Fujifilm may be fucking us up in the near future; Nikon already fucked

Fuji X1 Pro Kicking Ass

Fujifilm X-Pro1 kicking some serious ass even at ISO12800 (source)

OK, I know you guys are expecting me to talk about the stuff we launched yesterday, the new EOS T5i Rebel and that small EOS SL1 of which I wonder who the fuck is gonna buy that piece of crap. But I’ll have to save that for another post. Man, I gotta tell ya, Tokyo appears to have fucking lost it again. The price difference between the T5i and SL1 is a hundred bucks. Who the fuck is gonna buy the crippled SL1 when they can get the T5i for just $100 more? Notice how the T5i comes with 9 all crosstype AF points when the $2000 costing 6D got only one fucking crosstype point in the center. Just thinking about this gets me all worked up. But let me not get ahead of myself here, I’ll be discussing this crap in the near future in another post.

What I want to dedicate this post to is a very lengthy email I got from a reader who in my opinion makes some really good points. And I asked for his permission to share this with all of you, because I think everyone should be aware of this. And I think Tokyo needs to pay attention to this because otherwise Fujifilm are gonna give us a lot of problems in the near future. And this guy isn’t the only one saying this; I know the S3 and S5, and the recent Fuji cameras are kicking ass certainly as far as image quality is concerned. Fuji has had some excellent sensor tech for years.

Fujifilm X100s

The Lord of the Speedlights shooting a Fujifilm X100s (source). Yep all the cool guys have one, as you are about to find out below. Update: Check out his full review.

You guys know that I’ve been here hammering on this stuff for over 4 years now; I keep telling those morons in Japan that we don’t need more senseless megapixels. What we need is better pixels, not more. We need smoother, better image quality, less noise, and kickass color reproduction and usable dynamic range EVEN AT THE HIGHEST ISOs. And we need that coupled with a fucking lightning fast and sharply accurate AF system that covers the whole fucking frame and could autofocus on the dark side of the moon.

This guy asked to remain anonymous, cuz he’s a wedding photographer and doesn’t want clients googling his name to find my blog with all the fucks and goddamns and stuff like that. Might be a turn-off for the brides. I mean, we all know how this world is full of fucking hypocrites, right? Can’t say “fuck” online cuz it’s rude but meanwhile you wouldn’t wanna hear the stuff they scream out loud in the bedroom at night when they’re busy fitting 12 inches of cock inside their vaginas.

Anyway, I highly recommend you read this guy’s letter below and check out the material he sent along with it. Also let me take this opportunity to let you all know that if there’s something you’re fed up with as well, and would like me to share it on here with everyone, just send it along to me. If it makes sense and if it will make the fuckwads in this industry pay attention, I’ll definitely post it.

Letter to Fake Chuck

Hey Chuck,

Just wanted to drop a line and say thanks for saving me from a Nikon D800 (and possibly even the D4!) Yes, I went to the Nikon website and looked at that shadow banding file you showed your readers (the library shot) when I realized that is where the crop was from. I was shocked.

I have been shooting weddings for eight years. Only 50+ to date, but competition is stiff as you can turn over a rock and find more photographers than lawyers these days. Passing 50 as the sole shooter facing a tsunami of competition is nothing to sneeze at under those conditions (and all strangers, not the Facebook-friends-family network that most rely on!!!)

I have used a digital SLR on all my weddings starting back in 2005… and a Nikon… body and glass.

It was a Fuji sensor that captured everything you see on my website. First an S3 Pro in a frankenstein Nikon F80 body (that felt amazing in the hand surprisingly enough), then an S5 Pro in that venerable Nikon D200 body with only an 11 point AF system! (F#@k me, what the hell do you need 51, or 61 in the Canon, focus points for other than to please the measurebators and marketing dept.) The S5 I bought at the end of its retail life, literally one of the last bodies remaining in Canada.

I love Nikon bodies.

I love Nikon glass.

I love the Nikon flash system (which I believe Canon users have also taken note of).

But I hated the colour and image quality.

Well, maybe hate is too strong a word. Let’s say I did not LOVE the colour as that is what is most important to me, and every photographer I would imagine.

It was not so much the Sony sensor itself as it does produce some amazing files, to be completely honest. But for me, it was

  1. the quality of those files compared to FUJI plus
  2. the WORK you had to do in order to get those amazing images.

It was the 2) part that kept me from buying a full blown Nikon digital system, camera AND sensor, when I started my wedding photography business.

As a wedding photographer, skin tones are everything and the Fuji just nails it, in JPEG, every time under almost any lighting conditions.

When I finally decided on the Fuji S3 Pro back in 2005, it was because I kept reading on DPREVIEW forums just one repeating question about Nikon digital SLR cameras:

“How do you tweak your skin tones?”

“What do you do to get good skin colour?”

“What are your camera settings / photoshop tricks to get good skin tones?”

Over and over and over again… tweaking a Nikon to get what you want from it.

I even had a chance to test out a D300s at one point. Not bad. A very good camera. But… I looked at my Fuji colour… then the Nikon… Fuji… Nikon. I realized I still was not getting what I WANTED from the camera as it was. Tweaking… always the tweaking. And I am not talking expected adjustments an corrections. I am talking about getting an overall tone and feel, not just correct colour, straight out of camera.

Granted, in the early days of digital, I think everyone was working those first pixels to get what they wanted compared to film, but I wanted nothing to do with that. I wanted to shoot and get in the can what I was able to do with film and the FUJI S3 came the closest in my opinion and I went with it. (I almost… almost… bought an F100 system if you can imagine.) Pick your body, pick your film. The machine, and the image, were separate (So to speak, glass is important but if the camera is not loaded with film or the sensor dies, there is no photo!) I was not about to compromise on my workflow (Nikon and Fuji film) just because digital came along to up-end the apple cart on the whole photographic industry.

The D3 was a game changer. This is just plain fact… but now also history.

It was just too much $$$ for me at that stage of my business and there was still just something… off about the colour (as far as skin tones go, landscapes are stunning). Even after all the development since the S3, and the S5 being an older system, I just did not trust the D3, for the cost, to get the image quality I wanted… EASILY. I knew WORKING a D3 file to get what I wanted was way easier than before when I was looking at a D2/D200. The colour, the dynamic range, all greatly improved. Nikon truly nailed a product launch with the D3 (especially in low light / high ISO performance). So much so that I believe many Canon shooters switched to the dark side (there is no light for fan-boys). If I could have afforded it, I would have bought a D3 instead of the S5 (2009). I was even close to doing so again in 2011 when I realized there was no FUJI S6 Pro coming down the pipe no matter how much I dreamed about it or what rumors you could find on DPREVIEW. I think Nikon saw the writing on the wall – lots of glass sales, but a lot of Nikon DSLR camera bodies sitting on retail shelves if they gave Fuji even an old D2 body, or even a D300 body, which they still could do and I would buy it in a heartbeat.

So, I have hung onto my S5 well past it’s prime and it has kept up, but the low light/high ISO performance is just not cutting it anymore. And at 6 MP, the resolution is just not there to compete with the other professionals that I am now in camp with. (12 mp would be perfect, 36 is just stupid and Nikon knows better as it championed “it is not the megapixels” with the D2H.)

So here I am again… looking, reviewing… and wanting to find nothing more than those good days in the FUJI S3 forum on dpreview – a ton of posts with nothing but, gasp, PHOTOS on display! No gear talk, no “what is your camera settings” or “what photoshop action did you use.” Just plenty of stunning images with amazing colour and skin tones, straight out of camera jpegs. My first wedding with my S3 Pro? Out of the box, a weekend test to confirm it worked, shot the wedding straight to JPEG. No camera adjustments, no photoshop tweaking other than density, colour cast and saturation, if it needed it. If you go to my website you can still find S3 images in my portfolio!!! I have printed one 4ft by 6 feet and it looks stunning.

I found your killer blog on one of the last links I had googled for Canon 1DX promotional videos (having just watched the Nikon D4 WHY video… and how SOFT… oh hell… out of focus, let’s be honest if that is what “sharp” is with D4 video)… and I am glad I clicked that last link.

The fact Canon tried to sue and shut you down three years ago cemented my already gut feeling about the new lineup of Nikon, full-frame, pro DSLRs and all the criticism you have written about them.

