The Nikon D800 is fucked

Man, what a week, what a week. I haven’t partied so hard in quite a while. I assume most of you noticed I wasn’t exactly what you’d call sober when I did the last two posts about the D800. I’m telling you, the champagne was flowing here at Canon USA. At the end of the night I was practically peeing champagne. Some of you have asked for me not to post when I’m drunk, and I’ve decided I owe you at least one post where I’m reasonably sober.

Traffic

Nikon morons put a heavy load on the blog

As you can see from the graph above, Nikon morons swarmed the servers when news about the shitty image quality of the D800 got out. That was an FCW exclusive as far as I’m concerned. This kind of stuff usually only happens when The Lord of the Speedlights links to your website.

I’m happy to see that amidst the crowd of Nikon morons, there are actually still people who are willing to be honest to themselves and not fool themselves about the absolutely god-awful color banded, color dithered, noisy piece of shit images from the D800. Comments like these give me hope for the future of mankind:

Congrats to Canon USA! You fucktards somehow convinced Nikon Inc that video is more important than stills. Now all of us Nikon users have no real upgrade path. These cameras that Nikon came out with HAD, HAD. to have been engineered by an ex-Canon engineer. Wonderful. Thanks Canon.

And this:

Chuck, all sarcasm aside, this post is very funny! And more than that, you’re bloody right.  I’m a D700 shooter, I’ve spent lots of my hard-earned cash on nice Nikkor glass, and now I’m fucked. All I wanted was good HD video, better ISO performance, keep 8fps, and dual card slots. Don’t know about anyone else, but I’ll be shagged if I’ve got $6000 dollars to spend on a D4. It’s a complete frigging cock-up.

———————–

I’m in the same boat, Andyj. I just hope my D700 doesn’t flake out anytime soon — it still takes great, sharp images with that nice Nikkor glass. My “upgrade path” is going to be to a used D3s whenever they start hitting Craigslist at reasonable prices (that is, not the $4000+ the go for on ebay) as people move up to the D4.

And this:

Hi Fake Chuck   Just wanted to express my dismay at how idiotic some of the respondents to this post are.   What’s up with all the dorks calling you a “canon fanboy” like that’s some sort of mortal insult? They need to go back to school and learn some proper vocabulary.   “OMGGGZZZ CANON FANBOY!!!!!!!1111oneoneoneone” – they need to get a life and learn some english.

Keep up the good work and telling it like it is!

You get the idea. But in general, the comments section of the previous posts make for some interesting, but not exactly light, reading. We’ve got Al Qaeda fighters all the way from Afghanistan commenting in there, it’s nuts.

I promised to look at the high ISO samples of the D800, which Nikon didn’t include on their own website BTW, for very obvious reasons. I’ll be comparing this Nikon D800 image with this Canon 1DX image, both at ISO 800. Just take a look at this:

Nikon D800 VS Canon 1DX High ISO Sample Comparison

BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Click on the image to open it in actual size. These are 100% crops. Just look at the noise in the D800 image. That’s just nasty. And this is apart from the color banding and color dithering artifacts which I had already discussed previously. Now some of you Nikon morons are going to be quick to mention how this comparison isn’t fair and how the D800 image should be downsampled to the 18MP size of the 1DX. And according to those morons, the D800 image quality will actually be comparable to the 1DX in that case. Quite why one would buy a 36MP camera only to resize the images to 18MP for better image quality is beyond me. That sounds like Nikon moron logic to me. But let’s check it out:

Nikon D800 VS Canon 1DX High ISO Sample Comparison

BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Nope. Doesn’t look comparable to me. The D800 image at 18MP still looks fucking awful compared to the 1DX image. And in fact, even the 1DX image upsampled to 36MP looks much better compared to the piece of shit D800 image:

Nikon D800 VS Canon 1DX High ISO Sample Comparison

BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Like I said before, I’m willing to bet my left nut that an upsampled 1DX image will look much better compared to a D800 image at 36MP. The 1DX image will look cleaner and in fact, if you try to make the D800 image look similar, you’ll be losing some of the detail that you claim to have captured along with the noise. Not to mention the fact that the D800 image has far less dynamic range compared to the 1DX, and also suffers from color banding and dithering artifacts which you’ll have to clean in post. And the thing is, the D800 has this shit even at ISO 100!! Me, I’d rather have clean images from the 1DX with the extra dynamic range to play with.

Nikon D800 VS Canon 1DX High ISO Sample Comparison

Oh god...

Just look at the 100% crop of an ISO 6400 image from the D800 above. That’s some pretty nasty chroma noise. This is the worst kind of noise you can have in your images. I haven’t seen this shit since the late 1990s when the first digital cameras were coming out.

But I do have a confession to make. And one of the commenters in a previous post almost got it right. Nikon was set up by Canon. Maeda is fucking brilliant!! Remember the conference call I had with Maeda, where we discussed the D800 and the 5D Mark III? Maeda kept insisting that they would continue adding megapixels on the 5D Mark III, no matter the image quality issues, and Nikon would not be able to compete. As it turns out, he wasn’t serious. This was just to get Nikon to fuck up and have them release a D800 with insane amount of megapixels and shitty image quality. If you don’t believe me, just listen to the conference call below.

