Is Nikon the new Canon?

The future Nikon logo

Possibly Nikon's future logo.

Is it just me or is Nikon receiving all kinds of bad press lately? It may appear as if they’ve just whooped our asses here at Canon with the D7000, but make no mistake about it, shit are happening at Nikon.

I thought random dots in images were unique to us, but with the release of the D7000 Nikon decided it would be cool to imitate us once again. It’s not enough that they blatantly ripped off our G series design (G12 etc.) with their P7000 like the fucking hacks that they are. Noooo, they had to start adding randomly colored dots to their images too. And typical of Nikon, they grabbed the chance to be the first to market with the random dots in video mode.

D7000 Colored Dots from Hell

D7000 Colored Dots from Hell

Now they can brag about how they were the first to introduce that feature in video mode, while we just stuck with the implementation in photos on the 5D Mark II. Just like how we were the first to offer HD video on a DSLR handicapped with manual focus while they were the first to offer continuous AF in video mode on a DSLR. I’m just waiting right now for them to implement our ghosting feature in video mode on their next DSLR so they can claim to be the first with that in video mode too. It could be any day now.

Fortunately for the Nikon fanboys, Nikon was quick to acknowledge the problem but tried hard to make it seem like it’s not that big of a deal:

“We have received reports from some users of the Nikon D7000 digital SLR camera regarding the occurrence of noticeable bright spots with movie recording under certain conditions.

Translation: We’re getting fucking spammed by hundreds of Nikon fanboys about hot pixels in movies made with the D7000 but we’re going to make it sound like it’s only happening in *certain* conditions making you think that it won’t affect you. Please continue to buy the D7000!

Nikon believes that these bright spots are not normally noticeable, and therefore do not indicate a problem with practical use. However, with further investigation of the reports received, we have confirmed that bright spots may be noticeable when recording movies of especially dark scenes or subjects.

Translation: We would so love to ignore this altogether and pretend like our noses are bleeding, but this shit could get out of hand fast so we have to do something. Look, the hot spots do not indicate a problem. Oh wait, we have confirmed that they do, in fact, indicate a problem. God, it’s so hard to make up our minds.

In order to provide our customers with better products, Nikon is currently preparing to release a firmware upgrade with measures to reduce the occurrence of these bright spots for the D7000. Further details will be announced at a later date.”

Translation: In order to avoid a class action lawsuit and for the shit to really hit the fan we’re going to release some kind of fix in the future to try to hide the problem because admittedly we can’t fucking fix it without a  hardware recall, but we’re not going to just outright say it like it is. Nope, we’re going to make it sound positive, you see, and hope your IQ is at a level where we can get away with it.

All of this is of course straight from the Canon Inc. playbook. They even rip off our PR spin strategies. I keep wondering if there’s any originality left in those bastards. It’s either that, or making problems somehow sound positive is some kind of Japanese tradition. Nikon does it, and I know Canon Inc. does it. Every time there’s an issue with products, Canon Inc. and Nikon refer to it as a “phenomenon”.  Why can’t they just call it a fucking “problem”? Or an “issue”? Or more accurately, a fucking “defect“? Noooo that sounds too negative, people might become afraid to buy the products! And we wouldn’t want that now, would we? So they just call it a “phenomenon” or “occurrence” almost making it seem like it’s functionality by design. And consumers, mostly being the fucking brain-dead sheep that they are, fall for it too.

Nikon G series Rip Off

On the left the Canon G12. On the right, the Nikon P7000 rip off. Any resemblance is, of course, purely coincidental.

So all of you D7000 owners, please rest assured that the hot pixel “occurrence” has been “reduced” in the new firmware update:

Bright spots were sometimes noticeable with live view mode or movie recording of especially dark scenes or subjects.  Occurrence of this issue has been reduced. 

Translation: Yeah okay, so the bright spots were visible in movies but we have now…err… made them less visible… *ahem* So it’s fixed, OK? OK.  So we’ll just go ahead and mark this issue as fixed on our side and please stop bothering us now and continue to buy the D7000.