Not gunna do it.

I LOVE NIKON!!!! I love their ergonomics and handling, the glass… the flash system… everything… still do.

But that S5 has got to go and the 1DX is going to be my future system if Nikon does not get their act together. I have not invested in full frame body and glass (well, not a lot anyway) as the S5 is APS-C so this is not a small amount of $$$ we are talking about.

That said… I was wondering if you would do a blog post for me. If Nikon has any sense at all, or just plain fear of bankruptcy as I think these issues are THAT BAD for a company that is PRIMARILY imaging (unlike Canon and its wide R&D and products in other fields)…

If you want to send a message to Nikon as you did to Canon to prove you are no fan boy of anyone… just great cameras and great photos…

Then tell Nikon this.


Seriously. With all due respect to Sony, can I be more clear about what I want from Nikon?

And I don’t think I am alone.

Have you seen the shots from the Fuji X-Pro1?

Here are just a few links:

Google search for sample photos.

Fuji X-Pro1 vs Sony NEX-7 vs Olympus OM-D E-M5 – Low Light Test

Check out the low light A$$ DESTRUCTION of the X-Pro 1 in that clip above at the 7:30 mark. Stunning.. just @#$% “Jizz in your pants brilliant.”

Ummm. Maybe. Ummm. Yes. :: Fuji X-Pro 1 Review

And a video on Zack Arias using it.

Here’s one link to a professional D4 wedding shooter who is looking at incorporating the X-Pro 1: (Provisional) Review: Fuji X-Pro 1. As you can see from Ryan’s work here, the D4 does create AMAZING photos. http://www.ryanbrenizer.com/2012/05/review-nikon-d4/

But, why bring along an X-Pro 1 to a friend’s wedding shoot? Is not the D4 enough? And LOOK AT THE COLOUR compared to the X-Pro 1. Can you see what I am talking about? The tone? The feel? There is just… something… about FUJI colour that makes my heart want to hold it forever. Nikon… is just a little… yellow/green. And I know those images from the D4 are not straight-out-of-camera JPEGS. The X-PRO1 images very likely are.

Note the D3 in the camera size comparison shot (Where is his D4? Is the X-Pro 1 BEFORE his D4 purchase?). Note the death of all Sony attempts at setting industry standards (BETAMAX, memory stick, XQD?). Note the smaller, mirrorless system creep-up on all DSLRs for pros. Note that Canon, Sony, and Fuji are all competing in those spaces with their own sensors that they have 100% access to the full image quality from because they design the sensor in-house.

Note to Nikon: You DON’T have a lot of wiggle room here to rest on your reputation and skate over this storm. What happened to the D2H sensor? A 4mp beast that resolved incredibly higher than its MP rating if I am not mistaken. That was Nikon’s in-house sensor… and its development just died. I read a wildlife photographer that picked up a D2H and the files were very good for the time it was developed. With everyone focused on the megapixel race, Nikon focused on quality. Maybe I am a loner again, but I liked the D2H files that I saw from the Nikon website.

What happened?

I love Nikon. I would even take a D4 if given one (actually, I would prefer a D3s if I am being 100% honest), but I am not alone in wanting more from Nikon than it has delivered. This review also swayed my move to Canon and away from the D4.


For a 16mp, APS-C size sensor in the X-Pro 1, that FUJI X-TRANS would wipe out BOTH Canon and Nikon if they ever… ever… put out even a half respected DSLR body. If you look at their pro-sumer line, they are getting there.

Even Canon shooters are using the X-Pro 1 professionally.


I really like the Canon colour (and may soon love it in the 1Dx) as it has been getting my attention over the years… but still… to date, even with the 1Dx… this is how I dumb-it-down between Nikon and Canon in terms of colour quality.

Nikon… skin tones are chalky, no life, no zest.

Canon… skin tones are milky, like a good white chocolate.

Fuji… skin tones are PERFECT!!!

With my FUJI S5… either I got faster and better at colour correction… or the sensor just NAILS COLOUR/EXPOSURE no matter what light you are in EVERY TIME! I swear, I could shoot a wedding and if I had to, just hand the cards over at the end of the night. The jpegs are THAT good. My assistant was stunned that I shoot straight to JPEG. Or, scared to death if she had to do it to be more accurate. When I went to the S5, I was colour correcting my own work in 1/3 of the time because the files were that much of an improvement over my S3. I am impressed to hear (and see) that some of the 1Dx out-of-camera jpegs are also that good.

But still… that FUJI colour. The Fuji sensor was not perfect. It was softer to be sure, much like the D4, but the X-Pro1 seems to have resolved that issue. I still believe many are saying not for landscapes or true sharp and deep depth of field images. The APS-C size, while amazing, does not compare to full-frame pixel well depth in that regard.

But man… can you just imagine what a full-frame X-TRANS sensor in a Nikon body would create?

I still might go with a 5D Mark III and an X-PRO 1 for weddings. I just don’t know. But that larger pixel well on the 1Dx is what I want. The greater dynamic range and lower noise is not just marketing jargon.

Canon EOS 1Dx Hands-on Review

Scrub to 11:30 in that video if it does not work as the pixel depth and ISO is compared between the 1Dx and the Mark III.

I have done a lot or research on these two cameras. I still want to get a D4 and a 1Dx in my hands for a week to play with if I can. But I suspect… the 1Dx is going to win and sadly, the D4 will confirm all I have so far learned about it from you and others linked above.

As a Nikon shooter, I am seriously concerned this D4/D800 gaff could put Nikon into bankruptcy. Especially with the simultaneous release by Canon of the 1D C cinema camera… and 1D X in one body. This is NOT a normal time in digital photography… the stills+motion movement is coming, and Nikon just might get left behind.

As you noted Nikon finding out via the accounting department – “stiff market competition” and declining sales. And as I pointed out above, Nikon just does NOT have the wiggle room to NOT respond to customers and loyal users. They simply do not have the deep R&D pockets nor capital/corporate base of Canon. I would not be surprised to see FUJI outright purchase Nikon if it gets that bad and if they really want a piece of the pro DSLR market. Being smaller has worked in Nikon’s favour in the past as they have always found a way to do more with less and catapult far in front of other competitors (The D1) by using that smaller company magic of creating outstanding cameras for professionals.

But something has gone wrong. Horrifically wrong by the looks of things. It looks like Nikon decided to relax with the D4 thinking the D3 put them ahead of Canon for good.

I mean come on… in camera HDR is all Joe McNally is asking for… and Canon is the one to do it just for him in the Mark III?

Change… is the only constant.

Kodak thought they had deep enough history and loyalty to survive the digital revolution.

I think Nikon might be at risk of facing the same fate as Kodak if they don’t respond to professional complaints and customer needs.

Thanks again for saving me $10,000+ on Nikon gear I would regret the moment I looked at my first out-of-camera jpeg.

UPDATE 22/3/2013: The Lord of the Speedlights just published his full review of the Fuji X100s. It just confirms everything the letter above already discussed, and then some. Looks like I’ll have to get the finance department here at Canon USA to allocate some budget to get a couple of those babies so I can uh… use them for R&D and uh… competitive analysis. *clears throat*

Introducing the Nikon 1D Mark III (AKA the piece of shit D800)

The Nikon 1D Mark III (AKA D800)

The Nikon 1D Mark III (AKA D800)

Even when I’m on a well deserved vacation this God forsaken industry refuses to allow me to get some rest. Here I was trying to relax on the beach on a beautiful sunny day in the Bahamas, quietly sipping some exotic looking drink I can’t remember the name of, when my phone starts going crazy. Facebook, SMS, Email, Whatsapp – fucking everything started giving me notifications while at the same time calls were being diverted from the office as well. Similar to a crazy war veteran, I started getting flashbacks from 2008 when the 1D Mark III debacle was still upon us and started reciting prayers in my mind hoping to God this was not related to issues with the 1DX or 5D Mark III.

