Introducing the Canon 600EX-RT Flash

Canon 600EX-RT Flash and Canon ST-E3-RT Trigger

Nikon got fucking owned.

Aaaw yeah baby, aaw yeah! As if the 5D Mark III wasn’t enough, even our ancient flash system got a huge upgrade. RF BASED WIRELESS FUNCTIONALITY BABY!!!!! YEAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!! How long have we been waiting for this?? Man I’m fucking ecstatic. Last night I partied so hard I can’t remember anymore what happened. I woke up this morning on the ground next to a car in the parking lot here at Canon HQ with a huge headache. I could barely get myself up. I don’t know how the fuck I got there, but I think I must have been so drunk I couldn’t find my way home. My shirt was completely unbuttoned and I couldn’t find my pants. That must have been one crazy party last night.

But we deserved to party like this, and after a long time I can say that I enjoyed every second of it. EOS is shaking up this entire industry like never before. Right now we’ve got the best, fucking state of the art, flash system out there. For years I’ve had to listen to people telling me how Nikon was ahead in this area and how we sucked and blah blah blah. And look at it now, god dammit!!!!!!! LOOK AT IT!!!!!!!! The 600EX-RT and ST-E3-RT are fucking beautiful! Now you can control all flashes right from the back of your camera. All of them!!!!! It wasn’t so long ago when I complained about this and let Canon Inc. know what we wanted:

Canon ST-E2 Ass-Rape VS Cactus V4

Canon ST-E2 Ass-Rape VS Cactus V4

I don’t know what the fuck is taking those bastards in Japan so long, but if they finally release an update it had better fucking blow everything away. I’m talking RF based wireless flash triggers, a new pro speedlite with built-in RF wireless flash capabilities, full TTL and High Speed Sync support, Master/Slave functionality, 100m working range, and best of all, remote control of the speedlites from the back of the camera. I want all my fucking speedlites to show up on my camera LCD just like wireless access points show up on my computer, and I want to fucking add them to my own private network of flashes under my control, each with their own custom ID (so I know which is which). And then I want to be able to fucking select each one of them and be able to change their goddamn settings right on my fucking camera even if I’m 100 meters away! THAT is what I would consider true innovation. Not the fucking horseshit we’ve been seeing in the last few years.

I’m sounding like a broken record these days, but Canon Inc. fucking listened to us again! For a review of the 600EX-RT and ST-E3-RT check out Pixsylated. He was able to fire his 600EX-RT from 100 meters away, although Canon Inc. lists a working range of 30 meters.

I predict that The Lord of the Speedlights, Mc Nally and Van Niekerk are going to be switching to Canon in the very near future just to be able to use all the good stuff. Even Kelby won’t be able to resist! Kelby had to wait years for true wireless functionality and full HD video on his D3/D4, and now he’ll have to wait more years for built-in RF functionality in the crappy Nikon flash system. Guys, don’t wait too long. Join the EOS club and take your photography to the next level!

Especially seeing as how shit are happen at Nikon with the shitty image quality on the Nikon D800. I mentioned this before, but don’t be surprised when people look at your 36MP photos taken with a D800 and ask you what phone you used to make them. And the way things look right now, the D800 is going to have to go up against some fierce competition from the 41MP Nokia 808 Pure View Phone.

As if that isn’t enough, we now also find out that Nikon used footage from the 5D2 in their D800 promo video:

For said launch on March 7th, they produced this impressive demonstration video, which highlights the D800’s strengths as a filmmaking tool:

Looks awesome, doesn’t it? Makes the D800 look like it excels at shooting sports and time lapse videos of cityscapes and exotic locations, right? Makes it seem like the D800 is a vital tool to have in your filmmaker production kit, right? Makes you want a D800 no matter the price, right?

Seems Nikon is not only using Canon EOS-5D Mark II-captured video from TSO’s film ‘The Mountain’ to sell their new camera, but they never asked his permission and are, therefore and perhaps more disgracefully, violating his copyright.

Here’s a screenshot where the photographer complains about Nikon using his footage:

LMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!

LMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!LMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!LMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!LMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!

BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! When I saw this I laughed for at least 15 minutes non-stop. I started laughing behind my desk, fell on the ground, got up while slamming my fists on the ground and the walls. Then I stumbled out of my office still bursting with laughter, while everyone stared at me, and I fell on the ground in the hallway again. I crawled to the elevator, which for some reason went down to the lobby and as soon as the doors opened I fell out of it into the lobby, still laughing my ass off. And if you can still remember, I didn’t have any pants on since this morning because I couldn’t find them. So imagine how bizarre I must have looked to everyone in the building while I crawled and rolled around laughing my ass off in the lobby until security guards got to me. BAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA! But man, this is just fucking awesome. What an EPIC fail for Nikon, my God, MY GOD!!! EPIC!!!!

And it’s not just the fact that they used 5D2 footage to sell the D800, but they fucking used it without asking!! BAHAHAHAHA, I guess the poor saps didn’t have a choice did they? I mean, how do you go about asking a photographer to use his video, shot with a 5D2, for a promo movie for the D800? I’d pay 50 bucks to watch that conversation take place because I think it would have been fucking hilarious.

Nikon’s timing with this couldn’t have been better for us. We fucking shook this industry last night and now Nikon makes a complete ass out of themselves with the D800, which by the way sucked balls to begin with. No wonder they chose to use footage from the 5D2. The muddy, compressed, moired, aliased videos the D800 produces just weren’t good enough to promote the camera, it seems. BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA!!!!!!! Jesus Christ, I’m going to get a heart attack if I keep laughing like this.

What a disgrace. Oh God… just unbelievable! If I was a Nikon photographer, I would switch to Canon just because of feeling ashamed to be using Nikon equipment after this debacle. I just wouldn’t be able to look people in the eyes anymore while holding a Nikon camera in my hands.

BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAA!!!!! Oh God, I need a drink. It’s going to be one hell of a weekend!

Introducing the Canon EOS 5D Mark III

Canon EOS 5D Mark III

Canon EOS 5D Mark III - Nikon and Sony's Worst Nightmare

The time has come for Nikon, Sony, RED and pretty much the entire industry to shit their pants. Yes people, the 5D Mark III is finally out. And boy does it fucking rock!!!! If Jesus Christ were to make his second coming today, this is the camera he’d have around his neck to document his journey.

