Nikon asks retailers in China not to sell D600 camera

I think somebody will and should loose their job over this.

I think they should fucking SHUT DOWN THE WHOLE GODDAMN COMPANY. What the fuck took everyone so long to actually fucking do something about the D600? It’s way fucking late now to complain; Nikon has raped a ton of people globally with the piece of shit D600 while they knew it was defective and first ignored and denied there was an issue.

This is what happens when consumers behave like sheeple. You’re gonna get ass-raped. I hope all of you got wiser now. Excuse me while I continue to laugh my ass off.

 

Canon Inc., will you be my Valentine?

<3

<3

Aaah yes, Valentine’s Day. A special day for most people, but an especially special day for me and my relationship with Canon Inc. A lot can be said about our relationship, but nobody will ever be able to truly appreciate what we have together. Back when I started this blog, there was a lot of doubt about my true motivations for doing so. I want to take the opportunity today to tell you something very important. And that is that LOVE was the only motivation I had back then when I started this blog. Not just any kind of love, but true LOVE.

It’s the kind of love that lasts forever, no matter what happens. We can have our differences, we can fight and have arguments, hell, our paths can even separate and take our lives into different directions. But our LOVE for each other always remains, burning like an eternal flame in our hearts. And as they say, what’s meant to be together, will always find a way.

Sure, I’ve had a lot of criticisms and said a lot of harsh things about Canon Inc. in the past — all very valid in my opinion. But it’s precisely BECAUSE of my LOVE for Canon Inc. that I did that. I’ve worked for this company for a great deal of my life now, and I want this company to succeed. I want our customers to be happy. I want to wake up every day and be motivated to come to the office and play with my toys. I want that shit to actually fucking work the way it’s supposed to. And that’s why I continue to push very hard to ensure that Canon Inc. does its best to stay the best in this industry. If that means that I have to bash some of our products, then that’s what will happen. If it means that I have to call Maeda along with other executives and harass him on the phone, then that’s what will happen. If it means that I have to put my health at risk and spend a couple of nights in intensive care, then that’s what will happen. You get the point.

When you LOVE, you CARE. And when you CARE, you try your best to help the ones you LOVE to improve and to succeed. You’ll always be brutally honest to them, because you know it’s for their best interests in the long term. And really, that’s always been my motivation for wasting a great deal of my valuable free time writing posts on this blog, only to give people the impression that I’m probably crazy or have no life, or possibly both.

It’s exactly 5 years ago today that I received the heartwarming love letter from Canon Inc.’s lawyers, ordering me to shut down my blog. February 14th, 2009. I’ll never forget that day. It was the kind of event where you remember exactly where you were and what you were doing when it happened, for the rest of your life. You know, kinda like how it is with the Kennedy assassination and 9/11. Getting such a letter on any other day of the year is significant enough, but the fact that I got it on Valentine’s Day reveals its true purpose. There can be no doubt that this was an expression of LOVE from Canon Inc. — an answer to my own strong feelings of LOVE towards them. Thanks to their very thoughtful and touching letter, this blog got a ton of exposure that I would never have been able to achieve on my own. Like I mentioned above, when you LOVE someone, you try your best to help them succeed, even if you have to be a little harsh sometimes. And this was definitely Canon Inc. helping me to succeed.

In the years that followed my LOVE for Canon Inc. has only gotten stronger. So today, on this very special day, I will drink to this special relationship and celebrate the time that we’ve been able to spend together. And I want to end this post with a poem that summarizes all my feelings for Canon Inc.:

I Will Always LOVE You

© Richard M. Deets, Fake Chuck Westfall

I desire you when splinters of light appear
And the dew lazily joins morning sky.
When arias, pining birds to mates sing,
I rely on the excellence of EOS.

I desire you when the sun centers the sky
And shadows hide beneath the soles of feet.
When butterflies dance among petals white,
I enjoy the sparkle of your expensive glass.

I desire you as the moon welcomes the night
And skies are flooded with twinkling bright stars.
When candles flicker their last silent breath,
I passionately explore your highest ISOs.

I desire you my love in every moment.
As time adds years like sands on the beach,
And the last photowalks of my life get near,
I will want you so much more than now.

Why Scott Kelby switched to Canon

All the Nikon fanboys are complaining and weeping like girly men around the Internets because of a recent video of Scott Kelby explaining why he switched to Canon. It’s endless amounts of entertainment. Just go here and read the comments. That’s just one example. You should check out the dpreview forums for even more comedy.

But to readers of this blog, this came as no surprise, of course. Months ago I had already blogged about Kelby switching to Canon:

Fuck the megapixels, give us exceptional image quality instead. Most pros are satisfied with 12-16MP. Look at the 1DX. It’s “just” 18MP, but the images are absolutely gorgeous. Even Kelby ditched Nikon and is now using the 1DX because it’s the fucking best camera on the planet right now. And remember, this is the same Kelby who was hugging a Nikon D4 last year like his firstborn baby.