I never thought I’d say this, but Maeda is a fucking genius!!

126 thoughts on “The Nikon D800 is fucked

  1. Pingback: Nikon D800 VS Canon EOS 1DX Image Quality | Fake Chuck Westfall

  2. Chuck, your copier company’s finished. People are closing their purchase accounts after hearing about the pixel challenged D1X. Canon couldn’t even get it up to match Tamron’s image stabilized 24-70. Does a II mean you didn’t get it right the first time?

    Well time to get off the outhouse seat here. Pass me some Canon white papers will ya?

  3. Hi Chuck,

    don’t you think comparing a $3,000 camera to a $6,000 camera is a bit unfair? The 1DX is impressive (I’ll stick to lusting after a D4 thank you) but I can neither afford the D4 or a 1DX, I can however afford a D800.

    What would Cannon’s price point equivalent camera be? How does that compare? Or are you going to continue comparing the Cannon flagship to Nikon’s second in line?
    :) Great article BTW it’s always entertaining to hear a different opinion.

    • But if the 18MP sensor on the 1DX and 16MP on the D4 are really so good, then why the hell does Nikon insist on putting this crap in the D800?? You mean to tell me that the lower MP sensors cost more???

      • I would think It’s horses for courses. The detail in the sample images speaks for itself, yes there is marginally more noise, but look at the 100% crops!!!!! (they actually have to tell you that “yes it is at 100%”)

        If you were to go into the vaults at Nikon you would probably find that the research into the D3x said that people loved the resolution but were not prepared to pay the price tag attached to it. So that’s the sweet spot I would think where this is aimed. A sensor that performs in low light at least as well as the d700/d3 sensor with 3 times the megapixels. There also has been some comment on dynamic range but I”m not sure that’s the product of the circumstances of the shot in question. I’ll wait for a test of a production model.

        I think Cannon has got it’s hands full with this one.

        Game on!

  4. Dear Fake-C,

    thank you very much for your efforts on clarifying the real truth behind Nikon’s D800 for the Canon fans. Which is of course, that even a Powershot G12 will outperform the D800 in high iso and image quality.

    But unfortunately these efforts seem to be not enough yet. I’m saying this because the last time I checked on Nikon oriented forums there are still more Canon shooters hanging around there than Nikon shooters, telling stories about wanting to switch to Nikon because of AF issues and such stuff. That’s why I decided to give you a helping hand.

    Dear Canon shooters,

    here are some facts you have to know before considering switching to Nikon:

    1) The D800 is crap as Fake-C has been telling you the whole time and even showing you photo examples from both the D800 and the Canon 1DX. Don’t worry about Fake-C comparing the 1DX with the D800 instead of the D4. This is how professionals do it!

    2) Canon’s AF problems bother you? Why are you using AF in the first place? Real pro’s use MF! And you are a pro. Right?

    3) Nikon’s high ISO capabilities are better? Who cares about high ISO? It’s better for your safety to avoid dark places. You should be at home with your family at night, not in some dark spots searching for trouble!

    4) In some of Canon’s cameras the mirror may fall off after shooting 2-3 pictures? What do you need a mirror for? To check your make-up? A mirror is only unneeded ballast in a DSLR. So get rid of this peace of crap and enjoy unlimited light entering your camera.

    5) If you need a headphone jack go and get an iPod.

    After reading all this you still want to switch to Nikon and order a D800? If you really can’t help it then at least be fair and wait with your order till all the Nikon shooters have already received their D800. I pre-ordered mine yesterday and don’t wan’t to wait for it for a half a year or so, only because YOU didn’t choose the right brand from the beginning!

    Thanks Fake-C. If you need more help, just let me know. BTW the extra traffic from the Nikon fanboys should be enough to get you a D800. Don’t worry, this will be our small secret ;-)

    • Thanks man, that’s great info. Rest assured that we’re going to address the autofocus issues with the next cameras, starting with the 1DX.

      • Gee. Start addressing that? You do realize is 2012 right? What the fuck chuck. You fucks at canon should have had that shit ironed out 5 years ago.

      • Are you becoming senile dear old fake chuck or could you please tell me then why you post under different name: helping hand on, Niktard,….
        Well Canon is fucked dear Chuck, you should start to get familiar with that fact.

  5. That conference call was an eye-opener. I thought only the guys in my office talked to each other that way. Okay, and the still photographers on the sidelines when some TV scumbag steps in front of us. Was your EU colleague once part of the Monty Python troupe?

  6. You did promise to check out the high iso images and all you could give us is some shitty out of focus crop. I’m disappointed bro, either you realize there’s a big Nikon cock in your ass or you’re getting lazy. So which is it.

