Oh God, No…

Nikon Headquarters

I’m jumping up and down while biting my fingernails here in my office like a young school girl on crack. I’m fucking panicking and honest to God, I don’t know what the hell I’m supposed to do. I’ve just got an email (thanks) with information that the coming update to the Nikon D700 (D800?) will actually come very close to the specs in my 5D Mark III petition, and in most areas even better. I’m told an announcement is weeks away, not months. I don’t know why I’m panicking, it’s like this came as a surprise to me, but we all knew this all along. The D700 already has most of the features listed in my petition, so it’s a no-brainer that the update will at the very least have  the same features, and most likely better. Remember, it’s Nikon we’re talking about, not Canon. Updates to camera models only get better, not worse, like in the case of the fucking EOS 60D. But still, the prospect of a D800 with those features and a 24MP sensor with D700 like image quality is very scary for us here at Canon USA.

Especially since we all know how Canon Inc. keeps holding back. Just look at what happened recently with the 60D. It got completely trashed by the Nikon D7000, and quite frankly, I’m afraid we’re going to see the same thing happening again this year with the D800 and the 5D Mark III. The 5D Mark II is a sorry piece of shit compared to the D700 and the only thing it has going for it right now is the 21 megapixels and even that comes with shadow noise and banding. To be honest, I think all Nikon has to do for the D700 to go up against the 5D Mark III is put in the 24MP sensor from the D3x and they’re set. The exact same camera, just a new sensor. After 3 years it’ll still be considered state of the art compared to what Canon Inc. has to offer. Yes, we’re that fucking behind. Nikon is already getting rid of left over D700 stock right now which means Armageddon will be upon us soon.

I need to call Maeda again to discuss this with him. But just remember that if the 5D Mark III gets owned by the D800, all of you who have failed to sign my 5D Mark III petition have absolutely no right to complain! You have your chance now to complain, so when the D800 is out it’ll be too late. I can’t believe just 170 of you signed the petition, it’s fucking pathetic. I could have better spent the time it took me to make that petition trying to find hot girls on Facebook for TFP shoots. You’re fucking hypocrites, all ‘o ya!!! Except for those of you who signed the petition ofcourse, you’re cool.

Now let me go see if I can contact Frankie and Berend so we can call Maeda again.

Conference call to Canon Inc.’s Masaya Maeda

In the past I’ve often mentioned conference calls I had with Canon Inc. in Japan. I’ve also posted transcripts of chat sessions I’ve had with Canon Inc. executives such as Masaya Maeda a couple of times. But last week I had the idea of actually recording one of my conference calls and publishing it here so you can listen yourself to what I have to deal with here at Canon.

The conference call is between me, Frankie (UK) and Berend (the Netherlands), both from Canon Europe and Masaya Maeda, Director and Chief Executive of Image Communication Products Operations at Canon Inc. in Japan. You’ll hear us discussing the poor autofocus system of the 5D Mark II, the stupid increase of megapixels at the expensive of image quality, the 60D, 7D, Nikon D700 and D7000, the 5D Mark III petition (sign it if you haven’t yet) and lots more. Here it is on YouTube:

Conference call Transcript

Chuck: So, okay, Frankie and Berend I’m going to get Maeda in here now.

Frankie: Yeah call the fucking bastard let’s hear what he has to say!

Berend: Ja, call him.

Chuck: Easy Frankie think about your bloodpressure.

Receptionist: Hello this is Canon Japan, how may I help you?

Chuck: Yeah can I speak to Masaya Maeda please?

Receptionist: One moment please, I connect you.

Maeda: Hello this is Masaya Maeda.

Chuck: Maeda this is Chuck Westfall from Canon USA, and I’ve also got Frankie and Berend from Canon Europe CPS on the line.

Maeda: Greetings, how you are doing?

Chuck: Well not so good, we’re having trouble with the latest DSLR products. Customers are complaining.

Maeda: Is Rob Galbraith again? I get tired of him now.

Chuck: No it’s not Galbraith, customers in general.

Maeda: Is that so? Where complaining? We not hear about this.

Chuck:  Well for one the image quality is taking a serious hit with all the megapixels you keep putting on the sensor. Customers are asking for less megapixels and better image quality.

Frankie: Look at what Nikon is doing with the D3s.

