Tech Tips and Emails

As you know, I’ve stopped doing the Tech Tips over at the Digital Journalist last year, but that doesn’t mean I’m stopping it here on my blog too. Remember that you’re all still free to send me emails with questions that you feel need answers. Perhaps you need some technical advice or information, perhaps just to inquire about something, or maybe you’re not getting replies or an adequate response from Canon, or just to vent. Whatever it is, you can send an email to and I’ll do my best to provide you with answers which will be published here on the blog. Yes I’m still using the Gmail account because my corporate Canon USA mailbox is currently still full. Now, with that out of the way, let’s take a look at the questions:

Hey, FC – just read Pogue’s recent article (, and truly laughed out loud at his comment that “in the last two years, the camera  companies have given up their insane and pointless quest for more megapixels-and begun turning their attention to the sensor-size problem. This, ladies  and gentlemen, is absolutely fantastic news.”

Guess Canon didn’t get the memo, with their 18meg 7D POS and the “anything but full frame” 1D mark iv.

Be seeing you!

I don’t think we’ve been getting any kind of memos here at Canon in the last few years. Management has been blinded by arrogance, and listening to the market is not something that was high on their priorities. We can all hope that with the recent devastating losses of market share and other issues things will change in the future. I’ve mentioned the megapixel issue here on the blog numerous times. I’m going to sound like a broken record, but let me remind you about Canon’s position on this matter:

If you’ve been following this blog long enough you already know my personal opinion regarding noise in images: I don’t like it myself. However, at Canon we think that noise is an important part of digital photography and certainly with regards to image quality. More noise in larger images is actually an improvement that contributes a lot to good image quality, as we have clearly demonstrated with the EOS 50D and the EOS 5D Mark II. Going forward, we expect noise to continue to play an important role in digital photography here at Canon with future advancements in sensor development, which will allow for even larger resolutions on smaller sensors while bending, and indeed completely trashing,  the laws of physics and causing a rip in the space-time continuum.
Other industry leaders have also recognized the importance of noise in images. For example, Adobe has demonstrated to share a similar view by including filters in Photoshop that add noise to images. As a result, images made with older cameras that offered noise-free images can now be improved by adding noise to them. I expect this trend to continue for the foreseeable future.

Let me also remind you about something else I mentioned on my blog a while ago:

LAS VEGAS–Olympus has declared an end to the megapixel race. “Twelve megapixels is, I think, enough for covering most applications most customers need,” said Akira Watanabe, manager of Olympus Imaging’s SLR planning department, in an interview here at the Photo Marketing Association (PMA). “We have no intention to compete in the megapixel wars for E-System,” Olympus’ line of SLR cameras, he said. Instead, Olympus will focus on other characteristics such as dynamic range, color reproduction, and a better ISO range for low-light shooting, he said.

This was almost a year ago. Like you point out, the competition was already aware of what people wanted. In that time the morons at Canon Inc. gave us the 18MP 7D Piece Of Shit, your words, while Nikon gave us the 12MP D3s low light wonder. Let us all hope for the best during the coming DSLR announcements.


You won 500,000.00GBP in the on-going Google Online Promotion.You are to contact Mr Graham Poll Email: for more information.

Mrs Debora

Thank you for the information Debora. I must say that I was very excited when I initially found your email in my Spam folder. I don’t know how it got there but thank God I noticed it before permanently deleting all spam. I was so happy I immediately called my wife Ying to tell her the good news. After that I sent an email to Mr. Graham Poll3 and was surprised to get a reply within an hour from a Mr. Shaka Kobele. I’m very impressed with the quick response and with your customer service, I wish we had more of that at our Canon service centers. Mr. Kobele informed me about the procedure for collecting my prize money, and I have already transferred the requested $1200 to your account in Nigeria. I did this last week and I was promised a response within 24 hours but haven’t heard back from Mr. Kobele. I understand these things take time so I wanted to let you know I’m patiently waiting, though I would appreciate a quick response on this as I have already ordered a Hasselblad CVF-39 with lenses and a H3DII-31 as a backup, and am expected to pay for all of it this week.

Hey Fake Chuck, it’s good to see ur still around. Why is Canon not doing anything about the low ISO noise and banding on the 5D Mark II?? I like my 5D but i hate the extra work i’m having to do fixing images every time. We’re all still waiting for the fix, this issue is constantly being discussed, here are a few recent threads on DPReview-

I’m sorry to hear about the issues. I discussed this problem earlier here on the blog too. I don’t know what the fuck they’re doing in Japan, believe me. We’ve been sending them all the feedback but there’s no response coming back, similar to the issues with the 50mm f/1.2 L. My best guess is that either Canon Inc. can’t fix this without doing a product recall, or this is all just part of their digital camera noise policy as I explained in the first question above. Let us all hope… or better yet, let us pray for some kind of response in the near future.

