Photographers Gone Wild

I decided to take a short break from playing with my 5DX to write about some crazy photographers that caught my attention last week. Man, we’ve got some seriously crazy people running around in this industry. Take Scott Kelby for example. He went absolutely wild when Nikon let him shoot the D4 for a few hours. I thought Chase Jarvis was hyper, but clearly I had seen nothing yet. Kelby was all over the place. Take a look at the video below:

Kelby went absolutely nuts for some of the features of the D4. I gotta say, I’m happy for the guy, but couldn’t someone tell Kelby that Canon had the wireless tethering functionality with built-in webserver ever since, what, the 1950s or something? All this time Kelby was missing out on some really cool shit. We’ve had that functionality on the 1D Mark III and every 1D after that. All you Nikon morons had to wait at least 5 years for technology we were taking for granted here at Canon. And yes, for a couple of those 5 years Canon photographers mainly used the built-in webserver to transfer out of focus images, I’ll grant you that, but think of the convenience of shooting completely wireless. When you see what Kelby had to use before the D4, you’ll immediately understand why he went nuts:

Nikon WT4

The Nikon WT-4 "Wireless" transmitter. Oh, it's wireless alright.

That’s what Kelby had to use before the D4. I had the biggest belly-laugh in quite a while when I saw this image. My entire desk with everything on it shook as if we were having a major earthquake here in New York. I wonder how Nikon got away with calling this a “Wireless” Transmitter.

Nikon WT4

The Nikon WT-4 "Wireless" Transmitter in action.

Does that look wireless to you? Somehow I thought wireless would look more like the picture below:

Canon 1Ds Mark III / iPhone

At Canon we've had wireless control of the camera from an iPhone ever since the 1D(s) Mark III

No wonder Kelby got so excited. Poor guy. I can’t imagine what it must have been like using the Nikon “Wireless” WT-4. Oh God, what a joke. This just keeps cracking me up.

At the end of the video, a Nikon NPS moron explained the intelligent shutter speed functionality in the D4 when auto ISO is active. Canon photographers have enjoyed that functionality ever since the early 1900s if not earlier. I’m kidding of course, but seriously, we’ve had it starting on the 5D Mark II and just took it for granted ever since. Someone needs to tell Kelby to switch to Canon so he doesn’t have to wait so many years for these kinds of features. And how long did he have to wait for full HD video on a pro Nikon DSLR? Am I making my point already or should I go on?

Now I’m sure some of you smart-asses are gonna be quick to point out how Canon photographers are probably going to wait at least until the release of the EOS C for a headphone jack on the camera, and in the worst case scenario until the 1DX Mark II, but I’ve already covered that here. It’s a non-issue, folks, move on.

And then photographer Kirk Tuck, who was very pro SOPA and one of their biggest financial supporters if we can believe the rumors, posted a link on his blog to a pirated PDF download of his latest book on LED lighting. The post has now been removed from his website (his tweet is still up), but I still have it in my feed:

What do you say we go back and revisit that whole SOPA thang?  I got my advance copy on Monday but I can download the whole thing as a PDF right now, for free, from this website.  Tell me again how this is making the web safe for content creators?  I’m puzzled.  I think we need to re-think the whole carefully orchestrated campaign to protect Google and the rest of the aggregators from…….anything.

I’m sure my publisher’s attorney will take time to comply with their “take down” procedures and equally sure that the OP will post it right back again under another name.  How exciting for an author!  Now instead of toasting the completion of another project with a great bottle of champagne we’ll have a quick, domestic beer and get back to work writing up take down notices…

Thanks to all the people who don’t download stolen stuff.  I really do hope you are the majority….

When I saw this post, I immediately asked myself why he would post about a pirated copy of his book (including the link) and by doing so promote the link to everyone so they could go and download it. It seemed very suspicious to me since this wouldn’t be in his best interest. I’ve been playing around with some LED lights while testing my pre-production 5DX and couldn’t wait trying out some of the stuff in his book. So as naive as I was, I quickly clicked on the link to go download the book while thinking what a complete moron Tuck must be to post the link for stealing his book and making it so easy for us to pirate the shit out of it.

LED Lighting

Kirk Tuck fucking 0wn3d us all

The above site opens and then I click on the download button and next thing you know the PDF downloads to my computer and opens up and I get over 300 blank pages in Acrobat Reader. Not only that, but the computer hangs for a few seconds too and suddenly a link opens up to the books section of Amazon inside my web browser. It was then that it became clear to me that Tuck set everyone up. After losing the SOPA argument he must have gotten so bitter that he decided to teach us all a lesson by posting a fake pirated version of his book online, infected with some kind of virus, and punish all the anti-SOPA-free-stuff-loving pirates who would download it. Not only did he give us over 300 blank pages, but by automatically opening the books section of Amazon inside a browser his message to us was very clear: Gotcha, now go BUY the fucking book.

Tuck removed the post after other readers, who obviously also tried to download the free book, pointed out that it was a virus:

Okay, one of my readers searched the site, downloaded and examined the PDF and found it to be mostly blank pages, probably a virus.

Kirk Tuck

Kirk Tuck: "Muhahahahaha 000000wn3d!!!!!"

But of course, the damage had already been done. I can only imagine how Tuck must have laughed like maniac in his office enjoying the thought of hundreds of anti-SOPA pirates getting 0wn3d by the virus inside the fake PDF. Who knows what other damage the virus has done on my computer.

This is what this industry does to people. Either positively or negatively, this industry is driving people insane every day.

It’s time for me to go back to testing my 5DX and finish my report for Tokyo. I mentioned last year that EOS was heading for some very exciting times, and trust me, you’ll love this camera. Nikon are going to seriously shit their pants. I can’t tell you a lot about the camera right now, but can you still remember the 5D Mark III petition from last year? It’s never too late to sign it 😉

Also, this may have some clues for ya:

I thought I’d never see the day again where Canon Inc. over delivers on their promises.

Oh God, No…

Nikon Headquarters

I’m jumping up and down while biting my fingernails here in my office like a young school girl on crack. I’m fucking panicking and honest to God, I don’t know what the hell I’m supposed to do. I’ve just got an email (thanks) with information that the coming update to the Nikon D700 (D800?) will actually come very close to the specs in my 5D Mark III petition, and in most areas even better. I’m told an announcement is weeks away, not months. I don’t know why I’m panicking, it’s like this came as a surprise to me, but we all knew this all along. The D700 already has most of the features listed in my petition, so it’s a no-brainer that the update will at the very least have  the same features, and most likely better. Remember, it’s Nikon we’re talking about, not Canon. Updates to camera models only get better, not worse, like in the case of the fucking EOS 60D. But still, the prospect of a D800 with those features and a 24MP sensor with D700 like image quality is very scary for us here at Canon USA.

Especially since we all know how Canon Inc. keeps holding back. Just look at what happened recently with the 60D. It got completely trashed by the Nikon D7000, and quite frankly, I’m afraid we’re going to see the same thing happening again this year with the D800 and the 5D Mark III. The 5D Mark II is a sorry piece of shit compared to the D700 and the only thing it has going for it right now is the 21 megapixels and even that comes with shadow noise and banding. To be honest, I think all Nikon has to do for the D700 to go up against the 5D Mark III is put in the 24MP sensor from the D3x and they’re set. The exact same camera, just a new sensor. After 3 years it’ll still be considered state of the art compared to what Canon Inc. has to offer. Yes, we’re that fucking behind. Nikon is already getting rid of left over D700 stock right now which means Armageddon will be upon us soon.

I need to call Maeda again to discuss this with him. But just remember that if the 5D Mark III gets owned by the D800, all of you who have failed to sign my 5D Mark III petition have absolutely no right to complain! You have your chance now to complain, so when the D800 is out it’ll be too late. I can’t believe just 170 of you signed the petition, it’s fucking pathetic. I could have better spent the time it took me to make that petition trying to find hot girls on Facebook for TFP shoots. You’re fucking hypocrites, all ‘o ya!!! Except for those of you who signed the petition ofcourse, you’re cool.