Turns out all the fuss was about the piece of shit Nikon D800 and D4 winning the EISA 2012-2013 camera of the year awards. If you ever had any doubt about all these awards and reviews in this industry being nothing more than a big fucking joke, then I’m hoping that this will remove all doubt. Just check this out:

The EISA judges said: “The best professional camera of the year is Nikon’s full frame 16-million-pixel D4, for its ability to deliver the highest image quality even in extremely difficult conditions. Tests performed by EISA magazines found the camera has an exceptional combination of high resolution, wide dynamic range, very low noise levels even at ISO 12800, super-fast autofocus, short response time and high frame rates that can be maintained for very long sequences. The body is rugged and well protected against dust and moisture. The viewfinder delivers a sharp, comfortable and very precise view of what will be recorded. Almost perfect handling makes the D4 very easy and pleasant to use and we especially like the new joystick control that’s available whether the camera is in the horizontal or vertical position. The D4 also delivers very high video quality thanks to its uncompressed output.”

This is just pure hogwash. High video quality? BAHAHAHAHA right, with all the softness, moire and aliasing? Looks like the EISA judges aren’t aware of Philip Bloom’s review:

And highest image quality? With the shitty JPEG engine in both the D4 and D800?? Please, don’t make me laugh. Even the 5D Mark III JPEG images look better than the D4 images:

So, what can be taken away from this test? Well, the 5DIII kicks the daylights out of the D4, no doubt about it. The kickers that make the 5DIII even more superior: it has 6Mp more resolution than the D4 and only costs half as much. Talk about getting bang for your buck!

And also:

After comparing the sets of images in Lightroom and comparing the two cameras, there wasn’t exactly a clear winner. The Nikon D4 seemed to have cleaner highlights, while the Canon 1Dx appeared to have better contrast and possibly cleaner shadows. In the end, if we have to award a point here and pick a winner, it’s the Nikon D4 – by a hair. Still, the Canon 1Dx still has slightly more pleasing colour and overall image tone.

Not to mention the awful as fuck green screen on both the D4 and D800 that makes everyone, including Ken Rockwell, want to shoot with Canon instead:

Matt is not alone in noticing this issue with the Nikon D4, as a simple internet search will instantly reveal many others complaining of the same green screen issue. Matt has actually called Nikon about the issue and feels that Nikon may have been a bit coy in their response when they claimed that this was the first they have heard of it, and boldly claimed that the D4 has a more actuate screen than its predecessors. Maybe Nikon doesn’t have the internet?

Needless to say, the greenish cast that the Nikon D4 exhibits is enough of an issue to put Matt into a big decision scenario; stay with Nikon or switch to Canon? Though there have been reports and claims of fixes and work-arounds to counter the green screen issue, we found that none have been effective in resolving it. Canon has an incredibly enticing system in the 1DX…is it enough to sway Matt away from his beloved Nikon system after over a decade of professional loyalty?

And super-fast autofocus on the D4? Well, certainly these guys seem to disagree with those fucking EISA idiots:

The previous tests were close to call. This wasn’t. The Canon 1Dx ABSOLUTELY DESTROYED the Nikon D4 in the AF speed test. It was almost three times faster than the Nikon. Where the D4 was yielding an average of just under one image per second, the 1Dx was handily snapping three. Even more telling was the hesitation that the Nikon D4 seemed to display, at times not knowing if it should continue to focus forward, or head back. In contrast, the Canon 1Dx just ripped it to shreds, launching it’s AF like a shotgun, sure and confident, every time.
Matt, who has over a decade of experience with Nikon cameras & lenses was absolutely blown away by the Canon performance here. He echoed himself over and over again for hours afterward, saying “I can’t believe how fast that Canon can drive those lenses…”  A clear winner in the Canon 1Dx

No wonder these guys are considering getting the 1DX instead of the D4:

And high resolution? The 1DX wins here with 18MP – 2 MP more than the D4. High frame rates? Again 1DX wins with 14fps compared to 10fps on the D4.

So you tell me: Apart from some obviously huge Nikon cocks, what the bloody fuck are those EISA judges smoking? The 1DX should have been the winner here.

Judges from EISA are seen here testing a Nikon D800 in the field

Judges from EISA are seen here testing a Nikon D800 in the field

And then there’s the D800. Oh God, the D800. I’ve spent a number of posts discussing this stinking heap of crap in the past already. First we had those fucking idiots at DxOLabs blatantly misleading everyone with their claims. Now it looks like these morons from EISA also want to join in and continue to mislead the entire fucking industry with the D800, strangely while the press stands by and watches it happen. This is what the fuckwads at EISA would have you believe:

The EISA judges said: “This year’s best camera is the Nikon D800. Its 36-million-pixel full frame sensor offers exceptionally high resolution capture and, according to EISA magazine tests, no compromises have been made to the extent of the camera’s dynamic range or noise levels at high ISO settings. In a compact and reasonably priced, strong and sturdy body, it offers first-rate metering and a 51-point autofocus system developed from the professional D4. The camera has a clear and bright 100% viewfinder that is very precise and comfortable to use even for glasses wearers. The tiny flash can command additional Nikon flash units and delivers just the right amount of fill-in illumination even in complex lighting conditions. The D800E version delivers even higher resolution images without needing any post processing sharpening: the image quality comes close to that of a medium format camera, but with the benefits and versatility of a lightweight 35mm reflex camera.”

No compromises have been made with noise levels at high ISO settings? I beg to differ.

D800 sucks balls

D800 sucks balls

And also:

How can it be that the D800 gets a better score for low light high ISO shooting (2853 ISO), while clearly the 5D Mark III has less noise at the high ISO values????? Clearly there’s something seriously wrong here, and DxOMark is misleading everyone with their overall scores. In the noise graph above the 5D Mark III is in the middle, and when it comes to the scores, suddenly the D800 performs better. But even from the sample pictures above, it’s clear that the D800 performs worse at the high ISO values. So how can it get a higher score for low light shooting on DxOMark??

Don’t forget what Ken Rockwell said:

The Canon EOS 5D Mark III is the world’s best digital SLR. It easily lets us create smooth, clean, beautiful and colorful images in any sort of light. It handles much better my cheaper Nikon D800 and D800E; my 5D Mark III handles and sounds smoother, quieter, feels better and makes better-looking images than my Nikon D800E. The 5D Mark III also has the best LCD ever put in a DSLR, while the LCD on my Nikon D800E is smaller in actual use, and most importantly, the Nikon’s LCD isn’t color-accurate. My 5D Mark III LCD is big, bold, bright, sharp, clear, colorful and accurate, and automatically varies its brightness brilliantly for use in any light. (My D800E also has auto LCD brightness control, but doesn’t work well enough to want to use it.)

To shooters upgrading from the Nikon D800 and D800E, the Mark III is greatly improved over the Mark II, while the Nikon D800 and D800E are a step backwards in ergonomics and LCD quality from the D700. Therefore the status quo has reversed; I used to prefer Nikon, while today with the 5D Mark III, I greatly prefer it to my D800E. Pixels impress amateurs, while guys like me who shoot every day for a living are more impressed at how my 5D Mark III lets me get more of the right pixels faster, not just more of the wrong ones. 

The 5D Mark III is the world’s best DSLR. It’s a huge improvement over the 5D Mark II due to the improvements from automatic color fringe correction, and the greatly improved power, depth-of-field and playback controls. If you shoot Canon, you deserve one of these.

Obviously those fuckwads at the EISA don’t know what the hell they’re talking about. Because the movie mode of the D800 is crap as well, with all the noise, aliasing and moire. This can be seen in Philip Bloom’s review above, but here’s another:

But the shitty green screen LCD, the noisy-ass images and the horribly aliased and moired video are the least of your concerns if the universe hates you so much that today you somehow find yourself owning a D800. A bigger concern for you should be the malfunctioning autofocus system on the D800, that as of right now, is shaping up to become the equivalent of the 1D Mark III debacle for Nikon.

So here you have a camera with a 36MP sensor, that’s so fucking overhyped with regards to the resolution that it supposedly produces (which in reality isn’t that much more compared tot he 5D Mark III), but apparently you can’t actually focus accurately to take advantage of the resolution on the sensor. I have to say, this reminds me of the 5D Mark II which had a similar problem. Fortunately Canon Inc. got their act together with the 5D Mark III, but all of you Nikon morons are now fucked with the D800. Similar to the green screen LCD, Nikon apparently refuses to really acknowledge the autofocus problem on the D800. Nikon whore Thom Hogan already had the following to say about it:

The one thing I think Nikon is getting wrong here is this: Nikon knows they messed up and shipped some number of defective cameras. Yet they are defacto forcing the customer not only to detect the problem, but to pay for shipping of the unit back to Nikon for repair. I think the least Nikon could (and should) do is this: for every camera they receive that actually gets fixed by this new recalibration test, Nikon should refund the shipping cost to the customer. If I were in charge, I’d go further than that and try to find some small reward I could include above and beyond that, along with a note of apology.