  7. One of American Photo Top 10 Wedding Photographer pwned in his own review of D800.

    “Also, those that were concerned that the images were “overcooked”- when going from 7300 to 980 pixels, the images MUST be sharpened to a degree. Otherwise, the files will look soft, and out of focus. ”

    Check these out.

    http://www.cmphotography.com/blog.cfm?postID=46&its-here-the-nikon-d800

    http://www.cmphotography.com/blog.cfm?postID=48&the-nikon-d800-a-few-more-features-to-point-out

    • I saw that but didn’t want to discuss him on the blog. But what happens is that he uses massive amounts of noise reduction on the images making everything look like plastic and when the noise reduction makes everything look soft he needs to sharpen the image up. Where the fuck is the detail gone that all the fucking morons are talking about? As soon as you go above ISO 100 any extra detail is pretty much lost with noise reduction.

      • I agree that this photographer uses a very liberal amount of blurring/noise reduction on his images. They work well enough for wedding photography, but make his images/opinion of lesser relevance when talking about noise performance and detail retention.

      • for once i agree with you Fuck Chuck Wastefall . those edited pics looks like it came from a crappy canon, so much plastic look to those . just like it cam from a crappy can canon camera. i even thought it was from a 1dx shit
        BAAAAAAAAAAAABABABHHHHAHAHAHAh
        suck it bi**ch

      • Are you a pro or not faky boy? So you should know that taking pictures (I bet this will be one main area for the D800) in a studio is normally at ISO 100. Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrright???

  8. Hi Chuck ! World Press Photo 2012 1st prize was won by a Spanish Photojournalist. The picture was made with a Nikon D700. Do yourself a favor : sell your Canon Toys , and go have some Man stuff.

  9. Chucky Boy, you’re gonna have to put that party bong down for a while. Nikon are crapping out these so called noise machines at one a minute. A 5DIII will have to have a phone in it to compete now. When your new flagship couldn’t even match the D3X it’s clear someone scuttled your marketing machine. Why, even that Chuck Westfall guy was out next day doing damage control movies about your new magic D1X pixels.

    Don’t worry though. Canon has seen the future. They’ll go head to head with Hasselblad when they release their own new “professional model” H camera with 18 million magic pixels. They’ll likely scrap their new 250MP model as well so they can go head to head with Canon and fight it out in the “pro” 18MP market.

    And Chuck, if you see your boss, tell him the best thing Canon ever did was to eliminate the s models. No one ever needs those sort of insane numbers of pixels. That was a mistake of the past like the over-pixelled 5D MKII. I think that earthquake shook up some management brains along with the factories there in Canon prefecture.

    Let us know when you hear if the D1X will join all the other 18MP class cameras and be available in pink or silver, will ya?

    • The D800 looks like a smartphone without the phone functionality. That is to say, it has the same shitty image quality. Don’t be surprised when people ask you what phone you used to take those 36MP shots when they see them.

      • BAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA , Fuck chuck wastefall . you are cracking my balls b***ch
        BaAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA

    • Overpixelled 5D MKII WTF?????????????? I hope you’re not yet mentally insane cause what I like best with my 1 Ds MK III is the very good resolution it offers. I dont understand these morons diminishing the number of pixels in the 1DX… Totally stupid. Provided there will be a higher megapixel 5D Mk III besides a 5DX I have to fear that they will again build in a mediocre AF system, right??? I do not want such a fucking toy (as the new Pentax mirrorless). Fuckkkkkkk!!!! Gimme a pro body with an up to date sensor (also regarding RESOLUTION)!!!!!!

      • yeah a pro body like THE NIKON D 800 PRO , canon dosent have the balls like NIKON to make a camera like that, it´s will kill all their other craps.

        Viva Las Vegas NIKON D800.

    • I’m hurt by the people defending the D800 image quality, because those are some of the most stupid people on this planet without any doubt. The number of them makes me worry because I fear humanity is becoming dumber every minute.

      • BAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA , Fuck chuck wastefall . you are cracking my balls b***ch
        BaAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA

      • Chucky yes, you are right, they may be stupid, but from a marketing point of view you should be happy (if you where on the right – NIKON – side). The D800 is selling like hot bread, so what would you like more as a merketing pro? lol

  10. Fake Chuck you make me laugh to fucking hard. I love this blog! Keep it up would ya? The Canon fucktards need the confidence boost they get from you. its going to take a fucking miracle like the story of the guy who wrote amazing grace for Canon to put out anything in the 5D line that will beat Nikons new beast.

    I like this blog because I can speak my mind. DPreview and Canon/Nikon rumors have both banned me.

  11. Hey FuckChuck,WTF
    .thanks for the funny post, you are really funny. i have a joke for you too,
    if i ask you politely to SucK my D***K i know you wont do it, but Fake Chuck i know a way to make you Suck it all day long.
    i just need to write canon in big red letters :- ))))) BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAAA BAAAAAAAAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAA
    WTF is the noise down your throat ?. Slup glup Slupglup slupglup .
    you are a funny person with lots of humour, so take it easy man, take it easy ,
    my d***ck i mean :-))))
    BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHAAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAA

    • Commenting drunk on my blog is generally not recommended. Doing drugs before/while commenting is also not a good idea. However, I appreciate your effort.