In previous posts I referred to this camera as the 5DX, because really, I think it deserves that name. Giving it the name “5D Mark III” doesn’t do it justice. That makes it sound like some kind of crappy update to the 5D Mark II, which we all know was shit. This camera is such a big departure from the 5D Mark II on so many levels, that only a 5DX name (X for eXtreme, eXtraordinary) can really do it justice.

I mean for fuck’s sake, just look at the specs:

  • 22.3 Megapixel Full Frame CMOS sensor
  • DiG!C 5+ Image Processor
  • ISO 100-25600 (L:50 H1:51200, H2: 102400)
  • Full HD Movie (ISO 100-12800 (H:25600))
  • 61-point high-density reticular AF (up to 41 crosstype points)
  • 6.0 fps for high continuous shooting
  • Intelligent viewfinder with approx. 100% coverage
  • 3.2-type, approx.1.04m dot (3:2 wide) Clear View LCD II
  • iFCL metering with 63-zone dual-layer sensor
  • Shutter durability of 150,000 cycles
  • Dual card slots (CF & SD)
  • High Dynamic Range (HDR) Mode
  • Multiple Exposures
  • Improved durability & water and dust resistance

Remember how Maeda fucking claimed that the 5D Mark II was too small to house a better autofocus sensor?????? Well look at it now! FUCKING LOOK AT IT!!!!!! The freaking 61-point AF system from the 1DX in the 5D3!!!!

I mentioned before with the 1DX that Canon Inc. really listened to us this time around, and this shows again with the 5D3. Remember that 5D3 petition I put up last year? Just take a look at how close the features match with what we asked for in the petition!

  • 16MP (at least) full frame sensor at least 2 stops noise improvement, no more fucking banding, shadow noise and no black dot horseshit like on the 5D Mark II!
  • ISO 50 – 102400. (as good as Nikon D3s or better)
  • 45-point AF system from the 1D Mark 4, including Spot-AF like in the 7D. (Nikon D700 has 51-point from the D3)
  • 7D/1D4 metering system.
  • At least 5 FPS. 8 with battery grip. (like the D700)
  • 100% Viewfinder coverage.
  • Swivel screen.
  • Buffer for 20 RAW shots at least.
  • 1/1000 flash sync speed.
  • 7D style weather sealing.
  • -5 to 5 EV exposure compensation.
  • At least 5 image exposure bracketing for HDR.
  • Light Peak connection support.
  • Video features that’ll make Vincent Laforet, eternal peace and blessings be upon him, happy (check with him pls kthx).
  • An anti-sensordust system that actually fucking works, so that Thomas Hawk can increase his productivity by a factor of at least 10 leaving him with more time to complain about Flickr.
  • Price: $2700 (like the fucking D700).

You can now also download all the petition signatures as a PDF here: 5D Mark III Petition results. Makes for some interesting reading. I removed the names to protect the innocent. I want to thank all of you who had the balls to sign this petition, I couldn’t have done this without your support!!

Considering what you people listed that you’d do to Maeda if he failed to deliver this time, it’s no surprise that he delivered. Here are some of the things people would do to Maeda if the 5D3 sucked:

  • Flood his mail with kitty porn
  • Go Kamikaze on his ass…
  • kick him in the balls
  • Watch “The Notebook” for 24 straight hours
  • Something with a thumbscrew.
  • Beat him with a 5DII
  • Sepeku
  • Send Chuck Norris to teach him a lesson!
  • Touch my lenses to my penis one last time then mail him a bill for any loss in my switch to Nikon.
  • Grow bamboo through his happy sack
  • high kick to chest
  • bollocks to him. feed his balls to the cows.
  • Stand him on a bacon slicer and switch it on. Take a slice every five minutes.
  • Punch him in the face while filming it with a sony 3D camera
  • Ask for the unconditional hiring of Philip Bloom, Stu and Tram Hudson as advisors with power!
  • Stick it where the sun don’t shine
  • Feed him to the lions!!!
  • burn his factory
  • Go crazy on his ass with a baseball bat
  • Make my wife give him a blowjob. Trust me, he should be scared, and not in a good way.
  • We will give him a bukake
  • I’ll grab a 5D mkII with 580EX II and smashing it against his head!
  • Send another Tsunami
  • To begin I’ll break his legs, then put in his ass the new Nikon 70-200 without lube of course
  • EAT HIS TESTICALS WHILE ATTACHED

No wonder Maeda delivered. And apart from the petition, my phone call to Maeda also seemed to have played an important role in convincing him to put some really advanced features in the 5D3.

We didn’t get the swivel screen, but it will be coming in the future. Japan just needs to sort out some issues with durability. And obviously the price is higher, but that seems to be the case these days with both Canon and Nikon. I’ve been told that this is due to the earthquake from last year and the economy right now in Japan.

Please don’t expect to hear from me for a few hours as I join the rest of my colleagues here at Canon USA and PAAARTAYY like a wild ANIMALL!!!!!

IT’S GAME ON FOR EOS!!!!!!!!

Photography in the Police State

Get a brain! morans

Get a brain! morans

And now a small break from the regular Nikon D800 bashings to bring some important matters to your attention. The Lord of the Speedlights did a blog a few days ago on the TSA and how photographers now have to be extra careful not to be taken for Al Qaeda operatives in public. Apparently they’re now encouraging the public to report anyone with a camera that’s taking photos of objects in public. The Lord of the Speedlights posted about this here:

TSA Poster

BTS photo of Al Qaeda on a commercial shoot

Are you a photographer in the US? Congratulations. In the eyes of some of your more dimwitted fellow citizens, you are now potentially a member of al Qaida.

Thanks to ridiculous government posters like the one above, people are now conditioned to be suspicious of photographers. And photographers using flashes on location are all the more noticeable to people who are predisposed to phone in anything out of the ordinary, just in case.

Don’t think so? True story: I actually had an interaction with the police for photographing … a maple tree.

You should visit the blog for the full story.

