Canon Inc. rape, feature requests, and why the Canon EOS 6D sucks balls

Man what a weekend. What a weekend! Things are just so hectic around here I barely get any time to update the blog. But I have to do this update today because my previous post about Canon Inc. raping us all didn’t come across very well with some of my contacts at Canon Inc. To be honest, this happens quite often, but this time I feel that their criticisms do have some validity.

Yeah, it’s true that the 5D Mark III could be enabled to do all kinds of advanced stuff, as the guys from Magic Lantern have shown recently with their RAW video update. However, it may not be reasonable to expect Canon Inc. to just implement and enable any and all possibilities on such a camera. It takes quite a lot of work to implement and test functionality on a camera, and adding features — sometimes what may seem as even minor features — could simply mean a lot of additional engineering work, not to mention testing and Q/A work. And at some point you just have to stop adding stuff and release the product. Otherwise you could go on adding and developing to infinity.

So yeah, maybe I was a little too hard on them in the previous post. Especially since Canon Inc. has shown us in recent years that they do listen. But during the discussion I also mentioned, and we talked about, the possibility of releasing an SDK along with some of our products that would enable other people to more easily extend their functionalities, and even introduce new ones, and basically add value to our products without us having to do very much ourselves. Wouldn’t it be nice if the guys at Magic Lantern, for example, could just use such an officially supported SDK to build cool new features everyone, including Canon Inc. could benefit from — instead of having to hack into and reverse engineer the products?

A company famous for using this strategy for many years now is Microsoft. They’ve been handing out development tools and sample code to software developers for free for years. And look how that has worked out for them. All kinds of programs exist within Microsoft for independent software vendors to get free software licenses to get them started building cool new software for the Windows platform. Sometimes you can even get some funding in addition to free licenses. This leads to more interesting software that runs on their platform, which leads to more value, which leads to more users, which leads to market share and sales, which leads to $$$$$.

With an official SDK from Canon Inc., developers could build on top of our existing products and add value to them, adding all kinds of stuff we couldn’t add ourselves, eventually leading to more interesting products and more customers. There are so many cool benefits I just don’t want to name them all here for the competition to steal.

And you’re not going to believe this, but I had this discussion last week, and lo and fucking behold, I almost fell off of my chair this morning when I saw that Samsung is already releasing the code for their cameras to open source developers.

Canon Inc. needs to act fast man. Who the fuck wants to develop for Samsung anyway? Their platform sucks balls. EOS is where the fucking power lies in this industry, as the guys from Magic Lantern have clearly demonstrated. If we had an official SDK out, people would be all over it.

Now, having said all of the above, this still doesn’t change the fact that for many features, Canon Inc. IS GUILTY of dumbing down and crippling products fucking INTENTIONALLY. That needs to be said. It’s just that it’s unreasonable to expect them to add all features that a product could be capable of supporting.

Just look at the goddamn 6D. I still haven’t written a post dedicated to this camera because honest to God, as soon as I think about this camera I get fucking depressed. Was it really neccessary to put a sync speed of 1/180th on it? Honestly? The fucking 5D Mark III is already crippled with 1/200th sync speed. Why in God’s name was it neccessary to go to 1/180th sync on the 6D?

And you know what pains me the most about this? Just a few days before the release of the 6D, I was on Twitter smacktalking The Lord of the Speedlights about how we already had built-in wireless capabilities via RT on our flashes, and how we’re going to show him that the 5D Mark IV would even have a 1/500th sync speed in the future.

Twitter discussion

And then, just a few days later, Canon Inc. totally fucking lets me down with the 6D and announces it with a sync speed even worse than the D600. When in fact I’m sure the sensor in the 6D would be quite able to handle at least a 1/200th sync speed. I’m just glad The Lord of the Speedlights apparently isn’t aware of this, and never replied to my last tweet to publicly laugh at me and rub the 6D fuckup in. That would have been quite embarrassing.

This kind of intentional crippling of products is just not necessary man. Seriously. The same thing can be said about the 9-point piece of fucking shit autofocus system on the 6D. I keep saying this, but who the fuck releases a camera with a fucking 9-point AF system these days? Honestly? Not only that, but with just one goddamn cross-type point in the center? Really man, that was just not necessary. The 6D could have benefitted from at least the AF system from the 7D. Releasing it the way it is right now at that price is simply criminal behavior. Even the image quality was purposely degraded.

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again, don’t waste your money on a 6D. Get a Nikon D600, or save some more to get the 5D Mark III. Just pretend the 6D doesn’t exist.

Apart from the 1/500th sync on the 5D Mark IV, I’ve also told Canon Inc. that people want exposure metering linked to the selected AF point. Those of you who have been continuing to spam my inbox with this request, please stop. I know about it, I’ve told Japan, and I keep reminding them. Emailing me about it every other day isn’t going to help right now.