Maeda: We not hear about complaints, market research data show customer are want more megapixel. So we give more megapixel.

Chuck: That’s not the feedback we get from our customers.

Berend: Ja, we get only complaints here in Holland. More people are buying Nikon cameras now.

Frankie: Just look at the Nikon D700. It has less megapixels than our 60D but people are buying it because of the image quality.

Maeda: People know nothing about image quality. More megapixels is more resolution.

Chuck: But the noise God dammit! It is getting out of hand.

Maeda: Market research show everyone say it is good.

Chuck: Have you seen my petition for the 5D Mark III? People want the focus system on the 1D Mark IV on it.

Berend: Ja the current one sucks.

Maeda: No I have not seen. But the market research data show there are no complaints with everyone say it is good.

Frankie: You fucking bastards just don’t listen do you?

Maeda: Hey watch what you say?

Chuck: Calm down Frankie.

Frankie: Customers say they want better autofocus on the 5D Mark III. Nikon has a professional 51 point autofocus system on their D700. We’re lagging far behind.

Maeda: You want more out of focus?

Chuck: Yes we want better autofocus.

Maeda: Huh? You sure you want more out of focus? We give you out of focus in 1D Mark III and Galbraith complain.

Chuck: Not out of focus dammit, I mean autofocus! We want better autofocus and don’t hold back. Give us the 45 point system in the 5D Mark III.

Maeda: That is what I say, out of focus.

Frankie: Dear lord, he means we want things to be automatically in focus not out of focus!

Maeda: We can’t give focus from 1D Mark IV, otherwise no body buy 1D series camera.

Chuck: But they are not buying the other cameras either God dammit, the current autofocus system sucks balls!!

Berend: It is een kut systeem fucking teringlijders!!

Chuck: Berend went to the red light district last night with his 5D Mark II and the autofocus system just couldn’t keep up with the action.

Frankie: Red light district? hahahahaha Berend what were you doing there mate?

Berend: I was uhm.. testing the autofocus and it was crap! Fucking worthless!

Maeda: Nonononono you listen, market research data show people are happy with autofocus on 5D camera!!

Chuck: Fuck the market research data you fucking moron, we’re giving you real honest to God feedback here!

Frankie: If you spent just a few hours a day talking to customers online instead of wanking so much you would know better.

Maeda: Fuck you, what do you know, why you not design your own camera. Start own company and make camera!

Chuck: You know, I can’t take this anymore. At this age I shouldn’t have to put up with this God damn none sense.

Frankie: You bastards, you fucking rebelized the 60D, and it got completely owned by the Nikon D7000. Even the 7D can’t go up against it. Who the fuck releases a 7D with a fucking barcode reader?

Maeda: There is much demand for barcode reader.

Chuck: Yeah, you and your mother I guess.

Berend: You cannot make the same mistake again with the Nikon D800. It will own the 5D Mark III.

Maeda: Nikon camera sucks. What do they know? Our cameras much better. We wil put extra megapixel on next 5D and they can not compete! You all stupid.

Frankie: How dare you fucking bastard call us stupid, you bloody morons!

Maeda: You stupid!! You stupid! You know nothing! You crazy!

Frankie: Up yours you moron! Yeah. Yeah. Your mother!

Berend: God, wat een stelletje idioten.

Chuck: Oh God, I can’t take this shit anymore. I’m going to be hospitalized again.

Frankie: Hang in there Westfall, don’t let it get to you!

Chuck: God dammit where did I put my pills? I’m going to hang up now, I need a drink. Talk to you all later.

Maeda: And you stop bothering me now ok?

Frankie: Yeah go back to stroking your tiny salami Maeda.

Berend: Ja go fight Godzilla!

Maeda: I fire you all!!



So now you know.

Today also marks the 2 year anniversary of the Canon Inc. take down notice, where they tried to take down my blog, but ended up promoting it instead. Man. how time flies… gotta go now, the champagne awaits me!

We almost switched to Nikon ourselves

Vincent Laforet, Peace be with Him, and me.