Have you heard about the “phenomenon” chip manufacturer Intel is currently dealing with regarding their Sandy Bridge chipset?  The result of an admitted “design error” is a $700 million costing product recall while all shipments of the product have been halted. There’s no mention of Intel trying to “reduce” “occurrences” or “phenomenon”. Nothing the fuck is getting reduced, the goddamn products are being fucking recalled and properly fixed, just like you would fucking expect. If Canon Inc. had done as much during the 1D Mark III  debacle, or the 50mm f/1.2 backfocus problems (still not “reduced” by the way) we would not have lost so many photographers to Nikon. On the contrary, Canon Inc. has demonstrated to be perfectly happy with shipping known defective products sometimes even while refusing to say anything about issues hundreds of photographers around the world are complaining about (5D mirror falling off, 50mm f/1.2 issues for example). It will be winter in hell before Canon or Nikon ever do something similar to what Intel did. The sun is going to come up from the west before Canon and Nikon grow some fucking balls and do the right thing. John Harrington is going to sign up with Getty Images before Canon and Nikon man up and start telling the truth. The Lord of the Speedlights is going to stop using speedlights and switch to Profoto gear before Canon and Nikon… oh wait, he already has switched to Profoto gear. Sorry, my bad.

But getting back on topic, Nikon are just copying everybody in the industry and then go on pretending like they’re unique. As if we still needed proof of this, just recently they were put to shame before the entire industry when someone found out that they were actually using a Sony sensor in the D7000 while people initially claimed the sensor was designed by Nikon. Then this Tetsuro Goto guy from Nikon pops up:

“We have a longstanding relationship with Sony. If the sensors for Nikon D3s, D3 and D700 are designed by Nikon, Nikon D3x and those of the small APS-C sensors are from Sony. We want to use our own sensors in SLRs most popular [small sensor APS-C, Ed], as the performance of our sensors are better. However, it will take some time as it takes to achieve economies of scale.”

Tetsuro Goto

Nikon executive Tetsuro Goto: "We design our own sensors."

When this news broke I almost fell off of my chair while laughing. For months I had to listen to people yapping about how fucking cool the Nikon sensor in the D7000 was and how we sucked and blah blah blah yappidy yap yap, when in reality those fucking hacks at Nikon can’t even design some of their own sensors. Our recent sensors may suck, but at least we fucking design our own! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Oh God. Boy did this make me feel good. I even uncorked a bottle of champagne to celebrate. Suddenly everyone stopped talking about how cool Nikon is and everyone started mentioning the power of Sony. And is it just me or do you also get a mental image of the Mortal Kombat character “Goro” when you read the  name Tetsuro Goto?

And just when you thought it couldn’t get worse for Nikon, it actually does. It’s public knowledge that our secret weapon here at Canon is our “Golden Trinity” of primes, as people like to refer to it, which include the 35L, 85L and 135L, but actually also extends to the 24L and the 50L. All of them f/1.4 and even f/1.2 lenses which every Nikon fanboy has long dreamed about. So Nikon, being in the business of copying everyone in the goddamn industry like the fucking hacks that they are, set out to develop a trinity of their own. It’s absolutely no coincidence that the Nikkor 24G,  35G and 85G all f/1.4 all came out after each other in such a short timeframe, the 35G being the most recent. Nikon knew they had to do something about our secret weapon, so these lenses had high priority. But perhaps a little too high because it looks like they’re hastily trying to release products that aren’t quite finished yet. I mean just look at us, we announced the EF 8-15mm f/4 L fisheye lens all the way back in August 2010, and if you’re lucky you might be able to actually buy one in March 2011. That’s obviously how it’s supposed to be. You have to take your time with these things. If you don’t, shit are happen, which is what happened in Nikon’s case.

Photographer Lloyd Chambers had issues with the 24G and had the following to say:

I am more impressed with optical quality of the 24mm f/1.4G than ever, especially at f/1.4, but the autofocus is best described as useless, at least with my sample, because it cannot be relied upon to deliver the performance of which the optics are capable.

My my my… impressive optical quality paired with fucking terrible autofocus. That surely is a winning combination, wouldn’t you say? That almost sounds like our 50L. But you could really, seriously, feel the frustration Chambers was dealing with, when he said the following about the 35G:

In terms of autofocus, the 35/1.4G is surely the biggest piece of crap I’ve ever used of any brand, at least on my Nikon D3x and D3s (that’s $13K worth of pro camera bodies, folks). How can Nikon ship this garbage? Bad lens? Well, the other 35/1.4G sample I shot two days ago showed similar issues under field conditions, and could not focus properly on an eye for a portrait.

