The 5D Mark III proves itself; The D800 sucks balls

Piece of Shit

Piece of Shit

I don’t usually do this, but this comment by Phil Banno is so true it fucking made my day:

I have a 5D mark 3 and my business partner has a D800. It started as a personal preference but the L series canon lenses blast the nikons out the water, so much so my business partner is selling his virtually new D800 to buy a 5D mark 3 (& he’s a Nikon fan). A lot of you rant about high ISO usage but in a church where you aren’t allowed to use flash, the 5D on 5000 ISO with a 70-200mm f2.8 ISM L series 2  has no equal in the D800 arsenal. And the confetti shots with 6fps also beat the D800. Real camera, used by a professionally qualified, 24 year experienced photographer (not you geeky Mega Pixel Amateurs). The Canon is like a pure racing car, designed for power to weight performance with outstanding handling, breaking and aerodynamics against the Nikon, an American muscle car that can go fast in a straight line then end up in a hedge at the first bend or blow up after a short distance. Too much power (Mega Pixels) and no where near as good lenses (tyres and breaks). REAL WORLD, 5D MK3 is the professionals choice, D800 the Amateaur look at me with my massive over kill mega pixel never to be used above a 20″x16″ canvas choice! 5D super fit professional athlete, D800 steroid muscle freek with a small penis and long term health problems. Canon purposely created a perfected version of its 5D range. Nikon went down the gimmick route. Bullshit for bull shitters so it’s simple. If you’re a true pro buy the canon. If you’re a wanna be amateur by the Nikon but be aware, us true professionals will laugh at you for choosing poorly. You either have it or you don’t. And I photograph her majesty the queen to name drop but one of my clients so beat that!!!

Yeah, read it and weep Nikon fanboys. And FYI the D800 autofocus fuckup saga is still ongoing. The D800 truly is the Nikon 1D Mark III.

I’ll be back soon with more updates. Yes, yes, I know, I have been really slacking here but man, things are just so hectic here at Canon USA. I’m sure you’ve noticed all the products we’re launching every month. I have loads of technical documents concerning the new products to wade through right now just so I can keep my Canon Guru title in the future. Not to mention play with….errr….i mean, test, the new products.

Many have been sending me emails and leaving comments asking when I’ll update again to talk about the piece of shit EOS 6D and the Nikon D600 and all the other stuff. Some even get hostile on me like the guy below.

Request 4 Update

Request 4 Update

Rest assured that I’ll be back very soon with some very in-dept analysis of all recent developments.

50 thoughts on “The 5D Mark III proves itself; The D800 sucks balls

  1. I use a 70-200mm f2.8 ISM L series 2, and it’s one of my favorite glasses, I use it for portraiture (the bokehs are splendid), and it’s crisp and sharp, I even use it for wildlife photography for big animals. But on a canon T2i body, in low light conditions it generates a massive noise even with higher ISO, and comparatively some cheaper glasses will generate less noise on the same body. I hope this problem will disappear when I will change the camera body.
    Please keep us informed on the latest canon products.

    • The noise is actually due to the sensor in the T2i body. You need to get a better body that has a sensor with less noise at high ISO. To be honest with you only the 5D Mark III is good right now. The 7D and T4i will give you better results but not like the 5D Mark III. You may also check out the EOS 6D, but that has a crappy autofocus system.

      • I actually bought a software to remove the noice (denoise from topaz, because camera raw and even photoshop could not do the job right in a few seconds) and it took care of the issue for the time being. I know the camera sensor is not that great and i can also find some chromatic aberrations. But within the same sensor, when i compare different lenses, the 70-200 2.8 IS2 USM gives so much noise, and i can’t clarify this explanation yet, i need to do more testings to bring hopefully a rational explanation. Maybe it’s another issue than just noise.
        For the new body frame i will have to wait next year,, but i do need this new camera body, even if i am going to lose the 1.6X ratio compared to the T2i.

      • Noise is caused by the sensor, not the lens. The reason why you see more noise with the 70-200mm may be because you have more out of focus areas (bokeh) in your pictures. Noise is more visible in out of focus areas of an image.

  2. You really have nothing to talk to about do you? Yes we all know the 5D m3 is the superior camera and the d800 sucks balls. We get it, we all read your previous articles.

    Thanks for posting my emails by the way.

  3. great review chuck, but anyway i didnt hav the budget 4 5D3. do u hav any news 4 70d? nikon just announce the d5200, spec alike tha d7000.

    thanks in advance.