David Muhamed Saleem al Hobby

David Muhamed Saleem al Hobby, was questioned by the police while photographing a tree in public

But this fucking pisses me off. Because just like he said, any fucking moron on the street can now report you for absolutely nothing at all and ruin your whole goddamn day. I’ve actually had such an experience myself not too long ago. I got my pre-production 1DX a few weeks ago and was busy testing it in my office here at Canon USA, going over the new features and trying them out, when all of a sudden I saw two cops standing in the doorway. So I’m like what the fuck? I let them in and next thing you know they start questioning me about what I was doing standing here in my office taking photos of random objects for no apparent reason. Turns out someone in the building walked by my office, saw me taking photos and dialed 911 to report me. I just fucking couldn’t believe what was happening. I mean, do I fucking look like Al Qaeda to you? I’ll tell you what though, if this happens to me again, I’m going to fucking become Al Qaeda!!

And what’s with terrorists becoming photographers now? As if the photography market wasn’t already saturated with amateurs, now even the fucking terrorists want a piece of the pie. Don’t be surprised when you start losing more and more jobs to Al Qaeda. First they’ll start with the simple shoots like couples, models and weddings, and soon even the commercial market is going to suffer. It’s economic terrorism if you ask me. They’re taking all of our jobs. I understand why the TSA wants to fight this, but this is no reason to start harassing everyone with a camera in public, for fuck’s sake. We still have our first amendment, don’t we? Never mind, don’t answer that.

I didn’t want to say anything for fear of the TSA putting me on their goddamn “increased scrutiny list”. But seeing as how others are suffering the consequences too right now, I have to speak up. If we all keep quiet about this, this situation is only going to get a lot worse for all of us.

This country is going down the drain. We’re so fucked right now. The American dream went down the fucking toilet long ago. We’re losing more of our civil liberties every day.

You should all watch the above documentary and get informed on what exactly is going on. We need to put a stop to this, or else we’re fucking going to end up like the Roman Empire. In the coming elections, vote Ron Paul if you know what’s good for you.

As many of you undoubtedly know, I’ve already done a post about Ron Paul before. Check it out for more details. I fear that we may not get another chance to vote Ron Paul. Do whatever you have to do to actively promote and support him now.

P.S. This is post #100 on the blog. Congratulations.

BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA

Nikon D800 - Less than meets the eye

Nikon D800 - Less than meets the eye

BAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! I just keep laughing these days man, seriously. Whenever I read about the Nikon D800, I start laughing like I’m going crazy. And what’s even more funny are the Nikon morons who’re leaving behind comments here on my blog about the D800. You morons are going to have to face the facts very soon. The image quality on the D800 sucks balls. And not only for stills, but also for video. I hope you saw this article at EOSHD:

moire – at least on the internally recorded 1080p – is not nice on the Nikon D800 and not a great improvement on the way the 3 year old 5D Mark II samples video

the internal codec on the Nikon D800 is quite muddy, and I don’t like the harsh edges around highlights or the overall softness to wide shots (see below)

The internal codec is quite basic and at a low bitrate of 24Mbit, far less than on the 5D Mark II especially with Magic Lantern. The image is not actually that much better resolved than the 5D Mark II (it seems from initial videos). In terms of aliasing and moire it is the same old story.

But still it is disappointing that the D800 is stuck in the dark ages when it comes to this issue. The old GH1 still performs better than the Nikon D800 in terms of having less moire. Expeed 3 in the Nikon J1 has the same aliasing issues as the D800 and that costs just $399 so do I expect Nikon to fix stuff like this on a $2999 camera (let alone on the $5999 D4?). YES unequivocally and it is a scandal they haven’t.

I keep saying it, and I’ll continue to say it, and I’ll fucking say it again now: We’re going to fucking own the D800 with the 5DX.

I’m telling you, Canon is on a roll now. Didn’t I mention how sharp the 24-70 is in my previous post when all of you were complaining about IS?? There’s more to image quality than just IS. This lens is so fucking sharp you’ll cut yourself editting images. Check out what Dan Carr had to say about it:

Firstly for a zoom lens wide open at f2.8 this is SHARP!!  Secondly there appears to be essentially no chromatic aberration even in the high contrast black on bright white areas.  This was the same on all the images that I took and clearly this is something they have worked very hard to eliminate with this lens.   Despite its high price I expect that this lens will be in huge demand once it’s launched.  I’d advise getting in line with a pre-order at one of the following vendors.

This is from his site:

Canon EF 24-70mm f/2.8L II Sample

Aaaaw yeah

Do you believe me now? Who the fuck needs IS if you can get sharp images like this, without chromatic aberration while shooting hand held?

And this is nothing yet my friends. We’ve got even more planned for this year. I predict that once we reach the end of 2012, a lot of photographers are going to be switching (back) to Canon.

And speaking of switching to Canon, my good pal Tony Dunn has just released a new ebook where he recounts his years of struggle with unknown sub standard camera brands, only to finally end up with the brand all serious pros use, namely Canon.

Ten Years Ago Today

Ten Years Ago Today. Life before Canon.

Tony has been like a brother to me. Ever since I started this blog, he’s always been here supporting me, making fun of me, honestly telling me how stupid I am, etc. etc. We all need someone like Tony in our lives. I’m very glad that after being lost in the wilderness for 10 years, he was finally able to see the light and join the Canon club of professionals.

Telephoto Tony

Me: You trying to compensate for something Tony? Tony: Absolutely! (I'm not making this up)

You can see some sample pages from his book on his blog. I asked him a review copy so I could let you all know how much it sucks, but he told me to go buy it like everyone else. So since I haven’t read the whole book yet, I can’t honestly recommend it to you, though the sample pages looked interesting. And certainly the fact that he switched to Canon in the end says something about the validity and quality of his experiences in those 10 years. But for all I know, apart from the sample pages I’ve seen on his site, the rest of the ebook could be blank pages. Perhaps even containing a virus like that ebook by Kirk Tuck about LED lighting which I wrote about before. So be cautious.

Spinlight 360

Spinlight 360

And since I seem to be on a promotional tour here I might as well mention the new Spinlight 360 flash modifier, which is based on the black foamie thing by photographer Neil van Niekerk.

Video link.

