Introducing the Nikon 1D Mark III (AKA the piece of shit D800)

The Nikon 1D Mark III (AKA D800)

The Nikon 1D Mark III (AKA D800)

Even when I’m on a well deserved vacation this God forsaken industry refuses to allow me to get some rest. Here I was trying to relax on the beach on a beautiful sunny day in the Bahamas, quietly sipping some exotic looking drink I can’t remember the name of, when my phone starts going crazy. Facebook, SMS, Email, Whatsapp – fucking everything started giving me notifications while at the same time calls were being diverted from the office as well. Similar to a crazy war veteran, I started getting flashbacks from 2008 when the 1D Mark III debacle was still upon us and started reciting prayers in my mind hoping to God this was not related to issues with the 1DX or 5D Mark III.

Turns out all the fuss was about the piece of shit Nikon D800 and D4 winning the EISA 2012-2013 camera of the year awards. If you ever had any doubt about all these awards and reviews in this industry being nothing more than a big fucking joke, then I’m hoping that this will remove all doubt. Just check this out:

The EISA judges said: “The best professional camera of the year is Nikon’s full frame 16-million-pixel D4, for its ability to deliver the highest image quality even in extremely difficult conditions. Tests performed by EISA magazines found the camera has an exceptional combination of high resolution, wide dynamic range, very low noise levels even at ISO 12800, super-fast autofocus, short response time and high frame rates that can be maintained for very long sequences. The body is rugged and well protected against dust and moisture. The viewfinder delivers a sharp, comfortable and very precise view of what will be recorded. Almost perfect handling makes the D4 very easy and pleasant to use and we especially like the new joystick control that’s available whether the camera is in the horizontal or vertical position. The D4 also delivers very high video quality thanks to its uncompressed output.”

This is just pure hogwash. High video quality? BAHAHAHAHA right, with all the softness, moire and aliasing? Looks like the EISA judges aren’t aware of Philip Bloom’s review:

And highest image quality? With the shitty JPEG engine in both the D4 and D800?? Please, don’t make me laugh. Even the 5D Mark III JPEG images look better than the D4 images:

So, what can be taken away from this test? Well, the 5DIII kicks the daylights out of the D4, no doubt about it. The kickers that make the 5DIII even more superior: it has 6Mp more resolution than the D4 and only costs half as much. Talk about getting bang for your buck!

And also:

After comparing the sets of images in Lightroom and comparing the two cameras, there wasn’t exactly a clear winner. The Nikon D4 seemed to have cleaner highlights, while the Canon 1Dx appeared to have better contrast and possibly cleaner shadows. In the end, if we have to award a point here and pick a winner, it’s the Nikon D4 – by a hair. Still, the Canon 1Dx still has slightly more pleasing colour and overall image tone.

Not to mention the awful as fuck green screen on both the D4 and D800 that makes everyone, including Ken Rockwell, want to shoot with Canon instead:

Matt is not alone in noticing this issue with the Nikon D4, as a simple internet search will instantly reveal many others complaining of the same green screen issue. Matt has actually called Nikon about the issue and feels that Nikon may have been a bit coy in their response when they claimed that this was the first they have heard of it, and boldly claimed that the D4 has a more actuate screen than its predecessors. Maybe Nikon doesn’t have the internet?

Needless to say, the greenish cast that the Nikon D4 exhibits is enough of an issue to put Matt into a big decision scenario; stay with Nikon or switch to Canon? Though there have been reports and claims of fixes and work-arounds to counter the green screen issue, we found that none have been effective in resolving it. Canon has an incredibly enticing system in the 1DX…is it enough to sway Matt away from his beloved Nikon system after over a decade of professional loyalty?

And super-fast autofocus on the D4? Well, certainly these guys seem to disagree with those fucking EISA idiots:

The previous tests were close to call. This wasn’t. The Canon 1Dx ABSOLUTELY DESTROYED the Nikon D4 in the AF speed test. It was almost three times faster than the Nikon. Where the D4 was yielding an average of just under one image per second, the 1Dx was handily snapping three. Even more telling was the hesitation that the Nikon D4 seemed to display, at times not knowing if it should continue to focus forward, or head back. In contrast, the Canon 1Dx just ripped it to shreds, launching it’s AF like a shotgun, sure and confident, every time.
Matt, who has over a decade of experience with Nikon cameras & lenses was absolutely blown away by the Canon performance here. He echoed himself over and over again for hours afterward, saying “I can’t believe how fast that Canon can drive those lenses…”  A clear winner in the Canon 1Dx

No wonder these guys are considering getting the 1DX instead of the D4:

And high resolution? The 1DX wins here with 18MP – 2 MP more than the D4. High frame rates? Again 1DX wins with 14fps compared to 10fps on the D4.

So you tell me: Apart from some obviously huge Nikon cocks, what the bloody fuck are those EISA judges smoking? The 1DX should have been the winner here.

Judges from EISA are seen here testing a Nikon D800 in the field

Judges from EISA are seen here testing a Nikon D800 in the field

And then there’s the D800. Oh God, the D800. I’ve spent a number of posts discussing this stinking heap of crap in the past already. First we had those fucking idiots at DxOLabs blatantly misleading everyone with their claims. Now it looks like these morons from EISA also want to join in and continue to mislead the entire fucking industry with the D800, strangely while the press stands by and watches it happen. This is what the fuckwads at EISA would have you believe:

The EISA judges said: “This year’s best camera is the Nikon D800. Its 36-million-pixel full frame sensor offers exceptionally high resolution capture and, according to EISA magazine tests, no compromises have been made to the extent of the camera’s dynamic range or noise levels at high ISO settings. In a compact and reasonably priced, strong and sturdy body, it offers first-rate metering and a 51-point autofocus system developed from the professional D4. The camera has a clear and bright 100% viewfinder that is very precise and comfortable to use even for glasses wearers. The tiny flash can command additional Nikon flash units and delivers just the right amount of fill-in illumination even in complex lighting conditions. The D800E version delivers even higher resolution images without needing any post processing sharpening: the image quality comes close to that of a medium format camera, but with the benefits and versatility of a lightweight 35mm reflex camera.”