Now let me go see if I can contact Frankie and Berend so we can call Maeda again.

Conference call to Canon Inc.’s Masaya Maeda

In the past I’ve often mentioned conference calls I had with Canon Inc. in Japan. I’ve also posted transcripts of chat sessions I’ve had with Canon Inc. executives such as Masaya Maeda a couple of times. But last week I had the idea of actually recording one of my conference calls and publishing it here so you can listen yourself to what I have to deal with here at Canon.

The conference call is between me, Frankie (UK) and Berend (the Netherlands), both from Canon Europe and Masaya Maeda, Director and Chief Executive of Image Communication Products Operations at Canon Inc. in Japan. You’ll hear us discussing the poor autofocus system of the 5D Mark II, the stupid increase of megapixels at the expensive of image quality, the 60D, 7D, Nikon D700 and D7000, the 5D Mark III petition (sign it if you haven’t yet) and lots more. Here it is on YouTube:

Conference call Transcript

Chuck: So, okay, Frankie and Berend I’m going to get Maeda in here now.

Frankie: Yeah call the fucking bastard let’s hear what he has to say!

Berend: Ja, call him.

Chuck: Easy Frankie think about your bloodpressure.

Receptionist: Hello this is Canon Japan, how may I help you?

Chuck: Yeah can I speak to Masaya Maeda please?

Receptionist: One moment please, I connect you.

Maeda: Hello this is Masaya Maeda.

Chuck: Maeda this is Chuck Westfall from Canon USA, and I’ve also got Frankie and Berend from Canon Europe CPS on the line.

Maeda: Greetings, how you are doing?

Chuck: Well not so good, we’re having trouble with the latest DSLR products. Customers are complaining.

Maeda: Is Rob Galbraith again? I get tired of him now.

Chuck: No it’s not Galbraith, customers in general.

Maeda: Is that so? Where complaining? We not hear about this.

Chuck:  Well for one the image quality is taking a serious hit with all the megapixels you keep putting on the sensor. Customers are asking for less megapixels and better image quality.

Frankie: Look at what Nikon is doing with the D3s.

Maeda: We not hear about complaints, market research data show customer are want more megapixel. So we give more megapixel.

Chuck: That’s not the feedback we get from our customers.

Berend: Ja, we get only complaints here in Holland. More people are buying Nikon cameras now.

Frankie: Just look at the Nikon D700. It has less megapixels than our 60D but people are buying it because of the image quality.

Maeda: People know nothing about image quality. More megapixels is more resolution.

Chuck: But the noise God dammit! It is getting out of hand.

Maeda: Market research show everyone say it is good.

Chuck: Have you seen my petition for the 5D Mark III? People want the focus system on the 1D Mark IV on it.

Berend: Ja the current one sucks.

Maeda: No I have not seen. But the market research data show there are no complaints with everyone say it is good.

Frankie: You fucking bastards just don’t listen do you?

Maeda: Hey watch what you say?

Chuck: Calm down Frankie.

Frankie: Customers say they want better autofocus on the 5D Mark III. Nikon has a professional 51 point autofocus system on their D700. We’re lagging far behind.

Maeda: You want more out of focus?

Chuck: Yes we want better autofocus.

Maeda: Huh? You sure you want more out of focus? We give you out of focus in 1D Mark III and Galbraith complain.

Chuck: Not out of focus dammit, I mean autofocus! We want better autofocus and don’t hold back. Give us the 45 point system in the 5D Mark III.

Maeda: That is what I say, out of focus.

Frankie: Dear lord, he means we want things to be automatically in focus not out of focus!

Maeda: We can’t give focus from 1D Mark IV, otherwise no body buy 1D series camera.

Chuck: But they are not buying the other cameras either God dammit, the current autofocus system sucks balls!!

Berend: It is een kut systeem fucking teringlijders!!

Chuck: Berend went to the red light district last night with his 5D Mark II and the autofocus system just couldn’t keep up with the action.

Frankie: Red light district? hahahahaha Berend what were you doing there mate?

Berend: I was uhm.. testing the autofocus and it was crap! Fucking worthless!

Maeda: Nonononono you listen, market research data show people are happy with autofocus on 5D camera!!

Chuck: Fuck the market research data you fucking moron, we’re giving you real honest to God feedback here!

Frankie: If you spent just a few hours a day talking to customers online instead of wanking so much you would know better.

Maeda: Fuck you, what do you know, why you not design your own camera. Start own company and make camera!

Chuck: You know, I can’t take this anymore. At this age I shouldn’t have to put up with this God damn none sense.

Frankie: You bastards, you fucking rebelized the 60D, and it got completely owned by the Nikon D7000. Even the 7D can’t go up against it. Who the fuck releases a 7D with a fucking barcode reader?

Maeda: There is much demand for barcode reader.

Chuck: Yeah, you and your mother I guess.

Berend: You cannot make the same mistake again with the Nikon D800. It will own the 5D Mark III.

Maeda: Nikon camera sucks. What do they know? Our cameras much better. We wil put extra megapixel on next 5D and they can not compete! You all stupid.

Frankie: How dare you fucking bastard call us stupid, you bloody morons!

Maeda: You stupid!! You stupid! You know nothing! You crazy!

Frankie: Up yours you moron! Yeah. Yeah. Your mother!

Berend: God, wat een stelletje idioten.

Chuck: Oh God, I can’t take this shit anymore. I’m going to be hospitalized again.

Frankie: Hang in there Westfall, don’t let it get to you!

Chuck: God dammit where did I put my pills? I’m going to hang up now, I need a drink. Talk to you all later.

Maeda: And you stop bothering me now ok?

Frankie: Yeah go back to stroking your tiny salami Maeda.

Berend: Ja go fight Godzilla!

Maeda: I fire you all!!



So now you know.

Today also marks the 2 year anniversary of the Canon Inc. take down notice, where they tried to take down my blog, but ended up promoting it instead. Man. how time flies… gotta go now, the champagne awaits me!

We almost switched to Nikon ourselves

Vincent Laforet, Peace be with Him, and me.

Man you won’t believe how relieved all of us at Canon USA were when Vincent Laforet, God bless his soul, said on Twitter that he wasn’t planning to switch to Nikon at all:

@fcwestfall Oh FakeChuck… always causing trouble… made me laugh though. No – no Nikon / Sony et al in my future…happy Canon guy still

A strange coincidence is also that today marks the one year anniversary of the Canon USA announcement to switch to Nikon. In the end we couldn’t actually switch to Nikon though, because upper management lacked the balls to go ahead and implement the plans. All it took for them to cancel everything was one phone call from Canon Inc. in Tokyo.

Joe Adachi

An emotional looking Canon U.S.A. President and CEO Joe Adachi holds a Nikon D3s while taking questions during the press conference.

I don’t know what they told Adachi, but he became very pale and started sweating like crazy while he was on the phone with them. So it would have been a very strange coincidence if Laforet were to announce or confirm his switch to Nikon today. But anyway, we still have him and that’s what matters now.

Also noteworthy is a comment made by DarthDouche, which I think deserves to be posted here in full with commentary:

First I’ll be serious, then follow with profanity in order to be cool like the rest of you old fat cocksuckers. (FCW: Yes, that’s how we operate around here.)

I love Canon products…I’ve never owned Nikon (yet…haha…just joking…maybe in the future?? Nah, it’d be like cutting my dick off and making your Ashton’s wife choke it down!). However last year I purchased a small Sigma camera. Berate me if you must (like I give a fuck what you bunch of tampon sucking wimps think…). Quirks aside, its sensor is brilliant…and achieves color, sharpness, and low noise (within its limited resolution)….FAR THE FUCK BEYOND ANY BAYER FILTER’D SENSOR EVER WILL!! It’s a shame that they let a room full of monkeys design the rest of the camera’s innards. (FCW: Sounds like the situation at Canon Inc.’s DSLR product design department.)

