‘Tis the Season to be Fucked

The Canon EOS Hairdryer

In the future Canon DSLRs may closely resemble a hairdryer.

Shit are happening people, shit are happening big time. You’ll know what I’m talking about in a few weeks. I can’t let it all out just yet if I want to keep my job at Canon. And I’m sure most of you will probably wonder right now why I would want to keep my job at Canon in the first place. Well, yes we’re fucking up right now but technically it’s Canon Inc. in Japan that’s really fucking up, while the rest of us just have to deal with their fuckups globally. I continue to believe that if we keep slapping the Japanese in the face with all the problems, things should improve. Now I may not live to see things actually improve, and likely neither will my daughter if things continue the way they’re going now, but maybe my great grandchildren will be able to actually buy a working Canon DSLR in the future with a combination of features that makes sense and hopefully won’t look like a hairdryer. And that’s what I’m ultimately fighting for here on my blog and that’s why I need to keep my job here at Canon USA. I know all of you depend on me and I won’t let you down.

Now having said that, prepare for some major fuckage in the following months leading up to Christmas. Nikon as well as Sony are going to show Canon Inc. what innovation really is. At one point Canon Inc. thought they could get away with small incremental upgrades and minimal investments in innovation, but times have clearly changed. What we’re seeing now is a Canon Inc. that is scrambling to get their asses off of the couch and trying to keep up with the competition that is already way ahead. But in the process of doing that, they’re making decisions about product design that are actually backwards while the competition is taking a step forward. I can’t go into details right now, like I said because I want to keep my job, but I’ll be able to talk about it in a few weeks. It’s fucking hilarious, but sad at the same time depending on your perspective.

For now let’s look at some of the emails I got recently:

Dear Sir,
I used to be a Nikon user when its was a manual system but when the DSLR appear, i switch to Canon gear. I have three body’s 30D, 40D and 50D with two micro lenses 100mm and 180mm. Also i have 28-135mm and 100-400mm lens. I nearly wanted to buy a big lens but decided to hold due to the system did not improve.Specially the noise reduction.

I also have the old Canon camera T90 with the FD 800mm. This is where i cannot understand why canon cannot improve the auto focus system and the noise problem. I hope i can get some answer from the canon rep. about switching to Nikon.

Well I’m not sure the Canon rep. is going to be very helpful to you when it comes to switching to Nikon. But I can tell you that it’s probably best to contact a local Nikon rep. about switching to Nikon as they have been very helpful with this in the past, or so I’ve been told. I have discussed the autofocus and noise problem here on my blog numerous times. I answered a question about the noise and megapixel craziness just a few weeks ago. With regards to the aut-o’-focus system I can tell you that Canon Inc. did try to make some improvements in the 7D and 1D Mark IV, but it’s still not close to what Nikon currently has. In true Canon Inc. style they keep holding back the features in the lower models and it’s going to cost them dearly in the long run. The Nikon D300s has a 51-point AF system while the 7D only has 19 points. And I don’t want to even mention the D700 and the 5D Mark II. So it’s no surprise to me that you’re looking to switch to Nikon to be honest with ya. Reports of people switching to Nikon have only increased in the last few months and the trend continues. We’ve had some high profile people switch to Nikon recently too. The Norwegian photographer who ran the CanonFieldReviews website switched to Nikon after receiving an offer from Nikon and after numerous frustrations with Canon. Remember that this is the same guy I mentioned before who received a 1D Mark IV body to test with a glued CF-card slot. Treat people like crap, and that’s the result you will get. Then we also had Karl Grobl switching to Nikon because “Nikon offers a full frame pro body with high ISO capability for $5000 while Canon’s full frame Mark IIIs is $6,115 and lacks high the newer, cleaner, high ISO settings.” Everyone loves the image quality coming from the Nikon D3s. I’ve been here busting my ass off sending tons of feedback to Canon Inc. year after year about people wanting less megapixels and less noise, but those motherfuckers wouldn’t listen to me. Had they listened to me then today Canon Inc. would have been far better off.

