5D Mark II Cold Weather Tests

Okay now for something a little different. I received the information below from Sven Jonson, one of our reasearch engineers in Minnesota. I had never heard of Mr. Jonson before, so I decided to do some research internally to find out who he is, and it turns out Mr. Jonson was actually laid off a while ago, but due to some glitches, was never notified of this and is still being sent equipment for testing purposes. Apparently it’s the same kind of situation that one guy from the movie “Office Space” was in. And judging by the end of his report, it seems at least the payroll department fixed the problem on our end.

Anyway, I thought you might like his report below, and thanks to Randy Ruttger for sending it in:


Good Morning to you, Fake Chuck,
I am Sven Jonson at Cold Weather Testin Facility in Minnesota.
Let me tell ya, It is a little nippy here in de hinterland today, de thermometer is stuck at -38 degrees, an de pipes they are frozen.  Lena says hi too. She vas yust putin de vood in de stove an maken de coffee.
I have been reading all da tings ya been saying about de Canon company and I have to say I agree mit ya von hunred percent!
Lena and I have been testing and using dose Canon Camera from Japan for long time. We too tink Company going to hell in handbag. Must be bad tings going on dare.
I taught ya vood like ta see my latest report dat i send to boss man in Japan. (see it below, it is copy for you read right below dis)


Hello nice Canon people in Japan,
Today ve got your box from da UPS man mit de fancy new 5D Mark 2 camera. 
Ve ran de tests you ask for us to run in de cold. Very cold here.
De first test vas to try out de new Auto Lighting Optimizer system. Like D-Lighting on our competitors cameras.
De first photo shows de snowy scene yust outside de facility here in hinterland of nortern Minnesota.
It so cold my tung stuck to camera ven I clean off de screen on de back.
Test # 1
In dis shot, de new Auto Lighting Optimizer system is turned in de off position and disabled. 
You can clearly see how de snow is bright white and de trees are dark green.

5D2 Cold Weather Test

In de next shot de Auto Lighting Optimizer system is turned into de Low position. De snow is bright white and de trees are dark green.

5D2 Cold Weather Test

In de number tre shot ve turned de Auto Lighting Optimizer system to de mid position, Standard. You can clearly see dat de snow is bright white and de trees are dark green.
Yes I know vat you tink, but dis IS a differnt photo. And ve did turn de switch to de new setting!

5D2 Cold Weather Test

In de final test shot of de Auto Lighting Optimizer system ve cranked de system all de vay up to strong. Blow my socks off. As you can clearly see, de snow is now bright white and de trees are dark green.

5D2 Cold Weather Test

Ve concluded dat de test vas great success. Our competitors vill be so happy mit us. It proves to de vorld dat de engeeneers at Canon really know dare stuff. Dat last shot is fantastical how she brings out de details in de dark green trees. I bet dos Nikon bastards are shivering in deir boots ven day see how schmart our engeneers at Canon factory are.

Maybe you should check see if maybe Kyokoshiro on de assembly line forgot to hook up de vire to Auto Lighting Optimizer system switch. But de system sure works A.OK. as far as ve can see. You people must be very schmart!

(Fake Chuck: I suspect Kyokoshiro probably also isn’t hooking up the AF system properly)
Test # 2
For de next test ve tried out de Highlight Tone Priority System. Dis system is so tricky even de guys at Nikon don’t have it yet on de new cameras day have made.
In de first test photo ve have de Highlight Tone Priority System turned in de off position, disabled, off. Now see how pretty and white de snow looks. Don’t you vant to yust yump into it?

5D2 Cold Weather Test

In de second shot ve turned on venerable, top secret Highlight Tone Priority System dat even schmart guys at Nikon have not discovered yet. Any fool can see how much more better de snow looks. Now you really vant to take your cloths off an yump into it, right?

5D2 Cold Weather Test

Ve concluded dat dis test vas roaring success too. Maybe schmart Canon engeeneers should get pay raise.
You should check see if Kyokoshiro has gotten into emergency sake ration on assembly line again. Are you sure he is hooking up all dos vires on de circuit board?
Dis concludes our cold weather test of de new Canon D5 mark 2 Camera.
She is vone swell machine. Yust let us know if you need for us to do more tests in de cold.
Arctic Testin Faciliy
Rural Route 2
Nortern Minnesota, USA

5D2 Cold Weather Test

P.S. ve have still not got de last check from you guys. De man from de power company says he vill turn de lights in faciliy off if ve can not pay bill ve owe him. Lena, she is cutting vood to keep hot de stove so pipes do not freeze. De man from de gas company froze to death in snow behind facility and dey turned gas off two months ago. I know sales are down because of bad economy, but please send check soon. Does Nikon have different economy? I hear dey selling cameras faster dan dey can make dem.

19 thoughts on “5D Mark II Cold Weather Tests

  1. Excellent ! Thank you for brightening my Monday morning at work … I suggest every marketing man at Canon to be shot down, and camera specs to be decided/designed by engineers and photographers … One can always dream.

    • Stof are you kidding? Have you worked in a large company before? Marketing has little if any power over anything, they do what they are told. It’s laughable to suggest they are the reason behind crappy cameras and specs

      • Davo, you are definitely wrong.
        Marketing staff explores market expectation and sales opportunities, looks at competitors, and then defines what the next products should be.
        Especially in large companies.

        IMHO, the issue at Canon is that there is not a single serious photo-addict in their marketing staff. They dream of market share and benefit rather than full-frame rangefinder and high-aperture high-iso compact.

  2. Pingback: 5D Mark II Cold Weather Tests - Fake Chuck Westfall | Photo News Today

  3. This tests confirm to me (like others autofocus evidences) that 5D Mark II is the best camera in the market now.
    Thanks Fake Westfal to support my last purchase!

  4. Hi.
    I noticed the connection (possibly retated posts) show up as “Medoff and Iguanas” and wondered where that came from — seems like a wacky word-press joke, although Sayulita Mexico seems pretty warm and mellow after all these snow pix. Madoff is the correct spelling. I wrote the story. Log on and see the Iguanas, why not? Tea-mam

  5. Hey Fake Chuck, What’s going on with Lens availability ?
    I’m expanding my business and need another US$50k worth of gear, (big ticket items include a 1ds3, 200 f2L IS, 85 1.2L II and a heap of ither stuff) but no matter what dealers I contact nobody has any stock or knows when it’s likey to come in.
    I can get the body from just about anywhere, but nobody has any 200 f2L’s or 85 1.2L’s. I’ve been told that even common lenses like the 24-70 2.8L have been on back order for more than 3 months.

    It’s bad enough that most of the gear leaving Canon Japan doesn’t work, now it seems even if there are people like myself dumb enough to still want to purchase the crap we can’t beacuse Canon won’t deliver any product.

    Maybe I should just look at switching to Nikon.
    Know of anybody looking to purchase a few pro bodies and a shitload of L lenses ?

    • Hey David, cheer up, you’re not alone.
      I am waiting for the new Tilt*Shift lenses to hit the street, but it rather seems the lens production at Canon hits the ground. Maybe Maeda changed his mind after the new TS-E were announced?

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  9. I am surprised the exposure did not WONDER !!!! Must have been shot in manual mode !! Come to think of it ,, focus must have been on manual too!! Other wise we would see those pics out of focus ! Those are the reasons I SWITCHED TO NIKON ! ! ! Best thing I ever did !!! No where on the net do you hear canon is at least 5 years behind NIKON !! Except sorta here ,, Thank you Fake Chuck for telling the truth!! You are for REAL ! ! !

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