Quick Update

Nikon D800 Explodes

A Nikon D800 explodes in a major US city

I heard about exploding Nikon D800s before but I never knew it was as bad as this report by CNN’s Anderson Cooper shows it to be. Seems like Nikon is doing good business in the middle east these days. Not only that, but according to our Swedisch correspondent Kai Reinertsen, the FAA has put the Nikon D800 on the list of prohibited items to take on board airplanes. Needless to say, shit are happen at Nikon.

I took a break from posting on the blog after the last post in order to calm down, rest and put my mind on other things for a while. Those cocksmokers at DxO Labs really got to me. I know for a fact that if I didn’t take some time out I’d probably not be alive today. I started taking meditation classes shortly after that last post to help me calm down, and I must say it has really helped me. Swami Rajesh Ramchandrati really knows his stuff. I met the swami at a bar in New York shortly after publishing my last post, and he convinced me to start taking meditation classes the next day. He’s quite an interesting fellow too. When he told me about his earlier life in New Delhi in between shots of vodka, it somehow reminded me of the time I served in ‘Nam. I felt like we had a lot in common.

Swami Rajesh Ramchandrati

Swami Rajesh Ramchandrati and me a couple of days ago. The swami was actually floating in mid air right next to me, though you can’t clearly see it in this picture.

Turns out I’ve had a lot of repressed anger and fear inside of me for all these years, which when you think about it makes so much fucking sense. Suddenly I could explain so much of my behaviour in the past. When cocksmokers like DxO Labs show up, all of this repressed anger surfaces and I just can’t control it. So I told the swami about DxO Labs and the D800 and everything that was bothering me that night, and crazily enough, as soon as I mentioned DxO Labs the swami’s whole body started shuddering and he briefly went into some kind of trance. When he snapped out of it a few seconds later, he explained to me that he felt some strong negative energy from DxO Labs. So I was all like “No shit!” Then he put his right hand on my head and closed his eyes and everything around me started moving as if I was looking at the world through some kind of jelly. Then I started seeing funky colors and got dizzy. I’m not sure if this was because of the swami or the fact that I had way too much vodka that night, but I decided that I had enough and that it was time to head home. Only problem was I could barely walk by myself. Fortunately the swami was there with his taxicab and offered me a free ride home.

But I can’t tell you enough how relaxing all this meditation really is. My mind feels so light and clear these days and I’ve even been able to deal with those DxO Labs cocksmokers without losing my sanity. And that’s great because it helped me to focus on the coming product launches in the next few weeks.

Anyway, I should be going now if I don’t want to be late for my meditation session with the swami. I’ll be back.

44 thoughts on “Quick Update

  1. Science (DxO) vs meditation (Swami Rajesh Ramchandrati). Oh god – getting fucking desperate. What is Canon going to try next? Fire the scientists & engineers and put Swami Rajesh Ramchandrati on the production line to pray for the cameras, and put kosher/halal stickers on them? Good luck with that.

  2. Pingback: [Humor] Breaking News: Exploding D800 Destroys A Major US City | CanonWatch

  3. BaHaHaHaHaHa. DXO Mark just rated the new Nikon D3200 sensor about the Canon 5D Mk3 as well! It just gets better! Ba Hahahahahahaha! Oh, really, it’s too much. This is gold! Nikon bottom of the range, budget DSLR tops Canons’ $4000 pro camera! Oh god, it’s too much, really!!! Ba Hahahahahahaha. Eat Shit Canon users!

    • Would you be too upset if I considered designating you an arsehole? You stupid fuck are not even able to understand that a sensor is just one part of the whole camera (yes, an important part, but not the only to consider in the battle)…. Go to your mummy and shut up…

      • Ba Ha ha ha ha. This is classic! I’m not upset at all, but obviously you are! HA HA HA HA HA.

  4. Your Anger comes from Nikon KiCKING can nots DONKEY. can not just can not keep up with Nikon, OR SONY !! SONY IS ABOUT TO ROCK THE WORLD !!!!!!!!!!! 22 MEGA PIXELS is SO YESTERDAY LOW RES !!!!! Wht is it so OVER PRICED ???

    • See you’re a clear example of what’s wrong with the world right now. It’s the “my cock is bigger than yours” crowd which you belong to that push companies to increase megapixels without regard for image quality. It’s fucking pointless! Do you really gain that much resolution going to 36MP from 22MP??? Is the extra noise worth it? NO IT’S NOT. But no, all you fucks care about is big numbers so you can feel superior over the other guy with less megapixels, even though your camera produces more crap and you couldn’t take a decently composed image if your life depended on it! Oh God where’s the swami. I need to calm the fuck down again

      • In camera cropped a D800 shot to square format today, 23Mp. That’s why. Wake up and smell the pixels chuck nuts.

  5. if DXO wants to do a FAIR test on any sensor, they should use the SAME optics, SAME shutter, SAME aperture assembly, SAME wave length of light, and SAME all other things to rule out any other factors. From cnet review I see they use canon lens to test canon body, I’d like to think they use nikon lens to test nikon body, etc. That makes the result less legitimate.
    The other way I see is the Full Sensor Apparent Image Quality (FSAIQ) is not the actual image quality, sharpness and contrast plays important roll here, which related to both sensor and lens. So again DXO does not tell the sensor itself, it does tell the appearance in a specific case (8MP).
    Somewhere at clarkvision website says the optimal size of a pixel is 5um and the density of a FF is around 34MP as D800.
    I just want to be a little less bias.

