An Interview with Yours Truly

Mitch from Planet 5D

Mitch from Planet 5D got his 5D Mark III before me. I hate him for that.

The 5D Mark III is currently getting into the hands of people around the world, and initial reactions are very positive, as you would expect. This camera is the best Canon has ever released, period. IT FUCKING ROCKS.

Don’t believe me? It’s even better than the Nikon D4. But don’t take my word for it. Check this out:

So, what can be taken away from this test? Well, the 5DIII kicks the daylights out of the D4, no doubt about it. The kickers that make the 5DIII even more superior: it has 6Mp more resolution than the D4 and only costs half as much. Talk about getting bang for your buck!


Indeed if you’re a Nikonian, you may want to cry. Hell, forget crying just perform seppuku on yourself and skip the misery that lies ahead of you for the coming years. How the mighty have fallen! Canon is kicking so much ass in this industry right now it’s fucking incredible.

Mitch from Planet5D somehow got a retail copy of the 5D Mark III before me. And as the caption on the picture above says, I hate him for that. Because that’s what you do when people get a 5D Mark III before you. You hate the crap out of them! I’ve got mine on pre-order with the good folks at Adorama. Last I heard I’m #1,239,545 in line. I’ve already spoken to the very sensual, the verri toit, Helen Oster from Adorama to get me my stuff fast. Important people like me shouldn’t have to wait this long for a 5D Mark III goddammit.

I have more on the 5D Mark III in an interview I did recently with Aputure, you can read the whole interview here. Here’s some from the interview:

What inspired this blog? You seem to put a lot of time/effort into each post.  

I and many others in this industry got frustrated with Canon more than 3 years ago around the time of the great 1D Mark III debacle. Many ancient civilizations had foretold a time of great upheaval at Canon which would occur in our lifetime during the coming of the new age of Aquarius. And I think that’s what we started experiencing back then. It was a major change in our collective consciousness at Canon. Continue reading…

The previous interview was a while ago with Black Star, for those of you who’re new to the blog and missed it.

That’s it for now, I need to get back to testing my 35mm f/1.4L II.

109 thoughts on “An Interview with Yours Truly

  1. My dearest FC

    With compliments like that, I’m holding my head in shame and despair that I was unable to help!!
    Would dinner make up for it? (Have to make a time when my DH is out of town, though!!)



    PS “No matter what camera you use, it is not the camera but your artistic eyes who makes the photograph”

    • Don’t worry Helen, I appreciate everything you did very much. Adorama is lucky to have you 🙂 However I must disagree with your last sentence. In the case of the 5D Mark III, it’s the camera that makes the photograph. It’s just that good. 😛

  2. “However, I think we can assume with reasonable certainty that I must be living somewhere on Earth.” I wouldn’t be so quick to jump to conclusions, Chuck.

      • Yes, but not noticeably.
        I was about to point that Examiner moran out to you, as he’s about the last one to share your belief… glad to see you found him. Is he you or are you him? Btw, FCW, you look hotter.

      • Mehehe. In any case, there’s more usable DR on the 5D3 because of the lower noise. Also less patterns/banding although it’s still there.

  3. The camera is in the wild. 5d3 video samples are online. But they are as soft as a soft sponge soaked in fabric softener. They’ve crippled it, haven’t they?

  4. From what I hear the x model at 18 Mega Pixel , IQ is FAR FAR better than the 5 d mk3 ,, I hope it can focus ,, I bet it is sub standard still on focus. It does not matter how many focus points you have,,, if non of them work well. Both the new can nots are relics to the NEW D 800 and NEW D 800 e NIKONs. Sorry Chuck,, to expensive for a NON PRO CAMERA .

    • Yes the 1DX is much better. Also much more expensive. The 5D3 is the perfect balance. Personally I’d have put the same 18MP sensor from the 1DX in the 5D3. But the current 22MP sensor isn’t that bad.

      • “isn’t that bad”? chuck what is happening to you?? i’ve never read you so tempered…you usually sound like god’s voice is in your head (probably a side effect of some kind of special brew…you could point us to it? it seems fun!).
        All of a sudden you stopped comparing the camera to the d800? why?
        looks like hype always has it’s downsides:
        Just to be in the clear i would be delighted owning either “semi”-pro camera from Canikon…i just like to tease vehement people like yourself 😛
        Oh and to finish on a note i sometime like your posts..they’r a good laugh..but Ron Paul? really?