Now on to my criticism of this blog posting. I am pleased to see this “future” Canon 200-400 lens. However, to fall all over yourself slamming Nikon for “copying” Canon…in a “blog” about how a 200-400 f/4 lens is “new”, no less??? I mean get the fuck over your dumbass self man!! Integrated extender or not…so what? (FCW: Well…um…)


Canon may know how to make (perhaps) better lenses than everyone else (overall anyway), and charge a fair price for them (as opposed to Nikon charging 20% more for the same or less quality…then painting them with black leaded paint so they look even more like turds)… (FCW: Well yeah, the older ones look kindof weird, but the new AF-S lenses look kinda cool with the golden stripe and all, ofcourse blatantly ripped off again from Canon (red stripe on L lenses))

…but Canon are damn sure too slow and unimaginative with “innovative” ideas! (FCW: That’s what I’ve been saying here man, haven’t you been paying attention? For the last 4 years this has indeed been the case.)

I mean, really Canon? Really??? You couldn’t even make it a 250-450 f/4, or a 180-380 f/3.5?? Somehow 200-400 was the right way to go, even though it’s the exact same as Nikon’s?????? What a load of horseshit! You can bet Nikon “fanbois” aren’t impressed… (FCW: You do have a point with the 200-400 focal length, personally I think a more clever option would have been to just make a 280-560mm f/5.6 lens and then add a 0.714x extender to it that gives you a 200-400mm f/4 lens when activated. That way people would just think it’s a 280-560mm lens and we’d still have a 200-400mm lens in disguise. It’s like good old Einstein said: The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.)

As a side note…I’ve read a review or two regarding the AF on the 1DMk4. If its AF sensors are so huge and “innovative”, why the fuck can’t they work well in low light?? You know, at least try to beat Nikon where they are good (at a supposed -2EV)?? Why not go for -2.5 EV, rather than make something that gets one-upped by the measly “old man’s camera” in low light, the 5DMk2? (FCW: You’re preaching to the choir my friend. Also I like how you call the 5D Mark II an “old man’s camera.” I really think there’s no better way to describe that camera. It’s just like how someone else recently said that it has an auto-fuck-us system. I think that very accurately describes the focus technology in the camera.)

I think the same supervising “engineers” in charge of ideas for AF sensors for the 1Dmk4, are in charge of deciding whatever cheap ass, plastic piece of Rebel xx camel dung to make. The same ones that decided $1100 wasn’t enough to pay for a real camera with a magnesium chassis, that has AF microadjustment. The same ones that couldn’t figure out they were about to be owned like a bitch in an alley by Nikon and their D7000. (FCW: They were caught with their fucking pants down. I warned them but they wouldn’t listen.)

The same ones that Rebel-ized, and cut the balls off the 60D, simply because they didn’t want to cut into 7D sales. For what? To saturate the market with lame ass entry level SLR’s that get matched or beaten by 4/3 and micro 4/3?? I guess they didn’t have the faith in their own 7D from the get-go, that the press did. (FCW: Amen brother!)

Whine if you must, but I say they need to cut the entry line down to one “Rebel” model, and the 60D. The Rebel could be $350, body only, the 60D could sell for what it’s worth…$500 body only! (FCW: Hallelujah!)

Then undercut the D7000 with the 7D, make it $50 less than the D7000…rather than hundreds more. Then hire some new thinkers to beat Nikon at their own game…before they make anything else new. (FCW: And fire the entire upper management for their incompetence.)

I read it somewhere, maybe here…is Nikon now the new Canon, and vice versa? (FCW: Yes that was here.)

I guess Canon needs to hire some celebrity like Nikon did, to hawk their products in lame ass tv ads. You know, somebody ELSE who likes tripping over wedding cakes…and who married a lady 40 years older than them, who still looks hot, at least in silhouette. (FCW: I actually proposed something like that a long time ago, but those bastards in Tokyo refuse to listen to me. Here’s some of what I had proposed:  “Even if this wasn’t a problem, there’s still the issue of why people should listen to some Japanese guy named Takahito Mizutani who likely got paid (or possibly threatened) to do the interview. I mean for Christ’s sake, couldn’t they find someone better? At Nikon they have Ashton Kutcher! The guy probably never actually uses a Nikon camera longer than 2 minutes a month, and that’s when he’s able to figure out how to turn it on. But when he tells people he’s using a Nikon DSLR, millions of people who know and like him listen. And that’s marketing. But at Canon Inc.? There they have the great Mr. Mizutani. Couldn’t they pay someone better to talk about the 1D3? How about Arnold Schwarzenegger? Nikon has Ashton Kutcher, why can’t we have Schwarzenegger? Can you imagine Arnold dressed like the T-800 on his Harley looking very serious, pulling out a 1D3 and going “I require excellent AF.” That clip would have moved some serious inventory.”)

They need to add more zeros to their camera names. The Rebel EOS TQis777000000000 IS, with image stabilimotion and global orgasm positioning…the Rebel Dreamliner Signature PQiS, with integrated mobile aps…It takes your pictures for you, while you spend your time doing important stuff like stalking chicks on facebook…with its integrated ap. (FCW: Interesting, we may have to look into that.)

And now for the cussing, because you know, I’m real mature and shit ya’ll. FUCK FUCKA FUCK YOUR MOTHER BLAH BLAH BLAH…in the ass blah blah all night long…say hello to your mom’s new backdoor neighbor! (FCW: Not bad, needs a little work. With some more practice I think you’ll do just fine.)

Boom Shakalaka

Don’t forget to sign the petition to Canon Inc. regarding the new 5D Mark III. In 48 hours only about 120 people have signed it and that’s fucking pathetic. I’m beginning to regret taking the time to have made that petition. I think I could have better used that time to shave my balls or something. At least my wife might have shown some more appreciation than the lot of you.

Well that’s it for today, I need to get back on the phone now with Japan to discuss some of our new wireless flash technology because I think their current implementation is half-assed at best.

Breaking News: Vincent Laforet to switch to Nikon?

Vincent Laforet (left) and Eolake Stobblehouse, separated at birth?

All hell broke loose a few hours ago here at Canon USA HQ when we noticed a blog update by Vincent Laforet, peace and blessings be upon him, where he appears to be selling a crapload of his Canon gear. Experience in the last 3 years has taught us that if a photographer is selling this much Canon gear at once, it is usually followed by the announcement of switching to Nikon. And in the case of someone at Laforet’s level, that is again followed by the announcement of becoming a Nikon ambassador. We’ve got an entire team of our top executives on top of this situation right now, and I can assure you we’re going to do everything we possibly can to keep Laforet with us. Nikon already has most of the big names in this industry, at least the vocal ones with a community, and God knows we can’t afford to lose Laforet to them. Certainly not right now.

I’ve been trying to get through to Laforet but all lines appear to be jammed right now. No doubt by an army of Nikon people (and possibly also Sony) trying to get a hold of him. Laforet did mention a “career change” in his blog post, which could mean a change to quit being a Canon Explorer of Light to become a Nikon ambassador. Let us all pray that all of this is just a false alarm and that there’s nothing serious going on here. Admittedly we all got a little paranoid here at Canon USA after all the recent switches to Nikon, it’s become some kind of trauma. As soon as I see a photographer selling a lot of Canon gear it’s almost like I’m getting a heart attack. So there may not be much going on here, but we’re not taking any chances here at Canon.