No compromises have been made with noise levels at high ISO settings? I beg to differ.

D800 sucks balls

D800 sucks balls

And also:

How can it be that the D800 gets a better score for low light high ISO shooting (2853 ISO), while clearly the 5D Mark III has less noise at the high ISO values????? Clearly there’s something seriously wrong here, and DxOMark is misleading everyone with their overall scores. In the noise graph above the 5D Mark III is in the middle, and when it comes to the scores, suddenly the D800 performs better. But even from the sample pictures above, it’s clear that the D800 performs worse at the high ISO values. So how can it get a higher score for low light shooting on DxOMark??

Don’t forget what Ken Rockwell said:

The Canon EOS 5D Mark III is the world’s best digital SLR. It easily lets us create smooth, clean, beautiful and colorful images in any sort of light. It handles much better my cheaper Nikon D800 and D800E; my 5D Mark III handles and sounds smoother, quieter, feels better and makes better-looking images than my Nikon D800E. The 5D Mark III also has the best LCD ever put in a DSLR, while the LCD on my Nikon D800E is smaller in actual use, and most importantly, the Nikon’s LCD isn’t color-accurate. My 5D Mark III LCD is big, bold, bright, sharp, clear, colorful and accurate, and automatically varies its brightness brilliantly for use in any light. (My D800E also has auto LCD brightness control, but doesn’t work well enough to want to use it.)

To shooters upgrading from the Nikon D800 and D800E, the Mark III is greatly improved over the Mark II, while the Nikon D800 and D800E are a step backwards in ergonomics and LCD quality from the D700. Therefore the status quo has reversed; I used to prefer Nikon, while today with the 5D Mark III, I greatly prefer it to my D800E. Pixels impress amateurs, while guys like me who shoot every day for a living are more impressed at how my 5D Mark III lets me get more of the right pixels faster, not just more of the wrong ones. 

The 5D Mark III is the world’s best DSLR. It’s a huge improvement over the 5D Mark II due to the improvements from automatic color fringe correction, and the greatly improved power, depth-of-field and playback controls. If you shoot Canon, you deserve one of these.

Obviously those fuckwads at the EISA don’t know what the hell they’re talking about. Because the movie mode of the D800 is crap as well, with all the noise, aliasing and moire. This can be seen in Philip Bloom’s review above, but here’s another:

But the shitty green screen LCD, the noisy-ass images and the horribly aliased and moired video are the least of your concerns if the universe hates you so much that today you somehow find yourself owning a D800. A bigger concern for you should be the malfunctioning autofocus system on the D800, that as of right now, is shaping up to become the equivalent of the 1D Mark III debacle for Nikon.

So here you have a camera with a 36MP sensor, that’s so fucking overhyped with regards to the resolution that it supposedly produces (which in reality isn’t that much more compared tot he 5D Mark III), but apparently you can’t actually focus accurately to take advantage of the resolution on the sensor. I have to say, this reminds me of the 5D Mark II which had a similar problem. Fortunately Canon Inc. got their act together with the 5D Mark III, but all of you Nikon morons are now fucked with the D800. Similar to the green screen LCD, Nikon apparently refuses to really acknowledge the autofocus problem on the D800. Nikon whore Thom Hogan already had the following to say about it:

The one thing I think Nikon is getting wrong here is this: Nikon knows they messed up and shipped some number of defective cameras. Yet they are defacto forcing the customer not only to detect the problem, but to pay for shipping of the unit back to Nikon for repair. I think the least Nikon could (and should) do is this: for every camera they receive that actually gets fixed by this new recalibration test, Nikon should refund the shipping cost to the customer. If I were in charge, I’d go further than that and try to find some small reward I could include above and beyond that, along with a note of apology.

Yes, that’s costly. But so is a US$3000 camera that doesn’t focus right. Why is the customer the one that gets punished here?

Here’s more from Thom Hogan:

 August 7 updated (commentary)–Consider this email: “I got the estimate today for my D800 AF repair; it’s listed as a B2 repair and they want to charge me $245 for the repair as I did not include the bill of sale. I called and asked them if there were any D800’s out of warranty and they insisted that it was procedure. I was bucked up to a supervisor who also insisted that I needed to send them a bill of sale.”

Let’s see, the camera has a NikonUSA sticker on it, the serial number starts with 30, the camera has only been out for a couple of months, the camera was registered immediately on purchase on the Nikon site, need I say more? In short, Nikon’s customer support has always been on the poor side, but making customers jump through hoops to service a known problem is just pathetic. Oh, did I mention that the person in question was an NPS member and someone who has taught photography for 30 years? Just how many students do you think he might influence as to camera decisions?

Nikon morons are literally filling up the Internet with their complaints regarding the autofocus issues on the piece of shit D800. Here’s a screenshot taken on Nikon Rumors:

Nikon D800 is fucked

Nikon D800 is fucked

BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“Many loyal customers are now switching to 5d mark III or 1DX due to superior AF  system and better low light capabilities.”

BAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Those Nikon morons really need stupid fucks like DxOLabs and EISA to make them feel better about spending their money on the worthless crap that is the D800.

That’s just fucking hilarious. Here’s what Lloyd Chambers has to say:

But after testing today with my D800 and D800E both just back from Nikon, my conclusion remains the same as what I initially showed in my review of the Nikon D800: the D800 /D800E has poor autofocus precision, and that’s with the center focusing sensor, which is the best one (one example). In short, the asymmetry issue is a footnote issue compared to the fundamental problem of poor precision in general.

In my testing today under the same conditions, the Canon 5D Mark III + 85mm f/1.2L II achieved both high precision and high accuracy, similar to what I found with the Canon 1D X autofocus. If anything, an ƒ/1.2 lens is more of a challenge than an ƒ/1.4. lens.

BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Lloyd, man, just get a 5D Mark III or a 1DX and throw that piece of shit D800 in the river.