I laughed so hard I had to unbuckle my belt to make sure it wouldn’t suddenly snap because of all the pressure. I started laughing in the middle of the “biggest piece of crap” sentence and by the end of that line my eyes were so teared up I couldn’t read the rest. After this I just had to uncork a second bottle of champagne.

Chambers wasn’t the only one dealing with the 35G AF issues, just check out the review done by Ryan Brenizer:

Users expecting the same lighting speed of the Canon 35mm f/1.4L will be disappointed at first — like the new Nikon 24mm and 85mm f/1.4s, this is not a speed champ, being just a bit faster than the 24. But it’s very accurate, even at wide apertures — noticeably more so in difficult focusing situations than the 24mm f/1.4 (which I also love, despite its trickiness). I could see right away that it was much easier to get in-focus f/1.4 shots on a dark dance floor with this than with the 24, though not quite as easy as the ludicrously fast-and-accurate 24-70mm f/2.8. I came to trust it pretty quickly.

NOTE: My copy needed serious AF micro-adjustment, about -15. This was not true of my 24G or 85G, but has been true of other lenses like the 135mm f/2. Be sure to test your lenses thoroughly. Micro-adjustment is the best feature invented for cameras since digital sensors.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Brenizer’s 35G needed a micro-adjustment of -15. Fucking -15!!!!!! We’ve had our share of back and front focusing lenses here at Canon, but this is crazy. How far away was the focus plane before that -15 correction? In another galaxy or something? LMFAO. Oh my fucking God. Also notice how Brenizer mentions the “lightning speed” of the Canon 35L and tells you Nikon fanboys not to expect that with the 35G. Yeah that’s right, recogniiize baby!

Backfocus (hel)L

With the release of the 24G and the 35G Nikon finds themselves in back focus hell, something we all thought was unique to Canon. I for one am very much looking forward to see Nikon “reducing” these “occurrences” now. Chambers mentioned recently that he was already talking to them about these issues. And knowing Chambers, Nikon had better do a whole lot more than simply “reducing” “occurrences”.

Nikon’s apparent decision to start fucking up really is coming at a bad time. Because here at Canon Inc. we’ve had a couple of months now, okay years actually, to regroup our efforts, and shit are going to happen for Nikon, that much I can tell you. Ever since the release of the D3 Nikon has given us blow after blow, and we haven’t been quite able to answer back. I mentioned in a previous post how the release of the D7000 was like the attack on Pearl Harbor to us, taking out both our 60D and 7D at the  same time – a rather serious offence. And if you saw the movie “Pearl Harbor”, you can maybe remember the scene with the Japanese general after they attacked Pearl Harbor, when he mentioned that “I fear all we have done is to awaken a sleeping giant and fill him with a terrible resolve.” He might also have said “Gentlemen, we have just kicked a rabid dog.” Nikon has either awoken a sleeping giant, or they have kicked a rabid dog, but either way, all I know is that we’re going to fucking own them! Make no mistake about it, Canon Inc. is at war. This is no time for Nikon to be screwing around. Trust me on this.

Everyone has been busy praising Nikon and Sony in the last few months, either for their outstanding sensors or their recent innovations. But it seems that everyone ignores the fact that Nikon and Sony have only now gotten to a point with their sensors where Canon Inc. had been over 3 years ago! The image quality on the D7000 and the Sony A580 have just recently caught up with the image quality we had 3 years ago on our 40D! The image quality on the D700 that everyone is raving about, existed almost 3 years earlier on the original EOS 5D. Yeah that’s right, fucking recognize! It took Nikon and Sony 3 years to catch up. Imagine where we are now. Yeah sure, we fucked up with our latest sensors, I’ll give you that, but this doesn’t mean we didn’t innovate. We still have our 3 year lead, I promise you, and you’re going to find out about it soon! Y’all better prepare for penetration!

And for those of you who always mentioned how I was a product of Nikon’s marketing department or how I was probably a Nikon fanboy, do you still think I am??? HMMM????? Let me hear ya!!

43 thoughts on “Is Nikon the new Canon?

  1. Pingback: Tweets that mention Is Nikon the new Canon? « Fake Chuck Westfall --

  2. Ah but you are missing Nikon’s newest phenomena: like an animal tasting it’s first blood they have discovered that rabid suckers line up for two thousand dollar lenses and squeal when they’re not in stock. It’s much more important to have one, than to have one that works Grasshopper.