Anyway, most of you should already know by now that I have launched a petition and have asked all of you to sign it and show your support to let Canon Inc. know we want a serious full frame update this year. In 24 hours, only about 74 people have signed the petition so far, which quite frankly is fucking pathetic. I have to say, I’m asking myself who I am doing all of this for right now. Because if you fucks can’t show your support by signing a goddamn petition, I might as well just fucking shut down this whole fucking blog. I’ve been busting my ass off here on this blog for 3 fucking years now, do you think I’m doing it for myself? Do you think I’m doing it for fame? Do you think I’m doing it for money? NO GOD DAMMIT, I’m doing it for you! You’re the ones who complain about how Canon sucks and doesn’t listen and all the other usual shit that you complain about. And now that I create an opportunity to show Canon Inc. we’re not going to take this shit anymore, you disappoint me and let me stand alone in the cold! Well thanks a lot!!!! I know how many of you viewed that petition, I know how many of you read the blog every day, and it is a damn shame that such a tiny percentage of you signed the petition so far. So what if you fucking disagree with minor aspects of the specs? The point is we have to send a message to Canon Inc. that any update to the 5D Mark II had better be very significant on all levels. Focusing on specific details of the specs is missing the fucking point. OK?? Please share the link to the petition on Facebook, Twitter, Digg, your blog, online forums, your local photography club, etc. etc. We need to get the message out. I can’t fucking do this alone!!!!!! And will you all grow a fucking backbone and for once stand up for something you believe in, instead of cowering because you’re afraid of losing business/support. Sign the fucking petition with your name if you’re man enough! For once let us stand up to those corporate FUCKS, GOD DAMN IT!!

And then this gem of a publication was brought to my attention today by Paul. It’s from Digital Camera Magazine in the UK:

D7000 VS 60D

D7000 VS 60D according to Digital Camera Magazine UK (apparently run from the basement of a mental institution)

I couldn’t make this up. Notice that this is a reaction to a letter from a disappointed reader who writes:

I’m disappointed by Angela Nicholson’s review of the Nikon D7000 in issue 107. How can you take a review seriously if it marks down a top-end prosumer camera, despite achieving outstanding scores in tests, primarily because it doesn’t have an articulating screen?

Their answer? Read it and weep:

While the Nikon camera has a more advanced AF system, the Canon model has a better LCD that has a high pixel count and is articulated. Our resolution chart tests indicate that the EOS 60D also resolves more detail in images, especially JPEG files.

Unfortunately, the Nikon D7000’s build quality was shown as 4/5 in the test, but it should have been 3/5, the same as the EOS 60D.

WHO THE FUCK ARE THESE PEOPLE??? Are these the kind of people doing reviews these days? No wonder Canon is still doing so well. What a bunch of fucking morons, my God, my God!!!!!!! How in God’s name can the 60D’s fucking articulating screen be more important than the advanced AF system on the D7000? Isn’t the AF system more important than the articulating screen for taking pictures? What the fuck is going on here? I feel like I’m in a scene from Alice in fucking Wonderland. And the 60D having better image quality compared to the D7000? Well DXO Mark disagrees with that by 14 points:

DXO Mark D7000 and 60D scores

Recognize, you fucking morons!

And the 60D  having the same build quality as the D7000???????? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Oh my God, these people are so fucking clueless it worries me. I’m beginning to fear for the future of humanity, I’m telling you guys, if this is the way we’re heading, I’m afraid we’re slowly evolving into Homo Moronicus as a species. How stupid do you have to be to not see the clear difference in build quality between the 60D and the D7000? Oh God, get me out of this nightmare, please make it fucking stop, dear Lord, I’m on my knees, begging!

You know at my age I shouldn’t have to deal with this. Stress, high bloodpressure, irregular heart beat, it’s going to kill me one of these days. I need some rest now, but before I go, let me mention this post by photographer Lloyd Chambers (thanks Dweeb) where he shows us what leaves the Nikon factories these days labeled as brand new and in perfect working condition:

Failed aperture blades on Nikon 24mm f/1.4G

According to Nikon, this lens is brand new and in perfect working condition.

Yep, that’s one of those new Nikon 24G lenses with broken aperture blades. As Dweeb pointed out, this does appear to be a “phenomenon” in need of getting “reduced.” Apparently this left the Nikon factory in this state as brand new and certified by their quality control department as being in perfect working condition. Yep, that’s a $2000 lens, folks. Read the details at Chamber’s blog. Just recently I did a post about Nikon receiving a lot of bad press these days and now this pops up. Is Nikon really, seriously, becoming the new Canon???? I thought this bad quality control shit was unique to Canon. Apparently Nikon DID copy our bad quality control. What the fuck happened at Nikon? If Nikon starts acting like Canon now, what the hell are we going to do??? What will everyone switch to now? God help us all.

Petition for features on the 5D Mark III (3D, 6D)

You Can't - Canon

You Can't - Canon

I’ve put up a petition online with feature requests for the 5D Mark III, 3D or 6D, whatever the hell Tokyo is going to call it. If you really want to own a full frame $2700 costing DSLR from Canon this year with an AF system that actually works, go on overthere now and SIGN IT!!!! You don’t have to neccessarily leave your real/full name there, but just make sure you sign it if you want a camera with those features. You’re also free to leave any other feedback you may have. This is the time to let Canon Inc. know we fucking mean business now and we’re not going to accept another goddamn mediocre release from now on! It has to fucking stop. Now is the chance to show with your participation that you really need this camera. Share the petition URL everywhere, let everyone know, and let them all sign it. I want at least 10.000 signatures on there by the end of this month!! We can do it people!

By the way, some of the engineers in Japan complained to me about the jokes I’m making about them. It’s not that they don’t like the jokes, it’s just that they feel that they’re innocent since it’s the product design team together with the marketing department who are the ones that actually decide what features end up in which camera. So they asked me politely if I could spend more time bashing the product design idiots and marketing morons instead of them from now on. And just so you know, I have agreed to this, in exchange for some insider goodies. I felt that you guys should know in the spirit of being transparent.

So go sign that petition now and share it everywhere!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tech Tips and Emails

As you know, I’ve stopped doing the Tech Tips over at the Digital Journalist last year, but that doesn’t mean I’m stopping it here on my blog too. Remember that you’re all still free to send me emails with questions that you feel need answers. Perhaps you need some technical advice or information, perhaps just to inquire about something, or maybe you’re not getting replies or an adequate response from Canon, or just to vent. Whatever it is, you can send an email to and I’ll do my best to provide you with answers which will be published here on the blog. Yes I’m still using the Gmail account because my corporate Canon USA mailbox is currently still full. Now, with that out of the way, let’s take a look at the questions:

Hey, FC – just read Pogue’s recent article (, and truly laughed out loud at his comment that “in the last two years, the camera  companies have given up their insane and pointless quest for more megapixels-and begun turning their attention to the sensor-size problem. This, ladies  and gentlemen, is absolutely fantastic news.”

Guess Canon didn’t get the memo, with their 18meg 7D POS and the “anything but full frame” 1D mark iv.

Be seeing you!

I don’t think we’ve been getting any kind of memos here at Canon in the last few years. Management has been blinded by arrogance, and listening to the market is not something that was high on their priorities. We can all hope that with the recent devastating losses of market share and other issues things will change in the future. I’ve mentioned the megapixel issue here on the blog numerous times. I’m going to sound like a broken record, but let me remind you about Canon’s position on this matter:

If you’ve been following this blog long enough you already know my personal opinion regarding noise in images: I don’t like it myself. However, at Canon we think that noise is an important part of digital photography and certainly with regards to image quality. More noise in larger images is actually an improvement that contributes a lot to good image quality, as we have clearly demonstrated with the EOS 50D and the EOS 5D Mark II. Going forward, we expect noise to continue to play an important role in digital photography here at Canon with future advancements in sensor development, which will allow for even larger resolutions on smaller sensors while bending, and indeed completely trashing,  the laws of physics and causing a rip in the space-time continuum.
Other industry leaders have also recognized the importance of noise in images. For example, Adobe has demonstrated to share a similar view by including filters in Photoshop that add noise to images. As a result, images made with older cameras that offered noise-free images can now be improved by adding noise to them. I expect this trend to continue for the foreseeable future.