      • oh am high allright, but not from me drinking anything ,but from you trying to drink my SP**rma juice ,
        keep sucin my Kanon written D**ck
        BAAAAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

        i openend this post in DPReview and they are after me you co*+k S**ing Moron

  12. Is it just me or has the intelligence of these reader replies taken a serious nose dive Fake Chuck ?
    I suspect anyone “claiming” to need 36MP from a DSLR is trying to make up for other shortcomings…… which is more or less confirmed when they need to constantly make reference to their appendages.
    I shoot with a trusty old 1ds Mk3, which makes great prints up to about 40×60 inches, but how often do I sell 40×60 inch prints ?……. very rarely – My most common sales are 20×30” for which 21mp is more than adequate. Hell even my 10MP 1dmk3 does great 20×30” prints. So why does anyone need 36MP ? Is there an untapped market for 100” prints that I’ve yet to discover, or is it more of a case of these guys not knowing how to compose a shot properly and needing to be able to crop the crap out of it? Love the digs about the new 24-70 2.8L II not having IS, but the truth of the matter is real photographers shoot with fast prime lenses, and I would never want to give up my 35 1.4L, 50 1.2L (yes mine actually works), 85 1.2L, 100 2.8L IS and 200 f2L IS to switch to another system.
    Just how well can Nikon’s current glass line up resolve 36MP ? When I bought my 1dsmk3 I found all my L zooms that were great on a 10MP 1dmk3, really didn’t cut it on a 21MP body, so had to go out and buy a heap of primes. My 50 1.2L was my last purchase and I don’t have any of the floating focus issues that everyone has been bitching about for the past 5 or 6 years.

    • hi david,

      my impression is that the d800 is aimed at studio/advertising type photographers that might need to make their ads billboard-sized. nikon is trying to steal photographers from the medium format market.

      the other stupid thing is that there’s no d300(s) replacement: no DX semi-pro camera. i think the d800 is that replacement. it’s a 16mp DX camera, if you put a DX lens on it. if this is nikon’s strategy, it’s an extremely poor one. why would they think people buying $1500 semi-pro DX cameras would buy a camera twice that price?

      • Hi Arachno…

        Okay, billboard-sized ads, that would be a point.
        If you’d stand like 10cm in front of these ads you’d actually see a difference between 18 and 36MP. But who the fuck is mentally deficient enough to climb up on one, just to be able to say “Ha, that looks better with that D800 than it would have with the 1DX, Canon can suck my balls”.

        What the fuck, where’s peoples common sense?!

    • Hi David , not it´s not you. the intelligence of the readers have gone down the drain, you are right. they dont know how to handle the exitement , HE HE he,

      by the way, now you can shut the fuck up and start sucking my nikon dick bitch,,

      BAAAAAAHGSHSHHHHAAAWWWA

    • Tell me about it man, ever since someone posted a link to my blog on DPreview the quality in the comments section on my blog has reached an all time low. I’m worried about humanity, I seriously am. I agree that 21MP is more than enough. Hell 18MP on the 1DX is more than enough on a 35mm sensor. As for the 50L, there are indications that the newer samples of these lenses have been fixed somehow. The early 2007/2008 lenses had the issue. But I will have more on this in the near future I hope. Stay tuned.

      • you agree ?, to whom? why dou you need 21 MP? what for? why do you even need 18MP? all you need is that nikkor 70-200 2.8 AFS Ed VRII oiled and shiny to fill up your B**hole.

        who the fuck are you to decide what others need?
        oh , you are the one who is in hold of their D**cks, so you think you are in control?
        BAAAAAHAHAHAHHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAA
        BAAAA

  13. I haven’t laughed so hard in quite some time…
    I figured out that my upgrade path for my D700 could be a brand spanking new iPhone 4s. The quality is about the same and Nikon product refresh cycles run about the same length as cell phone contracts. Arm with two 4s I could take on any wedding shoots while posting on G+ and Facebook at the same time….
    Exciting times indeed…

    • Sound like a plan to me! And the iPhone4s has a headphone jack too. A huge plus. I understand that’s a popular feature with you nikon morons.

      • how´d you know, you dickS*+king Head Kanon moron.

        post a link which i can atleast open you Fuck Chuk WASTEfall B**ch, that site is blocked for Phishing attack.
        in anycase you can suck my di**k as long as you wish , keep sucking bi***ch.

        and while you are at it, i am gonna fill your backhole with a Nikon 70-200 MM F 2.8 AFS ED VR II .
        BAAAAHHHAHAHAHAHHAHAAAAAAAAAAA

  14. hi fake-chuck, nikon moron here,

    i don’t understand the fan-boy-ism going on here. they’re just cameras. there’s a lot of talk on the nikon forums over at dpreview about how the d800 is hypothetically better than the d700, as it’s basically a d7000 sensor made full frame. the d7000 is (supposedly) half a stop better than the d700, but having used my friend’s d7000 briefly, i wasn’t terribly impressed. i got laughed at on the forums for suggesting that we see some actual pictures before making any judgments.

    looking at the pictures, i’m not terribly impressed. down-rezzed to 12 mp (d700 sized), they look sort of similar in the amount of noise, but the noise is harsher somehow, and there’s a lot more chroma noise. to me, the quality of the noise is more important than the quantity.