Yes, that’s costly. But so is a US$3000 camera that doesn’t focus right. Why is the customer the one that gets punished here?

Here’s more from Thom Hogan:

 August 7 updated (commentary)–Consider this email: “I got the estimate today for my D800 AF repair; it’s listed as a B2 repair and they want to charge me $245 for the repair as I did not include the bill of sale. I called and asked them if there were any D800’s out of warranty and they insisted that it was procedure. I was bucked up to a supervisor who also insisted that I needed to send them a bill of sale.”

Let’s see, the camera has a NikonUSA sticker on it, the serial number starts with 30, the camera has only been out for a couple of months, the camera was registered immediately on purchase on the Nikon site, need I say more? In short, Nikon’s customer support has always been on the poor side, but making customers jump through hoops to service a known problem is just pathetic. Oh, did I mention that the person in question was an NPS member and someone who has taught photography for 30 years? Just how many students do you think he might influence as to camera decisions?

Nikon morons are literally filling up the Internet with their complaints regarding the autofocus issues on the piece of shit D800. Here’s a screenshot taken on Nikon Rumors:

Nikon D800 is fucked

Nikon D800 is fucked


“Many loyal customers are now switching to 5d mark III or 1DX due to superior AF  system and better low light capabilities.”


Those Nikon morons really need stupid fucks like DxOLabs and EISA to make them feel better about spending their money on the worthless crap that is the D800.

That’s just fucking hilarious. Here’s what Lloyd Chambers has to say:

But after testing today with my D800 and D800E both just back from Nikon, my conclusion remains the same as what I initially showed in my review of the Nikon D800: the D800 /D800E has poor autofocus precision, and that’s with the center focusing sensor, which is the best one (one example). In short, the asymmetry issue is a footnote issue compared to the fundamental problem of poor precision in general.

In my testing today under the same conditions, the Canon 5D Mark III + 85mm f/1.2L II achieved both high precision and high accuracy, similar to what I found with the Canon 1D X autofocus. If anything, an ƒ/1.2 lens is more of a challenge than an ƒ/1.4. lens.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Lloyd, man, just get a 5D Mark III or a 1DX and throw that piece of shit D800 in the river.

And similarly, you may want to check out this website with a discussion of the D800 issues. Here’s the end result after some failed attempts at getting it fixed:

My choice(s)? Getting rid of a defective product, not bothering to check the My Nikon website each day for reasonable answers that never come, skipping the robotic conversations full of empathy but no meaningful information, not risking an additional failed attempt by Nikon’s Service Center to fix my D800, not wasting my time taking photos of test charts, and using the camera I already have. The good news? My doctor also tells me that, with time, the phenomenon of seeing Siemens Stars everywhere will eventually subside. 😉 And if Nikon will reimburse me $73 for the scenic, but fruitless trip my D800 took to Melville, I suspect I will feel even better.

So once again, my D7000 is glad the D800 has left our home. And this time… so am I.

Here are some quotes from the comments:

Nikon’s stupidity and arrogance are beyond belief!…or are they?  As much as I and many respect this site, Thom Hogan, the more sane posters at dpreview, etc., many D800 owners,such as those Thom met in Alaska, have no idea they have a defective camera and a manufacturer whom doesn’t give a damn.
Galbraith is offline, Nikon Reviews is apparently a shill, Kelby is all self-promotion now—who is going to speak up for poorly treated Nikon customers?
It unfortunately seems that there are many cameras Nikon cannot fix with recalibration. If recal was the solution, they would have done it a long time ago. It is a stopgap measure which can improve some cameras, but there must be a major manufacturing/structural error which is so expensive for Nikon to fix or replace, they have decided not to do it. That is why there has been no public statement.
So, if you have a camera they cannot “fix” with recal, Nikon has abandoned you.  What can we do about it?
No class action suit unless someone is injured (your response when I suggested this previously)?  I’m not an expert or a lawyer.
Nikon needs to pay for this, in more ways than one. What can we do?
Those readers who have suggested we need a kinder, gentler response to those nice Nikon people need not apply.


After hearing of the mess Nikon has made of this problem and comparing it to my experience with my first Nikon, the D5000, I am seriously considering selling all of my Nikon equipment and moving to Canon.


I finally got my D800 back from Melville, exactly a month after sending it in due to extremely inconsistent af. I of course had to cover the shipping and insurance costs. I tested it once again and found that it was in much worse condition than before sending it in. Before I sent it in the center point was slightly off and the edges were a complete mess. After receiving it back the edges are slightly better but the rest of it is absolutely horrendous, including the center! The af is so bad that I can even see through the viewfinder that it is not grabbing focus and it goes without saying that the resulting images are completely fuzzed. I am using charts and multiple lenses to test, i.e 24 1.4, 35 1.4, 24-70 2.8 and so forth. I am comparing all my results to lv which is perfect.

Being a full time photographer with multiple Nikon bodies and lenses including the D4, I am somewhat astonished and appalled  by the conversations I have had with Nikon and with the treatment I am receiving.

I wish I had returned my body when I had the chance but wrongly trusted Nikon repair to do the right thing. It’s back in a box heading to Melville yet again and my fingers are crossed that I do not get stuck with a $3000 lemon.

My D800 is back from the second repair attempt. The left focus issue is not resolved. Maybe I can return it back to Amazon after 5 months of use … unbelievable …

After reading your story and several others in a number of forums I am convinced that I made the right decision when I returned my D800 to the vendor. As much as I like the D800 I cannot bring myself to spend $3k on something with a known defect that Nikon can’t seem to repair.

My D800 came back from Melville today UNREPAIRED. El Segundo had it for 19 days and couldn’t fix it. Melville received it Tuesday, overnighted it to me last night and it is still not focusing on the left. This issue was escalated to Nikon’s Sr. Management (I spoke to them on the phone yesterday) and they still could not get it right.


Those of you who ended up buying this piece of garbage can try to get sharp images by reading this post of mine.

How to get sharp images with a Nikon D800

How to get sharp images with a Nikon D800

What a nightmare for Nikon and all those Nikon morons who bought into the D800 hype. I warned all of you from the very beginning that the D800 was a piece of shit. I warned you, you poor pathetic fools, I warned you. But ya just wouldn’t listen. Some people have emailed me and called me a prophet or psychic, but with my 30 years of experience in this industry, “predicting” this stuff is a piece of cake. I’m not called the Canon Camera Guru for nothing – I fucking earned that title!

And honestly, when Nikon was caught using footage from the 5D Mark II to promote the D800, you had to realize the video quality from the D800 was probably nowhere near good enough to sell the camera. Certainly, as we’ve seen, it sucks compared to the 5D Mark III.



So what do those fuckwads from EISA have to say about this??? Does this camera really deserve a camera of the year award? Honestly? As far as I’m concerned, Nikon can go ahead an rebrand the D800 to become the Nikon 1D Mark III. It fucking deserves that title!

Everywhere you look right now, people are impressed with the 1DX and 5D Mark III, especially with regards to the autofocus system. Both of these cameras are using the new 61-point AF system with 41 cross-type points that just kicks incredible amounts of ass in terms of speed and accuracy.

But there’s something seriously wrong in Europe. Nikon appears to have some strong influence on key organizations and publications in Europe. DxOLabs is one, but EISA clearly is also biased towards Nikon. I’ve already sent an email to Mitarai to have this situation thoroughly investigated.

CLEARLY what you can get out of all of the above, is that the Canon 1DX and Canon 5D Mark III are really the best DSLR cameras available today. Everyone who is honest and isn’t biased or influenced by Nikon says this. You simply cannot come to a different conclusion GOD DAMMIT!!!!1

Now all of you stop bothering me and let me enjoy the rest of my vacation.