And similarly, you may want to check out this website with a discussion of the D800 issues. Here’s the end result after some failed attempts at getting it fixed:

My choice(s)? Getting rid of a defective product, not bothering to check the My Nikon website each day for reasonable answers that never come, skipping the robotic conversations full of empathy but no meaningful information, not risking an additional failed attempt by Nikon’s Service Center to fix my D800, not wasting my time taking photos of test charts, and using the camera I already have. The good news? My doctor also tells me that, with time, the phenomenon of seeing Siemens Stars everywhere will eventually subside. ;) And if Nikon will reimburse me $73 for the scenic, but fruitless trip my D800 took to Melville, I suspect I will feel even better.

So once again, my D7000 is glad the D800 has left our home. And this time… so am I.

Here are some quotes from the comments:

Nikon’s stupidity and arrogance are beyond belief!…or are they?  As much as I and many respect this site, Thom Hogan, the more sane posters at dpreview, etc., many D800 owners,such as those Thom met in Alaska, have no idea they have a defective camera and a manufacturer whom doesn’t give a damn.
Galbraith is offline, Nikon Reviews is apparently a shill, Kelby is all self-promotion now—who is going to speak up for poorly treated Nikon customers?
It unfortunately seems that there are many cameras Nikon cannot fix with recalibration. If recal was the solution, they would have done it a long time ago. It is a stopgap measure which can improve some cameras, but there must be a major manufacturing/structural error which is so expensive for Nikon to fix or replace, they have decided not to do it. That is why there has been no public statement.
So, if you have a camera they cannot “fix” with recal, Nikon has abandoned you.  What can we do about it?
No class action suit unless someone is injured (your response when I suggested this previously)?  I’m not an expert or a lawyer.
Nikon needs to pay for this, in more ways than one. What can we do?
Those readers who have suggested we need a kinder, gentler response to those nice Nikon people need not apply.

—-

After hearing of the mess Nikon has made of this problem and comparing it to my experience with my first Nikon, the D5000, I am seriously considering selling all of my Nikon equipment and moving to Canon.

—-

I finally got my D800 back from Melville, exactly a month after sending it in due to extremely inconsistent af. I of course had to cover the shipping and insurance costs. I tested it once again and found that it was in much worse condition than before sending it in. Before I sent it in the center point was slightly off and the edges were a complete mess. After receiving it back the edges are slightly better but the rest of it is absolutely horrendous, including the center! The af is so bad that I can even see through the viewfinder that it is not grabbing focus and it goes without saying that the resulting images are completely fuzzed. I am using charts and multiple lenses to test, i.e 24 1.4, 35 1.4, 24-70 2.8 and so forth. I am comparing all my results to lv which is perfect.

Being a full time photographer with multiple Nikon bodies and lenses including the D4, I am somewhat astonished and appalled  by the conversations I have had with Nikon and with the treatment I am receiving.

I wish I had returned my body when I had the chance but wrongly trusted Nikon repair to do the right thing. It’s back in a box heading to Melville yet again and my fingers are crossed that I do not get stuck with a $3000 lemon.

My D800 is back from the second repair attempt. The left focus issue is not resolved. Maybe I can return it back to Amazon after 5 months of use … unbelievable …

After reading your story and several others in a number of forums I am convinced that I made the right decision when I returned my D800 to the vendor. As much as I like the D800 I cannot bring myself to spend $3k on something with a known defect that Nikon can’t seem to repair.

My D800 came back from Melville today UNREPAIRED. El Segundo had it for 19 days and couldn’t fix it. Melville received it Tuesday, overnighted it to me last night and it is still not focusing on the left. This issue was escalated to Nikon’s Sr. Management (I spoke to them on the phone yesterday) and they still could not get it right.

BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Those of you who ended up buying this piece of garbage can try to get sharp images by reading this post of mine.

How to get sharp images with a Nikon D800

How to get sharp images with a Nikon D800

What a nightmare for Nikon and all those Nikon morons who bought into the D800 hype. I warned all of you from the very beginning that the D800 was a piece of shit. I warned you, you poor pathetic fools, I warned you. But ya just wouldn’t listen. Some people have emailed me and called me a prophet or psychic, but with my 30 years of experience in this industry, “predicting” this stuff is a piece of cake. I’m not called the Canon Camera Guru for nothing – I fucking earned that title!

And honestly, when Nikon was caught using footage from the 5D Mark II to promote the D800, you had to realize the video quality from the D800 was probably nowhere near good enough to sell the camera. Certainly, as we’ve seen, it sucks compared to the 5D Mark III.

LMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!

LMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!LMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!LMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!LMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!

So what do those fuckwads from EISA have to say about this??? Does this camera really deserve a camera of the year award? Honestly? As far as I’m concerned, Nikon can go ahead an rebrand the D800 to become the Nikon 1D Mark III. It fucking deserves that title!

Everywhere you look right now, people are impressed with the 1DX and 5D Mark III, especially with regards to the autofocus system. Both of these cameras are using the new 61-point AF system with 41 cross-type points that just kicks incredible amounts of ass in terms of speed and accuracy.

But there’s something seriously wrong in Europe. Nikon appears to have some strong influence on key organizations and publications in Europe. DxOLabs is one, but EISA clearly is also biased towards Nikon. I’ve already sent an email to Mitarai to have this situation thoroughly investigated.

CLEARLY what you can get out of all of the above, is that the Canon 1DX and Canon 5D Mark III are really the best DSLR cameras available today. Everyone who is honest and isn’t biased or influenced by Nikon says this. You simply cannot come to a different conclusion GOD DAMMIT!!!!1

Now all of you stop bothering me and let me enjoy the rest of my vacation.

Mirrorless, 5D Mark III, D800, DxO Mark Sucks Balls

I just got back from a short photowalk around town with my pre-production Canon mirrorless camera and I have to say it’s a nice little camera. I think most people will love it. What kinda sucks about it is the sensor. It’s not bad but it can’t go up against the latest Sony sensors in their mirrorless cameras. Japan really needs to do something about this in the very near future or else Sony is going to kill us with their dynamic range and low noise. All the pattern noise and banding shit has got to become a thing of the past.

The 5D Mark III, which is the world’s best DSLR right now regardless of what those fucking idiots at DxO Labs say, still has that pattern and banding crap, although you have to mess with the exposure in post for it to become an issue. But there’s none of that on the Sony sensors, and so Canon Inc. needs to improve. If Sony can do it, so can we.