Let me also remind you about something else I mentioned on my blog a while ago:

LAS VEGAS–Olympus has declared an end to the megapixel race. “Twelve megapixels is, I think, enough for covering most applications most customers need,” said Akira Watanabe, manager of Olympus Imaging’s SLR planning department, in an interview here at the Photo Marketing Association (PMA). “We have no intention to compete in the megapixel wars for E-System,” Olympus’ line of SLR cameras, he said. Instead, Olympus will focus on other characteristics such as dynamic range, color reproduction, and a better ISO range for low-light shooting, he said.

This was almost a year ago. Like you point out, the competition was already aware of what people wanted. In that time the morons at Canon Inc. gave us the 18MP 7D Piece Of Shit, your words, while Nikon gave us the 12MP D3s low light wonder. Let us all hope for the best during the coming DSLR announcements.


You won 500,000.00GBP in the on-going Google Online Promotion.You are to contact Mr Graham Poll Email: for more information.

Mrs Debora

Thank you for the information Debora. I must say that I was very excited when I initially found your email in my Spam folder. I don’t know how it got there but thank God I noticed it before permanently deleting all spam. I was so happy I immediately called my wife Ying to tell her the good news. After that I sent an email to Mr. Graham Poll3 and was surprised to get a reply within an hour from a Mr. Shaka Kobele. I’m very impressed with the quick response and with your customer service, I wish we had more of that at our Canon service centers. Mr. Kobele informed me about the procedure for collecting my prize money, and I have already transferred the requested $1200 to your account in Nigeria. I did this last week and I was promised a response within 24 hours but haven’t heard back from Mr. Kobele. I understand these things take time so I wanted to let you know I’m patiently waiting, though I would appreciate a quick response on this as I have already ordered a Hasselblad CVF-39 with lenses and a H3DII-31 as a backup, and am expected to pay for all of it this week.

Hey Fake Chuck, it’s good to see ur still around. Why is Canon not doing anything about the low ISO noise and banding on the 5D Mark II?? I like my 5D but i hate the extra work i’m having to do fixing images every time. We’re all still waiting for the fix, this issue is constantly being discussed, here are a few recent threads on DPReview-

I’m sorry to hear about the issues. I discussed this problem earlier here on the blog too. I don’t know what the fuck they’re doing in Japan, believe me. We’ve been sending them all the feedback but there’s no response coming back, similar to the issues with the 50mm f/1.2 L. My best guess is that either Canon Inc. can’t fix this without doing a product recall, or this is all just part of their digital camera noise policy as I explained in the first question above. Let us all hope… or better yet, let us pray for some kind of response in the near future.

Hello there Fake Chuck,
First of all congratulations for your blog, you´re a very smart person, and your critics to Canon are very funny to read, and I hope they are reading you and will do something about the pathetic quality control they have. 
I just bought a 1D Mark IV camera and I´m also thinking to switch to Nikon. The camera is nice, but QC is crap. It comes from the factory with a dirty mirror, also the dioptric adjusment was moved from the zero position, and my first sight from the visor was like “WTF???” but the worst of all is the back and front focusing. My lenses now are like cheap chinese crap, and I need to micro adjust one by one to have some sharp shoots… How can this be possible with an almost 5.000€ camera ??? 
Even the lower end of the Canon reflex catalog are sharper than this… 
I whish you´ll have time to talk about this new “feature” of the 1D MK4 because I need to laugh about it, or I´ll finish throwing my camera to the river…
Take care and greetings from Madrid!

Thank you for the kind words. I’m fully aware of our quality control problems, this has been discussed on my blog at length. The main issue is that, as you may know, our entire quality control department, or that which was supposed to resemble it in any case, is currently missing in action. One day they were there and the next the whole department just vanished from the face of the planet. We’ve got the FBI, MOSSAD, MI5 and the KGB investigating this case and last I heard they were looking at the possibility of this being an alien abduction. Meanwhile Canon Inc. tried outsourcing some of the quality testing to independent contractors like Sven, but apparently it’s not working out. Also, I think Sven may have died in his facility as I haven’t heard back from him for a long while now. But before you throw your camera into the river, may I suggest that you test your lenses first for backfocus issues using the Canon certified procedure I’ve outlined in a previous post. If everything fails, I would finally suggest enabling the “door stop” functionality of the 1D Mark IV. As you may know this functionality was first introduced with the 1D Mark III and details of how to enable it can be found in a previous Tech Tips post.

Vincent Laforet, Peace be with Him, and me.

Vincent Laforet (left) and Eolake Stobblehouse, separated at birth?

Now before I end this post, I wanted to give you guys a link to this cool video I did together with Vincent Laforet, eternal peace and blessings be upon him. I have to say, I’m really proud to have been able to do this with him. In fact, I’m so proud that I printed and framed the image above and it now has a permanent place here on my desk right next to the picture of my wife and daughter. We’re all very proud to have Vincent as an Explorer of Light here at Canon USA using our gear to create awesome stuff. And as you may know Vincent also runs Domai in his spare time, a site I frequently visit during my late night one handed browsing sessions. The guy is just incredible. This should also put to rest all the theories about me being Vincent Laforet. If I was really Vincent Laforet I wouldn’t be standing next to him in the video right?? We’re not the same person, people, think about it!!

Joe Mc Nally (left) and a random Sock Puppet, separated at birth?

I wish we could have more cool people like Vince using our gear. The problem is that most of them are currently using Nikon gear and with all the Canon Inc. shitfuckery on our side it will be difficult to get them to even hold something that has the Canon logo on it, let alone use it to make something cool. Take Joe Mc Nally for example. We’d love to get him to switch sides right now, but I doubt he’ll even answer my email. Great guy though, that Mc Nally. Seems like he’s a bit nuts too. I hope you can see the striking resemblance in the picture on the right. Same hair and eye color. Probably identical twins if you ask me.

Some day I hope to write Anna’s name near the light on top of the Empire State Building just like he did for his daughters.

I’m being followed by Nikon USA

Like a friend was quick to mention, Christmas came early this year at casa de Fake Chuck when I noticed that I was being followed on Twitter by none other than Nikon USA. In case you think that’s a typo, let me type it here again for you: I’m being followed on Twitter by Nikon USA. And no that’s not the fake Nikon USA, that’s real Nikon USA. You’re probably wondering how this happened, so let me explain it to you in more detail. 

On November 23rd, 2009 Nikon USA appeared on the list of people I’m following on Twitter. At first I thought someone hacked my Twitter account and then followed @nikonusadotcom to frame me or something. But upon further investigation I concluded that apparently I must have somehow stumbled upon their profile on Twitter and then clicked the “Follow” button. Now, I’m sure some of you will be quick to mention that this is confirmation of the fact that I’m probably a crazy Nikon fanboy because I’m following Nikon USA and appear to be anti-Canon. But nothing could be further from the truth. The simple fact of the matter is that I like to keep an eye on the competition. That’s all. In the past I’ve also been very open about me using a D3 and D3x quite often while I’m out with the family. And in fact my D3s should arrive in time for Christmas. But this is just me err… evaluating… the competition and doing uh… competitive research. You have to know who you’re up against. On top of that I’m even doing all of this in my free time without getting paid for it, while spending my own money on the uh.. research samples. This just goes to show you the kind of dedication that I bring to my work at Canon USA. 