Fake chuck,
I just read a post on Canon Rumors about the possibility of a 5dIII and source was confident that the AF would be improved over the 5dII but not as good as that of the 7D.  What are they thinking?  Do you have any thoughts? Any chance that Canon will stop packing crappy pixels on sensors and try to produce a camera that makes a good f-ing picture so I don’t have to buy Nikon stuff?  Any chance Canon will even try to compete with Nikon’s CLS stuff, or are they just going to rely on the same old technology they’ve been using for a decade? Thanks!

They’re a bunch of fucking morons at Canon Inc. that’s why they’ll put an inferior AF system in the 5D Mark III compared to the 7D. Of course we’ll have to see if they’ll actually do it when the 5D Mark III comes out. But knowing (from experience) their past mentality of intentionally crippling products, I for one will not be surprised when it does happen. Nikon put the same 51-point AF system as the D3 in the D700 and it paid off for them. Even the D300s has a 51-point AF system. But at Canon Inc. they’re afraid people won’t buy the 1D series cameras if they release camera bodies in the lower segment that can actually autofocus reliably on a subject. Well guess what’s happening now: People aren’t buying the cheaper cameras and neither are they buying the 1D; Instead they’re all switching to Nikon and increasingly more to Sony. This is what happens when you’re fucking stupid, controlled by greed and want to sell shit to people.

I wouldn’t hope on Canon stopping soon with the megapixel craziness. We’ve seen the 5D Mark II, the 7D, the 550D and the 1D Mark IV, all with more pixels with more noise and other image quality issues, while Nikon is clearly taking things more slowly putting image quality ahead of megapixels. Should I reveal here why the 1Ds Mark IV is being delayed for so long now, or are you guys able to take a good guess if I tell you they want to cram 30+MP on the sensor?

Canon ST-E2 Ass-Rape VS Cactus V4

Canon ST-E2 Ass-Rape VS Cactus V4

As for the Canon flash system, everyone knows that currently it’s no match for Nikon’s system. Canon Inc. has the same problem in this area that they’re suffering from in the DSLR department, and that is that they basically have no fucking clue about what photographers need and refuse to respond to feedback and refuse to innovate. The ST-E2 wireless trigger is so fucking old right now it could have been designed by the Egyptians. Basically a piece of cheap plastic, Canon Inc. continues to charge an astounding $230 for it ($320 suggested retail price). Reliability is terrible outdoors, and you have to maintain line of sight constantly between the ST-E2 and slaves. Has Canon Inc. been unable to produce an improvement over the ST-E2 in the last 8 years?? No they’ve just been slacking, just like they did absolutely nothing to improve the AF system of the old 5D and released a 5D Mark II after 3 years with the same old AF system from the older model. It’s the lazy-ass engineering Canon Inc. has become known for. Meanwhile there are a ton of other manufacturers who have developed all kinds of RF-based flash triggers. Just look at the Cactus V4 wireless trigger set costing a mere $40 for both the trigger and the receiver! They may not be as good as the gold-plated expensive as fuck PocketWizards, but they are A LOT more reliable and practical than Canon Inc.’s infrared system (trust me on this). You mean to tell me that in all these fucking years the big and mighty Canon Inc. has been unable to integrate CactusV4-like RF-based wireless functionality in its flash system?? If Canon Inc. had even the slightest clue about innovation, they would have done this way ahead of the Chinese!!!! Every goddamn DSLR body starting at the prosumer level would have a built-in RF flash trigger, and every flash a built-in RF receiver. Instead they’re selling a goddamn practically worthless ST-E2 for the price of almost 6 complete Cactus V4 trigger sets. This has got to be one of the biggest ass-rapes in the history of mankind. Inferior technology at a premium price. Fucken A! Tell me that your blood pressure isn’t starting to rise when you think about this. Tell me goddammit!