DXO LABS!! - Y U NO SHUT DOWN YOUR WORTHLESS WEBSITE

Yeah.

This might not be surprising to you, but people are still emailing me and telling me how wrong I am about the piece of shit D800. I have to say, the feeling I have right now has got to be similar to the feeling John Harrington had when he was practically the only one complaining about the massive amounts of noise on the Nikon D200 and D2x. The noise issue on the D200 was legendary. Even Nikon was ignoring him. Yet, after a few years suddenly everyone’s like “oh yeah of course, there was an issue with excessive noise, everyone knows that?!” Mark my words, after some time has passed and the fucking fanboys quiet down, everyone is going to see the D800 for the inferior camera that it is. And then everyone is going to realize how stupid the DxO Mark tests really are. Down sampling to 8MP for comparisons? Why don’t you guys down sample all your images to 100×100 pixels instead? Today most people view only thumbnails anyway. Just fucking down sample everything to 100×100 pixels and do your tests. That way even my crappy Blackberry phone can look like it rivals the 5D Mark III.

DxOMark sucks balls

Wait jest wan bombaclad minute, mon! Dees nuh look irie ta me!?

The biggest joke is that they claim that the D800 is better than the 5D Mark III in low light. You can’t even begin to imagine how many facepalms the above image is worth. If the D800 is so great, then why is Ken Rockwell shooting with the 5D Mark III instead?

The Canon EOS 5D Mark III is the world’s best digital SLR. It easily lets us create smooth, clean, beautiful and colorful images in any sort of light. It handles much better my cheaper Nikon D800 and D800E; my 5D Mark III handles and sounds smoother, quieter, feels better and makes better-looking images than my Nikon D800E.

The 5D Mark III also has the best LCD ever put in a DSLR, while the LCD on my Nikon D800E is smaller in actual use, and most importantly, the Nikon’s LCD isn’t color-accurate. My 5D Mark III LCD is big, bold, bright, sharp, clear, colorful and accurate, and automatically varies its brightness brilliantly for use in any light. (My D800E also has auto LCD brightness control, but doesn’t work well enough to want to use it.)

To shooters upgrading from the Nikon D800 and D800E, the Mark III is greatly improved over the Mark II, while the Nikon D800 and D800E are a step backwards in ergonomics and LCD quality from the D700. Therefore the status quo has reversed; I used to prefer Nikon, while today with the 5D Mark III, I greatly prefer it to my D800E. Pixels impress amateurs, while guys like me who shoot every day for a living are more impressed at how my 5D Mark III lets me get more of the right pixels faster, not just more of the wrong ones.

The 5D Mark III is the world’s best DSLR.

It’s a huge improvement over the 5D Mark II due to the improvements from automatic color fringe correction, and the greatly improved power, depth-of-field and playback controls.

If you shoot Canon, you deserve one of these.

Problem?

I told you so.

ONE DOES NOT SIMPLY SHOOT A D800 WITHOUT A TRIPODAll those extra pixels on the D800 are worth jack shit when they also contain more noise. The camera is also slower at just 4fps and the autofocus system just can’t compete with the 5D Mark III. The D800 might perform OK if you have to do an assignment at a retirement home shooting old people moving around in their wheelchairs. And I’ve been told that even then you may need to shoot from a heavy duty industrial grade tripod to get sharp images. But for anything more serious, you’ll want the 5D Mark III. Plus the extra resolution on the D800 is marginal at best. We’ve reached a point where more resolution on the 35mm sensor isn’t giving us any significant return. Best to keep the resolution at a decent level in the 24MP range and instead focus on speed, accuracy and image quality (sharpness, low noise, dynamic range, chromatic aberration correction etc. etc.). Those are the things that really matter. Capturing the right pixels faster, instead of a lot more crap slower.

And with the 5D Mark III, Canon Inc. did well in that area. Yes, yes, it could be better, and we’re going to work on it. What will be much hotter in the near future instead of senseless megapixels, are features based on computational photography. The new HDR feature on the 5D Mark III should be seen in this light. Instead of worthless extra data (megapixels) let’s improve the quality of the data we do have and do some meaningful stuff with it.

Joe McNally (left) and a random Sock Puppet, separated at birth?

I was told Japan actually put in the HDR feature to get Joe McNally to switch to Canon faster. Most people aren’t aware of this but we’ve been in talks with McNally for well over 3 years now to make the switch. Negotiations have been tough, to say the least, and one of McNally’s demands was to get him an in-camera HDR feature because it’s an absolutely essential feature to him (each of his shots is combined from at least 7-8 exposures), and Nikon just doesn’t want to deliver. Combined with our new Speedlite system (600EX-RT and ST-E3-RT) based on radio frequency technology, I’m expecting McNally to become a Canon Explorer of Light within a few months. And I hope he takes his friend with him. You may want to check out his latest performance on The Grid with Scott Kelby. Whenever those 2 guys get together they crack me up.

Anyway, I’m late for my meditation session with the swami. I’ll be back soon with more. In the mean time, get a 5D Mark III and do some real photography.

Quick Update

Nikon D800 Explodes

A Nikon D800 explodes in a major US city

I heard about exploding Nikon D800s before but I never knew it was as bad as this report by CNN’s Anderson Cooper shows it to be. Seems like Nikon is doing good business in the middle east these days. Not only that, but according to our Swedisch correspondent Kai Reinertsen, the FAA has put the Nikon D800 on the list of prohibited items to take on board airplanes. Needless to say, shit are happen at Nikon.

I took a break from posting on the blog after the last post in order to calm down, rest and put my mind on other things for a while. Those cocksmokers at DxO Labs really got to me. I know for a fact that if I didn’t take some time out I’d probably not be alive today. I started taking meditation classes shortly after that last post to help me calm down, and I must say it has really helped me. Swami Rajesh Ramchandrati really knows his stuff. I met the swami at a bar in New York shortly after publishing my last post, and he convinced me to start taking meditation classes the next day. He’s quite an interesting fellow too. When he told me about his earlier life in New Delhi in between shots of vodka, it somehow reminded me of the time I served in ‘Nam. I felt like we had a lot in common.