Man you won’t believe how relieved all of us at Canon USA were when Vincent Laforet, God bless his soul, said on Twitter that he wasn’t planning to switch to Nikon at all:

@fcwestfall Oh FakeChuck… always causing trouble… made me laugh though. No – no Nikon / Sony et al in my future…happy Canon guy still

A strange coincidence is also that today marks the one year anniversary of the Canon USA announcement to switch to Nikon. In the end we couldn’t actually switch to Nikon though, because upper management lacked the balls to go ahead and implement the plans. All it took for them to cancel everything was one phone call from Canon Inc. in Tokyo.

Joe Adachi

An emotional looking Canon U.S.A. President and CEO Joe Adachi holds a Nikon D3s while taking questions during the press conference.

I don’t know what they told Adachi, but he became very pale and started sweating like crazy while he was on the phone with them. So it would have been a very strange coincidence if Laforet were to announce or confirm his switch to Nikon today. But anyway, we still have him and that’s what matters now.

Also noteworthy is a comment made by DarthDouche, which I think deserves to be posted here in full with commentary:

First I’ll be serious, then follow with profanity in order to be cool like the rest of you old fat cocksuckers. (FCW: Yes, that’s how we operate around here.)

I love Canon products…I’ve never owned Nikon (yet…haha…just joking…maybe in the future?? Nah, it’d be like cutting my dick off and making your Ashton’s wife choke it down!). However last year I purchased a small Sigma camera. Berate me if you must (like I give a fuck what you bunch of tampon sucking wimps think…). Quirks aside, its sensor is brilliant…and achieves color, sharpness, and low noise (within its limited resolution)….FAR THE FUCK BEYOND ANY BAYER FILTER’D SENSOR EVER WILL!! It’s a shame that they let a room full of monkeys design the rest of the camera’s innards. (FCW: Sounds like the situation at Canon Inc.’s DSLR product design department.)

Now on to my criticism of this blog posting. I am pleased to see this “future” Canon 200-400 lens. However, to fall all over yourself slamming Nikon for “copying” Canon…in a “blog” about how a 200-400 f/4 lens is “new”, no less??? I mean get the fuck over your dumbass self man!! Integrated extender or not…so what? (FCW: Well…um…)


Canon may know how to make (perhaps) better lenses than everyone else (overall anyway), and charge a fair price for them (as opposed to Nikon charging 20% more for the same or less quality…then painting them with black leaded paint so they look even more like turds)… (FCW: Well yeah, the older ones look kindof weird, but the new AF-S lenses look kinda cool with the golden stripe and all, ofcourse blatantly ripped off again from Canon (red stripe on L lenses))

…but Canon are damn sure too slow and unimaginative with “innovative” ideas! (FCW: That’s what I’ve been saying here man, haven’t you been paying attention? For the last 4 years this has indeed been the case.)

I mean, really Canon? Really??? You couldn’t even make it a 250-450 f/4, or a 180-380 f/3.5?? Somehow 200-400 was the right way to go, even though it’s the exact same as Nikon’s?????? What a load of horseshit! You can bet Nikon “fanbois” aren’t impressed… (FCW: You do have a point with the 200-400 focal length, personally I think a more clever option would have been to just make a 280-560mm f/5.6 lens and then add a 0.714x extender to it that gives you a 200-400mm f/4 lens when activated. That way people would just think it’s a 280-560mm lens and we’d still have a 200-400mm lens in disguise. It’s like good old Einstein said: The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.)

As a side note…I’ve read a review or two regarding the AF on the 1DMk4. If its AF sensors are so huge and “innovative”, why the fuck can’t they work well in low light?? You know, at least try to beat Nikon where they are good (at a supposed -2EV)?? Why not go for -2.5 EV, rather than make something that gets one-upped by the measly “old man’s camera” in low light, the 5DMk2? (FCW: You’re preaching to the choir my friend. Also I like how you call the 5D Mark II an “old man’s camera.” I really think there’s no better way to describe that camera. It’s just like how someone else recently said that it has an auto-fuck-us system. I think that very accurately describes the focus technology in the camera.)

I think the same supervising “engineers” in charge of ideas for AF sensors for the 1Dmk4, are in charge of deciding whatever cheap ass, plastic piece of Rebel xx camel dung to make. The same ones that decided $1100 wasn’t enough to pay for a real camera with a magnesium chassis, that has AF microadjustment. The same ones that couldn’t figure out they were about to be owned like a bitch in an alley by Nikon and their D7000. (FCW: They were caught with their fucking pants down. I warned them but they wouldn’t listen.)