  4. Ha Ha Ha. The review of the D600 is up, and as expected, takes a giant dump on your overated, overpriced, poxy assed, 5D mark 3. Bah ha ha ha ha ha ha. More evidence of Nikon superiority.

    Let me guess, they’re Nikon biased too, right? Ha ha ha ha ha. But how can this be? Pro’s only use Canon right? Bah ha ha ha ha. Time to pull your head outta ya arse Chuck. Maye Canon should stick to making photocopiers! Ha ha ha.

  5. Look at you canon morons in a fucken circle jerk over here. Try not to nud on each other you stupid bitches! Look at canons piss poor financial results too see the truth. These fucks are too busy blowing each other to notice the 5d III is a fucking hunk of fucking shit. The a99 smokes it and Sony shooters ass rape canon fucks on a daily. How does all that dick in your ass feel chuck? You stupid canon fuck.

    • How bout’ it you fucking faggot? How does the cock feel bro. You just got no lubed. Now suck your shit off my dick you stupid fuck stick.

  6. I am just back form Oman and I discovered that your site is blocked there because it is deemed offensive. Looks like they did not appreciate your insistence in defending a camera that costs twice its value.

    Think about that.

  7. looks like Canon is really lifting their game recently huh? as you can see the 1Dx is almost as good as 4yr old D3s, and your Full Frame 5D3 is just almost as good as an APS-C Pentax K5IIs, wow! some technology there from Canon lol!

  8. It’s always glad to hear the honest thoughts from an insider. I am tired of reading so many reviews from “pundits” across the Internet and in the end it’s always the same: Both are good cameras bla bla bla it’s a matter of style. No! Crap is crap and good is good! Why can’t people be honest? They are all conspiring with this huge industry to see if they can suck out the most of our hard earned money!

  9. Those morons at DXO had introduced the “DXO ‘s Perceptual Megapixel”. According to them this is the valuable tool for photographer to look for sharp image???

    This is totally Bullshit as it does not reflect any useful information at all. We all know that evaluating lens is a much harder work. And there are many factors to evaluate a lens not just about sharpness. Sites like “,,” have been doing great job regarding the lens test.
    Most of the lens at DXO mark are rated below or close to average (inlcuding a lot of L lenses)
    Let me guess! The NIKON Lens will have the highest score just like their cameras….
    Fuck you DXO. That is enough to brainwash people. The said fact is that more and more people believe and rely on DXO score, including How said is that!

  10. Chucky thinks Canon 6D has a crappy autofucus system. Obviously he said so without knowing about it. The fact is; it focuses more efficiently in low light which is a bonus to users compared to its equivalent Nikon D600. 5D II had an even inferior focusing system but wedding/portrait and landscape photogs used with satisfaction over the years.

    So, with its low light and high ISO capabilities, 6D is a welcome gear to all type of Canon photogs who are not budgeting for 5D III.

    • You know what is a bonus with the D600? The fucken built-in, pop-up flash. Yep, that came in real handy with the xmas photos. Oh, and the twin memory cards is a bloody bonus too. It’s great to be able to dump NEF’s on one SD and JPEG’s onto the other. Oh, and I really struggled getting focus with my exceptional Nikkor 24-70 and 70-200 2.8 lens, that was a real problem for me…. :-s While you cannon wankers are walking off to get your speedlights for a bit of fill light, I’m firing off shots.

      • With all due respect to Nikonians (some of my friends are), I’m not an indoor photog so don’t care about on camera flash. I shoot landscapes and wildlife as an enthusiast. 50D is my main action body. Since good crop bodies are becoming a scarcity; 6D is in my contemplation as the second body to replace my old horse 450D. Granted it fires only 4.5 frames/sec, I can somehow manage with that. But it will give me accurate focusing in low light conditions at high ISOs if necessary producing cleaner images due to its pixel size advantage over D600.

        Moreover, I use EF 400mm f/5.6L USM and EF 200mm f/2.8L II USM primes to which there are no Nikon equivalents. My regular co-enthusiast Nikon photog keeps looking on enviously at my 400mm whenever we are out shooting on weekends as he has to shoot the same subjects with his Nikkor 80-400mm + D7000 and often expressing willingness to switch. But I try to dissuade him reasoning that it’s not a wise thinking because his setup is also great.