5D Mark III, D800, D4 – DXOMark Sucks Balls

I just got off of the phone with Mitarai. We had a lengthy discussion about the imaging division at Canon and the way we’re heading right now with EOS. We also discussed some of the more recent issues and the need for better quality control. Things are looking very good for the future right now at Canon especially now that he took over again from Uchida.

It’s been very hectic around here recently and I just couldn’t find enough time to update the blog. There was NAB and the whole launch of the EOS C500 and 1DC cameras and a lot of other stuff going on behind the scenes. Plus the press was all over me for weeks. Everyone wanted a piece of the “legendary” Chuck Westfall. I felt like a Hollywood celebrity. And it’s fun, I have to admit, but it can really wear you down. I’ve felt exhausted for weeks. Fortunately I’ve had some time to rest and as you can see I’m back on the blog to address some really burning issues.

First let me get the NAB interview issues out of the way. Here’s an interview Engadget did with me:

I was fucking pissed off when I saw the interview on their website later that day. Those guys seriously need to get some lessons in how to properly do video interviews. First of all, only my mouth is constantly in the frame. If you’re going to interview someone as important as me, at least make sure my face is fully visible in the goddamn frame. Secondly, the sound is fucking horrible. This is so disappointing for such a big website like Engadget. I’ve seen small bloggers do videos with better sound! Very disappointing production values from Engadget.

Dan Chung from DPreview did a much better job interviewing me here:

Framing was good, audio much better, but I almost punched him in the face when he kept repeating how expensive the 1DC is to him. He said it once, what’s the fucking point of repeating it constantly? What the hell did he expect me to say? If you don’t have the money, simply don’t buy it for fuck’s sake! It’s not like Canon Inc. is begging or forcing you to buy it, okay? Just fucking get a 60D or something. Or a Digital Rebel. Anything! But don’t annoy me by constantly whining about the price of the 1DC while recording it! I’m warning you – and this goes to all of you in the press – if you want to get punched in the face the next time you interview me, just repeat Dan Chung’s performance in this video!

Mitch from Planet5D did a much, much better interview with me. You can really tell I enjoyed talking to Mitch during this interview.

And then there was this interview with Scott Bourne from Photofocus.

Scott made me feel really important and powerful, legendary even, and I especially loved the intro. Thanks Scott, looking forward to seeing you again!

Now, on to a more important issue. Those fucking ganja smoking Europeans at DxO Labs are at it again. While everyone expected the 5D Mark III to score at least as good as, and possibly even better, than the Nikon D800 and Nikon D4, it scored far lower on DXOMark. Just look at this sad picture:

DXOMark Sucks Balls

I’ve said it before 3 years ago, and I’m not going to repeat myself:

Go ahead and believe those morons at DxO Labs if you want to. Who are you going to believe? A bunch of ganja smoking Europeans who don’t have anything to do and slapped up a website with some “data” to kill some time, or your own eyes? And get this, according to them the Nikon D90 has a better sensor compared to the Canon EOS 5D? Daat’s riiight, mon! When you ees high, ewrytheeng ees possybal!

Honestly, can the 5D Mark III score so much lower than the piece of shit D800? We’ve already established and discussed to death on this blog the fact that the D800 is a piece of shit camera:

But since a lot of people apparently seem to go through life completely brain-dead, let’s fucking take a look at it again.

First of all, even DXOMark shows that the 5D Mark III has lower noise compared to the D800.

5D Mark III lower noise

5D Mark III has less noise compared to the D800

From the graph you would think that the difference in noise performance between the 5D Mark III and the D800 isn’t that big. But once you look at some sample images, you see how big the difference is. The noise on the D800 is fucking terrible. Here’s a comparison of RAW images on DPReview:

D800 sucks balls

D800 sucks balls

That’s just nasty. It’s even slightly worse than the 7D. And this is at ISO 3200 but essentially this is a problem at all ISO values. And don’t forget the color dithering and image banding which we had already discussed in a previous post:

Nikon D800 VS the Canon EOS 1DX Image Quality


And in JPEG mode the 5D Mark III is sharper than both the D800 and even the D4. Where the fuck is all the supposedly extra resolution on the D800?

D800 sucks balls

Soft and muddy piece of shit image quality of the D800

The comparison above is from DPReview, at ISO 6400. But at all ISO values the 5D Mark III images are sharper in JPEG mode. Apparently both the D800 and D4 have some kind of shitty JPEG processing engine. We had already seen that the 5D Mark III has better image quality than the D4.

Here’s a comparison from Cameralabs that clearly shows the cleaner and sharper images from the 5D Mark III in JPEG mode:

5D Mark III VS D800


The noise on the D800 is so bad, that even in Live View it becomes an issue when trying to focus in low light situations:

D800 Live View Sucks Balls

D800 Live View Sucks Balls BAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!!!!!!1

To be fair, the sensor in the D800 is better when it comes to dynamic range at low ISO values:

DXO Mark Sucks


But what’s the use of more dynamic range when there’s also more noise, color dithering and banding and when the JPEG images are fucking soft? The amount of detail you can get out of the shadows is pretty impressive at ISO 100 on the D800, but at higher ISO values the noise is going to become a problem. And as you can see, above ISO 800 the 5D Mark III actually takes over with better dynamic range. Combined with the lower noise, the 5D Mark III is definitely the better camera for low light shooting (think events, weddings, concerts etc. etc.).

And with the superior AF system on the 5D Mark III even in low light, and the higher frame rate, the 5D Mark III is a definite winner. The review below clearly shows the difference between the AF systems of the 5D Mark III and D800.

There’s also the review of the 5D Mark III by Kay from DigitalRev that caught my attention. I think everyone else should take this review as an example. In general I think all camera review videos should contain more young pretty asian girls. Especially if it’s a review of a Canon camera. Please do take notes.

Those of you who know me personally know that I have a thing for asian women. Hell, I’ve been married to one for years now.

Asian Girl

Holy hell

There’s just something about asian women that drives me crazy. They look so.. exotic. I’ve never been able to quite put my finger on it. But anyway, you’ll note that the 5D Mark III easily locked focus on the subject in the review. Although I must admit that this was not a particularly challenging situation for the AF system. I know for a fact that I would have easily locked focus on the subject myself, had I been there. Ahem.

Photographer Ryan Brenizer riverdanced his way through a wedding recently with the 5D Mark III and raved about the AF system on the camera being better than even the D3s.

Has Canon finally fixed the autofocus in the 5D line? In a word? Abso-freaking-lutely. The autofocus is accurate, fast, and a pleasure to use — in some ways moreso than the Nikon D3s. I immediately turned off all sensors except the extra-sensitive cross-type sensors — and still had 41 left! Combined with the joystick, I never have to play the focus and recompose game very much unless I want my point of focus to be at the very edge of the frame. And even then I can get it close enough to not compromise the accuracy of my focal plane, which can matter when you’re shooting with a lens like the 50mm f/1.2L

Not surprising given that the AF system on the 5D Mark III is the same one from the 1DX. The only significant issue Brenizer had was with the lower dynamic range in the images from the 5D Mark III, but only when significantly pushing the exposure in post.

Sir Philip Bloom of London did an excellent review of the video capabilities of the 5D Mark III, check it out below.

Bloom recently also compared the video capabilities of the 5D Mark III to the D800 and D4, and the 5D Mark III is the clear winner as far as I’m concerned. The only issue Bloom had with the 5D Mark III is the soft video out of the camera, but which can be sharpened to become quite excellent in post. Compare that to the “too damn soft” video on the D4 which remains crap even in post and the fucking horrible aliasing and moire on the D800 with lots of noise at higher ISO values that you’ll never be able to fix in post even if Jesus himself was assisting you. Here’s what Bloom had to say about the D800:

It does have some downsides to it. I was very very scared when I heard about the really high megapixel count of 36 megapixels. It’s absolutely insane! I don’t need that for stills and I certainly don’t want it for video. And the low light performance does suffer because of that.

Again, up yours DxO Labs!!!!

The winner, also for video: 5D Mark III!

However, the best part of the above comparision by Bloom is really the absolutely lovely Diana:

The lovely Diana

Yeah that’s right, get her drunk Philip!