  5. I’ve just finished reading the interview… Well, I’m *afraid* I know since nearly a couple of years ago who you really are… but I wouldn’t tell anybody even under torture. Just a suggestion: you should pay attention in the future, when not updating your blog for a long while, to not update your official blog at the same time. And, one more thing… you write very well, maybe too well. Your style is unique, you should differentiate. But I may be wrong…

    Congrats on your 5d mark III, enjoy it (when it arrives)! I’ll stick with my mark II for now, I’ve purchased too many L glass lately and ran out of $ (euros, actually). Maybe I’ll jump directly to the mark IV when it comes, meanwhile I hope canon will deliver a 14-16 MP 7d mark II – hopefully Canon learnt the lesson, plus there are 4 APS-C models, they SHOULD differentiate! – I really need an APS-C upgrade.

    And don’t be too harsh with Nikon shooters, it’s not their fault. BTW, I think both d4 and d800 are great cameras. Not as good as 1dx and 5d3, but great cameras, anyways.


    • Dammit, you’re not the only one who knows. But thanks for keeping it a secret for so long. I know I’m not doing a good job of hiding my real identity 😛

      • No, no, you’re doing quite a good job at it. But, you see, there’s plenty of sick photoaddicts who just spend too much time lurking at so many photo websites instead of going out taking pictures!

        So you say I’m not the only one, I’m wondering who’s the other(s)… Oh, well, I Dunno… But sure you can bet your ass I’ll keep the secret, I wouldn’t renounce having the fun reading your blog gives me for nothing in this world dear Fake Chuck. Plus, there’s a possibility you really contributed in influencing, to some extent, Canon’s decision to rethink their megapixel rush policy, eternal blessing be upon you.

        OMG, I posted twice in one day, and on the same blog!!! I usually write once in 2 years over the entire blogosphere… Strange tHIngs are going To HAPPEN!


  6. I love your blog and sense of humor, but I’d rather see you stick to being Chuck Westfall all the time. Or did the Japanese forget to send sample 5Dm3’s to Canon USA?

  7. What the article doesn’t mention is that Fakechuck is the ONLY one happy with the MKIII. I didn’t exactly notice a lineup out the door of the camera store yesterday looking to place pre-orders for it. In fact it slipped to number 12,639,834 on the popularity list over at Just keep chanting “Less is More, Less is More” FC and the Tojos over at Nippon Kogaku will eat your lunch.

  8. I know it’s only numbers, and numbers only tell a small part of the artistic story, but DxO’s results for the D800 are pretty impressive (and, to be honest, surprising):

    I shoot both Nikon and Canon, so I don’t have a dog in this fight, but from a purely technical perspective, that’s looking good for Nikon. Of course, good specs and test results don’t make a great picture and all that.

  9. FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK CANON!!!!!!!!! LOOK at the FABULOUS RESULTS OF D4 and D800 (!!!!!) in DXO Mark. And there are also the first DEFECTIVE (!!!!!!!!) 5D Mk III,4656.0.html
    Does Canon “quality” control still suck??? Fucking bastards had more than enough time to bring a decent camera to us and no built in vaseline shit. As soon as more images with larger aperture number than 10 are available from D800 I can decide wheter to switch or not. FUCK CANON!

      • AGAIN… you know what to do, if this is the result of how you helped fix the 1D mkiii, mkiv, 5d, 5d mkii and now mk iii (or mk2 with headphone socket), enjoy. See you in 3 years with the 1d y or z or whatever. Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

  10. To hell with Canon. I am not paying $3500 for a camera with Gaussian blur programmed into the firmware for video. We know it could produce sharp 1080p video if Canon wanted it to, but they play us for fools. We know that it designed so that a 3×3 square of pixels on the sensor is one pixel for 1080p video. It is computationally trivial to downscale that and produce a super sharp frame. But they don’t. They’ve deliberately crippled it.

    Every now hates Canon. They treat their customers like dirt. Time to say goodbye.

  11. Hey Chuck where the hell man….? Did you read dxOmark’s tests from D800 and D4 and killed yourself…? You’re nowhere to be found… Please tell me what you think now. I’m worried about you, keep taking your happy pills and stay away from tall buildings and sharp knifes… Only butter knifes for you.