In my honest opinion, this is one of the best flash modifiers you can buy if you’re doing event photography (including weddings), couples and models. The results you get will look like they were shot using available light, or a softbox, instead of the typical flash look. And with a name like Van Niekerk standing behind it, you know you can’t go wrong with this. I mean, that’s a cool-ass name, right? Van Niekerk. When I first heard the name I thought it was a character from Star Wars or something. Darth Niekerk. That sounds absolutely bad-ass. Or like the movie Van Helsing, but only this time it’s Van Niekerk.

Van Niekerk

Van Niekerk - In theaters soon.

Personally, I think that would have been a better promotional video for the Spinlight 360 instead of the boring video with a model above. Don’t get me wrong, I like when Neil does videos with his model Anelisa. I dream of Anelisa and I’m in love with her. She’s the best. I would like to marry her some day if I’m lucky enough. Neil knows this. But I just think that Neil using the Spinlight 360 to fight vampires Van Helsing-style would make the Spinlight 360s fly off of the shelves. And I’m sure most of you can agree with me on this.

Anyway, I should be going back to work now. Lots of preparations before the 5DX launch. Stay tuned for more.

Shut Down Notice 3-Year Anniversary!

Today it’s exactly 3 years ago that Canon Inc. tried to make me take down my own blog and failed miserably. It didn’t occur to me before, but Canon Inc. must have REALLY loved my blog to have wanted to take it down on Valentine’s Day. I sat down today thinking and asking myself if I’ve really been doing this blog for so long. It’s almost unbelievable to me. It’s like I began this blog yesterday and today it’s already 3 years later. How time flies.

And how much has changed ever since that day too. While I was constantly frustrated by Canon Inc. back then, these days I find myself writing more about Nikon fuckups. How times have changed! I’ve said it before recently, but it seems like the dawn of a new era here at Canon. Everywhere I look people are of the same opinion. Canon and Nikon appear to be trading places. If I were you Nikon morons, I’d pray to God the D4 won’t have autofocus issues!

Remember when I said:

Especially point 2 is going to be a huge problem from now on. Seeing how Canon Inc. were doing their best to listen to the feedback we were giving them during the development of the 1DX and other new models, I just couldn’t continue to give them hell on my blog like I used to. It just wouldn’t be fair. I wanted to write about the positive developments, but obviously I can’t discuss unannounced camera models here on my blog, and also, I didn’t want to get too optimistic too soon. I’ve done that in the past and got burned. It seemed like Canon Inc. were listening, but you never really know until the official announcement is made and everything is pretty much set in stone.

Now, you might say it’s just me, but check this out:

If I had to summarize one theme of Canon’s work on the 1D X it has to be “we’ve heard you”. Canon as done so many things to catch up with the Nikon D3s and D3x as well as extending its lead in video. Of course if they just did that then there would be little to be excited about, but I’m pleased to say that this is just the beginning.

Even Moses had the folowing to say:

Could 2012 be the year where Canon makes a serious comeback in the professional photography industry? Well, from the looks of it, it’s going to get very exciting for photographers using Canon equipment.

I’m telling you, times are changing for Canon. I’m fucking energized! We’re going to fucking rock this industry like never before. This is no time for Nikon to be releasing a D800 with color banded, color dithered, and noisificated blurry images! We’re going to fucking own the D800. Just wait and see.

And wherever I look, even Nikon morons can’t help but admit that the D800 image quality is crap:

The Nikon D800 sounded like a dream come true, especially the one without the AA filter. I was even thinking of having the AA filter removed on my D700 at one time. After one of the posters posted that fake Chuck Westfall link though, I realized that perhaps the D800 ISN’T what I want. The guy who writes for the site might be a total crazy Canon guy, but the pictures don’t lie.

Exactly, pictures don’t lie. And I’ve shown in previous posts how much truth they’re telling us. As a side note, I liked this reply on that comment:

Think you’ve missed the oint of ‘Fake Chuck Westfall’. Chuck Westfall is Canon USA marketing’s faux techie who pops up with each Canon release saying how brilliant it is. Fake Chuck Westfall takes the whole thing further for comedic effect. Either you like broad satire or you don’t.

So really, things are looking positive for Canon. However, I am worried about one thing, and that is that Canon Inc. are getting a bit unrealistic about their pricing. I don’t know what the fuck they’re smoking in Tokyo these days, but it can’t be good. Yes the 1DX is an outstanding camera, but $6800? Really? Does it have to be that expensive? I’ve given my feedback on this, believe me, but I think the Japanese are getting a little too overconfident after all the positive reactions. The 1DX is almost $1000 more expensive than the D4.  Even the C300 was a bit too expensive for most at $16000. And the G1X, it’s an awesome camera and it fucking annihilated everything in and above its class as far as image quality is concerned. But $800? That’s a bit too expensive for a compact camera if you ask me.

And now we’ve got the EF 24-70mm f/2.8L II lens at $2300!! Again, almost $1000 more expensive than the older version! Don’t get me wrong, the lens is absolutely fantastic!! I’ve been shooting with one for the last 3 weeks on my 1DX and I keep being amazed with how good it is. But $2300? That is pushing it a little.

Nikon WT-5

$900????? WTF??

To be fair, it’s not just Canon Inc. who’re going crazy with the pricing. Nikon announced the pricing of the WT-5 wireless transmitter for the D4, and it’s almost $900!! Nine hundred dollars for a fucking small piece of plastic with an antenna! Now THAT takes the cake! I mean really, how much can really be in that tiny piece of plastic? The whole webserver functionality is inside the goddamn camera. And they charge $900 for a fucking antenna? Perhaps they saw how Scott Kelby went nuts over it and could certainly see him paying $900 for this. From the way Kelby went crazy for this transmitter, I’d even be willing to bet that he’d pay $5000 for it. Especially considering what he had to use before this LMFAO, namely the Nikon WT-4 “Wireless” transmitter. If you want to know why I’m laughing my ass off, read this.

Kelby D4

Sad... just... sad...