When Diana appeared on screen I lost all interest in what Bloom was talking about. I believe he said something about the noise on the cameras but I can’t be sure. The audio just got completely blurred out in my mind. All I cared about was Diana. I immediately fell in love. She is so cute it hurts to watch this whole comparison sequence. I’ll be forever grateful to anyone who can send me her email address and a link to her Facebook profile. Who cares about the noise performance of any goddamn DSLR when Diana is on screen? Honestly? Even with the horrible noise on the D800 Diana still looks absolutely gorgeous! And when you watch this sequence, pay attention to how Bloom gets her to drink bottle after bottle of beer. You’ll even see her on screen going “Drink again now?”, no doubt responding to Bloom’s frequent requests to keep taking another sip. Nice going there Philip, this is a really great way to get a girl drunk. Bastard. You shagged her didn’t you? Don’t fucking lie to me, man! You got her drunk, declared the shoot a wrap and brought her to your hotel room, didn’t you!? You lucky bastard.

Seeing as how the D800 performs worse compared to the 5D Mark III when image quality is concerned, both for stills AND video (noise, softness), you tell me how the fuck those cock sucking morons at DxO Labs ended up with such a high score for the D800 sensor? Someone please tell me, because for the life of me, I’ll never be able to figure it out. Nikon probably paid a load of money to DxO Labs and possibly signed some long term advertising contracts and sponsorship deals to be able to position the D800 and D4 so high above the 5D Mark III. No other explanation makes sense.

When reviewing all the information above about both the 5D Mark III and the D800, it should be quite clear to anyone that the 5D Mark III wins. Overall it is the best camera to have for both stills and video and the image quality is clearly superior in both cases.


DxO Labs can take their fucking worthless sensor database and cram it up their ass!

UPDATE 14 May 2012:

I just saw this comparison video of the 5D Mark III and the D800. Pay attention to the conclusion, especially you Nikon morans! Check it out:

See why that guy chose the 5D Mark III instead? Because of the great fucking image quality! Nikon can’t even handle something as basic as white balance correctly for Christ’s sake. And the aliasing and moire are fucking horrible. Plus the 5D Mark III’s AF is better.

Shut Down Notice 3-Year Anniversary!

Today it’s exactly 3 years ago that Canon Inc. tried to make me take down my own blog and failed miserably. It didn’t occur to me before, but Canon Inc. must have REALLY loved my blog to have wanted to take it down on Valentine’s Day. I sat down today thinking and asking myself if I’ve really been doing this blog for so long. It’s almost unbelievable to me. It’s like I began this blog yesterday and today it’s already 3 years later. How time flies.

And how much has changed ever since that day too. While I was constantly frustrated by Canon Inc. back then, these days I find myself writing more about Nikon fuckups. How times have changed! I’ve said it before recently, but it seems like the dawn of a new era here at Canon. Everywhere I look people are of the same opinion. Canon and Nikon appear to be trading places. If I were you Nikon morons, I’d pray to God the D4 won’t have autofocus issues!

Remember when I said:

Especially point 2 is going to be a huge problem from now on. Seeing how Canon Inc. were doing their best to listen to the feedback we were giving them during the development of the 1DX and other new models, I just couldn’t continue to give them hell on my blog like I used to. It just wouldn’t be fair. I wanted to write about the positive developments, but obviously I can’t discuss unannounced camera models here on my blog, and also, I didn’t want to get too optimistic too soon. I’ve done that in the past and got burned. It seemed like Canon Inc. were listening, but you never really know until the official announcement is made and everything is pretty much set in stone.

Now, you might say it’s just me, but check this out:

If I had to summarize one theme of Canon’s work on the 1D X it has to be “we’ve heard you”. Canon as done so many things to catch up with the Nikon D3s and D3x as well as extending its lead in video. Of course if they just did that then there would be little to be excited about, but I’m pleased to say that this is just the beginning.

Even Moses had the folowing to say:

Could 2012 be the year where Canon makes a serious comeback in the professional photography industry? Well, from the looks of it, it’s going to get very exciting for photographers using Canon equipment.

I’m telling you, times are changing for Canon. I’m fucking energized! We’re going to fucking rock this industry like never before. This is no time for Nikon to be releasing a D800 with color banded, color dithered, and noisificated blurry images! We’re going to fucking own the D800. Just wait and see.

And wherever I look, even Nikon morons can’t help but admit that the D800 image quality is crap:

The Nikon D800 sounded like a dream come true, especially the one without the AA filter. I was even thinking of having the AA filter removed on my D700 at one time. After one of the posters posted that fake Chuck Westfall link though, I realized that perhaps the D800 ISN’T what I want. The guy who writes for the site might be a total crazy Canon guy, but the pictures don’t lie.

Exactly, pictures don’t lie. And I’ve shown in previous posts how much truth they’re telling us. As a side note, I liked this reply on that comment:

Think you’ve missed the oint of ‘Fake Chuck Westfall’. Chuck Westfall is Canon USA marketing’s faux techie who pops up with each Canon release saying how brilliant it is. Fake Chuck Westfall takes the whole thing further for comedic effect. Either you like broad satire or you don’t.

So really, things are looking positive for Canon. However, I am worried about one thing, and that is that Canon Inc. are getting a bit unrealistic about their pricing. I don’t know what the fuck they’re smoking in Tokyo these days, but it can’t be good. Yes the 1DX is an outstanding camera, but $6800? Really? Does it have to be that expensive? I’ve given my feedback on this, believe me, but I think the Japanese are getting a little too overconfident after all the positive reactions. The 1DX is almost $1000 more expensive than the D4.  Even the C300 was a bit too expensive for most at $16000. And the G1X, it’s an awesome camera and it fucking annihilated everything in and above its class as far as image quality is concerned. But $800? That’s a bit too expensive for a compact camera if you ask me.

And now we’ve got the EF 24-70mm f/2.8L II lens at $2300!! Again, almost $1000 more expensive than the older version! Don’t get me wrong, the lens is absolutely fantastic!! I’ve been shooting with one for the last 3 weeks on my 1DX and I keep being amazed with how good it is. But $2300? That is pushing it a little.

Nikon WT-5

$900????? WTF??

To be fair, it’s not just Canon Inc. who’re going crazy with the pricing. Nikon announced the pricing of the WT-5 wireless transmitter for the D4, and it’s almost $900!! Nine hundred dollars for a fucking small piece of plastic with an antenna! Now THAT takes the cake! I mean really, how much can really be in that tiny piece of plastic? The whole webserver functionality is inside the goddamn camera. And they charge $900 for a fucking antenna? Perhaps they saw how Scott Kelby went nuts over it and could certainly see him paying $900 for this. From the way Kelby went crazy for this transmitter, I’d even be willing to bet that he’d pay $5000 for it. Especially considering what he had to use before this LMFAO, namely the Nikon WT-4 “Wireless” transmitter. If you want to know why I’m laughing my ass off, read this.

Kelby D4

Sad... just... sad...

And some of you have complained about the lack of IS on the EF 24-70mm f/2.8L II lens, and I have to say that we’ve had a few prototypes with IS but ultimately Tokyo decided to go with the non-IS version. The conclusion was that the lens was already too good to add IS to it. It’s so sharp that it’ll take a lot of movement on your part to introduce any kind of blurring in your images. In fact, I would recommend that you intentionally shake your hands a little while taking pictures with this lens to introduce a little motion blur, just so that your images won’t appear to be over sharpened. Yep, it’s that sharp. And before you mention it, yes, yes, I know even Tamron has one with IS, but I explained previously in a comment why Tamron’s 24-70 needs IS:

Tamron lenses are worthless. Just Google it, they fall apart if you just bring them into sunlight. No self-respecting professional wants to be seen with a Tamron lens in public. Understand that. Now the 24-70mm f/2.8L II is a great lens. It’s so great it doesn’t need IS. The Tamron has IS because the glass elements inside the lens are loose and shaking all the time because of their shitty engineering. So they put in some IS to try to compensate for that. But even the IS mechanism is loose and bangs around inside the lens so it sucks anyway.

So there you go.

This IS problem people keep bringing up is really a non-issue, just like the headphone jack issue. Someone put it nicely in the comments of a previous post: If you need a headphone jack, buy an iPod.

So anyway, I’m off to play with my 5DX now. Talk to you all later!