    • I understand, that’s why it is important for you to take a step back, look at the data yourself and form your own opinions. Nobody can deny the D800 images look terrible. People will try to justify it somehow or remain in denial, but save yourself the $3000 on this one.

      • i don’t know if “terrible” is the right word. i’ve certainly seen (and shot with) far worse. at 3200, i’d take it over my old D200 any day. that thing was pretty horrific. it’s just not very impressive in comparison to newer cameras, and what something of this price should really be capable of. it’s not the big step up we thought it it would be.

        i actually had 3 grand set aside for a new camera, waiting for news on the D800. in the end, i got tired of the wait, and decided it was silly to avoid a camera that met my needs entirely for something that was essentially vaporware at the point. i’d rather be out photographing with my D700 than waiting for news on a D800. i was only wondering if i would grow to regret that decision.

        looks like i won’t.

      • But dude, you can’t compare ANY camera with the D200 when noise is concerned. That camera was the KING of noise. The noise problem on the D200 was legendary. Wars have been fought over it. It was horrible. So saying that another camera is better than a D200 really isn’t saying much. It’s like saying a normal person is smarter than a retarded person.

  15. Chuck you are the ultimate Canon Fodder!!

    Your blog is Fuckin class. However to compare 2 totally different images and what looks like two very different lighting conditions is poor mate. The fact you edit with curves to show this banding you speak off is a pathetic attempt to ridicule Nikon. Who Fuckin’ cares. Nikon built the D4 for the high ISO performance and the D800 to test the studio, landscape market. From what I understand the D700 was just the same as the D3 with quite a difference in price. I believe most folk went for the D700 instead of the D3. The 5DMKII is an awesome SLR however its had its problems, more than the D700 ie shite focus system and even banding ay high ISO the megapixel count and HD video was about the best thing about it. The D800 will have its place I think, it all depends on what kind of photography you dig. I hope you get over the whole Nikon/canon war soon mate you seem like a really nice guy who really deserves a break from all the worry. Seriously though you’re wired to a Fuckin Mars bar!!

    • “From what I understand the D700 was just the same as the D3 with quite a difference in price. ”

      the D700 is the D3, in a smaller body, with a pop-up flash (commander mode), and sensor cleaning. why anyone would buy the D3 after it came out, i don’t know. the D3s and D3x are different sensors — the s has slightly better high ISO, and shoots faster, and the x is higher resolution. it seems like nikon is breaking this pattern, and making the D800 the studio camera (D3x replacement) and the D4 the sports/etc camera (D3s replacement).

    • Doesn’t matter it looks horrible still. Noise reduction will also remove some of the detail so in the end you end up with the same 18MP resolution anyway, but only with color banding and dithering. AND THAT’S FUCKING STUPID.

    • i think if we’re talking about sensor noise, the only appropriate way to test it is with the NR off. the only question is if the canon samples are the same.

  16. Why to compare 1DX to D800? 1DX will be the top of the line PRO body and cost 3 x D800 price. You should compare Nikons top of the line D4 and D3s to 1DX.. And 5D mkII to D800 as they are more the same level and type cameras and canon is not offering anything else yet.. Its been a year since rumors of 5D mkIII hehe

    • Yeah and ask yourself why a PRO body has less megapixels. WHY IS THAT??? You’d think the PRO bodies would have the tons of megapixels. They’re fucking dumbing down the lower bodies with UGLY-ASS image quality. The images from the D800 almost look like they wer emade with a fucking cheap-ass mobile phone with a 36MP sensor in it. HORRIBLE HORRIBLE HORRIBLE, MY GOD MY GOD!!!!!!!

      • Agree, perhaps it’s only because of the marketing. So at the end you will decide and buy a PRO body and be happy with it and stop complaining about medium format cameras all your life. This means we should not expect something much better in 5D MkIII. Sad but true. :(

    • OMFG LMFAO Those images are fucking resampled to 2MP you fucking moron. And if you don’t see the noise even then, you’re fucking blind as a bat.

      • am a fucking moron all right, but yeah haaaaaa right now am fucking your Mom Fakey Bitch.
        i dont see any details in the canon crap pics either, it´s all Plastic clean, lack of details= heavy noise reduction Bitch ass lending MORON,
        fuck you and fuck the bitch´s pussy where you came out from,

  17. So much hate here. I hope most people understand you do not represent the type of person that owns Canon products. You are an extreme hater that will give us Canon owners a bad name.

    • I’m sorry, but starting with ISO 1600 the noise is just too much. Furthermore, those are not images where you’d usually find noise – relative lack of shadows, good lighting etc.

      • any moron who cares about ISO 400 and above with a high mp cam like D800 deserves to be called MORON for life, and anyone who whines over the noise in such a camera should get a LIFE.
        heck a 25,000 Hassy and Phase has more noise at iso 100 than a d800 at 800 iso, what the fuck Morons.