Swami Rajesh Ramchandrati

Swami Rajesh Ramchandrati and me a couple of days ago. The swami was actually floating in mid air right next to me, though you can’t clearly see it in this picture.

Turns out I’ve had a lot of repressed anger and fear inside of me for all these years, which when you think about it makes so much fucking sense. Suddenly I could explain so much of my behaviour in the past. When cocksmokers like DxO Labs show up, all of this repressed anger surfaces and I just can’t control it. So I told the swami about DxO Labs and the D800 and everything that was bothering me that night, and crazily enough, as soon as I mentioned DxO Labs the swami’s whole body started shuddering and he briefly went into some kind of trance. When he snapped out of it a few seconds later, he explained to me that he felt some strong negative energy from DxO Labs. So I was all like “No shit!” Then he put his right hand on my head and closed his eyes and everything around me started moving as if I was looking at the world through some kind of jelly. Then I started seeing funky colors and got dizzy. I’m not sure if this was because of the swami or the fact that I had way too much vodka that night, but I decided that I had enough and that it was time to head home. Only problem was I could barely walk by myself. Fortunately the swami was there with his taxicab and offered me a free ride home.

But I can’t tell you enough how relaxing all this meditation really is. My mind feels so light and clear these days and I’ve even been able to deal with those DxO Labs cocksmokers without losing my sanity. And that’s great because it helped me to focus on the coming product launches in the next few weeks.

Anyway, I should be going now if I don’t want to be late for my meditation session with the swami. I’ll be back.

Canon 5D Mark III VS Nikon D800 Image Quality – DXOMark Sucks Balls

Piece of Shit

Nikon Piece of Shit

I’m beginning to have some serious doubts about the future development of the intelligence of our species these days. Seriously. I thought we were making progress but boy was I wrong. Seems like people are getting dumber by the day, especially the Nikon morons. I thought it was pretty clear from my last post that the image quality of the Nikon D800 was fucking awful compared to the 5D Mark III. And not just for stills, but also for movies. The one argument people keep throwing at me every time is that you should down sample the D800 images to the size of the 5D Mark III images to do a fair image quality comparison. It’s fucking pointless to have to down sample images to compare image quality, since the higher megapixel images have more resolution for a reason – people expect to make bigger prints that will still look sharp. But you’d be surprised by the sheer number of fucking morons who don’t seem to get it.

Just to entertain them, I had already done a comparison between the D800 and the 1DX where I had down sampled the D800 images to 18MP in order to “make it a fair comparison” according to the Nikon fuckwads. And the result? The 1DX still kicked the D800’s ass!!!

Now, let’s take a look at the D800E images downsampled to 22MP and compare them to the 22MP images from the 5D Mark III. I chose the D800E because images from the D800E are slightly sharper compared to those from the D800. So I’m even giving the piece of shit D800 an advantage  here.

For this comparison I’m going to use JPEG images from The Imaging Resource. You can find these samples by visiting their Comparometer. We’re going to look at the image below:

Sample from The Imaging Resource

Sample from The Imaging Resource

Remember that for this comparison the D800E images are down sampled to 22MP to match the 5D Mark III.

5D Mark III VS D800

Check out the noise on the D800 image. And why is the 5D Mark III image sharper? Where’s the goddamn fucking resolution on the D800 everyone’s talking about???

5D Mark III VS D800

Check out the noise on the D800 image.

5D Mark III VS D800

Check out the noise on the D800 image.

5D Mark III VS D800

Why is the 5D Mark III image sharper? Where’s the goddamn fucking resolution on the D800 everyone’s talking about???

See that??? Not only is there more noise present on the FUCKING DOWN SAMPLED D800 image, but the 5D Mark III image even seems to be sharper with more detail in some areas!!! All the detail on the D800 gets fucking blurred by the noise reduction, and even then there’s still a lot of noise present in the end! BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!

What a fucking joke, Jesus Fucking Christ. God dammit. What a goddamn fucking joke. And what you’ve just seen happens at all ISO values. Remember that this is an image from the D800E, it’s as sharp as it gets for the D800! So you tell me: Is this fucking marginal increase in resolution worth all the extra noise you’re seeing in the images above????? Is it worth the fucking huge diskspace eating files??? Is it worth the slow frame rate??

DXOMark

But think of this, how in God’s name did those cocksucking morons at DxOMark reach the conclusion that the D800 is better at high ISO compared to the 5D Mark III?????? HOW GOD DAMMIT??? HOOOWWWWW?????

DxOMark sucks balls

Weht jest wan bombaclad minute here, mon! Dees nuh look irie tuh me!?

Dem people ah DxOMark ah fuckan eediats!! A wha kinda fuckery da?!?!

But seriously, the sight of these results on DxOMark instantly had me cursing like Joe McNally.  Just WHAT THE FUCK is going on here? It should be fucking obvious to anyone that the 5D Mark III image quality is better compared to the D800. How the fuck does DxOMark end up with results showing better low light performance for the D800?!?!?!?!?! Especially when their own fucking noise graph shows otherwise??????????

5D Mark III lower noise

5D Mark III has less noise compared to the D800

Not to mention that even on DPReview the RAW image comparisons show the same shit.

D800 sucks balls

D800 sucks balls

And the thing is, this fucking worthless bullshit data from DxOMark is making its way into other comparison websites like Snapsort, and thousands of users are being misled and misinformed right now!!!!

Snapsort

Snapsort uses the fucking bullcrap data from DxOMark

And where’s the press for fuck’s sake???? I only saw Dan Havlik from PDN briefly mention this on Twitter a while back. The press had better start questioning DxOMark about this fucking mess.

Honestly, if I was a heart patient I would have fucking died by now. In fact my blood pressure hasn’t been this high since the great 1D Mark III debacle of 2008. If it’s not fucking Canon Inc. that’s pissing me off, it’s the goddamn fucking morons in this God forsaken industry.

I’m going to get fucking wasted now. Any more of this and I’ll end up in fucking intensive care tonight.

**********************************

UPDATE: If you’re considering buying a D800, READ THIS FIRST!!!