Here’s what Kelby had to say about the 1DX after using it for the first time:

First Impressions This was my first time shooting with the 1Dx, and I gotta tell ya — it is a camera absolutely born to shoot sports. I shot at 2,000 ISO all night and you don’t even see any noise (I did no noise reduction). Michael says the Falcon’s crew routinely shoots at 5,000 ISO and you just don’t see any noise, but after the way they had raved about it, I was expecting insanely low amounts of noise, and that’s what I got.

Better than the low noise… …the auto-focus system on the 1Dx. It’s AF is insane! It’s so fast, and so precise that I know I’m picking up shots I would have missed otherwise. That’s the part that really surprised me. I need more time with it to really get the little nuances of setting it up for my style of shooting, but of everything on this camera, that was what impressed me most.

Everything about the 1Dx feels fast. I was shooting at 12-frames per second and I know that’s only 2-frames faster per second than what I’m used to shooting, but it felt like it was 10 frames faster.”

Of course, we knew that a long time ago. This really puts the bullcrap from DxOMark and the fuckwads at EISA into perspective, doesn’t it?

And this image says it all:

It's never too late to see the light.

It’s never too late to see the light.

Admittedly Kelby does come across quite weak in the above video trying to justify the switch. However, from everything I’ve blogged here in the past, I can honestly say that there are two very very very valid reasons for the switch:

  1. The lower noise and overall MUCH better image quality on the 1DX and 5D Mark III.
  2. The fucking awesome autofocus system on the 1DX and 5D Mark III.

You guys know I’ve called the 1DX and 5D Mark III the best DSLRs on the planet right now many months ago, and this still holds true today. Nothing comes close.

And this has nothing to do with me working at Canon USA. I’ve been very critical of Canon from the moment I started this blog, to the point that Canon fanboys suspected I was working for Nikon’s marketing department. The simple fact of the matter is that I only care about the truth and based on my expertise, will honestly tell you what I think is better.

Sure, it may be true that some black SUVs, with no license plates, sporting just a long red stripe on the sides and fully darkened windows, stopped by Kelby’s office with some of our undercover guys and made him an offer he couldn’t refuse. I can’t confirm nor deny that. There are some rumors spreading online that those same black SUVs were also seen near the homes of Chase Jarvis, Joe McNally and The Lord of the Speedlights. Quite possible. Let me just say that you shouldn’t be surprised when more photographers switch to Canon in the near future. As I reported many months ago, we’ve been having discussions with McNally for a long while now. We got the in-camera HDR feature he wanted in the 5D Mark III, but last I heard he wasn’t quite satisfied with it yet. The HDR images coming out of the camera didn’t look overprocessed enough to meet his high standards. We’ve been sent a link to some examples of what he’s looking for, and our engineers are busy getting the dirty-supersaturated-radioactive-halo containing-ultra high pass look he requested into the next firmware update. I’m confident we’ll have McNally on board as a Canon Explorer of HDR Light very soon.

I just hope Canon Inc. hasn’t lost their focus on what exactly matters when professionals are concerned and have learned what works with the success of the 1DX and 5D Mark III. What makes those bodies successful is the combination of incredible autofocus system and image quality. Megapixels don’t matter. Make everything 16MP as far as I’m concerned, but make it 16 sharp, extremely low noise, no artifact, high dynamic range, color accurate and overall fucking superb megapixels. Just look at the 70D image quality; it fucking sucks ass. I pray to God they don’t fuck up the future bodies with too many megapixels and crappy image quality. But knowing Canon Inc. I for one won’t be surprised when they do decide to fuck everything up again.

And finally to all the Nikon fanboys I say this: Continue to kiss Nikon’s ass even in the wake of them screwing you over and downright raping your ass (D800,D4 green color casts and D600 sensor oil etc. etc.), instead of being critical, and see how well that’ll work out for you in the future.

Yongnuo shows Canon Inc. how it’s done

Thanks Youngnuo

Thanks Yongnuo

This is the Yongnuo YN-E3-RT. It’s cheaper than Canon Inc.’s ST-E3-RT, AND it has features we’ve been asking for and Canon Inc. still hasn’t included for us in a firmware update, such as second curtain sync using the wireless functionality. It also has a built-in AF assist beam emitter. And it’s compatible with the Canon 600EX-RT. It’s fucking incredible. You can get it here.

This is what happens when Canon Inc. refuses to listen and act fast. I’ve blogged about the missing features months ago. It was clear that second curtain sync was a feature people needed days after the release of the ST-E3-RT. But up till now, we have fucking nothing whatsoever!

If Canon Inc. is fast enough, they might be able to also add the ability to control zoom levels of the flashes wirelessly, before Yongnuo updates their firmware. They might even add the second curtain sync for ETTL as well as the one from Yongnuo can only do it in manual mode. But we should probably not hold our breaths waiting.

I’m getting fucking tired with these slow-ass Japanese engineers, I’m telling you. Never in my life would I have expected to deal with this much stress at this age.

If it’s not the slow response to feedback, then it’s the lies. I’ve covered that in the past, but this recent blog post on Lens Rentals has a lot of truth to it, and I recommend you check it out if you know what’s good for you:

As long as we’re on the subject of catchwords, it’s probably worth tackling ‘Weather Sealed’ or ‘Weather Resistant’ next. Many people seem to believe that means ‘waterproof’. When you take lenses apart all day you find out it usually means ‘we put a strip of foam rubber behind the front and rear elements and scotch tape over the access holes under the rubber rings’.