And the same also goes for second curtain sync on our new 600EX-RT flash system when using the wireless capabilities. I already told Japan you guys want that feature. Honest to God, I don’t know why it was left out. Please stop asking me. And the same also goes for being able to set the flash zoom setting on the slaves wirelessly from the master or the ST-E3-RT. This one boggles the mind, I agree. Canon Inc. added the capability to set flash power levels from the master and the ST-E3-RT, but somehow forgot to also let you set the zoom setting wirelessly. So if you want to change the zoom setting on your flashes, you still have to fucking walk up to each and every one of them and do it manually, defeating the entire point of having wireless control over them.

I hope to God that they add these features soon via some kind of firmware update because the kind of emails I receive on these issues almost daily would make even Joe McNally blush uncomfortably while reading.

I’ll be back soon with more. In the mean time keep spamming your local Canon reps with these feature requests!

Being raped by Canon Inc.

By now we all know that we’re being fucking raped by Canon Inc. We’ve seen enough in the last few years that’s made us painfully aware of this fact.

Apart from the 100% profit margins on bodies and lenses, we knew products were being intentionally dumbed down and downright crippled so Canon Inc. could get people to buy the expensive as fuck “more advanced” models.

But this recent RAW video update on the 5D Mark III from Magic Lantern puts things entirely into a new perspective.

And Hitler, for one, is not amused.

Planned obsolescence is wasteful and unethical. It contributes to the fucked up nature of the world we live in today. Things need to change man, things need to change.

 

Phase One is going down

I’m spending a late night at the office, going over some white papers regarding the new DIGIC 6 chip – yes, in the fucking weekend (see how hard I work?) – and decided to take a break only to end up totally fucking pissed off. I was trying to relax, just browsing around while taking sips of my cappuccino when I came across the below video interview by Michael Reichmann with Phase One CEO Henrik Hakonsson.

Now, before I get to why I got pissed off, let me first point out that I got really excited to see Reichmann publicly state how difficult it is to work with the Japanese. I mean, you guys have watched me complain on this blog for over 4 years now about dealing with the fucking morons in Japan, but now you can get confirmation from someone else in this industry who has the balls to openly state this on camera. And here’s the quote which begins at roughly the 25:00 mark:

I will tell you that in all the years that I’ve been working with the Japanese camera makers and I go to product launches or I sit in on meetings where they’re looking at future products and I’ll go “oh that doesn’t work right, what about this and this” and the American – and I’m saying this and I’m gonna get into trouble for it, but I’m going to say it anyhow - the American product manager or Canadian says “you know what, you’re right, gee I hadn’t thought of that, hadn’t seen it.” Another journalist will say “yah, I agree with Michael.” …… Nothing happens! It goes back to Japan and the feedback loop doesn’t exist. Or, it’s 2 years later when there’s a new model, even though it might have been fixed in a new firmware update. So that is, I think for me, is it a question that you’re a European company rather than an Asian company? I don’t know. Is it a cultural business ethic approach, is it even a language approach? [...] But it’s so frustrating when a manufacturer brings out a product and doesn’t respond to the feedback.

Michael, on behalf of the entire goddamn executive team here at Canon USA, I salute you! Thank you for this. This is so fucking true man, and it’s frustrating as hell. I’ve gotten into intensive care because of these people more times than I care to remember. Major blood pressure issues and almost lost my health insurance too. I will say that we did make some progress since 2011 which shows in the 1DX, the 5D Mark III and the new flash system. It’s amazing what a carefully crafted petition and a large amount of threats of violence directed at Japanese executives can do. And while Canon Inc. improved and started listening, things got worse at Nikon and they’re feeling the consequences of that right now.

Dealing with Japan remains a tough challenge to be sure. If you guys want an idea of how tough communications can get with the Japanese, just listen to the conference call below.

Now why did I get pissed off? Well it’s because of Mr. Henrik Hakonsson referring to Canon Inc. as a “Toyota factory” in his Ahnold accent. Actually the exact quote at roughly the 37:15 mark is:

That’s the medium format environment, and then there’s a couple of big Toyota factories just behind us, you know, which we also take very seriously.

It’s Henrik Hakonsson, you idiot

You guys know that I often like to make jokes about Canon Inc. Honestly, who doesn’t enjoy a good Canon Inc. bashing? But when it’s done by the competition, forgive me for this, but then it’s not funny. In fact, not only is it not funny, but it fucking pisses me off. Who the fuck does this Hakonsson guy think he is?? I just sent an email to Mitarai with a link to this video and told him he needs to respond to this pronto. The last thing we need right now is a Phase One CEO openly making fun of us in public. It’s a good thing he also admits taking us very seriously though. Cuz lemme tell ya Hakonsson, you guys are fucking going down in 2014! You’ll hear more about this in a few months. That’s all I’m gonna say right now. Enjoy making fun of the Toyota factory now while you still can. Your ass is grass Hakonsson; your ass is fucking grass.