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5D Mark III Selling like Hotcakes while Nikon Fanboys Attack

Nikon Fanboys Attack

Nikon Fanboys swarmed the blog, again

See the graph above? The last time this happened was when I posted about how fucked the Nikon D800 is. This latest spike in traffic is in response to my post yesterday about DxOMark sucking balls, and more specifically how the 5D Mark III trashes the D800.

It would seem as if the average IQ in the Nikon camp is at an all time low these days. The comments leave a lot to be desired. Then there’s the emails accusing me of all kinds of crap. Do you people honestly think I love bashing the D800? I don’t give a fuck about the D800. This is not about the D800. It’s about letting Canon Inc. know our users are not going to love the megapixel shit that’s currently going on at Nikon. Tokyo had better recognize we’re going to go fucking batshit insane on their ass if they go down the D800 route. It’s more than clear what the drawbacks are of so many megapixels. It’s fucking pointless. If I had anything to say about it, the sensor in the 5D Mark III would have been the same 18MP sensor from the 1DX and we’d have even cleaner image quality on the 5D Mark III.

I just updated the DxOMark blog post with yet another video showing why people love the 5D Mark III and choose that instead of the piece of shit D800:

Listen carefully to this guy’s conclusion and why he went with the 5D Mark III. It’s all about low noise and better image quality. And as I have shown yesterday, the 5D Mark III is way better in this area than the D800. Sure, the D800 has better dynamic range at low ISO, but it’s too bad that the extra megapixels make all the dynamic range worthless in the end. Plus it’s a goddamn tragedy that Nikon can’t seem to nail something as basic as the correct white balance in 2012. This was also quite apparent in the review done by The Camera Store.

So I’m not surprised one bit that the 5D Mark III’s are selling like hotcakes right now. Just check the sequence of tweets below (screenshot taken moments ago), within a matter of minutes all stock at B&H was gone.

5D Mark III selling like hotcakes

5D Mark III selling like hotcakes

Plus, you might also like to read this tweet:

According to a major retailer, the 5D Mark III has outsold the D800 25 to 1. I guess that’s all that matters in the end. :)

Get that?? 25 to fucking 1. Yeah, that’s what I’m talking about. Recogniiiiize!

5D Mark III, D800, D4 – DXOMark Sucks Balls

I just got off of the phone with Mitarai. We had a lengthy discussion about the imaging division at Canon and the way we’re heading right now with EOS. We also discussed some of the more recent issues and the need for better quality control. Things are looking very good for the future right now at Canon especially now that he took over again from Uchida.

It’s been very hectic around here recently and I just couldn’t find enough time to update the blog. There was NAB and the whole launch of the EOS C500 and 1DC cameras and a lot of other stuff going on behind the scenes. Plus the press was all over me for weeks. Everyone wanted a piece of the “legendary” Chuck Westfall. I felt like a Hollywood celebrity. And it’s fun, I have to admit, but it can really wear you down. I’ve felt exhausted for weeks. Fortunately I’ve had some time to rest and as you can see I’m back on the blog to address some really burning issues.

First let me get the NAB interview issues out of the way. Here’s an interview Engadget did with me:

I was fucking pissed off when I saw the interview on their website later that day. Those guys seriously need to get some lessons in how to properly do video interviews. First of all, only my mouth is constantly in the frame. If you’re going to interview someone as important as me, at least make sure my face is fully visible in the goddamn frame. Secondly, the sound is fucking horrible. This is so disappointing for such a big website like Engadget. I’ve seen small bloggers do videos with better sound! Very disappointing production values from Engadget.

Dan Chung from DPreview did a much better job interviewing me here:

Framing was good, audio much better, but I almost punched him in the face when he kept repeating how expensive the 1DC is to him. He said it once, what’s the fucking point of repeating it constantly? What the hell did he expect me to say? If you don’t have the money, simply don’t buy it for fuck’s sake! It’s not like Canon Inc. is begging or forcing you to buy it, okay? Just fucking get a 60D or something. Or a Digital Rebel. Anything! But don’t annoy me by constantly whining about the price of the 1DC while recording it! I’m warning you – and this goes to all of you in the press – if you want to get punched in the face the next time you interview me, just repeat Dan Chung’s performance in this video!

Mitch from Planet5D did a much, much better interview with me. You can really tell I enjoyed talking to Mitch during this interview.

And then there was this interview with Scott Bourne from Photofocus.

Scott made me feel really important and powerful, legendary even, and I especially loved the intro. Thanks Scott, looking forward to seeing you again!

Now, on to a more important issue. Those fucking ganja smoking Europeans at DxO Labs are at it again. While everyone expected the 5D Mark III to score at least as good as, and possibly even better, than the Nikon D800 and Nikon D4, it scored far lower on DXOMark. Just look at this sad picture:

DXOMark Sucks Balls

I’ve said it before 3 years ago, and I’m not going to repeat myself:

Go ahead and believe those morons at DxO Labs if you want to. Who are you going to believe? A bunch of ganja smoking Europeans who don’t have anything to do and slapped up a website with some “data” to kill some time, or your own eyes? And get this, according to them the Nikon D90 has a better sensor compared to the Canon EOS 5D? Daat’s riiight, mon! When you ees high, ewrytheeng ees possybal!

Honestly, can the 5D Mark III score so much lower than the piece of shit D800? We’ve already established and discussed to death on this blog the fact that the D800 is a piece of shit camera:

But since a lot of people apparently seem to go through life completely brain-dead, let’s fucking take a look at it again.

First of all, even DXOMark shows that the 5D Mark III has lower noise compared to the D800.

5D Mark III lower noise

5D Mark III has less noise compared to the D800

From the graph you would think that the difference in noise performance between the 5D Mark III and the D800 isn’t that big. But once you look at some sample images, you see how big the difference is. The noise on the D800 is fucking terrible. Here’s a comparison of RAW images on DPReview:

D800 sucks balls

D800 sucks balls

That’s just nasty. It’s even slightly worse than the 7D. And this is at ISO 3200 but essentially this is a problem at all ISO values. And don’t forget the color dithering and image banding which we had already discussed in a previous post:

Nikon D800 VS the Canon EOS 1DX Image Quality

BAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

And in JPEG mode the 5D Mark III is sharper than both the D800 and even the D4. Where the fuck is all the supposedly extra resolution on the D800?