The latest EOS Utility does not work with older cameras. Don’t they suppose to build their cameras to last? To last for what if I cannot connect them to my computer?

No no my friend, I see you’re probably still living in the 80’s and early 90’s. We used to build cameras to last but those times are long gone. Now we don’t want to hear from you if you haven’t recently spent money on one of our latest products. Today we’re largely manufacturing consumables that are built to last 2 to 4 years max, expecting you to come back to us somewhere in that timeframe with more of your money. Even if your camera is still working perfectly fine, we’ll give you all kinds of ‘incentives’ to help you ‘make the decision’ to upgrade. One such incentive is of course to refuse to support your camera any longer. Another such ‘incentive’ is to just release cameras much earlier with half-assed implementations of features and then release a newer model with ‘improvements’ a few months later. That way not only can we then claim to be the first with such a feature (never mind the fact that it’s essentially useless at this stage), but we can also get you to spend more money to ‘upgrade’ later. An example of that was our Live-View functionality. I hope you can now begin to understand how this works. Canon Inc. is just doing their part as a global citizen to keep the economy going.

Now, if you’re complaining about EOS Utility, just be happy you don’t have to deal with the clusterfuck that is Nikon Capture NX 2. Things have really gone bad with camera software drivers when you need the computing power of the Large Hadron Collider to download and process RAW files from your DSLR with reasonable speed.

The 1D Mark IV only allows sport focusing with the longer lenses having AF Stop button… they say that spot focusing reduce the AF area (which could help in low light situations) and they only give it in the long lenses (a wedding photographer using a 400 is what I want to see) BUT the 7D has it…

I am aware of this issue and I have reported it months ago to Canon Inc. I have yet to hear from them about doing something about this. As you may know, one of the first people to notice this issue was photographer Justin Gryba. He’s written about it in his 1D Mark IV review. I’m sad to say that this is just another example of the lack of a clear vision at Canon Inc. when product design is concerned. Why would you put such an important feature like Spot-AF on the 7D, and cripple it on the 1D Mark IV? This does not make sense to normal people like you and me, but I think we all know by now with reasonable certainty that we’re not dealing with normal people at Canon Inc. In fact, I have reason to believe that they’ve already replaced most of their workforce with humanoid robots. The only problem is that their AI appears to be slightly more advanced than an Aibo. Let us all hope that they fix the Spot-AF issue in a future firmware update for the 1D Mark IV.

That’s it for now, I’ve got to get back to finish my preparations for the EOS 60D press briefing in a few weeks. I can’t believe some of the decisions the Japanese made on this one. Their stupidity never ceases to amaze me. This is going to be a classic example of putting three steps forward and then taking two steps backwards. This while we already have Nikon ahead of us and Sony breathing down our necks. Have you seen what’s coming up from Nikon and Sony? Obviously the Nikon D3100 is going to be announced soon, and the D3000 already is outselling the 550D, so the D3100 is only going to make that a lot worse considering the features it’s going to have. But the bigger news is the coming release of the Nikkor AF-S 24-120 f/4 VR lens and the Nikkor AF-S 85mm f/1.4 lens. I mentioned before how the only advantage we still had was our lens lineup, and Nikon has now closed the gap for 95%. All they need now are the new 35mm f/1.4 and 135mm f.2 primes and it’s done. Then Nikon will officially have the best DSLR bodies, lenses and flash system. Even Sony is working hard to close the gaps in their lineup with their recent lens announcements. It won’t be long now before they have a DSLR body that’s going to make Canon Inc. executives shit their pants. But Canon Inc. has had plenty of time and plenty of opportunities, and if they keep blowing it every time they’ve got nobody to blame but themselves.

54 thoughts on “‘Tis the Season to be Fucked

  1. Fake Chuck Westfall, I pity you a lot. What a load of crap you have to write each time with such a big heap of shit on Canon. Being such an unhappy employee like you, I wonder why you still have to stay. Go hell with the employment of Canon. I am sure you can be a much happier man working for Nikon even with a lower payroll. Get a life. Nikon Heat.