Nikon Taking a Serious Beating – DXOMark SUCKS BALLS

The Nikon 1D Mark III (AKA D800)

I almost chocked on a piece of pizza this morning when I read the following Q&A with Nikon:

Q: What can you tell us about the revision of the financial forecast in the  imaging products business?

A: While we increased production and inventory of digital SLR cameras as one  of measures against the risk of floods in Thailand, rapid deterioration in the  market occurred late November and continuing into December. That resulted in a  reduction of unit prices and additional sales costs in fiercer market  competition. This is the main reason of a significant adjustment for Imaging  Company which had been making stable earnings, and we have taken this fact  seriously.

BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!

Yeah of course, blame it all on the market instead of putting the blame on yourself. I’ve been pointing out here on my blog ever since the release of the piece of shit D800 that Nikon was in for a major ass whooping. Especially since we had enough time here at Canon Inc. to regroup our efforts in 2012. I said 2012 would be and exciting year for EOS, and you’d think Nikon would take note of that and release something spectacular. Instead they came up with the biggest piece of shit since the 1D Mark III and called it the D800. Not to mention that the 1DX beats the crap out of the D4 too.

Nikon morons are all up in arms everywhere on the interwebs. Just check this out:

Nikon morons are seriously disappointed

BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!

This really puts the bullshit on DXOMark into perspective doesn’t it? I’ve been saying here for a couple of blog posts already that they suck balls at DXOLabs, but the Nikon morons just didn’t want to believe me. And how about those fuckwads at EISA with their bullshit awards? This puts that into perspective as well right? RIGHT??? I hope that Nikon finally learns that buying/bribing the entire fucking European camera industry will not guarantee good business results.

ROFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This goes to show you that if you want true honest to God expert opinion on the Interwebs, I am your guy. Not to brag about myself, but yes, I am the Canon camera guru after all and I fucking earned that title!

So while Nikon’s market is “rapidly deteriorating” (LMFAO!!!! BAAAAAAHAHAHA LOLOLOLOL!!!!!) remember that the 5D Mark III and the 1DX are currently the best fucking DSLRs in the entire history of human civilization. This point continues to be proven again and again. Choose wisely if you know what’s good for you. I said this before, but seriously, how can one expect Sony and Nikon to compete with our entire EOS ecosystem? We’ve got everything in there from DSLRs to Cinema Cameras to a whole fucking arsenal of lenses that work on both systems. It’s fucking beautiful!!! I can certainly agree with Nikon when they talk about “fiercer market competition.” Oh it’s fierce alright.

Problem Nikon?

And now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got another 3 slices of pizza that’re waiting for me.

5D Mark III Selling like Hotcakes while Nikon Fanboys Attack

Nikon Fanboys swarmed the blog, again

See the graph above? The last time this happened was when I posted about how fucked the Nikon D800 is. This latest spike in traffic is in response to my post yesterday about DxOMark sucking balls, and more specifically how the 5D Mark III trashes the D800.

It would seem as if the average IQ in the Nikon camp is at an all time low these days. The comments leave a lot to be desired. Then there’s the emails accusing me of all kinds of crap. Do you people honestly think I love bashing the D800? I don’t give a fuck about the D800. This is not about the D800. It’s about letting Canon Inc. know our users are not going to love the megapixel shit that’s currently going on at Nikon. Tokyo had better recognize we’re going to go fucking batshit insane on their ass if they go down the D800 route. It’s more than clear what the drawbacks are of so many megapixels. It’s fucking pointless. If I had anything to say about it, the sensor in the 5D Mark III would have been the same 18MP sensor from the 1DX and we’d have even cleaner image quality on the 5D Mark III.

I just updated the DxOMark blog post with yet another video showing why people love the 5D Mark III and choose that instead of the piece of shit D800:

Listen carefully to this guy’s conclusion and why he went with the 5D Mark III. It’s all about low noise and better image quality. And as I have shown yesterday, the 5D Mark III is way better in this area than the D800. Sure, the D800 has better dynamic range at low ISO, but it’s too bad that the extra megapixels make all the dynamic range worthless in the end. Plus it’s a goddamn tragedy that Nikon can’t seem to nail something as basic as the correct white balance in 2012. This was also quite apparent in the review done by The Camera Store.

So I’m not surprised one bit that the 5D Mark III’s are selling like hotcakes right now. Just check the sequence of tweets below (screenshot taken moments ago), within a matter of minutes all stock at B&H was gone.

5D Mark III selling like hotcakes

Plus, you might also like to read this tweet:

According to a major retailer, the 5D Mark III has outsold the D800 25 to 1. I guess that’s all that matters in the end.

Get that?? 25 to fucking 1. Yeah, that’s what I’m talking about. Recogniiiiize!

Introducing the Canon 600EX-RT Flash

Nikon got fucking owned.