D800 sucks balls

Soft and muddy piece of shit image quality of the D800

The comparison above is from DPReview, at ISO 6400. But at all ISO values the 5D Mark III images are sharper in JPEG mode. Apparently both the D800 and D4 have some kind of shitty JPEG processing engine. We had already seen that the 5D Mark III has better image quality than the D4.

Here’s a comparison from Cameralabs that clearly shows the cleaner and sharper images from the 5D Mark III in JPEG mode:

5D Mark III VS D800

BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!

The noise on the D800 is so bad, that even in Live View it becomes an issue when trying to focus in low light situations:

D800 Live View Sucks Balls

D800 Live View Sucks Balls BAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!!!!!!1

To be fair, the sensor in the D800 is better when it comes to dynamic range at low ISO values:

DXO Mark Sucks

Meh.

But what’s the use of more dynamic range when there’s also more noise, color dithering and banding and when the JPEG images are fucking soft? The amount of detail you can get out of the shadows is pretty impressive at ISO 100 on the D800, but at higher ISO values the noise is going to become a problem. And as you can see, above ISO 800 the 5D Mark III actually takes over with better dynamic range. Combined with the lower noise, the 5D Mark III is definitely the better camera for low light shooting (think events, weddings, concerts etc. etc.).

And with the superior AF system on the 5D Mark III even in low light, and the higher frame rate, the 5D Mark III is a definite winner. The review below clearly shows the difference between the AF systems of the 5D Mark III and D800.

There’s also the review of the 5D Mark III by Kay from DigitalRev that caught my attention. I think everyone else should take this review as an example. In general I think all camera review videos should contain more young pretty asian girls. Especially if it’s a review of a Canon camera. Please do take notes.

Those of you who know me personally know that I have a thing for asian women. Hell, I’ve been married to one for years now.

Asian Girl

Holy hell

There’s just something about asian women that drives me crazy. They look so.. exotic. I’ve never been able to quite put my finger on it. But anyway, you’ll note that the 5D Mark III easily locked focus on the subject in the review. Although I must admit that this was not a particularly challenging situation for the AF system. I know for a fact that I would have easily locked focus on the subject myself, had I been there. Ahem.

Photographer Ryan Brenizer riverdanced his way through a wedding recently with the 5D Mark III and raved about the AF system on the camera being better than even the D3s.

Has Canon finally fixed the autofocus in the 5D line? In a word? Abso-freaking-lutely. The autofocus is accurate, fast, and a pleasure to use — in some ways moreso than the Nikon D3s. I immediately turned off all sensors except the extra-sensitive cross-type sensors — and still had 41 left! Combined with the joystick, I never have to play the focus and recompose game very much unless I want my point of focus to be at the very edge of the frame. And even then I can get it close enough to not compromise the accuracy of my focal plane, which can matter when you’re shooting with a lens like the 50mm f/1.2L

Not surprising given that the AF system on the 5D Mark III is the same one from the 1DX. The only significant issue Brenizer had was with the lower dynamic range in the images from the 5D Mark III, but only when significantly pushing the exposure in post.

Sir Philip Bloom of London did an excellent review of the video capabilities of the 5D Mark III, check it out below.

Bloom recently also compared the video capabilities of the 5D Mark III to the D800 and D4, and the 5D Mark III is the clear winner as far as I’m concerned. The only issue Bloom had with the 5D Mark III is the soft video out of the camera, but which can be sharpened to become quite excellent in post. Compare that to the “too damn soft” video on the D4 which remains crap even in post and the fucking horrible aliasing and moire on the D800 with lots of noise at higher ISO values that you’ll never be able to fix in post even if Jesus himself was assisting you. Here’s what Bloom had to say about the D800:

It does have some downsides to it. I was very very scared when I heard about the really high megapixel count of 36 megapixels. It’s absolutely insane! I don’t need that for stills and I certainly don’t want it for video. And the low light performance does suffer because of that.

Again, up yours DxO Labs!!!!

The winner, also for video: 5D Mark III!

However, the best part of the above comparision by Bloom is really the absolutely lovely Diana:

The lovely Diana

Yeah that’s right, get her drunk Philip!

When Diana appeared on screen I lost all interest in what Bloom was talking about. I believe he said something about the noise on the cameras but I can’t be sure. The audio just got completely blurred out in my mind. All I cared about was Diana. I immediately fell in love. She is so cute it hurts to watch this whole comparison sequence. I’ll be forever grateful to anyone who can send me her email address and a link to her Facebook profile. Who cares about the noise performance of any goddamn DSLR when Diana is on screen? Honestly? Even with the horrible noise on the D800 Diana still looks absolutely gorgeous! And when you watch this sequence, pay attention to how Bloom gets her to drink bottle after bottle of beer. You’ll even see her on screen going “Drink again now?”, no doubt responding to Bloom’s frequent requests to keep taking another sip. Nice going there Philip, this is a really great way to get a girl drunk. Bastard. You shagged her didn’t you? Don’t fucking lie to me, man! You got her drunk, declared the shoot a wrap and brought her to your hotel room, didn’t you!? You lucky bastard.

Seeing as how the D800 performs worse compared to the 5D Mark III when image quality is concerned, both for stills AND video (noise, softness), you tell me how the fuck those cock sucking morons at DxO Labs ended up with such a high score for the D800 sensor? Someone please tell me, because for the life of me, I’ll never be able to figure it out. Nikon probably paid a load of money to DxO Labs and possibly signed some long term advertising contracts and sponsorship deals to be able to position the D800 and D4 so high above the 5D Mark III. No other explanation makes sense.

When reviewing all the information above about both the 5D Mark III and the D800, it should be quite clear to anyone that the 5D Mark III wins. Overall it is the best camera to have for both stills and video and the image quality is clearly superior in both cases.

DXOMark

DxO Labs can take their fucking worthless sensor database and cram it up their ass!