  2. Now that Canon has moved into second place behind Nikon, who wants to take a guess as to when Canon moves into third place behind Sony?

  3. Fake Chuck:

    I took a bath several years ago when I switched from Nikon, which at the time was flagshipped by the D2, to Canon, which had just made a quantum leap in releasing the Mark IIn. That experience has made me reluctant to take another big whack in the wallet in switching back, reluctant enough to watch the misery of the Mark III, actually buy a 7D that couldn’t create sharp images with a machete, and now read over and over how the Mark IV still fals short of the Nikon D3 and D3s. Most recently, I was shocked to see how poorly Snapsort rates the Canon models vs. Nikon and even Sony.

    I’m not waiting any longer. I’m getting out of Dodge while I can still get marginal value on trading in my Canon gear. One more leap forward for either Nilkon or Sony and no one will want to own Canon anymore.

    Shit are happen … and I’m getting the hell out of the flow path!

      • God knows, the world is crying our for a DSLR than can read barcodes. I’ll take it with me to Wal-Mart next time I need a new pair of socks. I’m sure the rocket scientist at the entrance will be impressed by the 7D’s features and all the megapixels.

  4. Glad to see you back in business, Fake Chuck, even if Canon aren’t.

    I’m just glad that I made the right decision in choosing Nikon when I bought my D3s. Sure, it’s “only” 12 megapixels, but those are 12 megapixels of awesome. Clean ISO 6,400 is now a-given, and ISO 12,800 can give good 8×12 prints if treated well. AF performance is simply phenomenal – I have managed to lock focus on a single star in the night sky using an f/2.8 lens. The 3D tracking is simply amazing – not just in sports, but for following performers on stage too.

    Now excuse me while I go shoot another set of virtually noise-free ISO 3,200 images of a rock concert…

  5. Rofl! I arrived at home and i read about the 7DSV, damn, i can’t stop laughing, is it a fucking jockes? Barcode reader, lol!

  6. Hey Fake Chucky. Have you seen the new Nikon camera D3100 with the 14.2 MP sensor? Really cool stuff. I should switch to Nikon!

      • Thank you for your advise Chuck. Unfortunately I am not so familiar about the newest Nikon rumors. Do you know anything about the successor of the “D90”, e.g. what features it has, release date, prize? Thank you in advance.

  7. Fake Chuck:

    A glance at Galbreath’s web site today tells you everything you need to know. Nikon releases four new lenses and the D3100. Canon … has a new PowerShot with inceremental improvements to the previous model.

    WTF?! Do they not even care about market share anymore?

    • Oh, they care about their market share alright. On the other hand, they seemingly don’t care about us, their customers. Failing to see that the second is kind of important to keep the first, I don’t think Canon will stay in business for much longer.

      I’m just hoping that we will soon see a usable camera body, as opposed to what Canon have been putting out for the last 3 years or so. I like my Ganon glass way too much to make a switch on a short notice, but it’s been going on for so long that I’m now severely tempted by Nikon. Oh God..

  8. Oh man! I have been holding out buying the 70-200 is II. Will wait to see what the D700 replacement looks like. Thinking about switching…

    • The D90 replacement is shaping out to be better than the current D300s, so I wouldn’t be surprised if the D700 replacement is well above the current D3s in specs and overall performance. Which is, honestly, probably the best camera available today.

      Apparently, whereas Canon is following the ‘good enough is good enough’ route, Nikon is intent on pushing the boundaries and meeting photographers’ needs and desires. I must say, I find Nikon’s way of doing things quite appealing. Canon’s way of protecting the EOS-1D sales by deliberately crippling every other body they make, not so much..