      • Still waiting for the review at DXO or have you pulled it like you did with the Mk3 at dpreview? Funny how they ‘forgot’ to test that one….

      • Wait for what?

        I did’t see any improvement inside 5dmk3 sensor (DR or something lke that)

        5dmk3 is a good camera, but 5dmark 4 will be better

        Now the oscar goes to…. Nikon D800 !

        my 5dmark II is good, but i pre-order a D800 too (i need more mpx and video output and canon…can

  12. It will cost me less than 8500 Euros to switch to D800 and Nikon including their Nikon SB-910 the Nikon AF-S 14-24mm f/2.8G ED, Nikon ED AF-S, 24-70mm, f/2.8G ED and the Nikon AF-S 70-200mm, f/2.8G ED VR II.This will do it for a start. Maybe I will keep my EOS 1 Ds Mk III maybe I will sell it and buy a D4 also… time will tell. There is no hope anymore that Canon will release a halfway modern and up-to-date camera this year. And I fucking hate to wait another three years just to find out that the fucking morons at Cannot will again loose in comparison to NIKON.

  13. When I read all that shit, I hope that this blog is a pure joke… Otherwise, you are the biggest troll I’ve ever seen. I don’t know if you have some complaint with Nikon, but I don’t understand why you are so hateful. What I see actually, is that the Canon as a really poor dynamic range, and produce shitty blurred images… Yes, no noise… But a big pixel porridge…
    Seriously, take a breath and go take photos. Stop deceiving those who read your blog…

  14. Nikon D800 – Best camera image sensor ever tested by DXO Mark! Oh dear, this is too much! But wait, it gets better! The complaints are rolling in about the 5D Mk3 already as well. BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

    How does it feel to suck eggs Fakie? After all the D800 bashing of the past few months…. who’s laughing now? OMG, it’s even better then when you were banging on about that shitbox 7D pre-release.

  15. “..and initial reactions are very positive..” ROFLMFAO!!!! Fake-C are you living in some kind of a parallel world or something?

  16. Ken says: “First impressions are that it’s the same as the 5D Mark II, just with a lot of firmware tweaks and a far more complex AF system, for an extra $1,000 ~ $1,500 over the 5D Mark II. The old Is It worth It applies: if you’re rich or use it every day, it’s worth the upgrade, if not, don’t bother. If it was significantly different, Canon would have given it a new model number, instead of a “mark” appellation.”

    Looks like you’re in for another round of Seppuku there in Canon Prefecture. Better get those thousand buck Easter bunny rebates going there FC.

  17. This is intended as a reply to TheRedRider78, but I’ve got no “reply” button at the bottom of his post. I’ve been expecting someone else to point this out – you know, I was waiting a couple of years before posting again 🙂 -, but nobody seems to have noticed it although it’s over 24 h that the bug is known.

    “…almost like the camera is applying heavy NR to every image…” That’s exactly what’s happening, except that’s not the camera doing so, but DPP. Check out these links:;topicseen#new

    Chuck, it seems it’s time for you to beat up Canon again. It appears they cannot cook any gourmandism without saucerizing it with some kind of fucking rotten spice. It did already happen in the past with DPP applying NR even at zero setting. Now, it’s nearly 2 weeks that their latter version of DPP and the new ImageBrowser EX software were made available for download, then the links were broken, then they were removed, then they appeared again but the software is broken, then what?

    What’s beyond my understanding is why it’s so hard for Canon to fix their software bugs, what the hell are their software engineers smoking all the time?

    See you soon – when the 5D mark IV is out -…

  18. Hey Chuck

    look I’m a Nikon and Leica user and come over here for a laugh.

    Any chance you could start a Leica blog along these lines.

    If there is one group that bites more than Canon/Nikon owners it is Leica owners.

  19. Skimp on pixels, not on price, buy a 5D3, now featuring 39 percent less pixels at 17 percent more cost than the leading brand. Canon sucks balls. Nikon is where it’s at these days.

  20. Yo Cannots: skimp on pixels, not on price. Buy a 5D3 that has 39 percent less pixels than the leading brand, for 17 percent more money. Eat a dick Canon. Nikon is where it’s at these days. And don’t even get me going on DXO’s conclusions. But fear not, I’m sure a new Rebel is coming; maybe Canon will offer it in pink, probably with 12MP or less, since the 1990s is where Canon is heading.