The same ones that Rebel-ized, and cut the balls off the 60D, simply because they didn’t want to cut into 7D sales. For what? To saturate the market with lame ass entry level SLR’s that get matched or beaten by 4/3 and micro 4/3?? I guess they didn’t have the faith in their own 7D from the get-go, that the press did. (FCW: Amen brother!)

Whine if you must, but I say they need to cut the entry line down to one “Rebel” model, and the 60D. The Rebel could be $350, body only, the 60D could sell for what it’s worth…$500 body only! (FCW: Hallelujah!)

Then undercut the D7000 with the 7D, make it $50 less than the D7000…rather than hundreds more. Then hire some new thinkers to beat Nikon at their own game…before they make anything else new. (FCW: And fire the entire upper management for their incompetence.)

I read it somewhere, maybe here…is Nikon now the new Canon, and vice versa? (FCW: Yes that was here.)

I guess Canon needs to hire some celebrity like Nikon did, to hawk their products in lame ass tv ads. You know, somebody ELSE who likes tripping over wedding cakes…and who married a lady 40 years older than them, who still looks hot, at least in silhouette. (FCW: I actually proposed something like that a long time ago, but those bastards in Tokyo refuse to listen to me. Here’s some of what I had proposed:  “Even if this wasn’t a problem, there’s still the issue of why people should listen to some Japanese guy named Takahito Mizutani who likely got paid (or possibly threatened) to do the interview. I mean for Christ’s sake, couldn’t they find someone better? At Nikon they have Ashton Kutcher! The guy probably never actually uses a Nikon camera longer than 2 minutes a month, and that’s when he’s able to figure out how to turn it on. But when he tells people he’s using a Nikon DSLR, millions of people who know and like him listen. And that’s marketing. But at Canon Inc.? There they have the great Mr. Mizutani. Couldn’t they pay someone better to talk about the 1D3? How about Arnold Schwarzenegger? Nikon has Ashton Kutcher, why can’t we have Schwarzenegger? Can you imagine Arnold dressed like the T-800 on his Harley looking very serious, pulling out a 1D3 and going “I require excellent AF.” That clip would have moved some serious inventory.”)

They need to add more zeros to their camera names. The Rebel EOS TQis777000000000 IS, with image stabilimotion and global orgasm positioning…the Rebel Dreamliner Signature PQiS, with integrated mobile aps…It takes your pictures for you, while you spend your time doing important stuff like stalking chicks on facebook…with its integrated ap. (FCW: Interesting, we may have to look into that.)

And now for the cussing, because you know, I’m real mature and shit ya’ll. FUCK FUCKA FUCK YOUR MOTHER BLAH BLAH BLAH…in the ass blah blah all night long…say hello to your mom’s new backdoor neighbor! (FCW: Not bad, needs a little work. With some more practice I think you’ll do just fine.)

Boom Shakalaka

Don’t forget to sign the petition to Canon Inc. regarding the new 5D Mark III. In 48 hours only about 120 people have signed it and that’s fucking pathetic. I’m beginning to regret taking the time to have made that petition. I think I could have better used that time to shave my balls or something. At least my wife might have shown some more appreciation than the lot of you.

Well that’s it for today, I need to get back on the phone now with Japan to discuss some of our new wireless flash technology because I think their current implementation is half-assed at best.

Breaking News: Vincent Laforet to switch to Nikon?

Vincent Laforet (left) and Eolake Stobblehouse, separated at birth?

All hell broke loose a few hours ago here at Canon USA HQ when we noticed a blog update by Vincent Laforet, peace and blessings be upon him, where he appears to be selling a crapload of his Canon gear. Experience in the last 3 years has taught us that if a photographer is selling this much Canon gear at once, it is usually followed by the announcement of switching to Nikon. And in the case of someone at Laforet’s level, that is again followed by the announcement of becoming a Nikon ambassador. We’ve got an entire team of our top executives on top of this situation right now, and I can assure you we’re going to do everything we possibly can to keep Laforet with us. Nikon already has most of the big names in this industry, at least the vocal ones with a community, and God knows we can’t afford to lose Laforet to them. Certainly not right now.