      And Chuck, congrats on the 120MP APS-H sensor they just developed in Canon Inc. Japan. I’m patiently waiting for Canon to introduce a FF camera with lower pixel count, say 17-24MP with current technology, and they are all the while playing with (and spending R&D money on) 120MP crop. Way to go, Canon!

      • I think the 120mp APS-H sensor is just a byproduct of Canon Inc. clever engineers’ efforts to produce greater noise (which is, as we all know by now, “a very important part of the image”).
        Too bad the out-o-focus sensors coverage isn’t shrinking at he same rate as the photosites! But maybe now that the 120mp chip is ready Canon Inc. could shift resources and give us a real microcrosshair on the 5D mark III, a.k.a. the Doom II mode!

    • Canon is running an internal competition: Who can come up with a new product that is the most opposite of what users want…

  9. Fake Chuck:

    As MLK once said, “Free at last! Thank God Almighty, I’m free at last.”

    I sent three boxes of Canon gear to a well-known photo establishment today and will get back some boxes of Nikon gear next week, including a D3 and D300s and some lenses. I’m losing cash but gaining a LOT in image quality and satisfaction.

    I’ll still follow you, Fake Chuck, but now it won’t hurt so much to read the posts here.

    Follow me, my brothers and sisters, and I will lead you to the land where no one need open a box of new gear with fear and loathing!

      • Adorama. I will admit I am always hesitant to deal with NY-based photo shops after some very bad experiences in my naive and foolish youth, but I have been treated very well by Adorama in recent years.

        If I had my way, I’d still be buying all my gear from Cord Camera in Columbus, Ohio. Great people who always took great care of me. But Cord is just hanging on these days, it’s once-robust used department gutted by competition from web-based sellers. I fear the local camera shop is going the way of the dodo and the newspaper … and, eventually, Canon if it doesn’t wake up soon.

        I still love the AF performance of my Mark IIn and feel it’s among the two best cameras I’ve ever owned. But I need better low-light performance (while still getting sharp images — that rules out my 7D) and I want the kind of dependable flash photography that Canon has NEVER delivered.

        I don’t like the cost and hassle of making wholesale system changes. But I don’t see anything on Canon’s horizon worth waiting for.

  10. New Canon 60D – get one FREE with the purchase of any new Canon lens.

    Actually, I don’t know if they are going to give this camera away for free. But judging from the specs, it sure looks like it.

  11. Funny how many people waited for the 50D to be upgraded.. and when the time comes it is downgraded instead :] I feel for you folks.

  12. It looks remarkably like a hair dryer … wait, didn’t someone else recently make a similar comment?

    I suspect the development of the D60 followed a Canon management conversation that went something like this (by the way, I heard the Canon team recently completed the prestigious Bartels & James Beer Institute of Product Development course):

    “Shit are happen! Nikon is release the new D3100 and an updated D90! We need something new, too!”

    “What if we raise the price on the ST-E2, put it in a white case and call it the ST-E3?


    “And we’ll put the 7D sensor and video system on the 50D, make an uglier, cheaper plastic case, raise the price and call it the 60D!”

    “F*cking brilliant!”

  13. I’m going to blog about the 60D after Nikon’s next announcement. I’ll make more sense then. In the mean time I’ll be in my office smoking some good weed.

  14. The 60D? Shit are happen unless you like plastic bodies, no micro-adjust, last-gen focus and a gimmicky screen…

    Oh, Maeda-san, what were you thinking?

  15. As a Canon idiot that waited for the 60D “upgrade”–If my fellow Canon users dont see the writing on the wall they must be smoking your weed, Chuck.

    The D710 or whatever will be the 5DMk3 I wanted, with real AF (I’m sure the Mk3 will have 7D/60D AF), and the D7000 will be what the 60D should have been. Not to mention Video AF, an ISO stop more than the 60D and at least 39 point AF.

    Game over after PhotoKina. PPL are gonna be switching in droves.

    • Expect reports of Canon losing more market share around the world and Maeda telling everyone sales are “better than expected.”