Aaaw yeah baby, aaw yeah! As if the 5D Mark III wasn’t enough, even our ancient flash system got a huge upgrade. RF BASED WIRELESS FUNCTIONALITY BABY!!!!! YEAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!! How long have we been waiting for this?? Man I’m fucking ecstatic. Last night I partied so hard I can’t remember anymore what happened. I woke up this morning on the ground next to a car in the parking lot here at Canon HQ with a huge headache. I could barely get myself up. I don’t know how the fuck I got there, but I think I must have been so drunk I couldn’t find my way home. My shirt was completely unbuttoned and I couldn’t find my pants. That must have been one crazy party last night.

But we deserved to party like this, and after a long time I can say that I enjoyed every second of it. EOS is shaking up this entire industry like never before. Right now we’ve got the best, fucking state of the art, flash system out there. For years I’ve had to listen to people telling me how Nikon was ahead in this area and how we sucked and blah blah blah. And look at it now, god dammit!!!!!!! LOOK AT IT!!!!!!!! The 600EX-RT and ST-E3-RT are fucking beautiful! Now you can control all flashes right from the back of your camera. All of them!!!!! It wasn’t so long ago when I complained about this and let Canon Inc. know what we wanted:

Canon ST-E2 Ass-Rape VS Cactus V4

I don’t know what the fuck is taking those bastards in Japan so long, but if they finally release an update it had better fucking blow everything away. I’m talking RF based wireless flash triggers, a new pro speedlite with built-in RF wireless flash capabilities, full TTL and High Speed Sync support, Master/Slave functionality, 100m working range, and best of all, remote control of the speedlites from the back of the camera. I want all my fucking speedlites to show up on my camera LCD just like wireless access points show up on my computer, and I want to fucking add them to my own private network of flashes under my control, each with their own custom ID (so I know which is which). And then I want to be able to fucking select each one of them and be able to change their goddamn settings right on my fucking camera even if I’m 100 meters away! THAT is what I would consider true innovation. Not the fucking horseshit we’ve been seeing in the last few years.

I’m sounding like a broken record these days, but Canon Inc. fucking listened to us again! For a review of the 600EX-RT and ST-E3-RT check out Pixsylated. He was able to fire his 600EX-RT from 100 meters away, although Canon Inc. lists a working range of 30 meters.

I predict that The Lord of the Speedlights, Mc Nally and Van Niekerk are going to be switching to Canon in the very near future just to be able to use all the good stuff. Even Kelby won’t be able to resist! Kelby had to wait years for true wireless functionality and full HD video on his D3/D4, and now he’ll have to wait more years for built-in RF functionality in the crappy Nikon flash system. Guys, don’t wait too long. Join the EOS club and take your photography to the next level!

Especially seeing as how shit are happen at Nikon with the shitty image quality on the Nikon D800. I mentioned this before, but don’t be surprised when people look at your 36MP photos taken with a D800 and ask you what phone you used to make them. And the way things look right now, the D800 is going to have to go up against some fierce competition from the 41MP Nokia 808 Pure View Phone.

As if that isn’t enough, we now also find out that Nikon used footage from the 5D2 in their D800 promo video:

For said launch on March 7th, they produced this impressive demonstration video, which highlights the D800′s strengths as a filmmaking tool:

Looks awesome, doesn’t it? Makes the D800 look like it excels at shooting sports and time lapse videos of cityscapes and exotic locations, right? Makes it seem like the D800 is a vital tool to have in your filmmaker production kit, right? Makes you want a D800 no matter the price, right?

Seems Nikon is not only using Canon EOS-5D Mark II-captured video from TSO’s film ‘The Mountain’ to sell their new camera, but they never asked his permission and are, therefore and perhaps more disgracefully, violating his copyright.

Here’s a screenshot where the photographer complains about Nikon using his footage:

LMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!LMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!LMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!LMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!

BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! When I saw this I laughed for at least 15 minutes non-stop. I started laughing behind my desk, fell on the ground, got up while slamming my fists on the ground and the walls. Then I stumbled out of my office still bursting with laughter, while everyone stared at me, and I fell on the ground in the hallway again. I crawled to the elevator, which for some reason went down to the lobby and as soon as the doors opened I fell out of it into the lobby, still laughing my ass off. And if you can still remember, I didn’t have any pants on since this morning because I couldn’t find them. So imagine how bizarre I must have looked to everyone in the building while I crawled and rolled around laughing my ass off in the lobby until security guards got to me. BAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA! But man, this is just fucking awesome. What an EPIC fail for Nikon, my God, MY GOD!!! EPIC!!!!

And it’s not just the fact that they used 5D2 footage to sell the D800, but they fucking used it without asking!! BAHAHAHAHA, I guess the poor saps didn’t have a choice did they? I mean, how do you go about asking a photographer to use his video, shot with a 5D2, for a promo movie for the D800? I’d pay 50 bucks to watch that conversation take place because I think it would have been fucking hilarious.

Nikon’s timing with this couldn’t have been better for us. We fucking shook this industry last night and now Nikon makes a complete ass out of themselves with the D800, which by the way sucked balls to begin with. No wonder they chose to use footage from the 5D2. The muddy, compressed, moired, aliased videos the D800 produces just weren’t good enough to promote the camera, it seems. BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA!!!!!!! Jesus Christ, I’m going to get a heart attack if I keep laughing like this.