  21. aaAAhhhahhahahhahahha keep you shitty 5d III and wait the new sony a99: 102 af cross point and canon can kiss my balls!!! chuck go to die you and cano will be sinked soon!! wait the sonys power!!!! A99A99A99 canon sensors are like paper in comparision with sony!!!


    Delivery June for the 1Dx according to my dealer here in Switzerland. A friend put 250€ down to reserve his at Calumet NL in NOVEMBER for fux sake. For that deal he gets a battery, what we know now is he will need one, they barely last a day. Worse still is that CPS are calling ex Canon pros here offering huge discounts on 2 body X sets to change back. Seems they want lots of white lenses at the Euro soccer and Olympics. Me? Am gone, changing to Nikon is much cheaper than I thought, not the only one.

  23. Digitec does not have em in stock right now (their two lenses 24-70 70-200 set seems to be great!!!) and fucking light and byte is far to expensive. They even fucking charge you about 500 CHF for a fucking trigger button……

  24. The last time I checked this site out was the FlashBus and shit were happening in the Canon. Now it’s reversed, I will drink my champagne in sympathetic celebration FakeChuck!

    • what the fuck is going on on this planet? can’t the japanese make a working camera anymore? god dammit

  25. LOLS i love you F Cuck 🙂 always funn to go here 🙂 ,, btw i been using a 5D2 and a 7D for a few years and was planing to swap to the new 5D3 and sell the old ones .. but at ISO 100 my 7D did deliver sharper images than the 5D3. and the 5d2 TOTALY kills the 5D3 when it comes to IQ .. so after 2 new 5D3’s I dont plan to try a 3’d copy befor i hear about a Firmware Patch .
    and keep up the good work 🙂

  26. i think mr Masaeda had one of those Japanese parties whit 200 nude girls in the same room they store the 5D3 Parts.. ..if you use a macro lens and put the focus to infinity you might spot mr Masaya’s Dna. al over the mirrors… and it also exsplains the high price on the 5D3’S 200 girls is not exsacly ceap in Japan i could hardly afford 1 .. 😛

  27. and i going to pick up a 3’d copy anyway . a Local Canon dude mailed me promissed the 5D3 IQ problem would be fixed in less than 2 weeks .. so il keep it for exsacly 13 days , and if its not fixed .. i whil have alot of Canon stuff to sell ..

    • The softness is a bug in our DPP software. They fucked up in Japan. A bug in the software makes DPP think that CR2 files from the 5D3 are actually from the 50D. So it fucking blurs the shit out of the image to reduce noise. Only problem is, on the 50D this was neccessary, but not on the 5D3. A fix is coming this month. Meanwhile, just use Adobe Camera RAW (latest beta).

      • hehe! i downloaded lightroom 4.somthing t day they got update for the 5D3 so there is hope! i must idmitt its a sexy peace of Camera ,,if i cant ake pics whit it.. welll it can be used .. 🙂

      • Trust me man, it’s the fucking second coming of Jesus as far as DSLRs are concerned!

  28. Canon EOS-1D C. Now we know the reason why the bastards brought out a non-spectacular fucking crippled 5D Mk III (concerning video). They want to sell their fucking overpriced 15k US$ bullshit special Video-DSLR. 15k US$ 15000 Fuckkkkkkkkkkkk!!!!!! they are really taking care that 5d Mk III has not too many pro (or state-of-the-art) functions (like peaking, zebra etc) for not canibalizing the sale of theri overpriced bullshit. Canon wake-up!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Does NIKON have such overpriced EOS-1D C like stuff?????????????????????? No. So they do not have to take measure to canibalize sales of a fucking overpriced Video-DSLR. They are even not afraid to canibalize D4 sales by the higher resolution D800. Canon take Nikon as an example soon or you are out of the game in the price-class sub 10k US$ and not any more affordable for a normal shooter of stills and video!

  29. Wake up! A new religion is emerging – check out the new 5dIII churches appearing all over the world. Things will never be the same! FC you may soon have to lead legions of 5DIII shooters in their epic journey through the Galaxy!

  30. From photographer chum in japan…1dx problem is mirror mechanism, flakes shit all over the sensor. Cannon redesign from scratch. too busy with Hollywood to fix it. Baaaaaaaaaaa.

  31. The only safe thing for you Cannuts to do is to buy Nikon lenses and an adapter. That will make it much easier to bail on the new movie camera company. Before the re-calls ….