I’ve been trying to get through to Laforet but all lines appear to be jammed right now. No doubt by an army of Nikon people (and possibly also Sony) trying to get a hold of him. Laforet did mention a “career change” in his blog post, which could mean a change to quit being a Canon Explorer of Light to become a Nikon ambassador. Let us all pray that all of this is just a false alarm and that there’s nothing serious going on here. Admittedly we all got a little paranoid here at Canon USA after all the recent switches to Nikon, it’s become some kind of trauma. As soon as I see a photographer selling a lot of Canon gear it’s almost like I’m getting a heart attack. So there may not be much going on here, but we’re not taking any chances here at Canon.

Anyway, most of you should already know by now that I have launched a petition and have asked all of you to sign it and show your support to let Canon Inc. know we want a serious full frame update this year. In 24 hours, only about 74 people have signed the petition so far, which quite frankly is fucking pathetic. I have to say, I’m asking myself who I am doing all of this for right now. Because if you fucks can’t show your support by signing a goddamn petition, I might as well just fucking shut down this whole fucking blog. I’ve been busting my ass off here on this blog for 3 fucking years now, do you think I’m doing it for myself? Do you think I’m doing it for fame? Do you think I’m doing it for money? NO GOD DAMMIT, I’m doing it for you! You’re the ones who complain about how Canon sucks and doesn’t listen and all the other usual shit that you complain about. And now that I create an opportunity to show Canon Inc. we’re not going to take this shit anymore, you disappoint me and let me stand alone in the cold! Well thanks a lot!!!! I know how many of you viewed that petition, I know how many of you read the blog every day, and it is a damn shame that such a tiny percentage of you signed the petition so far. So what if you fucking disagree with minor aspects of the specs? The point is we have to send a message to Canon Inc. that any update to the 5D Mark II had better be very significant on all levels. Focusing on specific details of the specs is missing the fucking point. OK?? Please share the link to the petition on Facebook, Twitter, Digg, your blog, online forums, your local photography club, etc. etc. We need to get the message out. I can’t fucking do this alone!!!!!! And will you all grow a fucking backbone and for once stand up for something you believe in, instead of cowering because you’re afraid of losing business/support. Sign the fucking petition with your name if you’re man enough! For once let us stand up to those corporate FUCKS, GOD DAMN IT!!

And then this gem of a publication was brought to my attention today by Paul. It’s from Digital Camera Magazine in the UK:

D7000 VS 60D

D7000 VS 60D according to Digital Camera Magazine UK (apparently run from the basement of a mental institution)

I couldn’t make this up. Notice that this is a reaction to a letter from a disappointed reader who writes:

I’m disappointed by Angela Nicholson’s review of the Nikon D7000 in issue 107. How can you take a review seriously if it marks down a top-end prosumer camera, despite achieving outstanding scores in tests, primarily because it doesn’t have an articulating screen?

Their answer? Read it and weep:

While the Nikon camera has a more advanced AF system, the Canon model has a better LCD that has a high pixel count and is articulated. Our resolution chart tests indicate that the EOS 60D also resolves more detail in images, especially JPEG files.

Unfortunately, the Nikon D7000’s build quality was shown as 4/5 in the test, but it should have been 3/5, the same as the EOS 60D.

WHO THE FUCK ARE THESE PEOPLE??? Are these the kind of people doing reviews these days? No wonder Canon is still doing so well. What a bunch of fucking morons, my God, my God!!!!!!! How in God’s name can the 60D’s fucking articulating screen be more important than the advanced AF system on the D7000? Isn’t the AF system more important than the articulating screen for taking pictures? What the fuck is going on here? I feel like I’m in a scene from Alice in fucking Wonderland. And the 60D having better image quality compared to the D7000? Well DXO Mark disagrees with that by 14 points:

DXO Mark D7000 and 60D scores

Recognize, you fucking morons!

And the 60D  having the same build quality as the D7000???????? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Oh my God, these people are so fucking clueless it worries me. I’m beginning to fear for the future of humanity, I’m telling you guys, if this is the way we’re heading, I’m afraid we’re slowly evolving into Homo Moronicus as a species. How stupid do you have to be to not see the clear difference in build quality between the 60D and the D7000? Oh God, get me out of this nightmare, please make it fucking stop, dear Lord, I’m on my knees, begging!