  3. Back to film, manual focus, and manual exposure! That way if you get it wrong the fault is your own, not that of some anonymous engineer in Japan. My Nikon F2 _never_ has an autofocus problem!

      • And everyone laughs at Ken Rockwell for recommending film. The man was on to something all this time!

  4. Chuck, you rabid Nikon fanboi, you always make me laugh. Especially when I’m drunk… *mostly* when I’m drunk… okay, *ONLY* when I’m drunk.

    I haven’t heard you this positive about Canon in a long time. Let’s hope that the coming 3D, 6D, 600D, 5D Mk III, and 1Ds Mk IV (42Mp BTW) announcements live up to the performance that Canon needs (all I want is noiseless performance at ISO 12,800).

    BTW, I didn’t realize you were British. “…Nikon are just copying everybody in the industry…”. Only a Brit would say that. For Americans, Nikon – being a single corporation – is a singular, so, “Nikon is just copying…”. Thanks for the info. We’ll be targeting your location via GPS very soon.

  5. Always telling it like it is, thats why I keep coming here. I dont give a shit who’s coming out with what next, I just wish you would update your blog more often.

  6. Hey Chuck,

    Glad to hear you got your sanity back. BTW, I never left Canon. Went on to buy a 7D 2mths after it was released. *like i said, I want a small body FF cam* so I was willing to live with the 7D.

    Yes shit are happening for Nikon with their crap primes. I’m sure glad Canon are taking their time with the 35 L II. Nikon FBs can carry on dreaming of f1.2 lenses like the 85 f1.2 L

  7. Hi fake C.

    Me think that little software masturbationcy with the camera is ‘ok’ … How come Sony a580 and Pentax K-5 do not have the problem …? Pentax K-5 does even better … . With the same sensor ? So it is not hardware fault … ?

    Or there is still slight hardware difference or not … ? One hardware configuration needs a little more software configuration.

    That leads me to fear what kind of software masturbationcy will come on 5d III , as 5D II got also firmware update.

  8. What makes you claim that the 5D is supposedly better than the D700? I wish it was the case, but sadly the 5D is inferior in every aspect. Maybe I failed to see the irony in that paragraph.

    • Yes the 5D is inferior to the D700 in every aspect. But the image quality was very close for a camera that was almost 3 years old at the time the D700 came out. In other words, it took Nikon 3 years to catch up to the 5D. Sure, they eventually trashed it, and even gave the 5D Mark II issues. But that’s just because we fucked up and let them.

  9. So Nikon is supposed to be shit. Well, this does not make the errors of the fu…ing Canon officials any better, is it?????? Such errors or more precisely the way the companies Nikon and Canon are dealing with this issues just seems to me a disgrace for both. It is Panasonic I like the longer the more. Or do you know any severe issues with the new Panasonic DMC-GH2?

    • Rest assured that I wasn’t trying to make the moronic Canon execs look good. Nothing in this universe can make them look good. Ever.

      • the sad thing is that it would still be better than anything Canon Inc. has to offer right now apart from the 1D4.

  10. the sad thing is that it would still be better than anything Canon Inc. has to offer right now apart from the 1D4.

  11. Pingback: Who the fuck needs a Rebel T3i or a Rebel T3? « Fake Chuck Westfall

    • Definitely. A rather serious one too. Man, if that leaves the factory at Nikon, our quality control is lightyears ahead.

  12. You canon fuck-tards are blind. Like all the pos canon 50/1.4s that quit focusing. Good luck sending that shit back to canon for repair too. For real, go get your selves lobotomized.

  13. It’s cool man. I’m done now. I was out shooting a few days ago and I had some canon fan boi give me shit for shooting a nikon. I asked the little fucker where his camera was and he said “at home” so ive got it out of my system and now the cycle can continue. 🙂


  14. Pingback: Breaking News: Vincent Laforet to switch to Nikon? « Fake Chuck Westfall

  15. Pingback: We almost switched to Nikon ourselves « Fake Chuck Westfall

  16. Pingback: The Empire Strikes Back | Fake Chuck Westfall

  17. Pingback: How to get sharp images with a Nikon D800 | Fake Chuck Westfall

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s