UPDATE 14 May 2012:

I just saw this comparison video of the 5D Mark III and the D800. Pay attention to the conclusion, especially you Nikon morans! Check it out:

See why that guy chose the 5D Mark III instead? Because of the great fucking image quality! Nikon can’t even handle something as basic as white balance correctly for Christ’s sake. And the aliasing and moire are fucking horrible. Plus the 5D Mark III’s AF is better.

Introducing the Canon 600EX-RT Flash

Canon 600EX-RT Flash and Canon ST-E3-RT Trigger

Nikon got fucking owned.

Aaaw yeah baby, aaw yeah! As if the 5D Mark III wasn’t enough, even our ancient flash system got a huge upgrade. RF BASED WIRELESS FUNCTIONALITY BABY!!!!! YEAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!! How long have we been waiting for this?? Man I’m fucking ecstatic. Last night I partied so hard I can’t remember anymore what happened. I woke up this morning on the ground next to a car in the parking lot here at Canon HQ with a huge headache. I could barely get myself up. I don’t know how the fuck I got there, but I think I must have been so drunk I couldn’t find my way home. My shirt was completely unbuttoned and I couldn’t find my pants. That must have been one crazy party last night.

But we deserved to party like this, and after a long time I can say that I enjoyed every second of it. EOS is shaking up this entire industry like never before. Right now we’ve got the best, fucking state of the art, flash system out there. For years I’ve had to listen to people telling me how Nikon was ahead in this area and how we sucked and blah blah blah. And look at it now, god dammit!!!!!!! LOOK AT IT!!!!!!!! The 600EX-RT and ST-E3-RT are fucking beautiful! Now you can control all flashes right from the back of your camera. All of them!!!!! It wasn’t so long ago when I complained about this and let Canon Inc. know what we wanted:

Canon ST-E2 Ass-Rape VS Cactus V4

Canon ST-E2 Ass-Rape VS Cactus V4

I don’t know what the fuck is taking those bastards in Japan so long, but if they finally release an update it had better fucking blow everything away. I’m talking RF based wireless flash triggers, a new pro speedlite with built-in RF wireless flash capabilities, full TTL and High Speed Sync support, Master/Slave functionality, 100m working range, and best of all, remote control of the speedlites from the back of the camera. I want all my fucking speedlites to show up on my camera LCD just like wireless access points show up on my computer, and I want to fucking add them to my own private network of flashes under my control, each with their own custom ID (so I know which is which). And then I want to be able to fucking select each one of them and be able to change their goddamn settings right on my fucking camera even if I’m 100 meters away! THAT is what I would consider true innovation. Not the fucking horseshit we’ve been seeing in the last few years.

I’m sounding like a broken record these days, but Canon Inc. fucking listened to us again! For a review of the 600EX-RT and ST-E3-RT check out Pixsylated. He was able to fire his 600EX-RT from 100 meters away, although Canon Inc. lists a working range of 30 meters.

I predict that The Lord of the Speedlights, Mc Nally and Van Niekerk are going to be switching to Canon in the very near future just to be able to use all the good stuff. Even Kelby won’t be able to resist! Kelby had to wait years for true wireless functionality and full HD video on his D3/D4, and now he’ll have to wait more years for built-in RF functionality in the crappy Nikon flash system. Guys, don’t wait too long. Join the EOS club and take your photography to the next level!

Especially seeing as how shit are happen at Nikon with the shitty image quality on the Nikon D800. I mentioned this before, but don’t be surprised when people look at your 36MP photos taken with a D800 and ask you what phone you used to make them. And the way things look right now, the D800 is going to have to go up against some fierce competition from the 41MP Nokia 808 Pure View Phone.

As if that isn’t enough, we now also find out that Nikon used footage from the 5D2 in their D800 promo video:

For said launch on March 7th, they produced this impressive demonstration video, which highlights the D800’s strengths as a filmmaking tool:

Looks awesome, doesn’t it? Makes the D800 look like it excels at shooting sports and time lapse videos of cityscapes and exotic locations, right? Makes it seem like the D800 is a vital tool to have in your filmmaker production kit, right? Makes you want a D800 no matter the price, right?

Seems Nikon is not only using Canon EOS-5D Mark II-captured video from TSO’s film ‘The Mountain’ to sell their new camera, but they never asked his permission and are, therefore and perhaps more disgracefully, violating his copyright.

Here’s a screenshot where the photographer complains about Nikon using his footage:

LMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!

LMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!LMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!LMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!LMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!

BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! When I saw this I laughed for at least 15 minutes non-stop. I started laughing behind my desk, fell on the ground, got up while slamming my fists on the ground and the walls. Then I stumbled out of my office still bursting with laughter, while everyone stared at me, and I fell on the ground in the hallway again. I crawled to the elevator, which for some reason went down to the lobby and as soon as the doors opened I fell out of it into the lobby, still laughing my ass off. And if you can still remember, I didn’t have any pants on since this morning because I couldn’t find them. So imagine how bizarre I must have looked to everyone in the building while I crawled and rolled around laughing my ass off in the lobby until security guards got to me. BAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA! But man, this is just fucking awesome. What an EPIC fail for Nikon, my God, MY GOD!!! EPIC!!!!

And it’s not just the fact that they used 5D2 footage to sell the D800, but they fucking used it without asking!! BAHAHAHAHA, I guess the poor saps didn’t have a choice did they? I mean, how do you go about asking a photographer to use his video, shot with a 5D2, for a promo movie for the D800? I’d pay 50 bucks to watch that conversation take place because I think it would have been fucking hilarious.

Nikon’s timing with this couldn’t have been better for us. We fucking shook this industry last night and now Nikon makes a complete ass out of themselves with the D800, which by the way sucked balls to begin with. No wonder they chose to use footage from the 5D2. The muddy, compressed, moired, aliased videos the D800 produces just weren’t good enough to promote the camera, it seems. BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA!!!!!!! Jesus Christ, I’m going to get a heart attack if I keep laughing like this.

What a disgrace. Oh God… just unbelievable! If I was a Nikon photographer, I would switch to Canon just because of feeling ashamed to be using Nikon equipment after this debacle. I just wouldn’t be able to look people in the eyes anymore while holding a Nikon camera in my hands.

BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAA!!!!! Oh God, I need a drink. It’s going to be one hell of a weekend!