    • DXO is a complete fucking joke right now. Their latest tests do not agree with real world observations and that’s a real fucking problem.

      • Ya forget about those worthless DxO scores, once I found out DxO software belonged to them I uninstalled it immediately, Chuck question my 5D III is fantastic but I need a 2nd body for back up and I was thinking of buying the 7D as I just read about a firmware update coming ( I wish in the new firmware they would add HDR and multiple exposure like on the 5D III or maybe canon can have us buy it for an install) and I don’t think a 7D II is on the way, what do you think? Thanks

      • If you must have a second body that is not a 5D Mark III, the 7D is the best option right now. Canon couldn’t add HDR and other advanced features to the 7D even if they wanted to because those are Digic 5+ features. The 7D has dual Digic 4. We’ll have to wait for the “7D Mark II” which is definitely on the way.

  6. Hi Chuck,

    Swami didn’t get you home in flying carpet ?
    Is their use forbidden in USA ?

    Looks like Nikon has more business than you think in Middle East. Mossad assholes noticed that Iran secretly bought some D800 and brought them to their new Fordo underground complex where they may assemble nuclear weapons and use D800 as detonators !
    Fucking terrifying !

  7. Dear Fake Chuck,

    I really enjoy reading your blog. Seeing you put all that energy, time and hatred toward another brand is pure enjoyment. Don’t let them get you down. Keep up the good work!


  8. The Mark III is my next camera, it may take a few months, and i may eat ramen’s noodles for a while but i will put my hands on this jewel.

  9. 1Dx marketing story from the EURO soccer. All action shots at same 1323th second, why? A lot of motion blur, stuff is just not CRISP. Explain o Cannon guru…

  10. Chuck what do i do get a canon eos-1dx or a nikon D4 and a D800 combo both will be use for events and sports the 1dx has it all put pixels

    • D800 is not suitable for sports. The AF system sucks balls. Also high ISO is noisy. Get a 5D Mark III instead. That has pixels, very low noise, and the same AF system from the 1DX. It fucking rocks. You can also get a 1DX if you have cash left.

  11. Hey FC. Why don’t you stop drinking the Kool Aid for a moment and ask MayeDUH why we can’t have 1/250 max sync & second curtain sync through the main pin? You know, Pro assed shit for our pro assed cameras…

  12. I’m not a Nikon fanboy and never will be (because I have to justify the buying of my expensive canon lenses) but Nikon had great features that were never to be found on the Canons, for example the HDR method or the wireless flash (the SB800 and SB600 I believe). Now it would seem that this technological gap has been fixed with a few items from Canon (the new speedlite flash and the MArk III). I’m still checking on the features of the MArk III. That said, I may wait a few more months before rushing myself, because technologically like any new product there are always quality/production issues during a few batches and firmwares bugs. On the Canon Mark III there was a light leak issue from what i recall, not a really big deal, but still an issue. There was also a bug with the LCD screen. Just make sure to update the firmware to the latest version to fix any kind of these issues first. Unfortunately this is the kind of thing that happens when rolling out a new product, and in some companies (without mentioning anyone) it can take up to 6 months to fix technical issues, and millions of dollars.

  13. Heheheheh you test the cameras after speak i had a nikon d3100 and less noise then 7D now the nikon 5100 great low lights, i don’t know where you get this images that you post here but should do your own test and get your own conclusion… So you should watch thisone too http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9UBTE4xpvpk ….

  14. Not sure if anyone has seen Ken Rockwell’s latest “assessment” of the 5Dmark III, but here it is:

    I’m not a fan of KR, and don’t find analysis/reviews credible in any technical way, but we have Jim Cramer (who loves making snappy predictions, buy/sell recommends on US stocks) and for digital camera world, as far as reviews go, he’s the one with comments you often quote in disgust, rarely believe in, often dismiss and then (upon trying out the gadget in reference) admitting in agreement that he’s got a point right at the very least !

    So which one, 5D3 or D800(E), gives better images? If you go by KR’s sample pictures, here’s his posting containing snaps of daughter Katie:

    There’s no set of pictures taken with both 5D3 and D800 in similar conditions to afford direct comparisons. Still, both turn out pretty good pictures (look at the settings for each image). So, all down to individual preference, no?

    • Actually, Rockwell is right on the money. And I quote: “The Canon EOS 5D Mark III is the world’s best digital SLR.”

      • Ergonomics, ease of use (think of the C1, C2, C3 custom modes), excellent LCD implementation, great colours coming out of the Standard profile, comfortable high ISO noise management in JPG …. Yeah have to agree with you & KR on that 🙂

      • I’m Canon user (have a 5Dm2 with 3 L lenses) and I usually don’t take his comments or reviews very seriously. But the one thing I find to be unique with KR, is that he can quite very good pictures with the 5D/5D2/5D3 with old lenses. Nobody else sings praises with using new bodies and old lenses quite like he does. Truly amateurish and definitely not a pro shooter, but as we say, horses for courses.

  15. Pingback: Mirrorless, 5D Mark III, D800, DxO Mark Sucks Balls | Fake Chuck Westfall

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