And some of you have complained about the lack of IS on the EF 24-70mm f/2.8L II lens, and I have to say that we’ve had a few prototypes with IS but ultimately Tokyo decided to go with the non-IS version. The conclusion was that the lens was already too good to add IS to it. It’s so sharp that it’ll take a lot of movement on your part to introduce any kind of blurring in your images. In fact, I would recommend that you intentionally shake your hands a little while taking pictures with this lens to introduce a little motion blur, just so that your images won’t appear to be over sharpened. Yep, it’s that sharp. And before you mention it, yes, yes, I know even Tamron has one with IS, but I explained previously in a comment why Tamron’s 24-70 needs IS:

Tamron lenses are worthless. Just Google it, they fall apart if you just bring them into sunlight. No self-respecting professional wants to be seen with a Tamron lens in public. Understand that. Now the 24-70mm f/2.8L II is a great lens. It’s so great it doesn’t need IS. The Tamron has IS because the glass elements inside the lens are loose and shaking all the time because of their shitty engineering. So they put in some IS to try to compensate for that. But even the IS mechanism is loose and bangs around inside the lens so it sucks anyway.

So there you go.

This IS problem people keep bringing up is really a non-issue, just like the headphone jack issue. Someone put it nicely in the comments of a previous post: If you need a headphone jack, buy an iPod.

So anyway, I’m off to play with my 5DX now. Talk to you all later!

UPDATE:

Nikon MB-D12 Ass Rape

Nikon MB-D12 Ass Rape

After posting this I came across this piece about the new grip for the D800, the MB-D12, which costs an incredible $600 (on Nikon’s site). This is almost as bad as the Canon ST-E2 Ass-Rape. I think the Japanese (both Canon and Nikon) are preparing to are pentrate us bigtime.

The Nikon D800 is fucked

Man, what a week, what a week. I haven’t partied so hard in quite a while. I assume most of you noticed I wasn’t exactly what you’d call sober when I did the last two posts about the D800. I’m telling you, the champagne was flowing here at Canon USA. At the end of the night I was practically peeing champagne. Some of you have asked for me not to post when I’m drunk, and I’ve decided I owe you at least one post where I’m reasonably sober.

Traffic

Nikon morons put a heavy load on the blog

As you can see from the graph above, Nikon morons swarmed the servers when news about the shitty image quality of the D800 got out. That was an FCW exclusive as far as I’m concerned. This kind of stuff usually only happens when The Lord of the Speedlights links to your website.

I’m happy to see that amidst the crowd of Nikon morons, there are actually still people who are willing to be honest to themselves and not fool themselves about the absolutely god-awful color banded, color dithered, noisy piece of shit images from the D800. Comments like these give me hope for the future of mankind:

Congrats to Canon USA! You fucktards somehow convinced Nikon Inc that video is more important than stills. Now all of us Nikon users have no real upgrade path. These cameras that Nikon came out with HAD, HAD. to have been engineered by an ex-Canon engineer. Wonderful. Thanks Canon.

And this:

Chuck, all sarcasm aside, this post is very funny! And more than that, you’re bloody right.  I’m a D700 shooter, I’ve spent lots of my hard-earned cash on nice Nikkor glass, and now I’m fucked. All I wanted was good HD video, better ISO performance, keep 8fps, and dual card slots. Don’t know about anyone else, but I’ll be shagged if I’ve got $6000 dollars to spend on a D4. It’s a complete frigging cock-up.

———————–

I’m in the same boat, Andyj. I just hope my D700 doesn’t flake out anytime soon — it still takes great, sharp images with that nice Nikkor glass. My “upgrade path” is going to be to a used D3s whenever they start hitting Craigslist at reasonable prices (that is, not the $4000+ the go for on ebay) as people move up to the D4.

And this:

Hi Fake Chuck   Just wanted to express my dismay at how idiotic some of the respondents to this post are.   What’s up with all the dorks calling you a “canon fanboy” like that’s some sort of mortal insult? They need to go back to school and learn some proper vocabulary.   “OMGGGZZZ CANON FANBOY!!!!!!!1111oneoneoneone” – they need to get a life and learn some english.

Keep up the good work and telling it like it is!

You get the idea. But in general, the comments section of the previous posts make for some interesting, but not exactly light, reading. We’ve got Al Qaeda fighters all the way from Afghanistan commenting in there, it’s nuts.

I promised to look at the high ISO samples of the D800, which Nikon didn’t include on their own website BTW, for very obvious reasons. I’ll be comparing this Nikon D800 image with this Canon 1DX image, both at ISO 800. Just take a look at this:

Nikon D800 VS Canon 1DX High ISO Sample Comparison

BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Click on the image to open it in actual size. These are 100% crops. Just look at the noise in the D800 image. That’s just nasty. And this is apart from the color banding and color dithering artifacts which I had already discussed previously. Now some of you Nikon morons are going to be quick to mention how this comparison isn’t fair and how the D800 image should be downsampled to the 18MP size of the 1DX. And according to those morons, the D800 image quality will actually be comparable to the 1DX in that case. Quite why one would buy a 36MP camera only to resize the images to 18MP for better image quality is beyond me. That sounds like Nikon moron logic to me. But let’s check it out:

Nikon D800 VS Canon 1DX High ISO Sample Comparison

BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Nope. Doesn’t look comparable to me. The D800 image at 18MP still looks fucking awful compared to the 1DX image. And in fact, even the 1DX image upsampled to 36MP looks much better compared to the piece of shit D800 image:

Nikon D800 VS Canon 1DX High ISO Sample Comparison

BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Like I said before, I’m willing to bet my left nut that an upsampled 1DX image will look much better compared to a D800 image at 36MP. The 1DX image will look cleaner and in fact, if you try to make the D800 image look similar, you’ll be losing some of the detail that you claim to have captured along with the noise. Not to mention the fact that the D800 image has far less dynamic range compared to the 1DX, and also suffers from color banding and dithering artifacts which you’ll have to clean in post. And the thing is, the D800 has this shit even at ISO 100!! Me, I’d rather have clean images from the 1DX with the extra dynamic range to play with.

Nikon D800 VS Canon 1DX High ISO Sample Comparison

Oh god...

Just look at the 100% crop of an ISO 6400 image from the D800 above. That’s some pretty nasty chroma noise. This is the worst kind of noise you can have in your images. I haven’t seen this shit since the late 1990s when the first digital cameras were coming out.

But I do have a confession to make. And one of the commenters in a previous post almost got it right. Nikon was set up by Canon. Maeda is fucking brilliant!! Remember the conference call I had with Maeda, where we discussed the D800 and the 5D Mark III? Maeda kept insisting that they would continue adding megapixels on the 5D Mark III, no matter the image quality issues, and Nikon would not be able to compete. As it turns out, he wasn’t serious. This was just to get Nikon to fuck up and have them release a D800 with insane amount of megapixels and shitty image quality. If you don’t believe me, just listen to the conference call below.