Soon after Nikon USA somehow made itself into the list of people I’m following, I noticed the following tweet by them: 

We’re reviewing the presentation of our products pages like this one – send me a DM with your thoughts and ideas #nikon 

Being the helpful and caring person that I am, I couldn’t help but offer them a suggestion

@nikonusadotcom “We’re reviewing the presentation of our products pages – send me … your thoughts and ideas” – Suggestion: Remove them all 

Yes I know what you’re thinking again: “Look he’s helping Nikon USA! He’s obviously a crazy Nikon fanboy!” And again, relax, nothing could be further from the truth. I believe we’re all operating in the same market and in a way we’re not only competitors but also colleagues who’re trying to do what’s best for the industry. And in that sense, I felt that they could really benefit from my suggestion. I’m not a webdesign expert, but in making that suggestion about improving the product pages on the Nikon USA website I was kinda going for the Zen approach to design. You know, less is more. So far it doesn’t look like they’ve followed my advice, but that might be due to internal bureaucracy. You know how these things go. 

But I did notice soon after my suggestion that Nikon USA added me to their list of people they follow, which can only mean that they value my feedback and are genuinely interested in what I have to say. 

It’s a sad day when you have to find out that the competition appears to be listening to you more actively than the company you’re working for. I don’t see anyone from Canon Inc. following me yet. Hell, I’m willing to bet my left nut that none of them even have a goddamn Twitter account. I’ve said it before, but our social media strategy is almost non existent. Canon Inc. apparently still think they’re doing business in the 80’s. At least I didn’t wait for them and started this blog, again in my free time, showing just how much I care about my work and about Canon products. I tried getting those fucks in Japan to start blogging about the company and about our products numerous times. I even told them to read Robert Scoble’s excellent book about corporate blogging. But every time I mention Naked Conversations to the Japanese they give me a funny look. Now they think I’m gay.

On the other hand you have Nikon who appears to understand social media a lot better. I’ve mentioned this many times before and the Lord of the Speedlights just rubbed it in again for us in true Nikon style, just to make absolutely sure we were noticing.

I really can’t understand Tokyo anymore. We’re fucking up in all possible ways. We’re out of touch with customers, our quality control is fucked, our recent products are fucked, our marketing strategies are fucked. It’s aaall fucked! 

Nikon VS Canon

And the results can be seen in the image above. What you’re seeing there is worldwide fuckage. Quite scary, to be honest. That’s a shitload more D3 and D3x sales compared to 1D3 and 1Ds3. Let’s be honest: Does this surprise you? Because it sure as fuck doesn’t surprise me! And it also won’t surprise me at all when this same trend can be seen for other product models, especially when you consider the following graph which I mentioned in my previous post

Maeda: "Competitions set our ass up the cocks!"

Call me pessimistic, but I don’t see this changing in the near future. Not with Nikon’s D3s receiving glowing reviews everywhere, especially when it comes to low light performance. We’re going to be oh-so-fucked if they update the D700 with the new sensor from the D3s early next year. In the mean time, Canon Inc. will keep cramming more megapixels onto future sensors while raping the shit out of image quality. Can you see a diffraction limited aperture of f/2.8 in the future? I know I can! It is going to be so awesome. Stop down from f/2.8 and experience mushy image heaven!! Hell, you’re going to have to shoot wide open constantly on most lenses if you expect to see any kind of detail in your images! 

Not to mention the noise. It was just fucking unbelievable to see how much more noise the 50D offered compared to the 40D. Even the 7D features more noise in images compared to the 40D. Moses wrote in recently to mention that he updated his 7D post with results from DXO Mark, showing that the 7D does indeed offer more noise compared to the 40D and, lord have mercy, even the D300s. A clear indication of how low we’ve sunken here at Canon. 

So does it surprise you that Canon is losing market share worldwide? Does it surprise you that people are switching to Nikon? Just check this out

Despite my near-constant frustration with Canon, I held out for the mythical 5d Mark II – a camera that promised even better ISO, an even bigger sensor, an even fancier LCD and (you guessed it), the same crappy focusing system. At that point, Canon had me by the you-know-whats (I don’t actually have you-know-whats… it’s a euphemism, silly) – I had *thousands* invested in lenses (see below). So I shot my 5d Mark II for the entire 2009 wedding season…. on One-Shot…. using a high aperture… constantly cussing under my breath. 

So, there you have it! Canon is a great system…. I will miss some of the lenses and the way the bodies feel in my hands (I still think Nikons are made for a man’s hands and mine don’t quite fit around the grip right).  But, at the end of the day, I am a stickler for focus and Canon just didn’t deliver.  

And this is not an isolated incident, trust me. The end result was predictable: Switched to Nikon. I’ve written a lot here in the past about what can only be referred to as the legendary AF system of our 5D Mark II, but here’s a nice story to freshen up your minds. This user hasn’t yet switched to Nikon apparently, but sure as hell was already considering it. (Update: We’ve lost her)

The more I see these reports around the Internet and in my mailbox these days, the more I myself am thinking about switching to Nikon. Hell, I already am following Nikon USA on Twitter and already own Nikon gear, I might as well ask them for office space too!

Canon EOS 7D: Nikon’s Worst Nightmare Has Begun

Canon EOS 7D

Canon EOS 7D

Bruce Wayne saw bats flying towards him out of a very bright light, haunting him every night during his sleep. The image above shows what is currently haunting every Nikon executive in their sleep at night, causing them to wake up screaming like girly men while bathing in their own sweat. For Bruce Wayne, things got better. But for Nikon, the worst is yet to come.

I know I’m a bit late with my introduction of our new 7D camera, but I have been very busy here at the office with all kinds of preparations for what is yet to come. We are heading for some very exciting times and let me assure you that the 7D is just the beginning. If you’re thinking about getting a 7D, be prepared to have your patience tested to the extreme. While the 7D should hit stores by the end of the month, chances are that this camera will be continuously backordered until the end of time.

We’ve just released the official 7D brochure, so you might want to download it and start drooling. You’ll notice that the marketing department got a little carried away while compiling the text for the brochure, and frankly, I don’t really blame them this time because the 7D is an exciting product. But when you see stuff like the following, please forgive them:

On Page 3: “Canon EOS SLR cameras have consistently featured cuttingedge AF technologies and the EOS 7D takes them a step further.”

I had to chuckle when I read that. OK fine I admit, I LOLed. Consistently featured cutting edge AF, huh? Yeah… I printed that line on a large banner and it is now hanging high up on the wall behind me in my office. Funny how people can so easily forget about the Great Fiasco of 2008. I think most of them just got so traumatized that they blocked 2008 out of their memory completely. Just thinking about 2008 sends chills down my spine every time so trust me when I say that it’s not easy for them. I mean really, all of you who are regular readers know that not too long ago I was crying here on my blog in despair, mentioning how I was coming home drunk every night because the future seemed very dark for us here at Canon. I was just totally wasted every night. But at least it wasn’t so bad that I woke up in the morning to find a tiger in my bathroom, a baby in the closet and David Sparer asking me why he’s missing a tooth, all while not being able to remember what happened to me the previous night.

Bradley Cooper and Chase Jarvis - Seperated at birth?

Bradley Cooper and Chase Jarvis (right) - Separated at birth?

If you don’t know what I’m talking about, you have to really do yourself a favor and go out to see the movie “The Hangover,” starring Chase Jarvis as Bradley Cooper as Phil. Even if it’s just to see Chase taking Mike Tyson’s tiger from behind while yelling “Let’s fuck this tiger!!” I know it sounds bizarre, but seriously, I’m not kidding. On top of that you even have Canon Inc.’s Masaya Maeda, Director and Chief Executive of Image Communication Products Operations, making an appearance when he leaps out of the back of a car, totally naked, and starts beating the crap out of Chase with a crowbar.


Chase lying on the ground after taking a beating from Maeda

"You gonna fuck on me!!??"

"You gonna fuck on me!!??"

There’s just something really funny about watching a gay looking Canon executive beating the crap out of a Nikon photographer.