      • any moron who cares about ISO 400 and above with a high mp cam like D800 deserves to be called MORON for life, and anyone who whines over the noise in such a camera should get a LIFE.
        heck a 25,000 $ Hassy and Phase has more noise at iso 100 than a d800 at 800 iso, what the fuck Morons.

    • Adrian and Gatis are 2 more Morons using Canon crqap with crappy AF , too busy trying to get a shot in focus when ISos above 800 are usually needed.
      why the fuck you morons worry about what Nikon cameras are doing?
      if you are happy with your canon crap then why complain about nikon?. i dont get this bitching, you ass lending morons

      • I own a large budget of a company and now is to decide to go Nikon or Canon. As we need lots of units, we cant afford the top cameras. It is not easy to decide in the mid range you know.. We dont care about AF so will probably go for 5D mark II as it looks still a better choice than the new D800 if you dont need the AF so much

  18. Gatis,
    if you want lots of units, then 5D2 is the best value for money camera in terms of Resolution (Nothing else), and d700 is the best value for the money camera in terms of everything else (except for resolution if you need more that 12 MP) . it beats the hell out of any other camera in it´s class.
    so either way you get lot´s of value for your money with these cameras.
    and the lenses costs almost the same nowadays, the only advantage canon had is now gone with the intro of high priced 24-70.
    happy shooting,

      • Better in everything except noise. But to be honest so a high megapixelcamera will mainly be used in studio work (at least this is what I would need it for) so there you have planty of light and do not need ISO 100000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000.

      • Why do people keep saying that Canon’s lens prices are the same now. That’s complete BS. On average Canon’s lens prices are a good 25% CHEAPER THAN NIKON, not to mention that availability is generally a lot better with Canon too. This is one of the biggest reasons I switched from Nikon to Canon, because I was tired of taking it up the ass paying the “Nikon Tax” every single friggin time I wanted a lens, for product that arguably wasn’t any better than what Canon offers, and in many cases is actually WORSE! For cost effectiveness and bang for the buck or being on a budget, CANON WINS BY MILES.

  19. Pingback: Shut Down Notice 3-Year Anniversary! | Fake Chuck Westfall

  20. This is the first time I visit your site and it will be the last. I’ve never seen such a stupid blog as yours. You’re a pathetic Canon-biased freak with no sense of reality. I know all this bashing is on purpose and you know too well it’s generating a lot of traffic to your site. But I know true photographers hate people like you. And, with me, they all wish you get cancer and AIDS and die a slow painful death, all on your own.

    • Look man, if the truth is too painful for you to handle, just like with most of the Nikon morons coming here, then just don’t visit my blog again. Because here you’ll only get the raw uncensored truth. And the truth in this case is that the D800 image quality sucks balls.

    • Zomma, wishing cancer and a slow painful death for such an insignificant argument , is by far the most stupid post in this blog.

  21. Hi Fake Chuck,

    Man do you have this nailed! I finally sat down to take a look at these D800 images myself on Monday, and out of the corner of my eye noticed the banding shit in the library shots myself and was like what the fuck?!?! Am I the only one seeing this? For realz lol? So I hit Google for “D800 banding” and sure enough I found your website. Not one single other Nikon moron is talking about this. Gee I wonder why? These Nikon morons really have no fucking clue, do they! It’s not too bad in those library shots, but fuck that’s only ISO 100?! LMAO. Just wait until these fuckers start shooting scapes with this thing and see that shit spread all across the fucking sky! LOOOLLZZZZ. It’s gonna be sooooo funny. Oh and they fucked up the ISO performance, oh and it’s now a slow ass camera too. It’s 2012 and with the D800 Nikon has still not managed to do any better than 2008′s 5D2. HAHAHAHAHAH!!!

    I so can’t wait to see how the 5DX performs. I hope you’re right Chuck. I bet it’s totally gonna kick the D800′s ass. The D800 is one gigantic fuck up of a camera. Nikon is totally gonna get owned.

  22. Thanks so much for the 100% crop showing the noise of the D800 @ 100crop! I know the photo and downloaded it for analysis. I love the area you chose as evidence of noise. It is out of focus (the photographer used a 50mm lens at f5 and focused on the chandelier) and is of the color that most emphasizes noise. I compared the ceiling in this photo to a similar ceiling photos (from my D7000) at various ISO’s This is an excellent way to see just what Nikon is up to. Both cameras have about the same pixel density (the D800 sensor is simply much larger) and the D7000 is known to be one of the best in its class for DX cameras at high ISO’s.

    I could post the photos their authenticity would of course be questioned. I say to those who have a D7000, do your own test. Its not that hard.

    Well, guess what? The D800 seems to be as good at 6400 as the D7000 is at 1600. Gee
    Cannon you have a right to worry!