You know at my age I shouldn’t have to deal with this. Stress, high bloodpressure, irregular heart beat, it’s going to kill me one of these days. I need some rest now, but before I go, let me mention this post by photographer Lloyd Chambers (thanks Dweeb) where he shows us what leaves the Nikon factories these days labeled as brand new and in perfect working condition:

Failed aperture blades on Nikon 24mm f/1.4G

According to Nikon, this lens is brand new and in perfect working condition.

Yep, that’s one of those new Nikon 24G lenses with broken aperture blades. As Dweeb pointed out, this does appear to be a “phenomenon” in need of getting “reduced.” Apparently this left the Nikon factory in this state as brand new and certified by their quality control department as being in perfect working condition. Yep, that’s a $2000 lens, folks. Read the details at Chamber’s blog. Just recently I did a post about Nikon receiving a lot of bad press these days and now this pops up. Is Nikon really, seriously, becoming the new Canon???? I thought this bad quality control shit was unique to Canon. Apparently Nikon DID copy our bad quality control. What the fuck happened at Nikon? If Nikon starts acting like Canon now, what the hell are we going to do??? What will everyone switch to now? God help us all.

Happy New Year!

Man I almost peed my pants while laughing just now. I went on Snapsort to find some information, did a comparison between the Nikon D7000 and the Canon EOS 7D just to see what would happen, and got the following result:

Snapsort recommends the Nikon D7000

Snapsort recommends the Nikon D7000

The thing that really made me laugh was the text at the bottom where it says that “this recommendation should be taken with a grain of salt since it doesn’t always make sense to compare a pro DSLR with an entry-level DSLR.” And obviously in this case the 7D is the pro DSLR and it is losing to the D7000 which is positioned much closer to entry-level! If this doesn’t show you just how much Canon has lost it in the last few years, then nothing ever will. It’s a goddamn tragedy.

Bradley Cooper and Chase Jarvis (right) - Separated at birth?

Nikon really blew everyone away with the D7000. They even brought in Chase Jarvis (Wedding Crashers, The Hangover) again for the viral marketing on launch day, just like they did for the D90 back in 2008. The amount of energy this guy brought to the launch of the D7000 could have sold a George Foreman Grill in hell. I’ve said it before and I’ll keep saying it in the future, the man is on crack 24/7. I’m kind of ashamed to admit that even I was blown away. I knew the 60D was fucked, but to be honest, nobody could have predicted this amount of fuckage. None of the statistics and intelligence we had here at Canon indicated that this level of devastation would be upon us.

Snapsort Recommends the Nikon D7000

Snapsort recommends the Nikon D7000

The D7000 was supposed to be in the same class as the 60D. Not only is it not in the same class as the 60D feature-wise, but it even blows away the 7D! And you have to keep in mind that the 7D retails for $1800 while the D7000 retails for $1200! This means that if you buy the 7D, you pay $600 more for inferiority. Moses has all the details here. I’m not going to repeat all of that, but for us here at Canon the release of the D7000 was the equivalent of the attack on Pearl Harbor in 1941. It remains to be seen if Canon Inc. in Japan will be able to put up a fight in the future, or if they’ll just continue to take this ass-whooping like the pussies that they are. I’m afraid the same will happen again with the 5D Mark III and the D800 this year. I’ve been having nightmares about this and wake up screaming at night. My wife is worried sick. But knowing Canon Inc. and how they like to intentionally dumb down products, and seeing how Nikon is basically throwing everything they’ve got into the game with each new DSLR, I have every reason to be afraid.

So anyway, it’s a new year, so let’s not think about Canon Inc.’s stupidity for the sake of trying to be positive and optimistic, and let us hope that things will be a lot better for us Canon folks this year. I start working again tomorrow, but I’ll try to make some more time this year for blogging. I did only 8 posts in 2010 and that’s a bit low, even though there were some very long posts in there. To be honest, it wasn’t so much that I was busy playing with my new Nikon gear. I was just so depressed because of all the issues we were having. Seriously, we kept taking hit after hit from Nikon and I was just so frustrated by our internal bureaucracy and the stupid fucks in Tokyo who just don’t want to listen. But I promise I’ll do my best to blog more often this year. See you again soon!