Hello there Fake Chuck,
First of all congratulations for your blog, you´re a very smart person, and your critics to Canon are very funny to read, and I hope they are reading you and will do something about the pathetic quality control they have. 
I just bought a 1D Mark IV camera and I´m also thinking to switch to Nikon. The camera is nice, but QC is crap. It comes from the factory with a dirty mirror, also the dioptric adjusment was moved from the zero position, and my first sight from the visor was like “WTF???” but the worst of all is the back and front focusing. My lenses now are like cheap chinese crap, and I need to micro adjust one by one to have some sharp shoots… How can this be possible with an almost 5.000€ camera ??? 
Even the lower end of the Canon reflex catalog are sharper than this… 
I whish you´ll have time to talk about this new “feature” of the 1D MK4 because I need to laugh about it, or I´ll finish throwing my camera to the river…
Take care and greetings from Madrid!

Thank you for the kind words. I’m fully aware of our quality control problems, this has been discussed on my blog at length. The main issue is that, as you may know, our entire quality control department, or that which was supposed to resemble it in any case, is currently missing in action. One day they were there and the next the whole department just vanished from the face of the planet. We’ve got the FBI, MOSSAD, MI5 and the KGB investigating this case and last I heard they were looking at the possibility of this being an alien abduction. Meanwhile Canon Inc. tried outsourcing some of the quality testing to independent contractors like Sven, but apparently it’s not working out. Also, I think Sven may have died in his facility as I haven’t heard back from him for a long while now. But before you throw your camera into the river, may I suggest that you test your lenses first for backfocus issues using the Canon certified procedure I’ve outlined in a previous post. If everything fails, I would finally suggest enabling the “door stop” functionality of the 1D Mark IV. As you may know this functionality was first introduced with the 1D Mark III and details of how to enable it can be found in a previous Tech Tips post.

Vincent Laforet, Peace be with Him, and me.

Vincent Laforet (left) and Eolake Stobblehouse, separated at birth?

Now before I end this post, I wanted to give you guys a link to this cool video I did together with Vincent Laforet, eternal peace and blessings be upon him. I have to say, I’m really proud to have been able to do this with him. In fact, I’m so proud that I printed and framed the image above and it now has a permanent place here on my desk right next to the picture of my wife and daughter. We’re all very proud to have Vincent as an Explorer of Light here at Canon USA using our gear to create awesome stuff. And as you may know Vincent also runs Domai in his spare time, a site I frequently visit during my late night one handed browsing sessions. The guy is just incredible. This should also put to rest all the theories about me being Vincent Laforet. If I was really Vincent Laforet I wouldn’t be standing next to him in the video right?? We’re not the same person, people, think about it!!

Joe Mc Nally (left) and a random Sock Puppet, separated at birth?

I wish we could have more cool people like Vince using our gear. The problem is that most of them are currently using Nikon gear and with all the Canon Inc. shitfuckery on our side it will be difficult to get them to even hold something that has the Canon logo on it, let alone use it to make something cool. Take Joe Mc Nally for example. We’d love to get him to switch sides right now, but I doubt he’ll even answer my email. Great guy though, that Mc Nally. Seems like he’s a bit nuts too. I hope you can see the striking resemblance in the picture on the right. Same hair and eye color. Probably identical twins if you ask me.

Some day I hope to write Anna’s name near the light on top of the Empire State Building just like he did for his daughters.

8 thoughts on “Tech Tips and Emails

  1. Pingback: Tweets that mention Tech Tips and Emails « Fake Chuck Westfall --

  2. Apple, as you know, responded to “antennagate” today by denying any problems and offering free cases to fix the non-existent problems. This is, FC, a perfect model for Canon! Could you please deny any problems with Canon cameras and then provide free cases that would make our POS high-MP, backfocusing cameras look like Nikon bodies? Please!?

  3. Hey fake chuck.
    Great to have you back again. Thank you for your posts.
    Why for the heaven’s sake shoud we contact you over this fuc…ing gmail e-mail address? Don’t you have an official canon address???? 😉 😉 😉

    • Well like I said, my official inbox is currently full and it’s highly likely that you won’t be getting any replies when you send me email there. Especially not when you sound really pissed off in your email and use the word ‘fuck’ repeatedly. Our IT people have installed some strong email filters. So just contact me on the gmail address if you want answers.

  4. Hi Chuck.
    Great to have you back. Just wanted to ask you, in one of your last posts before your disappearance you said you were testing Nikon D4 pre-release model cameras. Just wondering if this had any effect on your disappearance at all? Wish you best of luck, and please stop drinking, it wont make your (and Canon’s) problems disappear.

    • Well I can neither confirm nor deny testing the Nikon D4 pre-release models and that influencing my posting frequency here, for obvious reasons. I have to say though that I have stopped drinking mostly because I found that smoking weed does in fact make my (and Canon’s) problems disappear. Even if it’s just for a few hours. I really need that.

  5. Pingback: ‘Tis the Season to be Fucked « Fake Chuck Westfall

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