What a disgrace. Oh God… just unbelievable! If I was a Nikon photographer, I would switch to Canon just because of feeling ashamed to be using Nikon equipment after this debacle. I just wouldn’t be able to look people in the eyes anymore while holding a Nikon camera in my hands.

BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAA!!!!! Oh God, I need a drink. It’s going to be one hell of a weekend!

Introducing the Canon EOS 5D Mark III

Canon EOS 5D Mark III - Nikon and Sony's Worst Nightmare

The time has come for Nikon, Sony, RED and pretty much the entire industry to shit their pants. Yes people, the 5D Mark III is finally out. And boy does it fucking rock!!!! If Jesus Christ were to make his second coming today, this is the camera he’d have around his neck to document his journey.

In previous posts I referred to this camera as the 5DX, because really, I think it deserves that name. Giving it the name “5D Mark III” doesn’t do it justice. That makes it sound like some kind of crappy update to the 5D Mark II, which we all know was shit. This camera is such a big departure from the 5D Mark II on so many levels, that only a 5DX name (X for eXtreme, eXtraordinary) can really do it justice.

I mean for fuck’s sake, just look at the specs:

• 22.3 Megapixel Full Frame CMOS sensor
• DiG!C 5+ Image Processor
• ISO 100-25600 (L:50 H1:51200, H2: 102400)
• Full HD Movie (ISO 100-12800 (H:25600))
• 61-point high-density reticular AF (up to 41 crosstype points)
• 6.0 fps for high continuous shooting
• Intelligent viewfinder with approx. 100% coverage
• 3.2-type, approx.1.04m dot (3:2 wide) Clear View LCD II
• iFCL metering with 63-zone dual-layer sensor
• Shutter durability of 150,000 cycles
• Dual card slots (CF & SD)
• High Dynamic Range (HDR) Mode
• Multiple Exposures
• Improved durability & water and dust resistance

Remember how Maeda fucking claimed that the 5D Mark II was too small to house a better autofocus sensor?????? Well look at it now! FUCKING LOOK AT IT!!!!!! The freaking 61-point AF system from the 1DX in the 5D3!!!!

I mentioned before with the 1DX that Canon Inc. really listened to us this time around, and this shows again with the 5D3. Remember that 5D3 petition I put up last year? Just take a look at how close the features match with what we asked for in the petition!

• 16MP (at least) full frame sensor at least 2 stops noise improvement, no more fucking banding, shadow noise and no black dot horseshit like on the 5D Mark II!
• ISO 50 – 102400. (as good as Nikon D3s or better)
• 45-point AF system from the 1D Mark 4, including Spot-AF like in the 7D. (Nikon D700 has 51-point from the D3)
• 7D/1D4 metering system.
• At least 5 FPS. 8 with battery grip. (like the D700)
• 100% Viewfinder coverage.
• Swivel screen.
• Buffer for 20 RAW shots at least.
• 1/1000 flash sync speed.
• 7D style weather sealing.
• -5 to 5 EV exposure compensation.
• At least 5 image exposure bracketing for HDR.
• Light Peak connection support.
• Video features that’ll make Vincent Laforet, eternal peace and blessings be upon him, happy (check with him pls kthx).
• An anti-sensordust system that actually fucking works, so that Thomas Hawk can increase his productivity by a factor of at least 10 leaving him with more time to complain about Flickr.
• Price: $2700 (like the fucking D700).

You can now also download all the petition signatures as a PDF here: 5D Mark III Petition results. Makes for some interesting reading. I removed the names to protect the innocent. I want to thank all of you who had the balls to sign this petition, I couldn’t have done this without your support!!

Considering what you people listed that you’d do to Maeda if he failed to deliver this time, it’s no surprise that he delivered. Here are some of the things people would do to Maeda if the 5D3 sucked:

• Flood his mail with kitty porn
• Go Kamikaze on his ass…
• kick him in the balls
• Watch “The Notebook” for 24 straight hours
• Something with a thumbscrew.
• Beat him with a 5DII
• Sepeku
• Send Chuck Norris to teach him a lesson!
• Touch my lenses to my penis one last time then mail him a bill for any loss in my switch to Nikon.
• Grow bamboo through his happy sack
• high kick to chest
• bollocks to him. feed his balls to the cows.
• Stand him on a bacon slicer and switch it on. Take a slice every five minutes.
• Punch him in the face while filming it with a sony 3D camera
• Ask for the unconditional hiring of Philip Bloom, Stu and Tram Hudson as advisors with power!
• Stick it where the sun don’t shine
• Feed him to the lions!!!
• burn his factory
• Go crazy on his ass with a baseball bat
• Make my wife give him a blowjob. Trust me, he should be scared, and not in a good way.
• We will give him a bukake
• I’ll grab a 5D mkII with 580EX II and smashing it against his head!
• Send another Tsunami
• To begin I’ll break his legs, then put in his ass the new Nikon 70-200 without lube of course
• EAT HIS TESTICALS WHILE ATTACHED

No wonder Maeda delivered. And apart from the petition, my phone call to Maeda also seemed to have played an important role in convincing him to put some really advanced features in the 5D3.