  16. Hi Fake Chuck,

    welcome back – you have been missed!

    I can’t wait to hear your EOS 60D press briefing.
    Will you use terms such as Plastic Fantastic or Tubberware Taskforce?

    The initial response to the 60D announcement in various fora has not been very positive.

    I’ll have beer and popcorn ready, this is going to be entertaining.

    Kind regards,


  17. Ah shit are definitely happening. So happy I can write about Nikon gear again, I had to suffer through a short period of doing some Canon reviews so that people will actually click on those damn amazon links and hand-ov…i mean…donate their money to me while waiting on Nikon with it’s “do-it-right-or-don’t-do-it-at-all” philosophy. I even had to say good things about the 5DMkII. I felt so dirty, I mean between you and me, my D40 takes better pictures than the 5DMkII when I just stitch together 4 frames, 24 mega-frickin’ pixels baby with a sweet kit lens. But see, now I don’t need to go there and act all ‘so-what’ to Canon shooters. The D3100 is just unbelievable for a consumer grade box. Shit, that thing has more usable pixels than my D300 at higher ISO.

    And here’s another secret. Guess why Nikon took so long to release the latest line-up? Don’t know? Well get this….THEY WERE FRICKIN’ SWITCHING TO THEIR OWN SENSOR TECHNOLOGY.

    I am not shitting you. I took apart the D3100 and that puppy doesn’t have a Sony sensor like everyone thought it did. It’s their own design and production. It’s utterly unique. The switch over must have cost them a slower than usual release cycle (D700 is getting ‘old’) but now we know why…and if the D3100 is the BASELINE model for the future of Nikon sensor technology…I am going to be set for life with all the affiliate cash I am going to get from my favorite retailers like Amazon, Ritz and ebay!

    So FakeChuck, I feel for you man, but listen, when shit are happen on you, you can always set up a blog for money.

    [Please Donate 5 Dollars]

  18. Fake Chuck:

    I saw your Tweet about the Rob Galbreath’s coverage of Canon Expo 2010 in New York, where all the new gear is on display (well, at least all the new gear that works. The other stuff is under glass so you can’t see how crappy it is yet).

    I especially like the big banner at the entrance, proclaiming “We Speak Image.” Takes me back to watching old Western movies in my youth:

    “Ugh! Me buy new Canon 60D. It large piece of buffalo dung.”

    “Ugh! Canon marketing speak with forked tongue, not ‘Image.’ Tell us we should hand over heap more wampum, give us only trinkets, beads and barcode scanners in return.”

    “Ugh! I say we go New York, change stupid banner to say ‘Shit Are Happen,’ take some scalps, maybe go strip club.”

    “Ugh! That heap good idea.”

  19. Whatever, I am wondering why Canon still taking 30% of the camera market with all these shit cameras and lenses. Are people blind or dump? I think Canon should be prosecuted for producing such shit products intentionally to deceive the customers. Fake Chuck Westfall, prepare to take a dive to Nikon anytime.

  20. Pingback: To Canon Inc.: Size doesn’t matter « Fake Chuck Westfall

  21. Pingback: Karel Donk’s Blog » Blog Archive » Photoshoot: President D. D. Bouterse of Suriname

  22. This blog used to be good because it was insightful. Now it’s just degenerated into a form of vulgar graffiti.

    Why are you comparing the ST-E2 with the Cactus V4? It’s clear you’re not very knowledgeable about photography in general. The Cactus V4 does not transmit TTL information; the ST-E2 does. That’s a big difference.

  23. Pingback: 2010 in Review « Fake Chuck Westfall

  24. Pingback: Lighting, Flashes, Flash Busses « Fake Chuck Westfall

  25. Pingback: It’s official: I’m not Vincent Laforet « Fake Chuck Westfall

  26. Pingback: Happy Birthday to Helen Oster @ Adorama | Fake Chuck Westfall

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s