      • Just shot a few photos of last night. Almost pitch black with only some distant candlelight. D600 with 24-70 grabbed focus almost instantly and first time every time. Dunno where you would use this supposed light light focus advantage the shitbox 6D has.

      • The D600 is a better choice compared to the 6D. However, nothing beats the 5D Mark III.

  11. Chuck you stupid cocksucker. We all know e 5d III is a winner and beats the d800. But we all also know Nikon glass is superior in every way. Chuck, I am going to ass rape you bro. I’ll make you say my name bitch.

  12. Look at this faggot moron quazi piece of fucking shit above. Nikon does have equivalents to those lenses and they are fucking awesome. Learn some shit before you post on the motherfucking Internet you stupid fucking pole smoking asshat. Fuck you canon fucks are really dumb.

  13. It can hardly be overemphasized that 1 elephant is stronger than 10 donkeys. Canon 6D’s AF system can focus down to -3EV as opposed to D600’s -1EV. Again 6D’s ISO goes all the way up to 102,400 whereas D600 will reach 25,600 as its highest. These 2 factors make Canon a clear winner for low light focusing.

    Moreover its integrated Wi-Fi is a feature of modern era. We shoot in the field and upload it directly to internet.

    Last but not the least important; 6D weighs 770g against 850g of D600. So we carry heavyweight equipment in a lightweight magic box.

    • Who the fuck would waste money on the 6d when the A99 is out there? Take the dick out of your mouth you stupid faggot. The A99 smokes everything from canon and Nikon right now but you idiot faggot fanboys are too fucking stupid to see this. Fucking morons.

      • And the d600 is only 760g – you dumbass faggot. I hope you get ass raped you fucking moron.

      • Such type of idiots are hard to come by; u get one in a decade. Even bull heads are superior to these stinking faeces.

        Sony SLT A99 is a camera only used possibly by the scapegoats working at Sony because they have no choice. This brand is yet to be seen even in the hands of a beginner. Whenever there is discussion re DSLR, it’s either Canon or Nikon and their fabulous variety of lenses that no other brand can offer.

        Kids also know that however, four-footed mammals don’t – no surprise.

      • Admit that you are a stupid asshole. This will be the first step in your healing process you fuckan moron. Fuck you are dumb. I pray to Allah that he gives you guidance and does not let me find you. Because I will rape you.

      • Cantard you are an idiot fucking piece of shit! Go rape yourself you fucking moron!!!!!!

    • No-one believes Canon’s virtual specs mean anything in the real world. It’s a game they been playing for years with unqualified internal standards…get real.

  14. Chuck, the worst part of this whole thing is that the 5d iii is only marginally better than the d800. the d800 is a serious hunk of shit man but the 5d iii is STILL a hunk of fuckan shit. This is the problem with you canon fucktards chuck. Cantard is correct in his assessment of you morons.

    • This just proves the world is full of morons and there is huge profit margins in cannots, so clueless sales staff push clueless customers towards cannots. I started out with a cannot, so that piece of shit after 4 mths and upgraded to Nikon

  15. Come on FC, Nikon released the piece of crap D5200 with a shit Toshiba sensor!
    And your article is nowhere to be seen.
    Behold the shit ISO 400 performance and crap color banding (look in the red areas to the right).
    DX Micro 40mm


    “We used the Alexa as a baseline and had the D800 recording to an outboard recorder uncompressed and to an internal memory card at H.264 compressed,” says Fletcher. “We also tested a Canon C300 with a Cooke lens on it—a $40,000 setup—running alongside the $4,000 Nikon D800 setup. The Canon footage had what you might call an over-smooth look to it. But the D800 uncompressed footage blew us away.”

    Read more:

  17. Hi

    This must be written by a geeky “Mega Pixel Amateurs at best” (what ever it means). So now I will try to be one too 😉
    If you would like to have a superior DR and shadow recovery from low ISO which is preferred in landscape and LR shots, then even my 4 1/2 year old Sony a900 is making a new 5D MkIII jealous. And talk about gimmicks! my Sony don’t even take video! A real no gimmick camera.

    But in the end its the man behind the camera that counts.

    Kind regards
    David Cartagena

  18. You wish Canon glass is better than Nikon. Have you never seen the Nikkor 70-200 f/2.8? Don’t be a fool, fool. I think you miss the point of the D800 and so does old matey boy photographing the queen. If you want to shoot in a church buy a D4 not a bloody D800 or a 5dmIII…god damn amateurs.

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