We didn’t get the swivel screen, but it will be coming in the future. Japan just needs to sort out some issues with durability. And obviously the price is higher, but that seems to be the case these days with both Canon and Nikon. I’ve been told that this is due to the earthquake from last year and the economy right now in Japan.

Please don’t expect to hear from me for a few hours as I join the rest of my colleagues here at Canon USA and PAAARTAYY like a wild ANIMALL!!!!!

IT’S GAME ON FOR EOS!!!!!!!!

God Dammit!!

I’m alive! The blog has been static for a few months, but I’ve been more active on Twitter with short updates as some of you know. I just couldn’t find the time to update the blog because of being swamped with work at the office here at Canon USA. There’s just so much to talk about, so I’m hoping to find more time to do regular updates.

But first things first. I’m fucking pissed off at PDN for their 2011 Photo Gear of the Year awards. Those of you who have been reading this blog since 2008 know that I am a reasonable guy. I like to be fair. When things suck I say it. When things rock, I also say it. And the 2011 photo gear awards at PDN quite frankly is a big pile of shit. And no, I’m not just saying this because Canon got left out of it this year. I even think they purposely left us out as Dan Havlik personally made a remark about this on Twitter, just to make sure we noticed:

Fake Chuck (@fcwestfall) can’t be happy Canon was shut out of PDN’s Gear of the Year awards for the 1st time: http://bit.ly/vaeZvr

Now I know we didn’t do much in 2011 as far as DSLRs are concerned. Yeah we announced the 1DX, but technically that’s a 2012 camera. But what we did release in 2011 is the Canon EF 8-15mm f/4L Fisheye lens. And anyone with at least some insight in this area will tell you that this lens is a fucking brilliant design and stunning piece of engineering. Nobody in this goddamn industry has such a lens or anything that comes even close!

No contest here, the Canon EF 8-15mm f/4L Fisheye should have won.

You’d think that this lens would have easily won the 2011 PDN Gear of the Year award for lenses. But no, instead they chose the NIKKOR 85mm f/1.4G lens.  In PDN’s own words:

The replacement for the legendary Nikkor 85mm f/1.4D AF that launched back in 1995, the new 85mm f/1.4G doesn’t break any significant new ground and that’s a good thing.

I’m sorry, but what? The lens doesn’t break any significant new ground and that’s a good thing?! The lens doesn’t break any significant new ground but it fucking wins the 2011 PDN Gear of the Year award??? Folks, enlighten me please, am I the one going crazy here, or are they fucking morons at PDN?

Listen, PDN, unlike the boring as fuck NIKKOR 85mm f/1.4G, our brand new state of the art EF 8-15mm f/4L ZOOM FISHEYE lens *does break significant new ground*. This lens practically defines the word innovation. It’s the world’s first fisheye zoom lens to offer both a circular and full frame image. When was the last time you guys came across such a lens? Hmmm??? There’s so much brilliance that went into the design of this lens that I don’t know where to start. It really doesn’t take an expert to recognize the brilliance of this lens design. But if you are an expert, you’ll notice even the small details, for example, that Canon Inc. took care to make the nodal point of this lens the same at both 8mm and 15mm making it easy for photographers to make lower resolution (3-4 images) and high resolution (16-25 images) panoramic images at the same time on location without having to recalibrate their setup. It’s the small design considerations like this that greatly benefit photographers. Only professionals can appreciate these things.

But not at PDN. PDN chose the NIKKOR 85mm instead. What. a. fucking. joke. My God, my God.

Just when things start to go really well here at Canon and I think I can finally keep my blood pressure in a healthy range, people like Havlik show up and completely fuck it all up for me again.

I can tell you that Japan was fucking pissed when I forwarded them the link to the awards page on PDN. Why they haven’t yet pulled all advertising for Canon products from PDN is beyond me. PDN is very fortunate that I’m not the one in charge here at Canon. Dan Havlik personally is also fortunate that I forgot the password to the Fake Dan Havlik blog I ran a few years ago, or else I would start posting there again too.

I’ll be back soon with more updates. I should also mention the new blog design which I launched yesterday. After 3 years it was time for some change. Personally I like the new design, looks cleaner and more professional. And since I’m as professional as they get in this industry, I think this blog design really suits me well. You may disagree with this, but please be advised that I don’t really care. After all, I’m the Canon Camera Guru here, not you.

Are we trying to take down Canonfilmmakers.com?