I never thought I’d say this, but Maeda is a fucking genius!!

Nikon D800 VS Canon EOS 1DX Image Quality

Nikon D800 - Less than meets the eye

Nikon D800 - Less than meets the eye

BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!! Since yesterday after my initial post, I just keep laughing. Take a look at all the desperate Nikon morons leaving behind comments calling me a Canon fanboy. When I was here bashing Canon I was a Nikon fanboy. Now all of a sudden I’m a Canon fanboy huh??

The 1DX sample images have just been released by Japan and take a look at this you fucking morons:

Nikon D800 VS the Canon EOS 1DX Image Quality

BAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Just look at the horrible color banding and the noise in the ISO 100 (!!!!!!!!) image from the D800 and compare that to the ISO 400 image from the 1DX!!!!! THAT’S image quality you fucking morons! At ISO 400 the 1DX fucking owns the D800’s ISO 100!!

Nikon D800 VS the Canon EOS 1DX Image Quality

BAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

And this just floored me. When I saw this comparison I immediately ordered two more crates of champagne. Notice how the ISO 320 image on the D800 looks like ISO 3200!!!! And compare that to the ISO 1600 image on the 1DX. LMFAO!!!!!!!

I’m willing to bet my left nut that an upscaled image from the 1DX will look so much better than any soft, color banded, noisy piece of shit image the D800 produces! The diarrhea is no doubt flowing in large quantities at Nikon HQ right now.

You Nikon morons are so fucked. The D800’s ass is grass, and the 5DX is going to be the lawnmower. Prepare to are penetration!!!!!!

Update:

It seems like people are so color blind they don’t notice the color banding in the D800 image. So I applied a simple curve adjustment to make you see what the fuck the D800 produces. And notice how the same curve adjustment does absolutely nothing to the stunning image quality of the 1DX, while the D800 image breaks down!!

Nikon D800 VS the Canon EOS 1DX Image Quality

BAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

All the D800 sample images are full of god-awful color banding and ugly dithering artifacts and noise. For fuck’s sake, get your eyes checked!!

UPDATE: HIGH ISO comparisons are now online.

The Empire Strikes Back

Man I’m so tired. The last couple of months have just been soo hectic. There’s so much exciting stuff going on here at Canon, and I  have to tell you I’m starting to really enjoy my work again. Many of you loyal readers will undoubtedly still remember how depressed I was during most of 2009 and 2010. I even developed a drinking problem and started doing drugs. I got hospitalized a couple of times, got into rehab, and really put my family through hell.

But starting in early 2011 things began to change. It seemed like all the feedback we’ve been giving Japan in the previous years started to bring some positive change. Many of you wrote in to ask why I wasn’t updating the blog back then. Well the answer is that 1) I was busy and 2) I honestly had nothing to write about. Especially point 2 is going to be a huge problem from now on. Seeing how Canon Inc. were doing their best to listen to the feedback we were giving them during the development of the 1DX and other new models, I just couldn’t continue to give them hell on my blog like I used to. It just wouldn’t be fair. I wanted to write about the positive developments, but obviously I can’t discuss unannounced camera models here on my blog, and also, I didn’t want to get too optimistic too soon. I’ve done that in the past and got burned. It seemed like Canon Inc. were listening, but you never really know until the official announcement is made and everything is pretty much set in stone. So all I could do at the time was make cryptic remarks about exciting times coming to EOS.

When the 1DX was finally announced last year, it was a very emotional moment for me. All the hard work and all the effort we put into making Canon Inc. realize what we wanted paid off in the end. And it’s not just me, but it’s all of you. All the photographers who weren’t afraid and told Canon what they wanted, what sucked, what needed improvement, all of you who supported this blog and left comments with your experiences, all of that helped. Japan took notice.

After the press release for the 1DX went out, I went into my office with tears in my eyes, sat down behind my desk and just cried for 15 minutes. It felt really good, I felt happy. Adachi came into my office moments later and hugged me, and it was clear to both of us that we were heading for a much brighter future with Canon.

Just a few months after that we announced the C300 and I was just ecstatic. The entire industry shook on top of its foundations when the C300 and 1D C were announced. Of course we also had Vincent Laforet, eternal peace and blessings be upon him, with a great new video to show off the C300 too. It was awesome.

Vincent Laforet, peace be with Him

Vincent Laforet, peace be with Him, got his hair done by a professional hair stylist before the C300 launch. Thanks to Philip Bloom for bringing this to our attention.

Philip Bloom has a review of the C300 on Vimeo:

http://vimeo.com/34172998

It was immediately clear to everyone that Canon was making a major come back. And we’re going to fucking trash everything out there in the coming months. Remember when I wrote this:

Nikon’s apparent decision to start fucking up really is coming at a bad time. Because here at Canon Inc. we’ve had a couple of months now, okay years actually, to regroup our efforts, and shit are going to happen for Nikon, that much I can tell you. Ever since the release of the D3 Nikon has given us blow after blow, and we haven’t been quite able to answer back. I mentioned in a previous post how the release of the D7000 was like the attack on Pearl Harbor to us, taking out both our 60D and 7D at the  same time – a rather serious offence. And if you saw the movie “Pearl Harbor”, you can maybe remember the scene with the Japanese general after they attacked Pearl Harbor, when he mentioned that “I fear all we have done is to awaken a sleeping giant and fill him with a terrible resolve.” He might also have said “Gentlemen, we have just kicked a rabid dog.” Nikon has either awoken a sleeping giant, or they have kicked a rabid dog, but either way, all I know is that we’re going to fucking own them! Make no mistake about it, Canon Inc. is at war. This is no time for Nikon to be screwing around. Trust me on this.