Nikon MB-D12 Ass Rape

Nikon MB-D12 Ass Rape

After posting this I came across this piece about the new grip for the D800, the MB-D12, which costs an incredible $600 (on Nikon’s site). This is almost as bad as the Canon ST-E2 Ass-Rape. I think the Japanese (both Canon and Nikon) are preparing to are pentrate us bigtime.

The Empire Strikes Back

Man I’m so tired. The last couple of months have just been soo hectic. There’s so much exciting stuff going on here at Canon, and I  have to tell you I’m starting to really enjoy my work again. Many of you loyal readers will undoubtedly still remember how depressed I was during most of 2009 and 2010. I even developed a drinking problem and started doing drugs. I got hospitalized a couple of times, got into rehab, and really put my family through hell.

But starting in early 2011 things began to change. It seemed like all the feedback we’ve been giving Japan in the previous years started to bring some positive change. Many of you wrote in to ask why I wasn’t updating the blog back then. Well the answer is that 1) I was busy and 2) I honestly had nothing to write about. Especially point 2 is going to be a huge problem from now on. Seeing how Canon Inc. were doing their best to listen to the feedback we were giving them during the development of the 1DX and other new models, I just couldn’t continue to give them hell on my blog like I used to. It just wouldn’t be fair. I wanted to write about the positive developments, but obviously I can’t discuss unannounced camera models here on my blog, and also, I didn’t want to get too optimistic too soon. I’ve done that in the past and got burned. It seemed like Canon Inc. were listening, but you never really know until the official announcement is made and everything is pretty much set in stone. So all I could do at the time was make cryptic remarks about exciting times coming to EOS.

When the 1DX was finally announced last year, it was a very emotional moment for me. All the hard work and all the effort we put into making Canon Inc. realize what we wanted paid off in the end. And it’s not just me, but it’s all of you. All the photographers who weren’t afraid and told Canon what they wanted, what sucked, what needed improvement, all of you who supported this blog and left comments with your experiences, all of that helped. Japan took notice.

After the press release for the 1DX went out, I went into my office with tears in my eyes, sat down behind my desk and just cried for 15 minutes. It felt really good, I felt happy. Adachi came into my office moments later and hugged me, and it was clear to both of us that we were heading for a much brighter future with Canon.

Just a few months after that we announced the C300 and I was just ecstatic. The entire industry shook on top of its foundations when the C300 and 1D C were announced. Of course we also had Vincent Laforet, eternal peace and blessings be upon him, with a great new video to show off the C300 too. It was awesome.

Vincent Laforet, peace be with Him

Vincent Laforet, peace be with Him, got his hair done by a professional hair stylist before the C300 launch. Thanks to Philip Bloom for bringing this to our attention.

Philip Bloom has a review of the C300 on Vimeo:


It was immediately clear to everyone that Canon was making a major come back. And we’re going to fucking trash everything out there in the coming months. Remember when I wrote this:

Nikon’s apparent decision to start fucking up really is coming at a bad time. Because here at Canon Inc. we’ve had a couple of months now, okay years actually, to regroup our efforts, and shit are going to happen for Nikon, that much I can tell you. Ever since the release of the D3 Nikon has given us blow after blow, and we haven’t been quite able to answer back. I mentioned in a previous post how the release of the D7000 was like the attack on Pearl Harbor to us, taking out both our 60D and 7D at the  same time – a rather serious offence. And if you saw the movie “Pearl Harbor”, you can maybe remember the scene with the Japanese general after they attacked Pearl Harbor, when he mentioned that “I fear all we have done is to awaken a sleeping giant and fill him with a terrible resolve.” He might also have said “Gentlemen, we have just kicked a rabid dog.” Nikon has either awoken a sleeping giant, or they have kicked a rabid dog, but either way, all I know is that we’re going to fucking own them! Make no mistake about it, Canon Inc. is at war. This is no time for Nikon to be screwing around. Trust me on this.

Well my friends, the sleeping giant has awoken. Not only are we going to fucking own Nikon and Sony, but even RED got owned. RED’s timing to start fucking up with the announcement of the Scarlet-X was pretty terrible. I laughed my ass off when Jannard couldn’t even properly announce the Scarlet-X. This is what happens when a bunch of amateurs think they can go up against Canon Inc. The Scarlet-X was announced 3 years ago for about $3000, has been fucking vaporware ever since, and now all of a sudden you’ll have to pay $14000 for a complete Scarlet-X, and get this >>> if you can actually buy one. Good luck with that. If you get one, I’m sure you’ll appreciate the quality of their forever in beta software too LMAO. But seriously, the C300 has the best image quality and overall features. And remember, the C300 is basically a version 1.0 product and a pretty incredible one at that. The shit is really going to hit the fan for RED when the C300 Mark II hits the market in the future. Not to mention the 1D C.

You absolutely, most certainly, fucking can - Canon

You absolutely, most certainly, fucking can - Canon

And Nikon? LMFAO. Nikon can’t possibly hope to compete. The entire EOS ecosystem is fucking unparalleled in this industry. Make no mistake about it, the sleeping giant is awake. What you guys have witnessed in the last few months is the empire striking back in a very big way.

Remember when I said the following:

Everyone has been busy praising Nikon and Sony in the last few months, either for their outstanding sensors or their recent innovations. But it seems that everyone ignores the fact that Nikon and Sony have only now gotten to a point with their sensors where Canon Inc. had been over 3 years ago! The image quality on the D7000 and the Sony A580 have just recently caught up with the image quality we had 3 years ago on our 40D! The image quality on the D700 that everyone is raving about, existed almost 3 years earlier on the original EOS 5D. Yeah that’s right, fucking recognize! It took Nikon and Sony 3 years to catch up. Imagine where we are now. Yeah sure, we fucked up with our latest sensors, I’ll give you that, but this doesn’t mean we didn’t innovate. We still have our 3 year lead, I promise you, and you’re going to find out about it soon! Y’all better prepare for penetration!

Nikon, Sony and RED had better start stocking up on personal lube.

But don’t take my word for it, you can already see what’s happening with the G1X. Check out what DXO Mark had to say about the G1X, it fucking slaughtered the competition!

The Powershot G1X Fucking Rocks

The Powershot G1X Fucking Rocks

The G1X even fucking owns the Nikon 1!!!

The Powershot G1X Fucking Rocks

The Powershot G1X Fucking Rocks

You can see why DXO Mark would call the Powershot G1X the best compact camera ever made. The way it completely trashes the other competing models is just ridiculous. In fact, I’m surprised this is even legal.

It wasn’t so long ago when Nikon was the one on top in DXO Mark benchmarks. In fact, Nikon has been consistently on top in the last 3-4 years:

I know what you’re saying right now, yes I’ve gotten the emails, “but Chuck, these people at DXOMark are saying the Nikon sensors are all better compared to Canon sensors in the same category.” Go ahead and believe those morons at DxO Labs if you want to. Who are you going to believe? A bunch of ganja smoking Europeans who don’t have anything to do and slapped up a website with some “data” to kill some time, or your own eyes? And get this, according to them the Nikon D90 has a better sensor compared to the Canon EOS 5D? Daat’s riiight, mon! When you ees high, ewrytheeng ees possybal!

As you can see I wasn’t quite happy with the results from DxO Labs back then, but obviously now that Canon is ahead in the benchmarks, this no doubt means that their data got a lot more accurate over the years. This shows improvement, and I like that.

But there’s one downside to all of this.

With all of these very positive developments, Canon Inc. is taking the wind out of my sails here on this blog. If they don’t fuck up anymore, what the hell am I going to write about? I may even have to start thinking about shutting down this blog.

Because trust me, you’ve seen nothing yet. The last few releases have just been the tip of the iceberg. There’s a lot more coming to EOS in the following months. Obviously we’ve got the 5DX coming soon, but there’s still more in the pipeline. Our ancient flash system is screaming for a replacement. We’ve got some absolutely killer new lenses coming up. Moses recently wrote about the 8-15mm f/4L Fisheye lens, which those morons at PDN thought wasn’t that great. But we’ve got the 200-400 f/4L 1.4x coming up as well, which is at least as fucking awesome and innovative as the 8-15mm fisheye. If that lens doesn’t win the PDN Gear of the Year award there’s no hope left anymore for anyone at PDN.

So what do you guys think? Personally, I think it’s time for a good cup of cappuccino.