You Can't - Canon

It was just brought to my immediate attention that apparently the owners of the website “Canonfilmmakers.com” are experiencing legal trouble. See their post here. Indications are that Canon Inc., as usual, are acting like the goddamn fucking Gestapo again going around bullying innocent customers and fans. They did the same thing a while ago to Canonrumors.com and of course also made me try taking down my own blog a few years ago. Let’s also not forget how they had Vincent Laforet, eternal peace, love and blessings be upon him, take down his video ‘Nocturne’ a year ago or how they threatened a Korean photographer if he didn’t keep his mouth shut about the issues with the 1D Mark III. And the list goes on.

All of this is, of course, in the spirit of “kyosei“:

A concise definition of this word would be “Living and working together for the common good,” but our definition is broader: “All people, regardless of race, religion or culture, harmoniously living and working together into the future.” Unfortunately, the presence of imbalances in our world in such areas as trade, income levels and the environment hinders the achievement of kyosei.

Addressing these imbalances is an ongoing mission, and Canon is doing its part by actively pursuing kyosei. Truly global companies must foster good relations, not only with their customers and the communities in which they operate, but also with nations and the environment.
They must also bear the responsibility for the impact of their activities on society. For this reason, Canon’s goal is to contribute to global prosperity and the well-being of mankind, which will lead to continuing growth and bring the world closer to achieving kyosei.

At Canon, our customers are number 1!

And to foster good relations with our customers, it is of course only natural that we bully them around and take down their websites, which they spent years working on promoting the use of our products and around which they’ve also built a nice community consisting of even more of our customers, while we’re obviously completely fucking blind to the fact that their work ultimately benefits us and our customers too. And all of that just because the name of their website contains the word “Canon” in it, which, in case you didn’t know, we fucking invented. Makes sense right? If this kind of behavior doesn’t foster good relations with people, then I don’t know what will!

When we say that our customers are number 1 here at Canon Inc. that probably means that we piss on them. It makes perfect sense in japanese english. “Haha, I pissing on you! You in number 1 position! Haha! We are achieve kyosei now!”

Allow me to quote myself on “kyosei”:

Canon Inc. can take their fucking Kyosei corporate philosophy and cram it you know where. Do you know what hinders the achievement of kyosei??? HUH?? DO YA?? Let me tell you what hinders achieving kyosei, you stupid, ignorant bastards: It’s the fucking morons running the company!

I’m trying to get more information about this Canonfilmmakers issue from management here at Canon USA but everyone refuses to talk to me about this. That’s not surprising since they no doubt know I’ll be airing everything right here on my blog along with some good Canon Inc. bashing. So if there’s anyone out there with more information, send it my way at fcwestfall@gmail.com. And not to worry, I won’t reveal my sources even if they send me to Guantanamo Bay and waterboard me to death. Please show your support to Canonfilmmakers.com; this shit has got to stop.

Update:

It seems like Canon Inc. may have overlooked the fact that the owner of Canonfilmmakers.com is called “Jon Connor.” You’ve got to have huge balls or be a total fucking moron (more likely in Canon Inc.’s case) to mess with someone named Jon Connor. Check the video below to see what I mean:

As you all know, in the not too distant future Jon Connor will fight Skynet (Artificial Intelligence). But it looks like right now he’s first going to have to deal with Canon Inc. (Natural Stupidity), an arguably more frightening threat.

Lighting, Flashes, Flash Busses

The Lord of the Speedlights (left) and Zack Arias, separated at birth?

It seems like these days if you’re a photographer and you’re not either blogging about lighting, writing a book about lighting, making lighting DVD’s or giving lighting workshops, then chances are you’re probably not very cool or important. Perhaps just an amateur fooling around with cameras in your spare time, hoping to become like the pros when you grow up one day. Everywhere I look there’s either someone writing a book on lighting, giving workshops or selling books and DVD’s on lighting. At some point even a Flash Bus got into the mix. When I first heard the term “Flash Bus” I thought it had something to do with “Bang Bus.” But then I got on the website and found out that it was actually worse than I thought: it was about lighting workshops being done by The lord of the Speedlights and Joe McNally. Both of them, together.

Joe Mc Nally (left) and a random Sock Puppet, separated at birth?

Now, you may not immediately understand why I think this isn’t such a good idea if you’ve never heard of them before, but these guys are absolutely nuts. I’m still surprised they somehow got approval for this project. These two guys together, traveling cross country on a bus to 29 cities in 6 weeks? That’s just asking for trouble. Who knows what kind of weird stuff is going to happen with those two together in a bus for 6 weeks. I’m telling you, if you see this bus in town, do NOT go near it. Trust me on this, stay far away. Especially if the bus is shaking and you see bright flashes of (colored) light coming through the windows. Just notify the authorities and let them handle it. You may want to head on over to the Flash Bus website, not necessarily to register for the workshop in your city, but to start checking when you need to get the hell out of your city before these guys arrive and things start to get bad. Don’t risk becoming their hostage for a day and being forced to work as a voice activated lightstand, or heaven  forbid, their model.