  23. All you KrapCon fan boys are so fucked. I can’t believe it. F Chuck is showing you proof that the near future of KrapCon is toast. Admit it. Nice KrapCon glass is lost on overbaked Sony sensors in KrapCon bodies. Yes we will wait for actual reviews, but KrapCon fans I surmize are much like iGadget fans. Loyal to a fault. They will make excuses which will sound much like Canon fan excuses for their past fuckups. Sure I use Canon, and I am very much aware of the past problems and I was none to happy about it. I applaud F Chuck on his journey to correct those Canon fuckups. But now KrapCon…. fuck man…. F Chuck has a whole new botched product line to vent on. Lets face it, competition is great for consumers and I LOVE it when we all benefit. But I do worry when the new set of reviews come out for the KrapCon D800. As everyone knows, KrapCon cheats on their RAW output. Their RAW was always AFTER in camera NR. So even in the past, comparing RAW Canon to RAW KrapCon was skewed in KrapCon’s favour. And don’t get me started on the KrapCon shutter sound. That sound which KrapCon fanboys cream their jeans over when they hear it. Don’t you fucks know that KrapCon fakes that noise throught the in camera speaker???? We are all getting screwed one way or another. Only the smart ones recognize it.

  24. You know, maybe the D800 will suck balls, then again, maybe it won’t. I’ll know in a month or so when mine shows up. But I do know that I don’t give a rat’s ass about high ISO; I don’t need anything above 400. I don’t give a shit about frames-per-second either; 1 would be fine. And I totally fucking hate video; if I wanted to be a vidiot, I’d buy a real video camera, not some shitty plastic toy. Not everyone is a PJ, sports shooter, wedding photographer or vidiot. Some of us shoot landscapes and the D800 looks to be as good a choice as you can get outside of MF (for about 10x more money).

    I think it’s still too early to say whether Nikon has its head out of its ass yet, but I do know that Canon keeps sticking its head further up its ass with each new release and accompanying bullshit propaganda. The 1DX is a complete let down and is the reason I am switching back to Nikon. Canon clearly has abandoned the still photographers who actually care that their images contain more detail than snapshots taken with an iPhone.

    Their latest horseshit about motion blur was utterly pathetic. More megapixels might lead to more motion blur. Gee, ya think? I guess that’s why Canon should go back to the era of the D30; you don’t really have to worry much about motion blur if you only have one pixel to fill the frame. And don’t get me started about their magic pixels. Jesus shit man, what a goddamn joke. Do magic pixels let you capture images of Bigfoot or Elvis?

    As for D800 banding, who the fuck is Canon kidding? The 5D2 had horrible banding when it was new. I forget how long it took the LYMs to figure that one out, though to their credit they eventually got it under control. And we needn’t talk about autofocus. Holy shit, what a fucking disaster that is. I guess fewer pixels really is better when you can’t focus a goddamn thing.

    The sorry truth why Canon can’t make a camera with more than 18MP is because none of their WA glass is worth 10MP anyway. Even most fanboys will readily admit that Canon’s wide angle glass is utter dogshit. But hey, even though they can’t make a WA lens worth a fuck, they just polished up two old turds and kicked them loose in IS versions, no doubt as an excuse to jack the price of these plastic toys. Paint them silver and put an Apple logo on it while you’re at it.

    What’s funny as fuck is that Canon put IS on these sorry shits, yet they left it off the 24-70 II, where it might have actually been useful and/or desired. Very sad indeed. But hey, without IS you sure as shit don’t need as many pixels now do you? And those shitty WA lenses look a whole fuckload better at 3MP than they would at 30MP.

    I really don’t give a shit what the fucktards at Canon come up with next. I don’t begrudge the 1DX crowd; it’s likely a great machine for PJ or sports. But I doubt any serious landscape shooter is going to buy one. For that matter, I’m sure all the vidiots that can’t afford a real rig will be gobbling up the 1DX as fast as Canon can crank them out, which does bring up another point, doesn’t it.

    How many 1DXs can Tojo shit out each day? Probably not 1000, which is what Nikon claims to be able to do with the D800. For that matter, when the fuck will the 1DX actually ship? Christ, it was announced like 20 years ago, wasn’t it? At least Nikon is a little better at not baiting the market with bullshit announcements of shit that can’t be shipped. Anyone remember the 500/4 II or 600/4 II? Oh yea, they’re still vaporware two years later. WTF?

    But hey, maybe Canon will shit out a 5D3 before the end of the world. I’m sure its 6MP of magic will work wonders for all the good fan boys and girls. And as Dweeb said, will it come in pink?

    • Grumpster why for heaven’s sake are you so upset about Canon? I guess your train pictures would also look fabulous when taken with the new GX1. You only needed to get a bit closer to your trains. Right? And when it comes to your beloved hollywood “people” (especially the ones in command) they HAVE THE MONEY and they buy cameras. Yes they also bought 5D Mk II and they will also buy D800; so be happy that this “video shit” is also part of new cameras as Canon and Nikon can sell more as selling more is normally going with lower prices, then you also profit from it!!!! And believe me, no photog will earn enough in feature without offering video too. Just imagine the benefit for your train documentation: wouldn’t it be nice to HEAR your trains also?

      • I hope you don’t prosecute me now and don’t put me to jail (please note, it is just my personal opinion and due to this no legal action should be taken against me!), Sir. So this picture does not look so good in my opinion and it is also not a good test subject they have chosen…

  25. Of course the Nikon D800 is superior to anything Canon has ever made, we won’t mention how much better the D4 is to the 1DX either.
    We will see the results that prove this once again quite soon.