Photographers Gone Wild

I decided to take a short break from playing with my 5DX to write about some crazy photographers that caught my attention last week. Man, we’ve got some seriously crazy people running around in this industry. Take Scott Kelby for example. He went absolutely wild when Nikon let him shoot the D4 for a few hours. I thought Chase Jarvis was hyper, but clearly I had seen nothing yet. Kelby was all over the place. Take a look at the video below:

Kelby went absolutely nuts for some of the features of the D4. I gotta say, I’m happy for the guy, but couldn’t someone tell Kelby that Canon had the wireless tethering functionality with built-in webserver ever since, what, the 1950s or something? All this time Kelby was missing out on some really cool shit. We’ve had that functionality on the 1D Mark III and every 1D after that. All you Nikon morons had to wait at least 5 years for technology we were taking for granted here at Canon. And yes, for a couple of those 5 years Canon photographers mainly used the built-in webserver to transfer out of focus images, I’ll grant you that, but think of the convenience of shooting completely wireless. When you see what Kelby had to use before the D4, you’ll immediately understand why he went nuts:

Nikon WT4

The Nikon WT-4 "Wireless" transmitter. Oh, it's wireless alright.

That’s what Kelby had to use before the D4. I had the biggest belly-laugh in quite a while when I saw this image. My entire desk with everything on it shook as if we were having a major earthquake here in New York. I wonder how Nikon got away with calling this a “Wireless” Transmitter.

Nikon WT4

The Nikon WT-4 "Wireless" Transmitter in action.

Does that look wireless to you? Somehow I thought wireless would look more like the picture below:

Canon 1Ds Mark III / iPhone

At Canon we've had wireless control of the camera from an iPhone ever since the 1D(s) Mark III

No wonder Kelby got so excited. Poor guy. I can’t imagine what it must have been like using the Nikon “Wireless” WT-4. Oh God, what a joke. This just keeps cracking me up.

At the end of the video, a Nikon NPS moron explained the intelligent shutter speed functionality in the D4 when auto ISO is active. Canon photographers have enjoyed that functionality ever since the early 1900s if not earlier. I’m kidding of course, but seriously, we’ve had it starting on the 5D Mark II and just took it for granted ever since. Someone needs to tell Kelby to switch to Canon so he doesn’t have to wait so many years for these kinds of features. And how long did he have to wait for full HD video on a pro Nikon DSLR? Am I making my point already or should I go on?

Now I’m sure some of you smart-asses are gonna be quick to point out how Canon photographers are probably going to wait at least until the release of the EOS C for a headphone jack on the camera, and in the worst case scenario until the 1DX Mark II, but I’ve already covered that here. It’s a non-issue, folks, move on.

And then photographer Kirk Tuck, who was very pro SOPA and one of their biggest financial supporters if we can believe the rumors, posted a link on his blog to a pirated PDF download of his latest book on LED lighting. The post has now been removed from his website (his tweet is still up), but I still have it in my feed:

What do you say we go back and revisit that whole SOPA thang?  I got my advance copy on Monday but I can download the whole thing as a PDF right now, for free, from this website.  Tell me again how this is making the web safe for content creators?  I’m puzzled.  I think we need to re-think the whole carefully orchestrated campaign to protect Google and the rest of the aggregators from…….anything.

I’m sure my publisher’s attorney will take time to comply with their “take down” procedures and equally sure that the OP will post it right back again under another name.  How exciting for an author!  Now instead of toasting the completion of another project with a great bottle of champagne we’ll have a quick, domestic beer and get back to work writing up take down notices…

Thanks to all the people who don’t download stolen stuff.  I really do hope you are the majority….

When I saw this post, I immediately asked myself why he would post about a pirated copy of his book (including the link) and by doing so promote the link to everyone so they could go and download it. It seemed very suspicious to me since this wouldn’t be in his best interest. I’ve been playing around with some LED lights while testing my pre-production 5DX and couldn’t wait trying out some of the stuff in his book. So as naive as I was, I quickly clicked on the link to go download the book while thinking what a complete moron Tuck must be to post the link for stealing his book and making it so easy for us to pirate the shit out of it.

LED Lighting

Kirk Tuck fucking 0wn3d us all

The above site opens and then I click on the download button and next thing you know the PDF downloads to my computer and opens up and I get over 300 blank pages in Acrobat Reader. Not only that, but the computer hangs for a few seconds too and suddenly a link opens up to the books section of Amazon inside my web browser. It was then that it became clear to me that Tuck set everyone up. After losing the SOPA argument he must have gotten so bitter that he decided to teach us all a lesson by posting a fake pirated version of his book online, infected with some kind of virus, and punish all the anti-SOPA-free-stuff-loving pirates who would download it. Not only did he give us over 300 blank pages, but by automatically opening the books section of Amazon inside a browser his message to us was very clear: Gotcha, now go BUY the fucking book.

Tuck removed the post after other readers, who obviously also tried to download the free book, pointed out that it was a virus:

Okay, one of my readers searched the site, downloaded and examined the PDF and found it to be mostly blank pages, probably a virus.

Kirk Tuck

Kirk Tuck: "Muhahahahaha 000000wn3d!!!!!"

But of course, the damage had already been done. I can only imagine how Tuck must have laughed like maniac in his office enjoying the thought of hundreds of anti-SOPA pirates getting 0wn3d by the virus inside the fake PDF. Who knows what other damage the virus has done on my computer.

This is what this industry does to people. Either positively or negatively, this industry is driving people insane every day.

It’s time for me to go back to testing my 5DX and finish my report for Tokyo. I mentioned last year that EOS was heading for some very exciting times, and trust me, you’ll love this camera. Nikon are going to seriously shit their pants. I can’t tell you a lot about the camera right now, but can you still remember the 5D Mark III petition from last year? It’s never too late to sign it 😉

Also, this may have some clues for ya:

I thought I’d never see the day again where Canon Inc. over delivers on their promises.

Stop asking me about the headphone jack

The 1DX isn’t even available yet and already I’m starting to get tired of all the stupid questions people are sending in to me. One of the things people keep whining about is why the Nikon D4 has a headphone jack and the 1DX doesn’t have one. What kind of a stupid question is that? I mean, why would you need a headphone to listen to the sound you’re already hearing?? You’re fucking standing right there behind the camera, it’s recording the exact same sounds you’re hearing! Assuming you’re not deaf, of course, in which case headphones wouldn’t be able to help you anyway. Including a headphone jack just seems stupid and redundant to me. Unless you want to stand there like a frickin moron wearing a headphone while recording a movie, just to appear cool to everyone around. Like “Hey look at me! I’m wearing headphones to listen to the exact same sounds you’re hearing, don’t I look so cool and professional?” That seems exactly like the kind of stupid shit a Nikon user would do. No wonder the D4 has one.

Bunch of idiots. But just for the heck of it, I fired an email off to Maeda to inquire about the reasons for not including a headphone jack on the 1DX. If you can still remember why they didn’t update the autofocus system on the 5D Mark II, you’ll understand his reply much better:

We not include headphone jacks on 1DX because there is too much spaces on camera to include the jacks. We not able to make decision for where to put the jacks.

Makes sense right? The 5D Mark II was too small to house a better autofocus sensor, and now the 1DX is too big for the tiny headphone jack. It seems engineers at Canon Inc. were struggling  with the difficult question of where exactly, in the sea of empty space on the camera, they could put the headphone jack. I’ve looked at it myself, and trust me, it’s a technical challenge that should not be underestimated. And making the body smaller is not a sacrifice Canon Inc. was willing to make. That would have been equal to shrinking the size of professional photographers’ cocks. And God knows they need to feel like their cocks are bigger compared to uncle Bob’s at the wedding with his tiny entry level DSLR. I think we can all rest assured that the Japanese will have figured out a solution by the time the 1DX Mark II ships.

And since I’m posting about shit that bothers me, what the hell is up with you people complaining about my Ron Paul post? Let me remind you of the fact that this is still MY personal blog. Do you think that I think and talk about cameras all day long?? Do you think that’s the only goddamn thing I do?? In case you didn’t realize this, I have a life too. And on my personal blog I’ll post anything I damn well please. If I want to start writing about my bowel movements, you can bet your ass you’re going to be reading about them! So stop whining for fuck’s sake!