Well my friends, the sleeping giant has awoken. Not only are we going to fucking own Nikon and Sony, but even RED got owned. RED’s timing to start fucking up with the announcement of the Scarlet-X was pretty terrible. I laughed my ass off when Jannard couldn’t even properly announce the Scarlet-X. This is what happens when a bunch of amateurs think they can go up against Canon Inc. The Scarlet-X was announced 3 years ago for about $3000, has been fucking vaporware ever since, and now all of a sudden you’ll have to pay $14000 for a complete Scarlet-X, and get this >>> if you can actually buy one. Good luck with that. If you get one, I’m sure you’ll appreciate the quality of their forever in beta software too LMAO. But seriously, the C300 has the best image quality and overall features. And remember, the C300 is basically a version 1.0 product and a pretty incredible one at that. The shit is really going to hit the fan for RED when the C300 Mark II hits the market in the future. Not to mention the 1D C.

You absolutely, most certainly, fucking can - Canon

You absolutely, most certainly, fucking can - Canon

And Nikon? LMFAO. Nikon can’t possibly hope to compete. The entire EOS ecosystem is fucking unparalleled in this industry. Make no mistake about it, the sleeping giant is awake. What you guys have witnessed in the last few months is the empire striking back in a very big way.

Remember when I said the following:

Everyone has been busy praising Nikon and Sony in the last few months, either for their outstanding sensors or their recent innovations. But it seems that everyone ignores the fact that Nikon and Sony have only now gotten to a point with their sensors where Canon Inc. had been over 3 years ago! The image quality on the D7000 and the Sony A580 have just recently caught up with the image quality we had 3 years ago on our 40D! The image quality on the D700 that everyone is raving about, existed almost 3 years earlier on the original EOS 5D. Yeah that’s right, fucking recognize! It took Nikon and Sony 3 years to catch up. Imagine where we are now. Yeah sure, we fucked up with our latest sensors, I’ll give you that, but this doesn’t mean we didn’t innovate. We still have our 3 year lead, I promise you, and you’re going to find out about it soon! Y’all better prepare for penetration!

Nikon, Sony and RED had better start stocking up on personal lube.

But don’t take my word for it, you can already see what’s happening with the G1X. Check out what DXO Mark had to say about the G1X, it fucking slaughtered the competition!

The Powershot G1X Fucking Rocks

The Powershot G1X Fucking Rocks

The G1X even fucking owns the Nikon 1!!!

The Powershot G1X Fucking Rocks

The Powershot G1X Fucking Rocks

You can see why DXO Mark would call the Powershot G1X the best compact camera ever made. The way it completely trashes the other competing models is just ridiculous. In fact, I’m surprised this is even legal.

It wasn’t so long ago when Nikon was the one on top in DXO Mark benchmarks. In fact, Nikon has been consistently on top in the last 3-4 years:

I know what you’re saying right now, yes I’ve gotten the emails, “but Chuck, these people at DXOMark are saying the Nikon sensors are all better compared to Canon sensors in the same category.” Go ahead and believe those morons at DxO Labs if you want to. Who are you going to believe? A bunch of ganja smoking Europeans who don’t have anything to do and slapped up a website with some “data” to kill some time, or your own eyes? And get this, according to them the Nikon D90 has a better sensor compared to the Canon EOS 5D? Daat’s riiight, mon! When you ees high, ewrytheeng ees possybal!

As you can see I wasn’t quite happy with the results from DxO Labs back then, but obviously now that Canon is ahead in the benchmarks, this no doubt means that their data got a lot more accurate over the years. This shows improvement, and I like that.

But there’s one downside to all of this.

With all of these very positive developments, Canon Inc. is taking the wind out of my sails here on this blog. If they don’t fuck up anymore, what the hell am I going to write about? I may even have to start thinking about shutting down this blog.

Because trust me, you’ve seen nothing yet. The last few releases have just been the tip of the iceberg. There’s a lot more coming to EOS in the following months. Obviously we’ve got the 5DX coming soon, but there’s still more in the pipeline. Our ancient flash system is screaming for a replacement. We’ve got some absolutely killer new lenses coming up. Moses recently wrote about the 8-15mm f/4L Fisheye lens, which those morons at PDN thought wasn’t that great. But we’ve got the 200-400 f/4L 1.4x coming up as well, which is at least as fucking awesome and innovative as the 8-15mm fisheye. If that lens doesn’t win the PDN Gear of the Year award there’s no hope left anymore for anyone at PDN.

So what do you guys think? Personally, I think it’s time for a good cup of cappuccino.

Photographers Gone Wild

I decided to take a short break from playing with my 5DX to write about some crazy photographers that caught my attention last week. Man, we’ve got some seriously crazy people running around in this industry. Take Scott Kelby for example. He went absolutely wild when Nikon let him shoot the D4 for a few hours. I thought Chase Jarvis was hyper, but clearly I had seen nothing yet. Kelby was all over the place. Take a look at the video below:

Kelby went absolutely nuts for some of the features of the D4. I gotta say, I’m happy for the guy, but couldn’t someone tell Kelby that Canon had the wireless tethering functionality with built-in webserver ever since, what, the 1950s or something? All this time Kelby was missing out on some really cool shit. We’ve had that functionality on the 1D Mark III and every 1D after that. All you Nikon morons had to wait at least 5 years for technology we were taking for granted here at Canon. And yes, for a couple of those 5 years Canon photographers mainly used the built-in webserver to transfer out of focus images, I’ll grant you that, but think of the convenience of shooting completely wireless. When you see what Kelby had to use before the D4, you’ll immediately understand why he went nuts:

Nikon WT4

The Nikon WT-4 "Wireless" transmitter. Oh, it's wireless alright.

That’s what Kelby had to use before the D4. I had the biggest belly-laugh in quite a while when I saw this image. My entire desk with everything on it shook as if we were having a major earthquake here in New York. I wonder how Nikon got away with calling this a “Wireless” Transmitter.

Nikon WT4

The Nikon WT-4 "Wireless" Transmitter in action.

Does that look wireless to you? Somehow I thought wireless would look more like the picture below:

Canon 1Ds Mark III / iPhone

At Canon we've had wireless control of the camera from an iPhone ever since the 1D(s) Mark III

No wonder Kelby got so excited. Poor guy. I can’t imagine what it must have been like using the Nikon “Wireless” WT-4. Oh God, what a joke. This just keeps cracking me up.