BE ON THE LOOKOUT: The bus has just departed from a secret location east of the Mississippi en route to Seattle, Washington.

Seattle appears to be their first destination so you folks from Seattle who’re reading this, time is of the essence. They’re probably already nearby so it’s best to stay in your homes, barricade the doors and make sure you have enough food for the next 5 days.

Close-up shot of the Flash Bus

The picture of the Flash Bus above appears to be the first picture of the bus taken in the wild. It was emailed to me by a photographer who put a lot at risk to get this amazing shot. For obvious reasons the photographer requested to remain anonymous. If you look at the picture you can see The Lord of the Speedlights and McNally in the bus  and their driver who goes by the name “Cool Breeze.” The name made sense to me when I saw the picture. According to the photographer he managed to snap this picture just seconds before they saw him and drove right into him. He dove off to the side and just barely managed to get away.

The Lord of the Speedlights and Joe McNally both also have new DVD’s out on lighting: Lighting in Layers and The Language of Light. They have what I think is a more stylized approach to off-camera lighting. In most cases you’ll look at one of their pictures and you’ll know it was made using one or more of their own lights. And in the case of Joe McNally, probably a crapload of lights (McNally’s rumored to own enough Nikon SB-900′s to light the Empire State Building). But it’s also possible to use flashes and make your pictures look like they were shot using available light.

Neil van Niekerk in deep concentration, thinking of even more ways to get beautiful women in front of his camera.

And that’s where Neil van Niekerk comes in. I know you may have heard that you shouldn’t use your flash on-camera very often because it makes your pictures look like crap, but Neil van Niekerk has some  excellent techniques that’ll blow you away when you see the kind of results you can get: pictures taken with on-camera flash that look so natural people will think they were taken in available light. That, and he’s somehow able to get a lot of beautiful women to pose for him. Most of the information is available on his blog (about the lighting techniques, not the women), and in his book on on-camera flash: On-Camera Flash Techniques for Digital Wedding and Portrait Photography. And just a few days ago, almost synchronous with the Flash Bus, Neil’s second book became available which is about off-camera flash: Off-Camera Flash Techniques for Digital Photographers. I bought both books hoping to find information about how I could get beautiful women to pose for me, just like van Niekerk. But sadly I have to report that this information is not included. Perhaps he’ll focus on that in his third book. Meanwhile I’ll have to keep stalking young women on Facebook.

But what is most important to me as the technical advisor here at Canon USA when I look at all of this, is that all of these photographers are using Nikon gear primarily. Sure, you’ll find them occasionally briefly mentioning Canon speedlites and cameras here and there, but when they do I can’t help but feel as if they’re doing it just because they feel sorry for Canon users and don’t want them to feel left out. If you just look at what they themselves shoot with primarily, it’s all Nikon gear. And there’s a reason for that. We fucking suck when it comes to lighting and Nikon is way ahead of us. I don’t know what is taking those fucking morons in Tokyo so long but they had better come out with something new pronto. We need a new professional flash to replace the 580 EX II and we fucking need it fast. And it had better fucking come with RF based wireless flash functionality or as the Lord Jesus Christ is my witness, I’m going to go fucking berserk on their ass. Not too long ago I wrote about our ancient ST-E2 wireless flash trigger and  mentioned how even the Chinese were way ahead of Canon Inc. with innovations in that area.

Canon ST-E2 Ass-Rape VS Cactus V4

Back then I compared the ST-E2 with the Cactus V4. Well guess what, the Cactus V5 is already out. In the time it took the Chinese to develop the Cactus V2, V4 and V5, Canon Inc. has been unable to release an update to the fucking ST-E2 that can stand next to the rest of today’s technology without being laughed at. The ST-E2 uses a 2CR5 battery for Christ’s sake, talk about old! And they still want $230 for it, when you can get a Cactus V5 set with 2 transceivers for a mere $60. And the Cactus V5 will offer you many interesting possibilities, like a 100m working range (compared to the sorry-ass 10m of the ST-E2 with line of sight) and 100% reliability.

I don’t know what the fuck is taking those bastards in Japan so long, but if they finally release an update it had better fucking blow everything away. I’m talking RF based wireless flash triggers, a new pro speedlite with built-in RF wireless flash capabilities, full TTL and High Speed Sync support, Master/Slave functionality, 100m working range, and best of all, remote control of the speedlites from the back of the camera. I want all my fucking speedlites to show up on my camera LCD just like wireless access points show up on my computer, and I want to fucking add them to my own private network of flashes under my control, each with their own custom ID (so I know which is which). And then I want to be able to fucking select each one of them and be able to change their goddamn settings right on my fucking camera even if I’m 100 meters away! THAT is what I would consider true innovation. Not the fucking horseshit we’ve been seeing in the last few years.

God damn! I started writing this post laughing my ass off and now I’m pissed again. This always happens. As soon as I get reminded of those fucking morons in Tokyo my blood just starts to boil automatically. I’m going to get me a cup of coffee now before I end up in intensive care again.