    Hahaha shit are happen …

  32. they whil fix it! and btw i did pick up a 3d copy of my 5d3 . and i sleep whit it ,, between my and my whife 🙂 its a sexy Machine ..if i was to pick between my whife and my 5d3 .. well.. i would stil be able to take pictures 🙂

  33. Wow, I miss your posts with Canon rants, this blog used to be funny. Now you act like a 2 year old toddler that pi**ed his pants just because Canon came close to Nikon in some respect. Before you should praise the latest products you should investigate the 5D’s lack of sharpness, the light leaks in the top LCD, the incompatibility between Canon’s cameras and theyr own telephoto lenses, the lack of 1Dx from the stores, the Canon price hikes and so on. Cheeers. See, it isn’t so hard to write a complete post without Caps lock.

  34. Pingback: Happy Birthday to Helen Oster @ Adorama | Fake Chuck Westfall

  35. Actually the 5D mark III scores are identical to the D700. Now if you consider that the D700 is a small body replica of the D3 released around 2007, then it’s just amazing that it took Canon all of 5 years to catch up with a 2007 Nikon

  36. DxOMarks say:

    Don’t compare 5dmk3 with D800 (9th with 1th)

    Do you know who is the 9th runner on a competion? No? Only gold bronze e argent?

    Than…Pentax do it better than 5dmk 3.

  37. Canon 5D3 works for me, no need to take a 5d2 and a 7D to have bouth speed and iq anymore. and 800D is def beter on IQ but way to slow for my use .and the Auto Focus on my 5D3 is way bether than ANY Nikon , as long as you set it up corectly it stays on target no mather what gets in the way. taking picture of anything that moves fast the D800 is pure junk 🙂

    • The 5D3 AF was tested and did the same job that the old D700 AF… The new Nikon AF is way better (and works at f8…). Have you tested Nikon bodies to say that ? Or maybe you’re trying to convince yourself you did the good choice…
      Go out to take photos, stop masturbating on shitty blogs !

    • Good ejaculation…
      This blog is very low in term of spirituality : insults, fanboyism, and these stupid “BAHAHAHA” typical of those who don’t have any arguments. Made by an idiot for idiots I suppose ? All I see here is hate about a multinational (Nikon) and its users.

      The 5D3 don’t work at f8. Try f4 lens with a x2 and good luck.
      And enjoy your 3500$ banding xD

      • “BAHAHAHA x2 🙂 and i do use Nikon also 🙂 (got both brands at work) i do use F22 whit no exstender / i dont need one aouto focus stil works 😛 in fact it can track smal birds flying behind trees whit no problem at al , i think Canon stole the new F117 secret tracking system ,, and improved it 🙂

  38. actualy i ‘am a Genius 🙂 and i realy enjoy joking whit ppl here that takes ewrything to seriusly 🙂 btw i did get D800 today , i realy did need one so i can joke from both sides to double the fun 🙂

    • Bah, you have a lot of money ! I’ve a picture to describe you 😉

      I don’t hate Canon’s products, I’m very curious. But actually it is not interesting to invest in Canon I think. Maybe in 3 years ?

  39. Canon vs Nikon/ its like comparing apples and Bananas . and what cind of Glass you already got. i prefer Canon i like the design and feel more comfy whit it . BUT! if i need somthing to stop my car to roll downhill,, well a D800 would do great ,, but then so do a Brick 🙂

  40. Hi Guys, do you have news of when the 5dMkIII might be in stock in Suisse? i can only see one or two online stores in who sells the body only or the 24-105mm bundle. Fnac has updated their website and now includes descriptions and photos but still on reservation only.
    Im very excited to move to the Canon System 🙂

  41. The 1DX or D4 is more expensive for their build quality, reliability, speed. If you are going to compare megapixels, you should really buy a D800 and not a 5D Mk 3, and if you check the DxOMark sensor rating, you will see that the D800 is superior in every category compared to the 5D Mk 3. Why Nikonians should cry over this fact, I don’t know.

    These are all awesome cameras, if you think you got the best one with the 5D Mk 3 you probably don’t know what really counts in a pro’s daily life. I actually doubt you are even close to one.

    You just seem to be a Canon fanboy and this article is close to useless.

  42. Pingback: Karel Donk's Blog » I am Fake Chuck Westfall

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