At the end of the video, a Nikon NPS moron explained the intelligent shutter speed functionality in the D4 when auto ISO is active. Canon photographers have enjoyed that functionality ever since the early 1900s if not earlier. I’m kidding of course, but seriously, we’ve had it starting on the 5D Mark II and just took it for granted ever since. Someone needs to tell Kelby to switch to Canon so he doesn’t have to wait so many years for these kinds of features. And how long did he have to wait for full HD video on a pro Nikon DSLR? Am I making my point already or should I go on?

Now I’m sure some of you smart-asses are gonna be quick to point out how Canon photographers are probably going to wait at least until the release of the EOS C for a headphone jack on the camera, and in the worst case scenario until the 1DX Mark II, but I’ve already covered that here. It’s a non-issue, folks, move on.

And then photographer Kirk Tuck, who was very pro SOPA and one of their biggest financial supporters if we can believe the rumors, posted a link on his blog to a pirated PDF download of his latest book on LED lighting. The post has now been removed from his website (his tweet is still up), but I still have it in my feed:

What do you say we go back and revisit that whole SOPA thang?  I got my advance copy on Monday but I can download the whole thing as a PDF right now, for free, from this website.  Tell me again how this is making the web safe for content creators?  I’m puzzled.  I think we need to re-think the whole carefully orchestrated campaign to protect Google and the rest of the aggregators from…….anything.

I’m sure my publisher’s attorney will take time to comply with their “take down” procedures and equally sure that the OP will post it right back again under another name.  How exciting for an author!  Now instead of toasting the completion of another project with a great bottle of champagne we’ll have a quick, domestic beer and get back to work writing up take down notices…

Thanks to all the people who don’t download stolen stuff.  I really do hope you are the majority….

When I saw this post, I immediately asked myself why he would post about a pirated copy of his book (including the link) and by doing so promote the link to everyone so they could go and download it. It seemed very suspicious to me since this wouldn’t be in his best interest. I’ve been playing around with some LED lights while testing my pre-production 5DX and couldn’t wait trying out some of the stuff in his book. So as naive as I was, I quickly clicked on the link to go download the book while thinking what a complete moron Tuck must be to post the link for stealing his book and making it so easy for us to pirate the shit out of it.

LED Lighting

Kirk Tuck fucking 0wn3d us all

The above site opens and then I click on the download button and next thing you know the PDF downloads to my computer and opens up and I get over 300 blank pages in Acrobat Reader. Not only that, but the computer hangs for a few seconds too and suddenly a link opens up to the books section of Amazon inside my web browser. It was then that it became clear to me that Tuck set everyone up. After losing the SOPA argument he must have gotten so bitter that he decided to teach us all a lesson by posting a fake pirated version of his book online, infected with some kind of virus, and punish all the anti-SOPA-free-stuff-loving pirates who would download it. Not only did he give us over 300 blank pages, but by automatically opening the books section of Amazon inside a browser his message to us was very clear: Gotcha, now go BUY the fucking book.

Tuck removed the post after other readers, who obviously also tried to download the free book, pointed out that it was a virus:

Okay, one of my readers searched the site, downloaded and examined the PDF and found it to be mostly blank pages, probably a virus.

Kirk Tuck

Kirk Tuck: "Muhahahahaha 000000wn3d!!!!!"

But of course, the damage had already been done. I can only imagine how Tuck must have laughed like maniac in his office enjoying the thought of hundreds of anti-SOPA pirates getting 0wn3d by the virus inside the fake PDF. Who knows what other damage the virus has done on my computer.

This is what this industry does to people. Either positively or negatively, this industry is driving people insane every day.

It’s time for me to go back to testing my 5DX and finish my report for Tokyo. I mentioned last year that EOS was heading for some very exciting times, and trust me, you’ll love this camera. Nikon are going to seriously shit their pants. I can’t tell you a lot about the camera right now, but can you still remember the 5D Mark III petition from last year? It’s never too late to sign it ;)

Also, this may have some clues for ya:

I thought I’d never see the day again where Canon Inc. over delivers on their promises.

Stop asking me about the headphone jack

The 1DX isn’t even available yet and already I’m starting to get tired of all the stupid questions people are sending in to me. One of the things people keep whining about is why the Nikon D4 has a headphone jack and the 1DX doesn’t have one. What kind of a stupid question is that? I mean, why would you need a headphone to listen to the sound you’re already hearing?? You’re fucking standing right there behind the camera, it’s recording the exact same sounds you’re hearing! Assuming you’re not deaf, of course, in which case headphones wouldn’t be able to help you anyway. Including a headphone jack just seems stupid and redundant to me. Unless you want to stand there like a frickin moron wearing a headphone while recording a movie, just to appear cool to everyone around. Like “Hey look at me! I’m wearing headphones to listen to the exact same sounds you’re hearing, don’t I look so cool and professional?” That seems exactly like the kind of stupid shit a Nikon user would do. No wonder the D4 has one.

Bunch of idiots. But just for the heck of it, I fired an email off to Maeda to inquire about the reasons for not including a headphone jack on the 1DX. If you can still remember why they didn’t update the autofocus system on the 5D Mark II, you’ll understand his reply much better:

We not include headphone jacks on 1DX because there is too much spaces on camera to include the jacks. We not able to make decision for where to put the jacks.

Makes sense right? The 5D Mark II was too small to house a better autofocus sensor, and now the 1DX is too big for the tiny headphone jack. It seems engineers at Canon Inc. were struggling  with the difficult question of where exactly, in the sea of empty space on the camera, they could put the headphone jack. I’ve looked at it myself, and trust me, it’s a technical challenge that should not be underestimated. And making the body smaller is not a sacrifice Canon Inc. was willing to make. That would have been equal to shrinking the size of professional photographers’ cocks. And God knows they need to feel like their cocks are bigger compared to uncle Bob’s at the wedding with his tiny entry level DSLR. I think we can all rest assured that the Japanese will have figured out a solution by the time the 1DX Mark II ships.

And since I’m posting about shit that bothers me, what the hell is up with you people complaining about my Ron Paul post? Let me remind you of the fact that this is still MY personal blog. Do you think that I think and talk about cameras all day long?? Do you think that’s the only goddamn thing I do?? In case you didn’t realize this, I have a life too. And on my personal blog I’ll post anything I damn well please. If I want to start writing about my bowel movements, you can bet your ass you’re going to be reading about them! So stop whining for fuck’s sake!