Hangovers aside, things are starting to look pretty good for us here at Canon thanks to the Japanese at Canon Inc. in Tokyo finally listening to us. Even Vincent Laforet, peace and blessings be upon him, mentioned in a recent interview that Canon is finally starting to listen. If you’ve looked at the specs, you know that the 7D really introduces many exciting new features for Canon users. It’s funny how the 7D comes with a brand new and fucking awesome viewfinder design with an intelligent LCD display, getting rid of the focusing screens, when I just wrote about the state of the art “‘On-demand’ Viewfinder Gridlines Projection System” two months ago. Unfortunately though, the 7D still features the very advanced “Eyepiece Closing ‘Mechanism’“, arguably one of humanity’s greatest achievements, but I guess that it would have been too good to be true if that was also replaced with something better. 

However, the introduction of the 7D has led to the discovery of one of the most important formulas since E=MC2, a formula that holds great promises for the future. You can see it below in all its glory:

The Formula

There’s not much else I can say about this right now, I just hope you and Canon Inc. know your math.

Overall we’re getting some great responses about the 7D. Jeff Ascough posted some sample images and mentions being very pleased with the 7D so far. I also got an email from someone who’s been on our case for a long time now. For some reason the content of the email cracked me up, so I’m just going to include it here without permission and be done with it:

Hell has frozen over! John Harrington has posted a TFP request for female models on his website!

My first positive blog post about Canon in a very long time:

I’m just going to call that guy “Moses” from now on, as his predictions appear to be spot on. And when he writes positive about Canon, you know Nikon is going to have serious issues. Even Rob Galbraith had to admit that “Canon has a winner on their hands with the EOS 7D.” And then he went on to mumble something about the autofocus system. I don’t know what the fascination is with Galbraith and our autofocus systems. The guy just refuses to let it go. At some point he even mentions the following:

We also used the EF 85mm f/1.2L II, and focus was all over the place. The same lens exhibited the same unstable AF on an EOS 5D Mark II, suggesting the problem was more a function of the lens than the camera.

Am I the only one who slapped my hand on my forehead, shook my head and asked myself why Galbraith had to include this in his article? This is about the same as saying the following:

We also poured a couple of gallons of sulfuric acid on the 7D and it started going haywire before completely dying on us. The sulfuric acid had the same effect on the EOS 5D Mark II, suggesting the problem was more a function of the sulfuric acid than the camera.

Sometimes I fear for the future of humanity. I really do.

Now, I know a lot of you have written in to complain about the noise in images taken with a 7D and if I want to be honest, I can only admit that personally it also worries me a little. But let me remind you of what I said a while ago in reply to a Tech Tips question:

What is it with all the noise on the recent cameras? I thought image quality was important to Canon. Now I have to spend time cleaning up noise even at ISO 100. It’s getting crazy you guys better do something about this!

Thank you for your suggestion. If you’ve been following this blog long enough you already know my personal opinion regarding noise in images: I don’t like it myself. However, at Canon we think that noise is an important part of digital photography and certainly with regards to image quality. More noise in larger images is actually an improvement that contributes a lot to good image quality, as we have clearly demonstrated with the EOS 50D and the EOS 5D Mark II. Going forward, we expect noise to continue to play an important role in digital photography here at Canon with future advancements in sensor development, which will allow for even larger resolutions on smaller sensors while bending, and indeed completely trashing,  the laws of physics and causing a rip in the space-time continuum.
Other industry leaders have also recognized the importance of noise in images. For example, Adobe has demonstrated to share a similar view by including filters in Photoshop that add noise to images. As a result, images made with older cameras that offered noise-free images can now be improved by adding noise to them. I expect this trend to continue for the foreseeable future.

Unfortunately the Japanese, while they do appear to be listening a little more to us now, are not willing to give up the megapixel race just yet. At this point I’m just hoping, praying to God even, that the noise problem will not ruin the 7D for us like it did with the 50D and to some extent also the 5D Mark II. I’m also hoping that the new AF system actually works. If the Japanese fuck this one up again, all hope will be lost. According to recently acquired intelligence, Nikon is also planning something big. Something really big.

Nikon Headquarters

Nikon Headquarters

We’ve got some exciting new stuff coming very soon as well. This time even I don’t have all the details as Japan has gotten more and more secretive about future plans. But what I’m certain about is that you’re going to see a very fierce battle unfold in the next few months. We are at war, make no mistake about it.

Finally, I want to mention that I’m celebrating my first birthday this Sunday, September 13th. On that day it will be exactly a year ago when I first started this blog. Amazing how time flies. I hope you’ll all be here with me to celebrate.

Gotta run now, lots of work waiting for me.

The Apollo XI One Light Photography Workshop

Updated on July 28, 2009: Updated some of the captions below the moonlanding pictures.

Man my previous post sure generated a lot of traffic. It looks like a lot of people were able to relate to many of the things I discussed there, especially Canon users. And that’s great, because I need the support of all of you to get those fucks in Japan to innovate. Where the fuck is my Eye Control Focus? Every time I send in my god forsaken feedback reports I keep asking for it and yet they seem to totally ignore it in Tokyo. This along with many other things people keep asking me year in and year out. The “good enough” mentality seems to win every time at Canon Inc. It’s the lazy-ass engineering I discussed in the previous post. Well there’s a time when “good enough” just doesn’t cut it anymore, and the issues we’re having with the 5D Mark II autofocus module proves this. It’s a goddamn tragedy that we have to put up with this crap in the technologically advanced time we live in right now. Back in the film days, you could get the EOS-1V with a working 45-point professional autofocus system for $2000. $2000!!!! Today, the EOS 5D Mark II costs almost $3000 and comes with a pathetic 9 point autofocus system that makes my cellphone camera look like a Hasselblad in comparison. And yes, the EOS-1V also had a built-in Eyepiece Shutter. Somehow during the transition from film to digital, the cameras got a lot more primitive at Canon Inc. Being the Technical Advisor at Canon USA, can you imagine in what kind of position I get into when people start pointing this out to me?

If you want another example of lazy-ass engineering at Canon Inc., just take the “‘On-demand’ Viewfinder Gridlines Projection System.” At Nikon it is simply an option in the menu to turn the gridlines inside the viewfinder on or off on demand. Even the fucking Nikon D200 which is now obsolete had this feature. At Canon Inc. you actually have to change the focusing screen inside the camera with one containing the gridlines etched onto them (which you have to buy). If you want to see the entire procedure for doing this, just look here. That’s some kickass 21st century technology, ya gotta admit. You look at that procedure and just marvel at its sheer brilliance. Whoever came up with that probably graduated at MIT at the age of 12. Compare that procedure to the Nikon procedure of a simple menu setting on the Nikon D200/D300/D700 which projects some kind of LCD grid inside the viewfinder. A world of difference. Canon has redefined the word “usability” with their “Eyepiece Closing ‘Mechanism’” and “‘On-demand’ Viewfinder Gridlines Projection System.” Imagine how much more productive this makes photographers using Canon DSLRs. And while changing the focusing screen, you had better pray to God that dust doesn’t end up on top of it, or, heaven forbid, on the exposed prism inside the camera, because then you’re really fucked.