It’s better than no weather sealing, certainly. And some (but not all) ‘weather sealed’ lenses also have internal gaskets around barrel joints and other added bits seals. But I haven’t seen one manufacturer yet tell us exactly what weather their lens is sealed against. Snow? Rain? Sunshine? Wind? Well, it can’t be wind because the lenses we spend the most time taking dust out of are mostly ‘weather sealed’.

Let me be very clear about this: DO NOT TRUST the ‘weather sealed’ bullshit from Canon Inc. Make sure when you’re out in the rain you’re using a rain cover for your camera. This includes the higher end bodies such as the 5D Mark III and 1DX and the L lenses. You have been warned.

Last and certainly not least, you should take an hour of your time to watch the below presentation on NSA spying capabilities. It’s scary, it’s jaw dropping, it’s unbelievable.

Dear Santa….

Dear Santa,

You know I don’t write you often, and I’m not one to beg for gifts, but this year I feel that I should make an exception. I know you don’t usually get letters from men in their fifties, and I understand if you may, at least initially, be a bit surprised. But if you’re like me — and I know I am — then you’ll at least continue reading out of sheer curiosity instead of immediately moving on to the next letter.

I’ve been here arguing for over 5 years on my blog that Canon Inc., my employer, should focus more on image quality instead of megapixels. It seems — and you’ll have to excuse my French — the fucking assholes at the marketing department at Canon Inc. just can’t get my message through their heads. And if they can, they apparently lack the brian capacity to process what I’m saying. Honest to God, I’ve given up to try and understand what it is that is blocking their mental capacities, but I’ve come to suspect that they’ve sustained major brain damage due to the chronic sexual repression that currently plagues the Japanese society. At least that’s my leading hypothesis right now. I mean, I don’t know about you and Mrs. Santa and how willing she is to satisfy your needs, but not being able to have sex in a normal and healthy way, as the case is right now in Japan, will drive you fucking crazy.

So being the kind of unselfish and caring person that I am, I would like to ask you if you could deliver some new and working brains for the entire marketing department at Canon Inc. this coming Christmas. And if it’s not too much to ask, also some fucking clues about what professionals actually need and are asking for in this industry, as opposed to the goddamn amateurs who think megapixels is the holy grail of photography. I know those guys over there are really going to appreciate it if you could do this.

Stand back with your puny 1DX, Uncle Bob's got the moment with his new 41MP watch

Stand back with your puny 1DX, Uncle Bob’s got the moment with his new 41MP watch

I mean, seriously Santa, just recently I almost fell off of my chair here at the office, when a watch was announced with a 41MP camera built in. A fucking watch!! Soon my goddamn microwave oven is going to be capable of taking 41MP+ images of the food I’m heating up that look awful as fuck. If Canon Inc. doesn’t realize now that megapixels don’t matter, but instead the quality of pixels, then they never will. And this is not going to be good for my health Santa, so please consider doing what I ask if you don’t want me to show up at the North Pole to kick your ass.

:'(

:'(

And on a final note Santa, if you’re on your way to Japan, do you think you could perhaps fly by some countries in the middle east and take down a few of those drones that fucking scumbag Barack Obama is currently flying over there? Innocent families and children are dying there almost every week because they’re being bombed by those drones, and it fucking pains me to see this going on while nobody the fuck says something about it. People have no empathy these days, it would seem. Why is that Santa? Why?

Fuck you Obama. Fuck you very much.

Fuck you Obama. Fuck you very much.

Do you think you could intercept some of those drones and have Rudolph,
Dasher and the other reindeers kick them down or something? Perhaps navigate your sleigh close enough so a well aimed kick to the left or right with their back legs on the wings can break and send them crashing down? Would that be too much to ask, Santa? I think you would do the world a great service if you could do this Santa. And especially the poor children in those countries who have to grow up in fear of being bombed and either die or spend the rest of their lives homeless and disabled. Just look at the video below Santa, and tell me it doesn’t break your heart to see those kids crying and suffering like that?

As you see Santa, I’ve so far mostly asked you to help others, but as for myself, there are some things that I wish for and maybe you can help me as well. I would appreciate it a lot if you could also tell the Japanese to fucking update the old EF 16-35mm f/2.8L II lens this coming year because it is fucking soft and Nikon has had an advantage with the 14-24mm f/2.8 for way too long now. Canon Inc. needs to fucking release a sharp 14-24mm f/2.8L lens soon now because I’m tired of waiting. It should be as good as the latest 24-70mm f/2.8L II in terms of image quality. Please make sure you tell them when you’re there ok? The 35mm f/1.4L II and other lenses can wait. We fucking need a sharp wide angle large aperture zoom.

Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas.

That’s it Santa, many thanks in advance, and I look forward to having my wishes here fulfilled.

Best regards,

Fake Chuck

PS

Here’s a little something to get you in the Christmas spirit.