  26. Pingback: Nikon D800: Shit are happen | Fake Chuck Westfall

  27. Canon 1Dx Vs. Nikon D4
    Only Stupid boy make Canon 1Dx Vs. Nikon D800.

    Besides about camera test I believe only after the camera are test market will make the specialize magazine. On the web can write dogs and pigs.

  28. Chuck wtf to 5dmk3??????

    http://www.canonrumors.com/forum/index.php/topic,4351.0.html

    HUGE difference between the 5d Mark 3 and D800 RAWs… I mean… HUUGEE

    http://forums.dpreview.com/forums/read.asp?forum=1032&message=40912195

    Some Facts:

    Shutter lag time
    D800:42ms
    5D3: 59ms

    SD UHS format:
    D800: Yes
    5D3: No

    Mirror box material:
    D800: Alloy
    5D3: Plastic
    (1DX: Alloy)

    AF point-linked spot metering:
    D800: Yes
    5D3: No

    Metering Range:
    D800: 0-20EV
    5D3: 1-20EV

    AF Working Range:
    D800: -2 to +19 EV
    5D3: -2 to + 18 EV

    Eyepoint:
    D800: 17mm
    5D3: 21mm

    LCD Resolution:
    D800: 921K
    5D3: 1040K

    from:

    http://www.canonrumors.com/forum/index.php/topic,4299.0.html

    It recently occured to me after Nikon announced that with a grip the D800 shoots 6 FPS that I can’t find a single advantage to the 5D3 over the D800. Here’s what I know so far:

    5D3 vs D800/E by catagory:

    Dynamic Range: Inferior
    Color Fidelity: Inferior
    Noise: Equal
    FPS: Equal (with a grip)
    Video: Inferior
    Autofocus: Equal (both are pro level)/Inferior (no f/8.0)/Superior (better with fast lenses due to special f/2.8 sensors)
    White Balance: Inferior
    Auto Exposure: Inferior
    In Camera Lens Correction: Inferior
    Pop up Flash: Inferior
    Price: Inferior
    Resolution: Inferior
    AA filter: Inferior

    I realize that the 5D3 has a better menu system, so that’s one thing it can possibly do better.

    Also please don’t smite me. I’m not trying to bash the 5D3, as I’m actually a Canon fan and will be getting the 5D3, but can anyone think of one major feature that the 5D3 does better than the D800? If so feel free to post, I’m just trying to get informed here.

  29. Hey Chucky, Did Your Mother Not Breast Feed You? Canon and Nikon are both excellent, it is just personal preference. So go change your diaper and grow up!

    • FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK! Those goddamn bastards had nearly five years to make a better camera!!!!!!! Not that 5D Mk III is bad (as the 1DS Mk II is also not bad) but hey, how comes NIKON is far SUPERIOR!!!!!!! If DXO is correct, then it is really time to switch to NIKON.

    • IT SEEMS THAT D800 exsplodes also atleast 2 confirmed so far… LOL!!!! bahhhaaaahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

  30. i did think Canon was idiots when adding that HDR in body function . now it seems you get about 2-3 times the dynamic range when using it in Normal mode . its like having 60mp, but it does take 0.5 sec to take 1 picture so its not perfect.. ;)

  31. Pingback: 5D Mark III, D800, D4 – DXOMark Sucks Balls | Fake Chuck Westfall

  32. Pingback: 5D Mark III Selling like Hotcakes while Nikon Fanboys Attack | Fake Chuck Westfall

  33. Pingback: Karel Donk's Blog » Canon EOS 5D Mark III Review

  34. Pingback: Introducing the Nikon 1D Mark III (AKA the piece of shit D800) | Fake Chuck Westfall

  35. Well well well – I have just found a got damned muther frikin nagger boy who is totally incapable of actually producing an ounce of worthwhile information and is spewing from the rectum of his inabilities in a world where the fight over PC and MAC is all that matters as there is is not a grain of a worth while endeavor in your soul.
    Thanks for the confrimation that people can go lower than the drunks with signs on freeway off ramps. Begging for money has certain amount of respect that your naggerboy demeanor would never be able to step up to son.
    Thanks for the laugh

  36. Not sure about all these comments as to which direction you are all going in but the image is what is important in the end. Nothing beats the NIkon D200 for image & color, after all it’s got the same sensor as the Hubble Telescope. (of course it costs more than a Cmos sensor)

    Now NIkon worries more about the megapixels than the image. If any of you color corrected from film you would know that the color is crap in the D800 and more. I have been a NIkon user for quite sometime but do have an open mind. I needed a full frame camera for a particular job and decided the Canon 5D Mark II fit the bill. At least the megapixels are only 21, after all I’m not blowing it up to billboard size! The color is great and yes I had a learning curve to it but now have it figured out and am getting amazing color results. Good to hear that some of you are still interested in the IMAGE. We do what we have to do. The investment was better.

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