Anyway, with your support I hope we can talk some sense into those morons in Japan. What surprised me though, was that even though the feedback to the previous post was overwhelmingly positive, the gestapo at the DPReview Canon forums went into action again and deleted an entire thread where Canon users were discussing my post. This is not the first time this has happened. Fortunately I was able to save 2 of the 3 pages of the discussion, and you can download a PDF file containing the discussion here: Deleted Thread at DPReview. As you’ll see, about 90% of people there were positive about my post, and yet it had to be deleted. Doesn’t that make you wonder about who exactly is in control over at DPReview? Here is one of the comments in that discussion, which you’ll find in the PDF, that I found interesting:

Should you have to jump all the way to the 1-series to get a high quality comprehensively-featured, no-excuses camera from the world’s larger SLR manufacturer? The 5DII costs more than any film-era 1-series EOS SLR while limping along with a derivative of the 7-point AF system developed for the EOS Elan 7/7E (itself, a derivation of the 5-point AF of the EOS-5/A2/A2E from 1992) and is marketed toward professionals, yet starting with the EOS-1N, those cameras had eyepiece shutters. Of course, all the 1-series cameras have them, so obviously we’re not talking about having to re-invent the wheel to implement the same system in a 5D-level body–the parts already exist. No, it’s just that, in true Canon style–as was the case with even the storied EOS-3, which shared quite a lot, mechanically and electronically, with the 1-series film SLRs–they have chosen to compromise functionality (along with viewfinder quality, build quality, autofocus, environmental sealing, user-configurability and features) for the protecting sales of the 1-series. $2700 should buy you a DSLR you don’t have to make excuses for in terms of its basic functioning: AF and metering. And I’m not willing to give Canon a free pass on the “value” of a full frame sensor this time around, when the 5DII sensor is so clearly a derivation of the existing 1DsIII sensor and they spent, essentially, nothing on AF improvements. It’s infuriating when Nikon and Pentax offer bodies with more comprehensive features and/or superior build quality to the 5DII for significantly less money.

Some excellent points in there.

In other news my Tech Tips for July went online a while ago. Very boring as usual, but perhaps there’s something there that might interest you. Nikon also released a fuckup notice for the D5000 last week. It seems that some D5000 bodies don’t turn on after a while due to some problem. At least they’re a lot quicker at Nikon to admit any issues and to offer to fix it. At Canon Inc. they would have first denied that the D5000 had any issues, and after a few months take a look at it anyway and then actually “fix” the same problem a couple of times in the course of 2 years. After that, they’d release a video interview with some unknown Japanese photographer making multiple claims that the D5000 does in fact turn on, mentioning how great that is, and that this is one of its most important features.

Vincent Laforet (left) and Eolake Stobblehouse, separated at birth?

Vincent Laforet (left) and Eolake Stobblehouse, separated at birth?

On a more positive note though, my marketing idea for hiring Arnold Schwarzenneger to promote our DSLRs has been very well received even at Canon. Since Nikon has “” we’re now in the process of registering the domain “” and have it redirect to our EOS website. We need a totally different approach to marketing when the 1D Mark 4 gets launched. I really hope that Vincent Laforet, peace be with him, will be able to look at the 1D4 and do something really spectacular again so we can seriously start kicking Nikon’s ass. Lord knows we need it.

Okay so you probably saw that this post had a strange title and that’s because I’ve been seeing all the Apollo 11 moonlanding crap all over the place and as I was getting sick and tired of that shit I noticed something strange when I looked at some of the pictures. As the Technical Advisor, or Camera Guru if you prefer, at Canon USA, you know that stupid shit like this is not going to go unnoticed by me. I didn’t become the Technical Advisor around here for nothing.  And instead of just showing you what I mean, I decided to do an online photography workshop instead. Workshops are so hot right now, everyone is doing their own, so I thought why not have one myself?

In this case the workshop is more about lighting. Lighting on the moon during the Apollo 11 mission. This is the kind of stuff the Lord of the Speedlights dreams of doing, but can’t, because he’ll probably lose all of his sponsors overnight. Me, I have Canon backing me so I don’t give a flying fuck. Since the astronauts on Apollo 11 didn’t bring any lights of their own, we really only have one light source on the moon: The Sun. So that makes our workshop a One Light workshop, not to be confused with Zack Arias’s One Light Workshop, which doesn’t come even close to what you are about to experience in a moment.

Okay so much for the intro, now let us start by looking at some of the pictures that were taken during the Apollo 11 mission and reverse engineer the light Strobist style:

Moon 1

This is a picture of the moon. It’s important to take note of the fact that the shadows are all pointing in the same direction, and that the shadow areas are pitch black.

Moon 2

Another picture taken by the astronauts shows the extremely dark shadows. Notice how the shadow side of the hills are totally dark. If you’d stand there you wouldn’t see shit in front of you.

Moon 3

Okay now this is the first picture taken by the fucking wankers who call themselves astronauts. In the top picture, notice how the shadow side of the moonlander is lit. Since there’s only one light, the sun, which is coming from the back of the moonlander, the side we’re seeing would be totally dark, just like the shadow side of the hills in the above picture. And yet, that’s not the case. Same with that white thing on the ground. But take a look at the rocks, their shadow sides are totally black. Some will say that the moonlander was lit by the surface of the moon, but why is the surface of the moon able to light the dark shadow side of the moonlander, and not the dark shadow sides of rocks, craters, hills etc.? Below there’s a simulated version of what the picture would have looked like with only the sun as the light source.

Moon 4

Even more bullshit from the motherfuckers who call themselves astronauts. The astronaut is coming out of the moonlander at the shadow side, and yet there ‘s so much light! Now how the hell is that fucking possible? Simple: There had to be more light sources when that picture was taken (red arrows). If you look at the orange structure, clearly there’s light coming from above. Perhaps an Alien craft flying by was giving some assistance? Below is how that picture should have looked like with only the sun as the light source.

Moon 5

Even more horseshit from the overpaid nutcases at Nasa. Again, the astronaut is at the shadow side of the moonlander, and lit like a fucking christmas tree. I wonder how sunlight was able to reach the astronaut behind the moonlander. Below is again the simulated version of what that picture should have looked like.

Moon 6

Notice again how the shadow side of the rocks and hills are completely black. Somehow the shadow side of the moonlander and astronaut are very lit. This shit doesn’t even happen at Disney World.

Moon 7

In this picture the shadows look believable, very dark and shadow side of the astronauts and flag are a lot darker, essentially black. But why does one of the astronauts have a much longer shadow? Also, is the surface of the moon gray or brown? Seems to me like the assholes as Nasa can’t decide.

Moon 8

Apparently sunlight really favored the astronauts and the moonlander during the Apollo 11 mission. Notice how the shadow side of the rock is completely black, and yet the shadow side of the moonlander and astronaut look a lot brighter. And where is the flag’s shadow? The cocksuckers at Nasa must think we’re all stupid.

Moon 9

The fucking astronaut is standing in the goddamn shadow of the fucking moonlander, how in God’s name is he visible, when the sun was supposed to be the only light source? Looks to me like those fucks at Nasa used a little fill light.

Moon 10

This picture is just awesome. If they decide to do some lighting workshops at Nasa, I’ll be the first to sign up. Hell, I don’t even care what it costs, I’ll take a second mortgage if I have to. If you can do this, you’ll never need to use a flash ever again. Compare this to the picture above with the 2 astronauts with much darker shadows. And the surface of the moon looks a lot more brown in the reflection. Hmmm…

Moon 11

All of a sudden the shadow side of the moonlander and astronaut look a lot darker. Looks like they moved some of the fill lights for this shot. Also notice how the solar panel is throwing a very dark shadow on the astronaut’s right foot. A small panel is able to black out part of the astronaut’s foot, and yet, when the astronaut stands in the shadow of the big moonlander in previous pictures, he is totally lit!

Moon 12

And this is truly magnificent. Forget Zack Arias, forget the Lord of the Speedlights, hell, forget McNally. Those guys are nothing compared to what Nasa achieved here using just one light source. It looks like the sunlight went in one direction, then actually made a turn and came back in the frame from a different direction. You would have to use String-theory to explain what’s going on in that picture. To keep it simple, I made a lighting diagram below the picture to show you how I think the lighting was set up in this case. Forgive me for spelling errors, I’m tired.

And that concludes this Apollo 11 One Light workshop. I hope you’ve learned something important from all of this and that this will make you a better photographer. For more background information, watch this.

That’s it for now, I need to go look at the new 70-200mm f/2.8 IS and prepare my feedback for those morons in Japan.